Zev fished around in a duffel bag and held up a faded Maroon 5 T-shirt. “Remember this one?”
“I can’t believe you still have it.” She snagged the shirt they’d bought at a concert together and put it on. It was soft as butter and smelled like Zev.
“I guess you got rid of yours?” There was an arc of disappointment in his voice.
“No freaking way.”
“Ah, see, Carls?” he said as he gathered her in his arms. “The T-shirts, the tattoos. They’re signs that we were always supposed to find each other again. We’re finally exactly where we’re supposed to be.”
He touched his lips to hers, and it felt so good, she put her arms around him, going up on her toes for more. He wanted more—she had felt it in his touch—and he was telling her now. It was so easy to be in the moment with him, she felt herself free falling into them.
She pushed away gently, though she remained in his arms, and said, “Zevy, you can’t do this.”
“What’s that?” He rubbed his nose along her cheek and pressed a kiss there.
“Make me want more than the six days we have. It’s not fair.”
He met her gaze, confusion written in his wrinkled brow. “Why not? I want more, and it feels like you do, too.”
His optimism was like a drug, and she desperately wanted to overdose on it, but she knew where that could lead, so she said, “Because your life is out in the wild, and mine is here.”
“So what? Life isn’t black-and-white, babe. There’s a world of ways we can make this work.” He kissed her softly. “You’re fooling yourself if you think this is all there is between us, but we don’t have to go there yet. I don’t want your cautious mind dragging you away from me out of fear.”
“I’m not going to pull away, but I can’t afford to be hurt again.”
He took her hand, leading her out of the suite and into the hall. “Then don’t shut me out when this week is over. We both like to travel. I’ll come see you, you’ll come see me.”
She sighed. “You still make everything seem easy and possible.”
“Because it is if we want it to be. We have already lost too many years, and that’s on me. I was messed up, but I’ve learned and grown. I won’t hurt you again, Carls.” He squinted at something on the floor at the top of the stairs and peered over the railing, uttering a curse.
“What’s wrong?” She looked over the railing and saw postcards littering the staircase and the floor below.
“Bandit is at it again. He stole my postcards. Damn it. How does Beau put up with this?”
They picked up postcards on their way downstairs, and they found dozens more scattered farther from the stairs. There must have been a hundred or more postcards dating back to two years after Zev had left home, all addressed to him in care of post offices around the world, and they were all from Graham. Some of the messages were short, like, Thinking of you and Send me the last-time-we pic, while others gave brief updates on the goings-on of their family members. A few were cutting, like, That was a dick move, missing Mom’s birthday. Good thing we love you. Come back soon. and Answer Jilly’s calls. She’s worried about you.
“What’s a last-time-we picture?” Carly asked as she picked up another postcard.
Zev’s expression turned thoughtful. “After Tory died, I stopped saying goodbye. It felt too final. And after you and I broke up, I stopped taking remember-when pictures, because those were ours. Now I take last-time-we pictures before I leave my family…in case it’s the last time we see each other.”
That was such a big-hearted Zev thing to do, tears dampened her eyes. He had always loved his family so much, it was one of the reasons she’d thought he might come back to Pleasant Hill. But now she knew he’d thought he was too angry, too jaded, and might ruin anyone he loved.
She regained control of her emotions as they picked up the last of the postcards.
“These are all from Graham. He’s been writing to you all this time?” she asked, following him into the enormous farmhouse-style kitchen with Bandit on their heels.
They put the postcards on the table, and Bandit went to lie down beneath it.
“Yeah,” Zev said. “I keep up with everyone else by phone, but Graham has this thing about mail.”
“I love that he wrote to you. I can’t tell you the last time I got a letter or a postcard in the mail. Why does he have a thing about mail?”
Zev shrugged and said, “What are you hungry for? I can throw some meat on the grill.”
“Zevy…?” she said, wondering why he was avoiding the question.
He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck.
“That’s not going to sidetrack me, even if I enjoy it. If the reason is private, you don’t have to tell me.”
“It’s not private. I just didn’t want to think about it. For some weird reason, Graham’s old-fashioned. He sends postcards because he thinks it makes every place I go feel like home.”
That didn’t surprise her. The Bradens were always watching out for each other. “Did it?”
“No, but I like getting mail from him. It gives me something to look forward to, but nothing feels like home. You’ve always been missing.” He kissed the bridge of her nose and said, “Right now this kitchen feels like home, and before this the sleeping porch felt like home, and the shower, and Silk Hollow.”
She melted a little at the sweetness of his words and the warmth in his voice, wishing she’d never snuck away in Mexico. Maybe they would have made up sooner, had a family, and built a life together. But those were dangerous thoughts that could only bring sadness for the years they’d lost, so she forced them away, concentrating instead on the gift they’d been given and not whether it would last for six days, six years, or an eternity. They had now, and that was wonderful.
“I speak the truth, even if it sounds cheesy,” he said. “But I think Graham sends postcards more for his peace of mind than anything else. I think he likes being able to pinpoint my whereabouts to be sure he could find me pretty quickly if he needed to.”
“That makes sense, but it also makes sense that Graham would want to help you feel less alone.” She picked up the card that said Jilly was losing her mind and waved it. “Although it looks like he gave you a hard time from afar, too.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, you know that Braden family creed? Family knows no boundaries? Well, that goes for every aspect of our lives. But I deserved it. There were times when I couldn’t take the reminders that being home brought, so I just went radio silent. It wasn’t fair to my family, but survival instincts are pretty tough to fight.”
“I went through that for a while,” she admitted.
“Yeah, it sucked. There were so many times that I wanted to come back and see if you and I could work things out. But I was afraid of screwing you up even more.”
Even though she wouldn’t wish suffering on anyone, there was something cathartic about hearing that he’d struggled in order to stay away and allow her to heal. He was still the same big-hearted Zev he’d always been, but even that brought questions. She didn’t want to take away from their easy conversation, so she asked her question playfully.
She ran her finger down his chest and said, “Then why did you just fuck my brains out?”
“Careful, babe, or your dirty mouth will get us in trouble again.”
“Good to know. That skill might come in handy later. But I’m serious. What changed your mind about screwing me up?”
“I didn’t know you were going to be at the wedding. Nobody warned me. I didn’t even know you and Char were friends.” He shrugged, but the depth of emotion in his eyes told her the answer he was about to give wasn’t cavalier. “Once I saw you, I didn’t have a choice. There was no turning back. If you’d shut me down, or if I’d seen hate in your eyes instead of what we both know we have, then maybe I would have tried to walk away. But I can’t even say I would have done it, because I feel like this is where we’re supposed to be. I know you’re not ready
to commit to anything more than this week, and I get that. I don’t blame you. I know I need to earn back your trust on all levels, not just in the bedroom, and only you can decide if and when you’ll ever be ready to risk your heart again. But I know where mine stands, Carly, and that’s in your hands. It always has been.”
She was glad that he wasn’t brushing their past under the carpet even though she’d said she didn’t want to dwell on it. “Thank you for understanding. I know I have to earn back your trust, too, because of how I turned my back on you in Mexico. If you’re as thorough on all other levels as you are in the bedroom, maybe the risk will be worth the reward.”
“Right back at ya, beautiful, only there’s no maybe about it on my side.” A wolfish grin spread across his face.
“That’s a pretty cocky smile.”
“I’m a cocky guy, as you recently found out.”
She rolled her eyes. “Let’s see if you’re as good in the kitchen as you are in the bedroom. I have a hankering for cereal.”
“Baby, I’ll never let you down again.” He threw open a pantry where six boxes of her—their—favorite cereals were lined up on the top shelf. “I’ll even give you all of my clover marshmallows from the Lucky Charms.” He winked and said, “You know, to increase your chances of getting lucky. Next test?”
They both laughed as they filled two bowls with a mix of all three cereals and went outside to eat on the balcony. Bandit followed them out and plopped his furry body down beside Zev’s chair for a nap. They ate as the sun descended behind the mountains, spreading ribbons of pinks and purples across the evening sky.
“Why is the wedding tent still up?” Carly asked. “I thought Char said it was being taken down Sunday night.”
He shrugged. “They came and took the tables and chairs but never came back to take the tent down.”
“That’s weird. Did you call them?”
“Of course. They’re coming tomorrow afternoon. Tell me something I don’t know about you, Carls. What was it like taking over your aunt’s business?”
“Oh gosh. I guess it was scary, but also exciting. You know how I always loved a challenge.” She told him about the way she’d grown the business by adding classes, selling shirts and other Divine Intervention merchandise, and working with Birdie to create an online presence.
“Does Marie keep in touch?”
“Yeah. She texts mostly. She comes back from time to time for visits, but she’s out there traveling the world and living her best life, and I’m here living mine.”
“Do you ever regret not going into archaeology full time and missing out on all the travel you wanted to do?”
“It comes and goes. Sometimes I miss it, but then I think about all I have here, with the shop and my friends. I have a good life.” As she said it, she heard her younger self saying I don’t want a good life. I want a great life, which was what she and Zev used to tell everyone. The chocolate shop was her safe haven. She’d thrown herself into it, and in return it had given her stability and sanity. But the truth was, the dreams she’d left behind lingered in the back of her mind. She tried not to dwell on them because all of those thoughts led to Zev, and without him, those dreams didn’t feel worth chasing.
“What would make your life here great?” he asked.
Her answer came as easily as it did honestly. “More days like today.”
Happiness rose in his eyes. “I’ve got that covered. All I need is for you to agree to give me all of your free time until I leave.”
“All of my free time?” Not that she had much on any given day, but wow she was a little nervous at how much the idea excited her. Yes, it made her nervous, too, but she wanted time with him. She wanted to enjoy every second of it so when he left she’d have no regrets.
“Six days is not much time, and we’re almost down to five,” he urged. “What’s your schedule like this week?”
“I usually work from about six or seven in the morning until six or seven in the evening.”
“Whoa, Carls. Really? How many days a week?”
“It depends. Most days, but not all day on Sundays. The shop is only open from ten to six except on Sundays, when it’s open from ten to three.”
His brows knitted. “Why don’t you hire more help?”
“I don’t need more help right now. I don’t have to stay late every night; I choose to. Birdie works full time, and a girl named Quinn has worked for me part time for a few years now, helping out in the evenings and on weekends. She works at a bank and hates it. She’s always willing to take on more hours for me, but I like being kept busy.”
“You were never someone who needed to be kept busy. You were always thinking up things to do. You had lists, remember?”
She pushed a Froot Loop through the milk in her bowl and said, “I still have lists. They’re just different types of lists, like inventory, orders, and schedules. I love the work I do. I get to meet all sorts of people. I have regular customers who stop by to talk, and I cater events. A customer is having an elaborate baby shower on Sunday, and I’m really looking forward to making the treats for it on Saturday.” She loved baby showers the most, because making baby-themed chocolates for other people’s miracles gave her hope of what she might one day have.
His expression turned thoughtful. “It’s not hard for you, making desserts for baby showers?”
“Making the sweet little confections shaped like pacifiers and rattles gave me a pang at first,” she said, loving that he thought to ask. “The miscarriage was horrible, and I don’t want to demean that at all, but I think what threw me over the edge was that it was such a tumultuous time all around, because of what I’d done to you in Mexico. It felt like I’d lost the last piece of you I would ever have, and it kind of felt like losing you all over again, which made it harder.”
He reached over and squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry. If I’d known…”
“I know. I’ve accepted that it wasn’t meant to be at that point in our lives, and therapy helped me put things into perspective. Now I love baby showers and children’s birthday parties because they give me hope of what I might have someday. But I rarely go to those events unless they’re really big deals. Usually I just make the treats and the customers pick them up at the shop, like next weekend.”
“So you do still want to have kids?”
She nodded eagerly. “Yes. Don’t you?” Their dreams had always included three children who they’d wanted to name Journey, Scout, and Chance, regardless of their genders.
“I didn’t think I did,” he said with a shake of his head. “I was pretty fucked up after Tory died. I couldn’t imagine bringing a helpless child into a world where I couldn’t always protect them. But then you told me about what happened, and I would have wanted that baby, our baby, and I would have protected it, and you, with my life. So maybe my view on having a family is changing because of us.”
“It’s weird how events have domino effects, isn’t it? I’m sorry you felt that way, but I do understand it. Tory’s death kicked the legs out from beneath our whole community. It’s scary to think how fast things can change, which goes right back to my belief of enjoying time with the people we care about so we don’t miss the chance. It makes me happy to know you would have wanted our child. You’ll be a great dad if you ever choose to be one, but you have so much on your plate right now with the Pride, I can’t imagine fitting anything else in.” Although he was here now, with her, taking care of Bandit for his brother.
He was looking at her intently again, and she liked this new Zev who thought before he spoke as much as she’d liked the teenager on the cusp of manhood that he’d been.
“You’re making me rethink a lot of things about myself, Carls.”
“Good, because you’re making me think a lot, too.”
“I want to do a lot more than make you think,” he said, lightening the mood again. “So, when do I get time with you? I’ll take whatever time I can get. Should I plan for after seven o’clock?”
He ate a spoonful of cereal, his eyes locked on her.
She didn’t want that little time with Zev. She wanted more time, especially after the amazing day they’d had. “Not necessarily. I can make arrangements to get off earlier.”
“That would be great, but I don’t want to screw up your schedule.”
She ate a bite of cereal, thinking about it, and said, “You sure about that?”
“Unfortunately, yes. I promised myself I wouldn’t do anything that could screw up your life. Do I want more time with you? Absolutely. Twenty-four-seven if I can have it. But not if it messes you up in any way. You tell me when I can see you and I’ll deal with it.”
“Aren’t you accommodating?” she said playfully.
“I aim to please, and based on your reactions earlier, I’d say I pleased multiple times.”
She felt her cheeks burn, and she remembered how they’d ended up at the inn today. “Didn’t you say you wanted to show me something when we were at Silk Hollow?” She narrowed her eyes and said, “Or was that just a ploy to get me into your bed?”
“As I recall, you distracted me from our mission with your need to rinse off.”
“Right,” she whispered, grinning like a fool. “I can’t say I’m sorry about that.”
“Then that makes two of us.” They finished their cereal, and he said, “I do have someplace I want to take you, but now I’m in a quandary because it’s a little late to go there, and I have something else I was hoping to do with you tonight.”
“Does it have anything to do with getting me upstairs in your bedroom again?” she asked with a shameful amount of hope.
“If it were up to me, I’d sweep you away to Neverland forevermore, but I can’t just let you use me for my body all week, or you won’t get to enjoy the whole Zev experience and realize how much you want more than six days with me.” He leaned in for a long, slow, sugary kiss and remained close as he said, “What I have in mind doesn’t end in the bedroom, but if you say you’ll hang out with me for a few more hours, I promise you won’t be disappointed.”
Searching for Love (The Bradens & Montgomerys (Pleasant Hill - Oak Falls) Book 6) Page 15
