Grey: Everlasting (Spectrum Series Book 6)

by Allison White

  “The roads were so dark,” he says, ignoring me, eyebrows crinkling, hands wandering in my hair. “I didn’t think anyone would take that shortcut.”

  “Garrett…”

  “I had a little to drink, but maybe too much. Jenna kept telling me to let her drive, but I was so stubborn. I just wanted to get home, drop her off, and fuck a young schoolgirl I’d been seeing. We’d gone to New York for a new restaurant a buddy of mine opened.”

  Bile creeps up to my tongue. It tastes like metal and pain.

  “Garrett, please…” I plead, not wanting to believe it.

  “The car—I didn’t see it. Lost control of the wheel, like oil was on it. And I hit it…hit you and your family.”

  “No,” I whisper.

  “Yes,” he whispers into my ear. “Remember…”

  Chapter Forty-One

  “Stay still, Olivia,” Mommy demanded, but I couldn’t stop twirling the pretty ruffles at the end of the light blue dress I’m wearing. “Olivia, I am trying to put on these earrings that you wanted. But I can’t do that if you keep moving around like a jittery bug.”

  “Gross.” I made a face, staying still enough for her to slide the pearls on. “I don’t like bugs…can I be a ladybug?” I ask sweetly, like she can magically transform me into a real-life ladybug. I bet she can; she always makes magical cookies and cakes every Sunday and sometimes after dinner.

  She smiles, and her pretty blue eyes that are like mine light up with love. It makes me feel warm in my cheeks. “Yes. You can be anything you want. Remember that, my sweet, sweet girl.” She cups my face, squishing my cheeks together, and she laughs at my puckered lips. “You just have to put your mind to it. Once you do that, you run like heck after your dreams. Don’t let anyone or anything stop you. You understand?”

  “Yes, Mommy.” My speech came out muffled, and she laughed some more. With a quick peck to my nose, she rises to her feet. I admire how pretty she looks. She’s wearing a white dress that hugs her body, and her face and skin are glowing like a bag of crystals. Such a pretty lady my mommy is. Like an angel from heaven.

  “Come on, baby girl. Let’s go see if the boys are ready.” She takes my hand and leads us out of my pretty pink room. I walk really close to her, breathing in her nice sweet smell of perfume Daddy bought her from Paris, her favorite city in this entire world. She laughs as I stumble into her repeatedly but doesn’t complain. Just holds me closer.

  We walk downstairs in our huge house, finding Daddy and Jonah acting like they’re playing football. Jonah “has the ball” and is trying to bypass Daddy. But Daddy is too fast, too amazing, and lifts him up and spins around. Their laughter and Jonah’s squealing makes me laugh into Mommy’s side.

  “Okay, boys. We have to go now, or we’ll miss the reservation,” Mommy says.

  Daddy and Jonah look over at us. While Daddy walks over to Mommy with a smile and says, “We won’t miss it,” Jonah runs over to me and begins playing with my ruffled dress. I giggle and do twirls for him. He claps his hands and spins with me too.

  “Come on, my beautiful children.” Daddy walks over to us and picks us up, swinging us in a slow circle. Jonah and I giggle and squeal. Mommy tells him to put us down before we fall and get hurt, but he takes us out of the house and puts us in the backseat—Jonah in his car seat. I don’t need one. I’m a big girl now. He kisses her cheek when she shakes her head at him defying her.

  “I love you,” he whispers against her lips.

  “I love you too,” she whispers back before pushing their lips together.

  “Ewwww!” Jonah and I say.

  They laugh and get in, but not before Daddy winks at me and reaches in the open window to tap my nose. I giggle and watch him get inside. He is so funny and handsome. And amazing. He sneaks me cookies sometimes and adds charms to my pretty bracelet.

  I shake it, and Jonah watches in fascination. I sing along to a talented man named Frank Sinatra and shake my charms. They make a pretty sound like chimes, and we’re mesmerized the entire ride to the restaurant.

  Even though he is annoying and gross sometimes, like chasing me around with a booger on his finger, I love him. He’s my little brother. I’m his big sister. Mommy and Daddy said I’m meant to protect him, look out for him. They said it when he was born. Even though I was a bit of a baby and don’t remember exactly, I feel their words, my vow to do as told, and the love for him.

  A loud honking noise and the car jerking a little disrupts our peace.

  “A-holes like him will cause a freaking accident,” Daddy growls, glaring at a white truck making a turn.

  “Calm down, Leo. We’re fine,” Mommy assures Daddy. Her voice is so soft, so calm, it sounds like she’s singing like that lady Billie Holiday she likes to listen to at the house.

  “Yeah, but my babies could have gotten hurt.” I look in the rearview mirror and frown at Daddy’s frown.

  “We’re fine. Especially this one.” Mommy takes Daddy’s hand and places it on her stomach.

  Huh?

  Daddy’s smile turns into a full-on grin. “And that’s the most important thing.” He takes her hand and kisses the back of it. She giggles, rubbing her stomach while he smiles against her skin, before linking their hands together.

  A while later, we arrive at the restaurant. I love it because of the twinkling fairy lights draping the French name and the smooth piece of Beethoven I am learning on the piano. Whenever I have a nightmare or can’t sleep, Mommy lets me play a song for her. It usually makes us both really tired. She even lets me sleep with her and Daddy from time to time. And of course, Jonah would sense it and climb in too.

  “Mommy,” I say as I color in a picture of Beauty and the Beast in the kids play-thing the waitress gave me. “Can I tell you something?”

  “Of course, sweetie.” She turns to me after cleaning Jonah’s messy mouth. He can never eat without making a mess.

  “I don’t like Beast,” I admit.

  “Why not?” She frowns.

  “Because he’s big and mean to Beauty,” I say, scrunching up my face.

  She smiles a bit. “Sure, in the beginning, but then they get to know each other, and he becomes nice.”

  “You don’t become nice. You just are, or you aren’t,” I say matter-of-factly. “And he locked up her daddy for no reason. He wouldn’t let him go back to his Beauty.”

  “Just because he was mean doesn’t mean he was a bad person. Remember in the story, he was too focused on material things, his own beauty?” she says, and I nod. “He was just lost, didn’t know that love came from caring for someone other than himself. And when he met his Beauty, he began to learn. He changed for her, for the better. And with her unconditional love and his for her, he turned into the prince again. She became the princess he needed, his savior.”

  “I guess…” I mumbled, staring at the big furry man. “Do you think I could be a princess to a beast, Mommy? Make him better?”

  “Yes. But it isn’t about making him better. It’s about helping him find his way. You will find your prince, I promise you that.” She grins before tapping my nose. I giggle. She loved doing that.

  After dinner, Daddy took us out for ice cream down the road. I got my favorite ice cream ever: strawberry flavor with lots and lots of sprinkles. I can never get enough of it. And while I ate it and laughed as Jonah made a mess as usual, making my parents fuss over him, I thought about what Mommy said. Finding my beast, my prince. I think I’d like to find one for my own. Save him before the rose lost all of its petals.

  Right here and now, I vow to help others. And to find my beast.

  A little while later, we’re all piled in the car, on our way home. Instead of taking the normal way home where there were so many “a-holes” on the road, we take another route. Huge trees line the desolate road. Desolate: a smart word I learned in my favorite class a few days ago, English. I love the books we read. But I love the books Daddy buys me more, like Pride and Prejudice and To Kill A Mockingbird and T
he Great Gatsby. They’re all unique and use pretty words.

  I’m dangling my wrist in the air, making the pretty charming noise again with my charms, when I see it. Feel it. Dragging my attention from the charms and Jonah’s smile, I look to the front. A bright white light is headed our way. Faster, faster—it hits us before Daddy can even react.

  We’re in the air, bouncing repeatedly like pebbles on the lake. I’m screaming, and metal scrapes against the ground. Everyone’s screams are drowned out by the crunch of metal, crashing of windows. Rolling, rolling…I see Jonah and me rolling down the little dip in the backyard during spring. We’re running out, basking in the sunlight and laughing and swinging on our swing in the tree.

  After an eternity of spinning, the world stops. The car stops. It all stops. We’re upside down. The smell is pungent—another vocabulary word. I hear the screech of another car. I look into Daddy’s rearview mirror that’s torn off, lying on the floor. A big black truck is behind us.

  “Help,” I croak.

  One second, two, screaming, then the car is driving away. Fast.

  “Mommy.” I begin to cry. My stomach hurts, my feet hurt, my head hurts—everything hurts. I taste metal on my tongue and spit out a large gunk of red gooey blood. I cry even harder. “Mommy! Daddy!”

  They’re all asleep. Why won’t they wake up? Blood runs down Mommy’s legs, dripping onto her face. Daddy’s glasses are crunched beneath the destroyed sun-roof. Jonah’s neck is bleeding. Not a deep wound, but enough to make me want to vomit.

  Slowly, I undo my seatbelt. I fall onto my head. I cry out in pain as glass scratches my neck. I slowly crawl out of the car, lean against it. It feels like glass is cutting every part of my skin. It’s so hard to breathe. More blood. More spit. More crying.

  “Help.” I push myself to stand, end up sitting again. It hurts too much. “Someone please help!”

  I think I pass out.

  I’m in the back of an ambulance, strapped to a bed. Bright lights shine into my eyes, making me wince and cry for my mommy and daddy and Jonah.

  “We’re on the way to the hospital, sweetie. Don’t you worry your pretty head,” a woman with dark skin assures me with a pretty smile.

  It hurts.

  Hours later, I find Mommy and Daddy crying into each other’s necks. Why are they crying?

  A week later, I watch my brother be slowly descended to the ground. For the first time in my life, my heart breaks.

  I am thrown back into the present. I can’t breathe, can’t stand up. I take a wobbly step back. So many memories and pain fill me up until I am literally gasping for air. I turn around and lean against the balcony. Look out at the great big garden. Spot roses. The memory of me throwing one beautiful rose onto my little brother’s coffin eats at me. Rage I have never ever felt before consumes me.

  He killed my little brother!

  “You fucking killed my brother!” I scream at the top of my lungs. Red fills my vision, and I let the rage take over. Let it control my fist that swings at him. I hit him in the jaw. I want to tear his skin off, stab him in the heart. Make him feel the pain I felt eleven years ago.

  He rubs his jaw, glaring at me. “I gave you this internship spot twice, and you dare disrespect me?”

  He slaps me. I stumble to the ground, screaming in pain. I writhe in pain, spitting out blood. “You little ungrateful bitch.”

  “I am going to kill you!” I scream and lunge after him. His fist connects with my face before I can see it coming.

  Black fills my vision; my body grows limp.

  When I finally open my eyes again, he’s gone and Lily’s crying as she strokes my hair. She’s saying something while Matthew is on the phone with someone. Sobs leave me, and the emotional pain is too much; I close my eyes and make a wish to the stars staring at me: I wish I was with my little brother again.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Grey

  The Beauty and The Beast movie plays on the TV. Not the bullshit cartoon either. The live action with that chick from Harry Potter and some guy I’ve never heard of. I watch as they hate each other, then grow to love one another. It’s a bullshit story overall. Why would a pretty, intelligent girl like her actually go for a beast like him? He’s crude, selfish, hot-headed, and such an asshole. She, on the other hand, is sweet and kind and has a heart too big for her body. He doesn’t deserve love. He doesn’t deserve her.

  The story is too similar to my own princess. It pains me too much, but I can’t stop watching. I used to dream of finding my girl, my princess. I pictured her to be kind-hearted and pretty. Prettier than all the other girls in the world. I pictured myself as the prince, not the beast I truly am. I wanted to be good for her. I saw her everywhere I went. Felt her with everything I did. It was like I knew her before I saw her.

  But now she’s gone, and it’s all my fault. It’s always my fault. No matter what I do to protect her, to make it safe for her to be with me, I mess up. I can blame it on my disorder all I want, but the truth is: I’m a bad person. A stupid person. A person who doesn’t know how to do anything right. I wish I could snap a finger and be good enough for her. Be enough for her to not leave me. I hate it when she leaves, but she always comes back.

  But not this time.

  I’ve went to all of her friends’ places, thinking she would retreat there. They’re the most close-knit friends I have ever seen. They all love her very much and would hide her away from me. From a beast. But she wasn’t anywhere. Not even at her old home in New York. The very last place I could think of. But then her telling me her mother is in Georgia ran through my mind, and I contemplated if she’d go there just to get away from me…

  No, she wouldn’t, I convinced myself. She’s pissed, but not that pissed.

  I checked every single hotel and motel I passed, asking around for her, but I came up empty everywhere I went. Except for Jaimie and Julia’s house. I came out of there with a red cheek after Jaimie slapped me. And I got one hell of a wicked glare from Julia.

  But she was nowhere. She’s hiding from me. My princess is nowhere to be found, and I am losing my freaking mind. I thought I would never find her, and when I did, I vowed to never let her go. To never let her see what I truly was, a monster that could only cause her harm. I tried to change. Tried to change my mind, tame the darkness inside of me that surrounds me like a dark cloud that just won’t go away.

  And when I did find her, I fucked up, as usual. I punched her nerdy friend, which only intensified her hatred toward me. Only proved how bad I am.

  As they dance, I imagine it’s her and me. She’s giggling, and I am admiring every inch of her face. The rose color of her full cheeks, the blueness of her eyes, the way her small hands play with the ends of my hair as we glide across the ballroom floor. I am holding her slim waist, toying with her ruffled yellow dress, and hearts fly around her head. The love. The love. The love. The love is in the air, suffocating, addicting. We are the personification of love. She is love. I am in love.

  Milo barks at my feet.

  I ignore him.

  Bark. Bark. Bark.

  “Oh my God, shut the fuck up,” I snap. I snatch him up, ignore his wriggling around, and put him in his cage. I lock it and turn off the TV.

  I’ve been sitting here wallowing and wishing I could take back everything I said, everything I did. If I could, I’d wipe the slate clean and want everything she wants without the fear of losing her love and passing down something toxic.

  I need to go clear my head.

  I end up calling a few friends in search of a party to clear my head. All I need is booze and too-loud music to drown out the ocean of thoughts. When I finally find a party happening tonight, I grab my keys and head out. An hour later, I arrive at the destination. It’s a rundown building on the outskirts of town. The party is in full session on the upper level. A local rock band is playing the music, and everyone and their mamas are grinding against each other. A few girls try to get with me, seduce me or whatever, but I i
gnore each and every one of them.

  They’re not my girl. My princess.

  I do a couple of shots, a little joint, to relax my tense muscles. I drink and drink, but they do nothing for me. I’m too aware of the girls eyeing me. They aren’t even subtle about what they want. I have to get out of here. I throw down money for the drinks and head out to my car. I slide inside and lock the doors.

  “You’re getting rid of it! Fuck! Just look at me, I’m fucking losing my mind. Why would you possibly want another child? I don’t even want you. Not with that…thing.”

  My words haunt me every single night, every single second.

  “Fuck!” I hit the wheel repeatedly, willing the sight of her big sad blue eyes away. Her eyes were blue, but I didn’t want her to be. I’ve always wished for her happiness.

  I found my princess all right, but I couldn’t let go of my beast tendencies.

  I drive aimlessly for half an hour, making turns and swinging turns into nowhere. I don’t know where I’m going. I have no place to go to, no damn purpose now that she’s gone.

  I pull into a random gas station. A few people are out pumping gas, shaking like chihuahuas because of the freezing cold. I think it’s even lightly snowing. I fucking hate the winter. I take note of the cars: a Corolla, a fancy-ass SUV, and a Toyota. None of them compare to my baby’s Mustang.

  I slide out of the car and begin pumping gas. I lean against the car as the gas flows into the tank, thinking of how cute Liv looks in her beanie she wears all the time. The little head tilt dance she does, making the pom-pom dance all around. I laugh at the memory, at how adorable she can be.

  Looking around aimlessly, I spot a tall guy in a sharp tux that looks expensive as shit. Definitely more than what my car is worth. What’s he doing in this part of town? With the way he’s dressed, it’s obvious he doesn’t belong here. And then I look closer. He’s Liv’s boss.

  “Hey,” I say before I can stop myself.