by Faith Anna
“I like that we’re making progress.”
I nodded noncommittally.
Ethan wanted us to go out and do whatever I liked. But I declined. I ended that first date abruptly for many reasons. One, I was feeling very cold. Outside was cold. His office was colder. Two, I had not eaten well all day and was hungry but did not want to go for dinner with him on the first date. In addition, I had drunk two cans of V-8 Fusion juice and lots of water at home that afternoon; so I needed to pee badly. Again, for some reason, I was shy to mention on the first date that I needed to use the washroom. Thirdly, I wanted to get away from Ethan. I was scared by the attraction I felt. If he did not feel that chemistry, then I was in trouble. I wanted to run from him to preserve my heart. It was early days so if he just disappeared, I would not be adversely affected. Not even my pride would suffer because I had come into it with no expectations.
Regardless, when I got home that evening, I expected to receive a text message or email from Ethan but there was none. I concluded that was indicative of a no go or pass. I was not really bothered; after all, there were many fishes in the vast ocean of hisoulmate.
Two days later, I was online on Gmail when Ethan got online. A few minutes later, I got a tentative email from him asking whether he could call me and I gave him permission to do so.
After asking how I was doing, he went straight to what he was calling about. “I enjoyed hanging out with you and wanted to call or email you but wasn’t sure you would welcome that. It appeared you were in a hurry to get away from me.”
I responded without hesitation, “Actually I enjoyed it very much too. I just needed to use the bathroom but didn’t know how to say that on a first date.”
Ethan sighed in relief. “That’s great! I really would like to see more of you and take you on a proper date for starters.”
I smiled. “I’m all for it….”
“That’s awesome!”
I blushed; glad he could not see me. “hahaha”
“How about Saturday evening, about 5:30 or 6pm?”
“Sounds good to me.”
After he hung up, I continued to sit staring into space. I could tell I was falling for Ethan. It worried me. I barely knew anything about him. What was wrong with me? It was not that I fell for every man who showed interest in me. In fact, the reverse was the case. The problem was that I had not planned on liking or feeling attracted to any of the men. I needed to preserve my heart.
I began to analyze my feelings for the men I could remember having feelings for since my adulthood. Dick was the first man with whom I had entered into a close relationship. Why did I marry him? He did not have money or a good career then. I had not felt any deep connection with him. No chemistry either. It just seemed like the thing to do. As for Michael, my negative feelings for him outweighed any positive. I was sure I disliked him. I could not move past his possibly dubious nature. He was also a weak man which made me despise him. Good thing my communication with him had gradually frizzled out. Why had I not decisively cut him off a long time ago? Was I the kind of woman who needed a man to validate her?
I was not sure who I really was. I never was sure any decision I made was the right one. There was always a nagging doubt. The only certainties were in naturally occurring, isolated situations which did not give me a choice. Thank goodness then that most of the wonderful things in my life had come by pure serendipity.
I began to think of Ethan and how he made me feel complete although we hardly knew each other. I felt at peace about him. Still the question surfaced: where would it lead?
Chapter Twenty-two
I had just returned from my fourth date with Ethan. Three weeks had gone by since our first date. I liked him a lot but I was cautious. I did not want any man breaking my heart. It was obvious he truly liked me but I planned on taking things slowly.
I sat in front of my computer; my thoughts were of Ethan. I had enjoyed lunch with him that afternoon at Roger’s Fish and Chips. Well, it was not only fish and chips they served. I chose fish and chips; Ethan got a burger. We sat under the white tent and ate. I was pleased that Ethan ordered ginger ale for us. That was my favorite soda.
“What’s your favorite food?” Ethan paused to ask the question before taking a bite of his burger.
“I’d say pizza. Otherwise, I don’t really like food or eat much.” I eyed the food before me which I knew would mostly end up in the trash bin after I was done eating.
Ethan looked at me appreciatively. “Perhaps that explains your stunning figure.”
I was embarrassed by his compliment but hid it well. “Thank you.”
Ethan got me talking and laughing. At a point I warned him that I was not talkative but did occasionally find myself there. I needed to know when to apply the brakes because sometimes what I was saying was different from what I was thinking. It was my mouth running riot and putting me in a precarious position. Babbling always put me at a disadvantage. I was becoming skilled at keeping it subdued.
After eating, we walked to the Fisherman’s Wharf and strolled along the two short streets, admiring the boat houses. They were truly each unique. The owners had gone to great lengths to decorate the outside of the houses. Most had beautiful flowers in front of them. We got to the end of one street and I looked into the sea. Schools of baby fish swam about with excitement and freedom. One commercial, passenger boat sped by and soon after, a big luxury ship cruised by. I took a few pictures of the boat houses, ship, boats, and the sea. Ethan took a couple of photos of me on his phone.
I enjoyed going out with Ethan. He made me feel relaxed; it was such fun being with him. He made me laugh and feel confident about myself. He was also interested in finding out what I liked to do.
I continued to think about Ethan. I have to say it: the dude had a killer swag. Everything about him was genuine and at the same time quietly confident. I liked his appearance, style, and voice. Actually, his voice varied from low, husky, to baritone. I was yet to figure out what triggered each variant. My guess was that it had to do with the emotion he was feeling at a particular time. Enough said – I did not mean to make it sound like a scientific experiment.
For some reason I stopped communicating with Andy – the hot millionaire. I just could not date two men simultaneously. Apparently, I had chosen Ethan over Andy.
**********
As fall gradually gave way to winter, I realized that I had never been that happy. I knew it was all connected to my relationship with Ethan as well as how whole I felt within.
One afternoon, Ethan called me on my cell phone wanting to meet up for lunch. We agreed to meet at 1pm. I suggested the top floor of The Bay Centre – the Food Court. It was an open place and I wanted to see if he would be reluctant to be seen with me in such a public place which would mean he had something to hide. He readily agreed.
I was glad I was wearing one of my favorite work clothes that day: sky blue custom fit Ralph Lauren Poplin shirt and a navy blue fitted Lauren Ralph single button Poplin blazer.
So we met at The Bay Centre. The Food Court was crowded as usual. It would have taken me a while to find Ethan had he not stood up and waved. We went to one of the stalls and ordered rice with chunks of chicken, mushroom, shrimp, and teriyaki sauce.
Ethan was very comfortable. He was wearing a nice, blue formal shirt and well-tailored work pants. I liked that we were wearing the same colour of shirt – lame, I know. He looked like what you would see on male fashion magazine or TV commercial, but without the cosmetic or photoshopped look. As he extended his hand to accept the bottled water from the server, his muscle bulged underneath his shirt. I was surprised by the pleasurable tingling feeling that enveloped me. I successfully suppressed it like I had often done since meeting Ethan. I was determined to first develop a good friendship with him.
I liked that he did not like wearing suits a lot. Men who wore suits all the time did not impress me. If it was a job dress code, then wear somet
hing different outside work or toss the jacket when possible. You get my drift? Perhaps Dick was the reason I abhorred men in suits. I saw Dick’s penchant for suits as camouflage – made him look like a gentle man and successful executive. Michael wore nice semi-formal shirts and pants for work; and t-shirts and jeans outside work. He had looked okay in them.
Of their own accord and without effort, my thoughts and eyes focused on Ethan. He was paying using his debit card. There were two trays. He loaded one with two bottles of water, ginger ale and root beer. It made me happy that he still remembered that I liked ginger ale and water. Our food, cutlery and serviettes were on the other tray. I picked up the drink tray.
Ethan waited for me to sit down then took his seat. He was facing the crowd and I sat on his left so that I had a good view of the comings and goings. I tried to observe him to see if he was jittery. If he had another girl friend, he would not want her or someone who knew her to see him with another girl. Ethan appeared to be enjoying being with me. He was also very attentive. Occasionally he exchanged greeting – just a wave of hands – with some acquaintance, I presumed.
One couple came over to greet him. They were older. He introduced them as his friends, Doug and Kelly. He put his left arm slightly around me as he did that. The message was clear. Their smile broadened and they said something about getting together soon. Ethan looked at me and I nodded. Then he accepted the invite. “That would be great. Let me know the time and date and we’ll see if that works for us.” Ethan was revealing how perfect he was for me.
Everything was going well until my distrusting tactics backfired in my face. We were almost done when a man approached our table. Neither of us seemed to know him. He was smiling at me. “You’re Luna… I’m Andy.” Initially I was blank; so he continued. “I remember you from the online dating site. We’ve been communicating.”
‘Yes, I remember you. Nice to meet you.” I shook his proffered hand. ‘This is Ethan… Ethan meet Andy.” The men shook hands, smiling and looking each other in the eyes. I wondered what was going on in their heads. Men knew how to hide their feelings. If it was women, it would have been easy to read their reactions to each other. I did not stand up and neither did Ethan. Andy stood a minute more smiling down at me. “I was coming from the government office over there and was near the escalator when I saw you.”
I returned a tight smile. “Oh, I see.”
In the awkward silence that followed, he quickly bade us farewell and left. I knew the Passport Office was at The Bay Centre. What I had not anticipated was that someone I communicated with only electronically would recognize me in person or introduce himself. And I had to be with Ethan when that happened. Talk about timing! I made eye contact with Ethan, wondering what he was thinking.
Ethan smiled at me. He then got up, loaded my tray on top of his before going to empty and place them on the rack nearby. As he came back, I got up.
“That was a good lunch and nice company.” He was smiling genuinely at me.
I returned his smile in relief. “Thanks for the lunch. I enjoyed it too.”
“My pleasure.”
We took the escalator down. As we walked out of the Bay Centre, I felt like explaining. “Andy is a guy I met on the dating site. I haven’t talked with him in a while and haven’t been on a date with him.”
“Are you planning to?” His voice was calm and non-accusatory. If I was right, he seemed to find the whole thing humorous.
“Not really…. I haven’t promised him anything.”
“Are you communicating with several men online?”
“No, just three initially….”
“Three?” He was laughing. “How do you do it? Keeping up with chats and emails and dates?”
There was no need to explain to Ethan that I was not communicating with all three at the same time. I was happy Ethan was not jealous. I wondered whether he knew who Andy was. Andy was even more handsome in person than in photos. He also had a likable personality. Not to mention his multi-millionaire status. He probably did not throw that information around which would explain why Hisoulmate had matched me with him when I was not paying for such services. Regardless, I had no intention of pursuing a relationship with Andy.
Ethan understood me better than I thought. I had told him about Michael and Dick by our third meeting. He knew I was reserved and did not sleep around or bar hop. Not that there was anything wrong with going to the bar. In fact, Ethan had promised to take me to one the next night the Canucks were playing.
“Actually, you’re the only one I have agreed to meet so far.”
Ethan nodded. He was such a good man and never made snide remarks. “You remind me of the Bachelorette on TV.” He was really laughing now and I joined him.
“When do you have to be back at work?”
“Two. I hope I haven’t kept you away from work.”
“No, not all. I don’t usually take a full break and so deserve this. I could go get my car and drop you off.”
“No. I’ll take Bus #14 across the street.”
He touched me slightly. “I’ll call you later.”
I smiled at him. “Okay.” I waved at him and walked towards the pedestrian crossing. The red light was on; so I walked to the next light on Yates and Douglas and waited for the pedestrian silver sign to appear before crossing the road.
**********
The following evening, Andy sent me an email asking again for us to meet. I began to analyze the fact that Ethan had not appeared jealous of Andy who looked like a male model and was taller too. Did it mean Ethan was a confident man? Did it mean he was not serious about me and so did not care what I did with other men? Was he bidding his time and waiting to get me to his bed – after all, the patient dog gets the fattest bone? I was not sure what to make of it all. Thinking about it got me restless. All I knew was that I had wanted Ethan to feel jealous. Perhaps he’s doing a good job of hiding his jealousy. That was a possibility, I said, agreeing with the voice.
I wanted a man who had good self-control but showed his emotions. If he genuinely cared for me, I would like for him to show it. He’s showing it but you’re not looking. Thank you, Know-it-all. I sighed in frustration at the voice.
I accepted to go on a date with Andy instead of putting all my eggs in one basket – Ethan’s. I hoped I would follow through on the promised date.
Chapter Twenty-three
Andy wanted to pick me up but I refused because I did not want any of the guys to know where I lived yet. Also, I had always declined Ethan’s requests to pick me up or take me home. My thinking was that a man I might never see again after a date or two should not know personal things about me. I needed to be sure he would be in my life for some time – even if not for the long haul, before I could feel comfortable sharing information about me.
As the weekend drew near, I felt more uneasy about going out with Andy. In spite of his good looks and money, I did not feel attracted to him. I was thinking that maybe after being on a date with him, sparks might fly. But I knew myself. It did not work that way with me. I had felt a connection with Ethan even before meeting him in person.
I had to be physically attracted to a man to get intimate with him. I felt like I was wasting Andy’s time without his knowing. He needed a woman who would love him. I liked him but did not feel that vital chemistry. So, I sent Andy an email thanking him for the invite but declined and wished him good luck in his search for love. He understood and replied thanking me for my sincerity.
**********
Two gone and just one left. I wondered if I should start corresponding with some of the men who had recently shown interest in me. However, I did not; so, it was only Ethan in the running now. And I knew for certain that I liked him a lot and found it difficult keeping my feelings for him in check.
On his part, Ethan had not made any direct confession of love for me. He had told me, he had removed his profile from hisoulmate. I had not asked him why.
We were in November now. Ethan had asked me to meet him at his office so we could hang out after work.
As we were about to leave his office, Ethan put his hand across my waist, drawing me closer. I felt a rush of pleasurable emotion. We stared at each other.
Ethan was not hiding his emotions. “You’re so beautiful. I like what you’re wearing too.”
I did not resist as he drew me close. He lowered his head and I closed my eyes, feeling his lips on mine. We kissed. It was tentative at first. As our kiss increased in intensity, I could feel his heartbeat. I stopped him suddenly by pushing him away gently. He still held me for a moment longer. Then he brushed my hair away from my face, so gently that my heart thumbed even more with so much emotion. But I was not going to succumb to the emotion and Ethan knew to exercise self-control. I remembered how on one of our dates, Ethan had tried kissing me and I turned so that he kissed my cheek. After that, he always gave me a quick peck on the forehead or cheek. And I was okay with that; even though I knew he wanted more and I longed for more.
We were going to see a movie at Empire Theatre or Cineplex. There was no particular movie we had in mind; so, we decided to check both places before choosing what to see.
Before going to the movies, we stopped at the coffee shop near Chapters Bookstore on Douglas Street. We ordered Espresso Frappuccino and Iced Caffé Mocha.
We stood aside waiting for our order to be ready.
A well dressed and perfectly made up lady walked towards us, her shoes clicking conspicuously. She stopped beside Ethan, glared at me, and then turned so that I could only see her back as she faced Ethan. Ethan introduced us with clear delineations: ex-wife and girlfriend. I said hi but she barely acknowledged me. She was sophisticated and exuded confidence. Ethan seemed irritated by her lingering presence. I stared at her with a knowing smile hovering on my happy face. Couldn’t she get the message? My eyes silently probed when she made fleeting eye contact with me. My guess was that she got both messages.
“I’ll see you at home.” The woman said. She was trying to score one against me.
“My house? What for?” Ethan’s voice was icy cold but polite.
The woman was lost for words. Ethan then added in a kind voice, “You should spend the time with your husband.”
