by Brook Wilder
I swallowed hard. My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. Until Zack opened his eyes, I would be hurting something fierce, scared that I was going to lose him.
“What about my job?”
“What about it?”
“Surely, I can’t… I mean, I can’t be with him and be a cop as well,” I stammered.
I would choose Zack all day long if need be, but not being a cop…? It hurt.
“Well, about that,” Chief Turner said with a wry smile. “I think we can work out something. Maybe I will drum up a new task force that works closely with our biker friends. I think you would be a good fit for that one.”
I could have hugged him.
“Are you sure?”
“You are a good cop,” he stated, walking to the door. “But I’m not one to tell you to choose between your heart and your career. We will work it out, Sydney. You concentrate on getting this man here well enough to help out.”
Tears sprang to my eyes.
“Thank you chief.”
“See you in a few weeks,” he said. “You are officially on family leave, and I expect you to take full advantage of it.”
I watched him leave, some of the tension easing in my shoulders. I wasn’t going to have to choose. I wasn’t losing my job.
Life was almost okay.
I walked over to the bed, laying my hand on his forehead and smoothing back his hair. The doctors this morning had stated that in another day or so they would wake him up. I couldn’t wait. I couldn’t wait to see his eyes on me, to know that he was going to be the same Zack I knew, plus one bullet hole now. Pain racked my body as I touched his face, careful not to disturb any of the lines running in and out of him.
“You have to get better,” I whispered. “You have to come back to me.”
If he didn’t, I didn’t know what I would do.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Zack
I snapped my eyes open, wincing as the shaft of sunlight pierced my sluggish brain. My body felt like it had been run over by a truck and there was a searing pain across my chest, one that ached even without moving.
Turning my head, I felt myself start to breathe as I saw Sydney curled up in the chair next to me, her hand touching mine. She looked exhausted, the rings of dark purple evident under her closed eyes.
But she was alive and looked virtually unharmed.
Me, on the other hand…
I looked down the length of my own body, noting the new bandages that covered my chest, feeing the pinpricks of pain now that I was awake. I was in a hospital bed and, by the looks of it, had been here for a while. My mouth felt like sandpaper, and the nauseating stench of medication hung heavily in the air. I fought the urge to move an inch, not wanting to wake Sydney just yet. What the hell had happened? The last thing I remembered was running to meet my brotherhood and join in the fight, before what seemed like a truck had come out of nowhere and slammed into my chest.
Apparently, I had been shot.
Shit. I looked up at the ceiling, adjusting to the pain that was courting the fringes of the medication that was moving through my body. What happened after I’d gone down? It had to have scared Syd shitless. What about her job? Was she screwed because she’d helped me? I didn’t know how long I had been out, but just the pure sight of her next to me told me she hadn’t given up on us, on me.
Even after all the hell I had put her through.
I thought about the night I had told her I was going to join the Horsemen, the last night before all hell had broken loose and driven the wedge between us. She had been disappointed, begged me not to do it, and I had ignored her.
If only I hadn’t ignored her, we wouldn’t have been in the position we were in that day.
***
“Say something.”
Sydney removed her hand from mine and slid down off the tailgate, wrapping her arms around her body.
“I-I don’t know what to say.”
I ground my teeth. I wasn’t surprised by her reaction. Sydney had to think through all of her decisions, and mine had hit her out of the blue.
But I hoped she would at least understand.
“I know it’s not college, but it’s a family and they will take care of us, Syd, for life.”
She looked up and I saw a glimmer of tears in her eyes.
“But at what cost Zack? For you to do their dirty work? Even kill people? Can you live with that, because I can’t? I can’t live with the thought of you being in constant danger.”
I pushed off the tailgate and placed my hands on her upper arms, finding her trembling.
Shit!
“Nothing is going to happen to me, I swear it. And you can stay here, in Cibolo, and get that degree you want. We can be together, Syd.”
Her eyes met mine, and she let out a breath.
“What if I beg you not to do this, Zack?”
I swallowed. Not be a Horseman? Get some shit job so that I could provide a decent life for me and Sydney and whatever came in the future? I wasn’t cut out for the decent life, which was what had driven me to look into joining the notorious biker gang. My initial meetings (mostly run-ins in the bars, lending a hand when they needed additional muscle) had gone well. Even last night I had helped them drive out some rogue bikers from the bar near the highway. My knuckles were still busted up from the numerous times I had hit that one guy.
If Sydney had noticed them, she hadn’t said anything.
“This is what I should do with my life,” I said slowly.
Her eyes held mine just a bit longer, and the disappointment in hers nearly tore me in two.
“What the hell do you want me to do, Syd?” I said softly. “I’m not this guy who holds down a normal job. I have a shit record, barely a high school degree, and no money in the bank. How am I supposed to support you with that?”
She stepped out of my reach, rubbing her hands over where I had been touching her.
“I-I don’t want you do this.”
I clenched my jaw.
“I’m gonna do it, Syd. It’s my only option.”
She swallowed, and I wasted no time closing the distance between us, pulling her into my arms. I knew she was upset, but I was going to kiss it out of her. I was going to show her that I could have her and the brotherhood at the same time.
I needed her to not give up on me. Or us, for that matter.
***
I blinked out of the memory, shifting my arms to get a better position. Sydney’s hand jerked on mine, and I turned my head to see her staring at me.
“You’re awake.”
I grinned. God, even that hurt.
“I guess I am.”
She exploded out of the chair, touching my face.
“Are you okay? Are you in pain? Do you need me to get the doctor?”
I reached up to touch her chin, wincing as the pain followed the movement.
“Yes… no… no, not yet. What the hell happened?”
Her eyes clouded with pain, and she swallowed.
“You were shot in the chest. The bullet, it nicked an artery and you nearly bled out before I could get you here.”
Well, shit! I had almost died. Swallowing that piece of information, I looked at her.
“What about the brotherhood?”
“A few dead,” she answered softly, her expression sympathetic. “It was Grayson. He was the one that kidnapped Harley and nearly killed you.”
The pain in my chest didn’t even compare to the pain in my heart. The man who had been my mentor, Grant’s right hand man had been responsible.
“Did they… is he dead?”
She shook her head.
“No, but everyone is searching for him and tracking down those that were in cahoots with him. It’s going to be a process.”
I blew out a breath. I would join that search as soon as I got out of the hospital. I wanted to see Grayson go down for what pain he had caused all of us, all while he pretended that he was on our side. He wo
uld suffer for what he had done.
I gazed at Sydney.
“What about you?”
She gave a little shrug.
“I’m fine, now that you are awake and know who you are. It’s been a rough week. I’m not going to lie.”
A fucking week. No wonder she looked like hell.
“I’m sorry.”
She laughed.
“Don’t be. I’m just glad you are back with us. You scared the shit out of me that day, Zack. I-I thought I had lost you.”
My heart twisted as I saw her pain, hating that I had put her through that. She had begged me not to go, and I had done it anyway, much like the majority of our time together. When was I going to listen to her? She had been right, time after time.
God, I didn’t deserve her. I had nearly ruined her life, her career, and caused her nothing but pain and heartache.
She deserved better. I held onto the hope that she could make me feel better about what I was doing, but drug her through the mud right along with me.
“They say you can get out in a few days,” she responded as I dropped my touch from her skin, mourning the loss of contact. “I can take you to my house.”
I clenched my teeth, my heart screaming ‘No!’ to what I was about to do. It was the right thing, even if it was going to hurt like hell to do so.
“No need. I’ll call the club.”
She looked taken aback.
“But I can take care of you there.”
I gave her a dead-on stare, wincing inwardly as I saw the pain and confusion in her eyes. She needed to hate me. It was the only way she was going to move on with her life.
“I’m good. I appreciate you keeping this vigil. But now that I’m not dead, I think we should call this a clean break.”
Her gaze narrowed.
“What are you talking about?”
“This thing,” I forced out, nearly choking on the words. “It’s not working for either of us.”
“B-but you told me you loved me,” she shot back.
I braced my hands on the bed and pushed upward, pain shooting in my chest.
“I do love you, but I can’t be with you. You know that, and I know that.”
Tears gathered in her eyes, and I felt each one of them inside my soul, fucking hating myself for what I was doing to her. This way, she could be free to find that life she had always dreamed about, the life I couldn’t give her.
Even if I was going to suffer in the process.
“I can’t believe this,” she said, gathering up her things and shoving them in her bag. “After all I have done. I should have known better.”
“We knew it wasn’t going to last,” I said softly, my heart breaking with every damn word.
Sydney looked up, tears streaking down her face.
“Maybe you thought that, but I thought that this was forever.”
Hell, I wanted it to be. I wanted nothing more than to marry her.
“Things change.”
She stared at me a moment longer before walking out of the room. I released a breath and beat my head against the pillow, hating myself for what I had just done to her. Again.
But I was toxic to her life. There was no part of me that was good enough to be with Sydney. I couldn’t let her be a victim one day of some drug raid or watch me get arrested for some dumb shit because of the brotherhood. Not only that, there would be a time, much like this time, that our two careers would intertwine and one of us would wind up getting hurt.
It was better like this. This was what I deserved.
Even if it felt like I had just watched my soul walk out of that hospital room.
***
Two weeks later, I walked out of the hospital under my own power. A car was waiting for me and I climbed in, feeling a bit short-winded from the walk. I hadn’t realized what laying in bed for two weeks would do to your body.
That, and I couldn’t sleep for shit.
“Well, you did it.”
I looked over at Grant.
“They haven’t killed me yet.”
“Good to know,” Grant chuckled as the car pulled away from the curb. “Heard you can’t ride your bike for a month.”
I frowned. The doctor had told me that before he discharged me, stating that the strain of reaching for the handles could undo all the pieces he had painstakingly put back together. Actually, I wasn’t allowed to drive at all, which was damn near killing me.
“What the doc doesn’t know won’t kill him.”
“But it might kill you,” Grant said dryly as I leaned back on the leather seat. “What the hell are you doing, Zack?”
Surprise, I looked over at him.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re an asshole,” he stated, shaking his head. “That woman, she sat by your stubborn ass for a week, taking care of you, and you let her walk out of your room like that? What are you thinking?”
Sydney. I drew in a breath to ease the ache in my chest. It had been two weeks since she had walked out of my hospital room with a broken heart, two weeks since I had felt like anyone gave a damn about me while I recovered. Sure, the brotherhood had stopped by occasionally, giving me hell for getting shot, but there was no one who truly cared about me.
“It’s better this way.”
“For who?” Grant asked softly. “You look like shit, and I hear she’s packing her stuff to leave town again.”
“She’s leaving?” I asked, surprised.
“Yeah,” Grant said coldly, his eyes hardening as he looked at me. “I’ve done some shitty things in my life, you know. I’ve lied, cheated, even killed for this brotherhood, but I have never broken a woman’s heart because of it. My Lydia is part of this world, and she understands the consequences of being involved with me. But you want to know something? I would give up this shit in a heartbeat if she asked me to. I would walk away because, without her, I’m nobody. I’ve cheated on her in my younger days, but she stayed by my side, patched up my body, and told me that I better come back home to her every night. For twenty years, I have done that.”
I was surprised at his declaration. Grant Travis was the Horsemen. Without him at the helm, the brotherhood didn’t exist.
And he was willing to give it all up for a woman.
“Think about it,” Grant finished, leaning against the seat. “Why do you get up in the morning, Zack? Why do you have those damn initials tattooed on your skin? Why are you walking out of this hospital today and not six feet under?”
Shit. He was right. Everything I did, especially now, was because of and for Sydney. She had put her career on the line for me, and now I had her running again.
Because of me.
“I’m a fucking asshole,” I groaned, wiping a hand over my face.
“That’s not the words I would use,” Grant chuckled as the car made a turn. “You get one chance in life to find something that keeps you human in this shitty world. Lydia is the only reason I’m the man I am today. I only wish I had half her strength and love that she gives me and our daughters on a daily basis.”
I looked at the head of the brotherhood I had wanted to be part of, the life that had pushed me through all these years.
“I need a favor.”
He laughed, rolling down the window.
“Already taken care of.”
I looked out the window at the house that Sydney was renting, a slow grin spreading across my face.
“You knew I would ask.”
“I knew I was going to beat the shit out of you if you didn’t,” he replied, his eyes full of laughter. “Go on, go get her, and this time don’t let her go or you will have to answer to me.”
A criminal protecting a cop. That’s not something you heard every day.
“Thanks.”
He nodded as I climbed out of the car, grabbing my bag before stopping on the sidewalk. What was I going to say? How was I going to grovel to her so that she would take me back this last time? I had ruined her life more times that I
cared to count, broken her heart when she needed me the most, and she had every right to slam the door in my face.
But this time, I wasn’t going away. I would sit on her damn doorstep if I had to until she took me back, but I wasn’t going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers. I loved her, and I was an asshole for doing what I did two weeks ago.
