Vax Humana: An Urban Fantasy Action Adventure (The Unbelievable Mr. Brownstone Book 13)

by Michael Anderle

  Maggie gaped at James, wide-eyed.

  After taking a deep breath, he headed to the counter and set down the dog food bag. “You okay?”

  She nodded quickly. “Y-yes, sir.”

  James grunted. “Add a few thousand for the window. If it costs more than that to fix it, let me know. Just call the Brownstone Agency and tell my administrative assistant Charlyce.”

  “Okay, sir.” Maggie blinked a few times. “But I’m going to have to ask my manager how to enter that into the register.”

  Chapter Three

  James stepped out of the garage into the hallway. Thomas rushed into the living room to claim his preferred spot on the floor while his owner pressed his phone to his ear.

  “Did you really need to throw them through a window, James?” asked Sergeant Mack on the other end, his voice exasperated.

  James grunted. “I’ll pay for all the damages.”

  “Okay, the staff seem grateful for your intervention and your willingness to pay for everything, but you can’t go busting up normal places even if they threaten your dog or pull guns on you. You could have just disabled them. You have to show restraint.”

  “I did show restraint. I didn’t kill them. Didn’t even come close.” James frowned.

  He hadn’t even broken the first guy’s arm. That had been saintly restraint. Sure, Father McCartney would probably still caution him about wrath during confession, but his soul was a work in progress.

  Sergeant Mack chuckled. “There is that. Anyway, I’ll handle the paperwork on the police end, but just keep what I said in mind. Even with your reputation, there’s only so much we can keep out of the press.”

  “I’ll keep it in mind,” James replied. “Doesn’t mean I won’t beat down any fucker dumb enough to threaten my dog and some innocent cashier. People need to learn their fucking lessons. I would have figured destroying the Harriken made that clear on the dog part.”

  Sergeant Mack sighed. “I’m sure if those idiots had known who they were messing with they wouldn’t have done anything. Okay, got to go. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks for our PFW planning meeting.”

  “See you then.” James ended the call and shook his head.

  Maybe his friend had a point. It wasn’t the pet shop’s fault some fucker had threatened his dog. He shouldn’t have used their window as a weapon.

  James nodded to himself. Next time, he wouldn’t kick someone who threatened his dog through a window, he’d break his arms and legs. That shouldn’t cause much trouble, even if he were at a florist.

  Why the fuck would I be buying flowers? Shay doesn’t even like that shit.

  He decided it didn’t matter. At least now he had a plan in the unlikely event he was in a flower shop with Thomas, and someone was willing to threaten his dog there.

  “No, no, no,” Shay shouted from inside.

  James rushed into the living room. Shay’s face was contorted into a mask of rage. She paced the living room, her phone in her hand.

  She let out a strangled growl. “I thought we were way past this point, Peyton.”

  James frowned and crossed his arms. He liked Shay’s hacker well enough, but if he were fucking with his woman, he deserved whatever beatdown she delivered.

  “Because it’s obviously not that simple,” Shay shouted into her phone. “And I don’t care if you’re the God of all Hacking. If that place starts burning, the fucking cops and firefighters are going to show up.” She frowned and tilted her head. “No, that’s not a damned excuse. Do not burn down my warehouse because that damned cat distracted you by being fucking cute.” She groaned. “Just don’t let it happen again, Pizza King.” She ended the call and dropped her phone into her pocket.

  “Need any help?” James asked.

  Shay took a deep breath and scrubbed a hand over her face. “That guy is a fucking genius half the time, but then shit like this happens.” She shook her head and waved a hand. “It’s fine. Sometimes I need to remind him who’s boss. Find the dog food?”

  James nodded. “Yeah, it was pretty simple.”

  He shrugged. No reason to make his night more complicated by mentioning he had kicked a man through a window.

  A smile spread over Shay’s face, erasing the anger. “And on a happier note, just a few weeks until Alison’s home. Excited?”

  James took a seat on the couch and eyed Thomas. The dog was already sleeping.

  “Yeah, glad to have her back. I know that school’s good for her, but I also feel like she’s changing there, and I don’t always know what’s going through her head now.”

  Shay laughed and sat beside him. She patted his shoulder. “That’s called growing up, James. Your little girl’s becoming a woman and all that, and more importantly, your little Drow princess is coming into her power, too. That was why you sent her there.”

  James grunted. “I know.” He frowned. “Wonder if we should be doing something special for Christmas break? Going somewhere. I fucking hate snow, but maybe she wants a white Christmas or shit like that.”

  “Doubt it. She grew up here.” Shay worked her mouth a little and nodded. “Though it might be a good time for us to go somewhere. I was wondering if some new crazy-ass monster would show up to threaten you, but since you blew up that amusement park and defeated the last of the Council, things have been quiet.”

  “I didn’t blow up the amusement park. I destroyed one ride.” James shrugged. “There were those level fours a few weeks back, but yeah, guess you’re right. Trey, Maria, and the guys have been able to handle everything else.”

  Shay nodded. “I was thinking, you know, you and me and Alison could actually take a true winter vacation. I’ve only done one raid since that last one with Lily. It’s not like either of us has to work right away to pay rent. Yeah, I’ll admit I like a rush now and again, but you know, if it helps you…”

  James frowned. “Helps me what?”

  “Step back a little.” She shrugged. “You said it yourself—your agency’s dealing with trouble, both here and in Vegas. The shit they handled with the Council gave them the kind of experience that a lot of AET and PDA don’t have. You’re expanding the agency and looking into new recruits.” She pointed at James. “You don’t have to personally push back the tsunami of assholes that always threatens to swallow this city.”

  James furrowed his brow. “What are you saying? You want me to stop being a bounty hunter? Are you going to stop being a tomb raider?”

  “Not saying that, but I’m considering cutting back.” Shay blew out a breath. “Look, the thing is, I became a tomb raider for money, but also because I love history. It was a natural fit. I did so many raids before because I was trying to disappear and needed the money. Now I’m not, and I don’t.” She smiled at him. “I have a reason to stay around. Even thought about trying to do more at the university. Definitely still doing raids, if only to scratch that itch, but if I can start thinking about cutting back, maybe you should, too.”

  “What would I do with my time?” James nodded to the curled up and comatose Thomas. “He doesn’t want to play with me that much.”

  Shay gestured to the tv. “Watch barbeque shows, dream about your truck, or shit like that. Why not go through with the whole barbeque restaurant plan? Your team has placed well at competitions. You would come in with a reputation.”

  James leaned back on the couch, thinking the whole thing over. A year ago, he’d dismissed the idea as something for the far future, but now something about the idea appealed, including a regular life: more time with Shay and fewer concerns about if some asshole would go after his daughter or his woman in revenge for him beating them down.

  He grunted and shook his head. “Already pressing my luck as it is.”

  “Pressing your luck? What do you mean?” Shay frowned.

  “I’ve barely been able to go a month without some fucking asshole messing with me or getting dragged into some messed-up shit.” James snorted. “If I opened a barbeque place, some dragon would
show up three weeks into it and burn it down. I’ve been thinking about He Who Hunts, and how it’s been too long. It’s like, if I don’t constantly beat assholes down, they forget not to fuck with me. Just like those two fuckers in the pet store.”

  Shay narrowed her eyes. “What two fuckers in the pet store?”

  “Two guys decided they were going to rob the pet store. One of them threatened to shoot Thomas.”

  “And what did you do?”

  James shrugged. “Crushed one’s hand and knocked his ass out. Kicked the other through a window.”

  Shay rolled her eyes. “Oh, you’re worried about that? You didn’t kill those guys. For you, that’s restraint.”

  “Just saying, they fucked with me.” James grunted. “Not saying I’m worried about that shit, just that maybe a restaurant wouldn’t be the best idea.”

  “They didn’t happen to recognize you?” Shay sighed and let her head fall against the back of the couch. “Now you’ve gotten into my head. Thanks. I needed that.”

  “Gotten into your head? What are you talking about?”

  Shay turned her head to look at him. “Brownstone-Carson luck. Since I killed Snegurka and backed off a bit on the alien shit, there are very few people actively trying to fuck with me. Then again, I try to keep a low profile in my day job. I don’t think you and ‘low profile’ belong in the same county.”

  James shrugged. “Got to be me. I don’t think I’m gonna start becoming quieter when I beat fuckers down.”

  She laughed. “Yeah.” She jerked upright and snapped, “I’ve got it. An idea.”

  James stared at her. “Huh?”

  “Even if we, or even you, don’t really have bad luck, we’re both gonna obsess over it because of all the shit we’ve had to deal with.” Shay shook a finger. “But we can reset our luck, or at least our perception of it.”

  “I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about, and I’m not obsessing over shit. I just don’t think it makes sense to open a barbeque restaurant.”

  Shay grinned. “Instead of waiting for a major ass-kicking to come our way, let’s go find one.”

  James grunted, now more confused than ever. “When I did the pay-per-view thing with Tyler you got pissed, and now you want me to go looking for trouble?”

  She rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m saying we go find a job, something we can both do—maybe a joint tomb raid and bounty hunt. His-and-hers ass-kicking. Like when I met you.” She smirked. “It’ll be sweet. You can kill a bunch of twisted fucks, and I can find some cool ancient artifact lost to history. I bet if we called up Smite-Williams he’d have something. Then we can get it out of both our systems and enjoy Christmas break with Alison without having that nagging worry in the back of our mind about shit hanging over us.”

  “I’m not worried.” James rubbed the back of his neck. “But I’ll think about it.”

  Shay laughed. “Don’t think too long or that dragon will show up and burn your house down.”

  Trey patted his stomach and leaned back in his chair at Zoe’s dining room table. He set his fork down on his plate, which was still half-covered with his third serving of cheese tortellini. “That was some damned fine pasta. It’s delicious, but I just can’t eat anymore without exploding, and then you’d have Trey guts all over your dining room. It’d just be hard to clean up. Can’t do that to you.”

  Zoe chuckled and folded her hands in front of her. “I lived in Italy for a few decades. I tried to take advantage of my time there to learn new skills.”

  He laughed. “Of course you did. Works for me. You learned what you needed during all those years, and that’s what makes you such an interesting woman.”

  She gave him a flirtatious smile. “You’re still leaving soon for Las Vegas?”

  Trey nodded. “Yeah. For now, still doing the same thing we’ve always done. We all take our turns, and especially since we lost Shorty, they need me to be there more. Maria’s stepping into the other leadership role, but she’s focused a lot on tactical training.”

  Her smile faded. “So you’re going to Vegas, but James won’t be going, will he?”

  “Big man don’t need to be there.” Trey shrugged. “We’ve got ass-kicking down to a science. He deserves some time off.”

  Zoe held up a hand. “Wait here.” She stood, moved toward the door, and disappeared into her living room.

  Trey eyed his pasta again, trying to work up the will to go in for another bite, but his gurgling stomach made its opinion clear. He sat in the dining room waiting for his girlfriend to return and drumming his fingers on the table.

  Is this one of those things where she comes back in naked?

  She re-emerged with a pair of black leather gloves.

  Is she gonna take off everything but the gloves?

  Zoe held them out. “I should have perhaps asked about your preferences before, but I think you’ll like the color, at least. A gift.”

  They were almost as nice as a hot, naked witch. Almost.

  “They look damned sweet to me. Yeah, been getting colder. Nice to have a new pair of gloves to keep my trigger finger warm.” Trey grinned and took the gloves.

  A hint of color on the inside caught his attention. He set one on the table and pulled the other’s opening wider. Intricate blue glyphs were sewn inside the gloves.

  Trey furrowed his brow and looked at Zoe. “This looks magical.”

  “Training can do much, my little supernova,” the witch declared, batting her gray eyes. “But there are natural differences in power between people, especially in the world we live in. I know you well enough now to understand that you’ll continue to aspire to further greatness, if only because of the brightness of the fire of your employer.”

  Trey stared at the gloves. “The big man is badass. Not gonna apologize for wanting to be more like him. What do these gloves have to do with that?”

  “I’m a specialist in potions, to the point where I make better potions than many, many witches far more powerful than me.” Zoe sat in her chair and crossed her legs, the slit in her dress providing a peek of her thigh. “So I can help you with potions, but my skill in things like enchanted gloves is low, so I traded some favors and had those made for you. They are not as powerful as whatever he might be using, but they will increase your ability both to inflict and take punishment. Be cautious. They aren’t infinite in use, but they will recharge themselves if you simply leave them be.”

  Trey held up a glove. “You’re saying these are genuine magical artifacts?”

  Zoe nodded. “I should also note they’ll only harden your skin against attacks, not your clothes. Please also keep in mind that they only work for you. The magic will not respond to anyone else.”

  “Sad for my poor suits.” Trey grinned. “But why? This shit had to be expensive as hell, even if you were trading favors.”

  “I decided to devote myself to you, and I’ve found myself to be not disappointed in either your power or your attention to me as a woman.” Zoe gave him a soft smile. “I have an investment in you now since I doubt I’ll be able to find another man like you anytime soon, so it’s important that I keep you alive as long as possible, my little supernova.”

  Trey shrugged, satisfied. He blinked as he realized something he’d missed before. “No wine tonight?”

  “I wanted to have a clear memory of the gift. Every time you leave this city, I find myself worrying.” Zoe inhaled slowly, half-closing her eyes. “This is the difficulty with my tastes. I’m attracted to fiery men, but your very nature will bring you into contact with danger.”

  “Hey, if I’ve got a fine witch backing me up, I’m gonna keep coming back home alive. You don’t have to worry.”

  Zoe licked her lips. “So I tell myself. There’s another reason I didn’t need to drink tonight.”

  Trey slipped the gloves into his pocket. “And what’s that, Zoe?”

  “Because you’re going to give me a little power,” Zoe murmured
. She ran a hand over her thigh. “Perhaps a little fun on the table?”

  “Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t plan on leaving this house without making so much steam with you that people will think this place is a greenhouse, but…” Trey turned and frowned at a tall blue plant covered in wide leaves with prominent purple veins in the corner of the room.

  It twitched, its leaves curling and uncurling.

  “What?” Zoe asked.

  Trey nodded toward the plant. “Can’t do it nowhere those freaky Oriceran plants might be watching.”

  “Would it help if I told you they aren’t intelligent?”

  He laughed. “Nope. Gonna have to settle for me rocking your world in the bedroom.”

  Zoe stood and licked her lips. “A sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

  Chapter Four

  “What the fuck is up with that look on your face, Trey?” Daryl asked as he pulled the Expedition to the curb up the street from a body shop, their target for that evening. “You’ve been looking like that from the moment we drove into fucking Vegas. You have some system you can use to beat all the casinos?”

  “Nah, nothing like that.” Trey shrugged. “And nothing wrong with my face. Not everyone can be a hater like you.”

  Lachlan laughed from the back seat. “You don’t know what’s going on, Daryl?”

  The other bounty hunter snorted. “It’s just fucking freaking me out. He’s all grinning like he’s high or some shit.”

  “Can you get high from giving a little somethin’-somethin’ to a witch?” Kevin asked from beside Trey.

  Trey snorted. “Fuck all y’all. I ain’t gonna feel bad because my girlfriend is hot and magical. Fuck, probably rich, too, even if she lives in that tiny little house.” He reached into the pockets of his black suit and pulled out the gloves. “She’s all worried and shit, so she set me up.”

  Daryl glanced his way. “Meaning what? Special potions?”