And there it was! The reason I came to the compound’s kitchen and not the war room. All the women here had their own story of love, hurt and betrayal and a well-deserved happily ever after.
I wanted to give Addy nothing but happiness and so much more, and I didn’t intend on failing.
Leaning down I pecked Stella on the cheek quickly. I knew Booth had cameras planted in each and every common room in the club, so he no doubt would see me kissing his bride.
“Don’t worry, she is mine, and I am hers. I can wait until she understands and accepts that. The baby happened for a reason; I truly believe that Addy and I were fated to be together. Hurting her isn’t on my agenda. I promise,” I assured her, then turned from the main kitchen door and instead headed for the back entrance.
“Better leave another way just in case Booth saw me,” I muttered quietly under my breath, but the giggles from the table gave me away.
Walking past the commercial fridges, I left through the back door behind the walk-in-pantry, but not before I heard Rainn ask a very peculiar question to her friends.
“Is it just me or does he remind you of someone?”
Quickening my pace, I made it to the back door before I could hear anymore, and before Booth could find me.
CHAPTER TEN
ADELINE
The man was doing my head in. How was I supposed to function when every time I turned around, he was there. Black tees so tight they clung to the ridges of his muscles, jeans the perfect fit his arse made my mouth water. Winks, smug grins, longing looks and the innocent touches! My god, those were the hardest to deal with, I think. Marshall was certainly working hard to drive me around the twist with the accidentally on purpose brushes against me in the kitchen, walking past each other in the hallway. But most of all, I loved the way he welcomed me home every night. For five days, I’d arrived home to a warm house, the smell of home-cooked food and the best and worst of all, a sweet kiss to my forehead from my baby’s father.
Marshall inserted himself into my home, fed me and made sure I didn’t walk more than five steps at a time. He had an agenda, and that scared me because it was working.
This morning he had to leave at four am with the guys in his team for some kind of special training exercise in Queenscliff, but before he left, he came into my room gently, kissed my forehead and told me to take his car to work. Told me. Then tucked the blankets firmly around me and left. That had been sixteen hours ago and I was disgustingly desperate to see him.
“Good Golly, Miss Molly! Listen to yourself, Adeline, five days in your house and already you are hoping for a happily ever after,” I admonished myself out loud with a frustrated huff. Walking through the clinic, I checked that everything that needed to be off was, said a quick good-bye to the night vet nurse then headed out the staff door that led out to where I’d parked Marshall’s high-powered black, Ford ute.
Despite my insistence that I didn’t need his car, I had to admit I enjoyed driving this morning. Not having had a car in a few years, mostly because of lack of money and paying two loans for the house and clinic as well as student loans, I never realised how much I missed the simple task of driving.
Pressing the unlock button on the key fob, I dropped into the leather bucket seat, not able to help the moan of pleasure. I don’t care if I sounded like a woman possessed, the feel of the cool leather on the back of my thighs not covered by my skirt was delicious.
Not as delicious as the sensation of Marshall’s body sliding by me in my small kitchen, or his hands when he massages my feet while we watch TV before bedtime.
Squeezing my legs together, I tried to ease the familiar ache between my thighs. An ache that never used to be there, not until I fell into bed with a sexy, gorgeous but infuriatingly persistent soldier who refused to leave my house and my every thought.
I needed to guard myself, protect the safety I have spent years building. If I wasn’t careful, Marshall was going to break through my well-constructed wall then discover my heart was cold as ice, and I wasn’t worth chasing after all.
And once he discovered I was incapable of love, he was going to try and take our child because no one without a heart could be allowed to raise a kid.
Deep down, I knew Marshall would never do that to me; his caring actions towards me weren’t put on; he wasn’t acting with me. The proposal, such as it was, rang true, he wanted our baby to be raised in a loving family home with two parents. It just wasn’t possible the way he saw it playing out in his mind.
Co-parenting was the only thing I could offer him. Right? Love and all that happy family stuff was just a dream, so far out of reach I gave up on it a long time ago. A dream lost, but a happy ever after with Marshall … that was a dream I wish could come true.
Starting the engine, I blocked useless, silly, far-fetched dreams to the back of my mind. Marshall texted to say he was home waiting for me, along with a surprise he picked up for us.
What was he up to now? Whatever it was, somehow, I knew it was going to tempt me.
“Infuriatingly sexy, gorgeous bastard,” I muttered, pulling slowly out of the car park.
So sexy goddamn it.
***
I didn’t know what to focus on more, the fact that my bedroom now held a king-size bed, Marshall wrestling with a massive, thick comfortable looking donna into a cover or the fact that the mongrel had on his uniform. Oh my god, even his steel toe boots were sexy as hell.
What the hell was wrong with me? The doctor never mentioned hormones being this … powerful.
Shaking my head, I walked further into my room, tossing my handbag on the floor; the noise not affecting Marshall in any way. He probably knew the second the car turned onto my street.
Stupid ninja soldier powers.
“Hey, Sweet Cheeks, missed you today.” Marshall turned and gave me that smile that said I was the most important person in his world. Of course, he would have to go and use that nickname he insisted on giving me and stomping on my resolve– I’d talked myself into being stronger around him on the way home.
I really loved it when he called me that; I had no idea why but hearing him say it in his deep timbre was nearly as good as foreplay.
“Close your mouth, baby,” Marshall laughed, walking to me and dropping a kiss on my forehead.
“Marshall what?—”
“How was your day? Did you eat?” Marshall asked, interrupting me.
“It was fine, and yes, I did. I got a delivery of a box of food from a lady named Lake, then Stella dropped off a smorgasbord of pastries and the most amazing hot chocolate I have ever had,” I told him with patience I never knew I possessed. “I presume I have you to thank for all that?”
Marshall grabbed a new pillow off the floor and began to rip off the plastic bag.
“That’s good baby, I’m glad you enjoyed your food,” he replied, giving me nothing more than a gentle smile. No smirk, no holy than thou kiss my arse I am a God attitude, he was simply happy that I ate.
Shaking my head, I let out a sigh. “Why do you have this … calming effect on me? I walk into my room and find a king-size bed and new linens.” I waved my hands at the pile of new bedding littered on the floor. “I should be pissed off with you for doing this without asking me, and yet one kind smile from you, and I am ready to help you with that cover.”
“Well, I would appreciate it if you went with that because these things are complicated as fuck,” Marshall grumbled, holding up the doona cover and showing it to me. The pretty soft blue material had small white flowers embroidered on the bottom half, the top half finished off with rows of pleats. It was absolutely beautiful and completely my taste.
Narrowing my eyes at him in a mock scowl, I took the cover from him.
“You basically have to have a degree to put these on,” I told him, laying it down on the bed with the opening at the end of the bed, then picked up the thick padded blanket and went about showing him the easiest way to put a donna in a cover. It didn’t take me
all that long and once I had it done, Marshall had the pillow slips on and in place at the head of the bed.
It was a huge bed, far too big for one person. Why did he think I needed such a big—
Oh no! No way!
“Marshall, you don’t think that we are going to—” I looked at him then to the bed then back at him again, the dinging in my brain going off like a warning bell.
“Sweet Cheeks, I am six foot, your love seat couch is not ideal for sleeping for a man my height. The spare room is smaller than this one and won’t accommodate more than a single bed at best,” he explained calmly. I was anything but calm. Marshall wanted us to share a bed, did he want something else as well?
“You don’t have to stay here Marshall, to sleep I mean.”
“You don’t like having me around Addy?” he asked softly, hurt crossing his handsome face.
“I am used to being alone Marshall,” I told him.
“I know that, but that isn’t what I asked you.”
Marshall walked over to me, the ever-present scent of his cologne overpowering me, his dark eyes mesmerising me, and before I could stop it, my mouth opened and out came my inner secret thoughts.
“Yes, I do. Just knowing you are here waiting for me makes me giddy and I don’t get giddy, ever,” I admitted softly. “But I’m not anywhere near ready to start—” I glanced nervously at the bed, my mouth and lips dry all of a sudden. I wasn’t prepared for the freight train of nerves invading me just thinking about having sex with Marshall again.
Did I want to have sex again? Yes, yes, I did.
With Marshall? Most certainly I did.
Was I going to? That was the only answer I didn’t have.
That night during the bushfires, that Addy took the place of the real Addy. For just one night, I didn’t want to be the lost girl no one wanted to love, the little girl whose parents cast her aside without a second thought, to live a life of constant abandonment and creating what I was today.
I continued to stare at the huge bed, visions of tangled limbs and sounds of moans echoed in my mind, taunting me reminding me of the best night of my life.
“Sweet Cheeks, wherever you are going right now, stop it. This isn’t what you think it is.” Marshall’s hands laid gently on my shoulders, turning me away from the bed to look at him.
“I can’t sleep on that couch, and I am not going back to the compound or my house in Creswick and leaving you here alone. I missed enough of our child’s growth; you promised I could be part of his or her life, and as far as I am concerned, this is part of that life.”
I nodded, understanding about the couch and about his desire to watch our baby grow inside me. It was the sharing of a bed I was still a little sketchy on.
“I get that Marshall and I meant my promise. I like having you around, most of the time,” I mumbled the last part, thinking about my increasing libido.
“Why … why do we have to … um … share a bed?” I stuttered, feeling heat rise up my neck and to my face.
“Okay, let’s get this over with now,” Marshall declared, guiding me five steps to the bed, his hands on my shoulders gently forcing me to sit down on the edge then sitting beside me. One long leg brushed against my bare one, then stayed there, the heat of his touch instantly sparking a current only Marshall had evoked from me.
“You and I, we have something. We had it that night and we still have it now. For the first time in my life I wanted to wake up next to a woman, that has never happened to me. But instead, I woke up alone, and I did not like that feeling, Addy.” Marshall leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my cheek, his eyes never leaving mine.
“I looked for you, telling myself it was only to find out if I got you pregnant, I convinced myself of that, but I wasn’t being honest. You got under my skin, the intimacy between us knocked me to my knees, scared the shit out of me, but at the same time, I craved more; then, you were gone and I went into a tailspin.” Marshall traced a hand from my shoulder, up my neck, then cupped my face. I was powerless to do anything but lean into his touch, and he wasn’t the only one left with cravings.
Deep velvety, chocolate eyes worked their magic, holding me captive while his thumb circled the apple of my cheek.
“I know I’m right Sweet Cheeks, I am prepared to wait as long as you need to get right with us, but I will be doing it here, sharing a bed. I promise that will be it … for now.” Marshall pinned me with a look that said more than his words. He wanted a sexual relationship that caused my hormones to dance a happy jig and my heart to speed up. Sex, however, was not my forte. I don’t know what Marshall saw in me to knock him to his knees, as he so eloquently put it, but whatever it was, stumped me. My few sexual history episodes were uneventful, almost boring. The men I slept with left before the panting was done, all of them.
One night with me was obviously enough for them.
“Where you going Addy?” Marshall asked, both hands now holding either side of my face.
“I don’t see it Marshall. Other than us having a baby, I don’t see what else there is in this for you.”
I heard the pitiful helplessness in my own voice and that annoyed me. Years and years of controlling my emotions, stashing my insecurities down so deep inside me, enabled me to survive foster homes, university and becoming a vet. How the hell am I going to survive this unmovable obstacle? Marshall was like a fast-moving cyclone, instead of destroying the landscape, it was my heart that was in the damage path.
“What the hell happened to you baby? Who tore you apart so bad you don’t see how amazing you are? Can’t believe you deserve love and affection … deserve those from me?”
My mind went back, back to the days of foster homes– of living with total strangers only after the government cheque they received once a fortnight for allowing me into their homes. Of the lonely nights spent in dingy rooms, hardly anything to eat while my foster parents ate well while watching their brand new big-screen TVs thanks to the generous allowance meant for my education and other things like clothes and food.
The daily taunts and stabs of being unlovable, unwanted by my parents, of being the only one not adopted or placed in a permanent foster home. A lot of the kids in the system lucked out that way, Australia’s adoption laws being what they are— a permanent foster family that wanted you was the dream. Adoption the fantasy.
Tears stung the backs of my eyes; my instincts screamed at me to not let them fall, to not show weakness. My life long mantra, the one that got me through many dark and lonely nights was not working for me now. Marshall’s presence in my life stronger than my resolve could cope with at the moment.
Tired, I was so tired of fighting with myself, with my memories.
Letting my forehead drop against Marshall’s I squeezed my eyes tightly closed, my breath came out shuddery.
“I don’t know how to love Marshall. I’ve never had it to know the feeling,” I whispered, “but I know I will love our baby, it’s the only thing that is mine. I will be a good mother, I promise.” My hands reached out and took hold of Marshall’s that were still on my face, my tears now falling, wetting his hands.
“Open your eyes, Sweet Cheeks, and look at me. I have something to say and I need to know you are with me here not somewhere in your head,” Marshall demanded, his voice gentle but his tone insisting.
Slowly, I pried my eyes open, the wetness from my tears an unfamiliar sensation.
Beautiful brown eyes stared back at me; there was no pity in them, just warmth and kindness.
“Our night together when we made our little miracle, your touch brought me alive. That wasn’t a fluke or a show, you put your heart into every kiss, every caress,” soft lips touched mine, “every sexy moan, baby. You are capable of love, baby, and so much more,” Marshall breathed against my mouth. He sounded so determined, so sure of what he was saying, I couldn’t help the spark of warmth building deep in my cold heart.
“Give us a chance, give me a chance to prove that I won’t break you
,” Marshall pleaded.
“What do you want from me?” I croaked, so desperately close to giving in to him.
His lips moved over mine, his tongue licking at the seam of my lips, but before I could weaken and open my mouth to allow him access, he pulled back.
“I want us to be a family. I want you. I want love. I want everything with you.”
Of everything he could have asked for, he just had to ask for the same things my heart desired too.
Oh god, can I do this? Can I trust him not to leave?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
GRILL
Was I dreaming, or was Addy really sleeping next to me in this big bed? Granted, she was all the way over on the other side, practically clinging to the edge, but at least she was here. Getting her to agree to share the new bed with me was a huge break through, a colossal step in our relationship. That I was adamant about– we were in a relationship, a somewhat complicated one, but we were a couple and about to be parents. Now all I had to do was convince her to bridge the gaps between us, namely the physical one.
All night I laid as still as possible staring at the back of her head, silently willing her to turn over, to shuffle over and cuddle close to me. My left ear ached like a son of a bitch from being in the one position for the last five hours, but it wasn’t anything I wasn’t used to on a regular basis. The life of a sniper wasn’t glamorous, it consisted of a lot of waiting, and I was fucking good at my job. Addy was beginning to see what I was, a life together with our baby and each other. That was my goal, a proper family– a mum and a dad in love and working as a unit. Grocery shopping, picnics, nights in front of the TV cuddling on the couch while our kid played on the floor.
Grill (The Wounded Sons Book 3) Page 9
