Grow

by Heather Heckadon

  A silent sigh of relief swept across me and I turned to Smith. He shook his head and chuckled to himself. “We are idiots...” His smile evaporated as something seemed to occur to him. “Oh my god! What time is it? We’re going to be late!” he yelled, jumping up out of the bed and running out the door.

  The morning training was the most excruciating experience I’d ever endured in my life. Hung over and sleep deprived, we all stood in a line waiting for our orders. Spencer and Garrett looked at us like we were from a different planet, and not going to one.

  A man dressed in black, with the space program’s emblem on his chest, stood in front us. He had the look of someone who was tired of our shit.

  “You are not expected to be astronauts by any means. We understand that you have been thrown into this situation and have not had a lot of time for training. That is why we have astronauts who know what they are doing flying the ship. You are all just passengers,” the instructor said, pacing in front of us. “But being a passenger on a spacecraft is a lot different than being a passenger on a bus. This is your last lesson to learn, but possibly the most important. We are going to show you what take off is going to feel like, what the moment of zero-gravity is going to feel like, and how easy it is to lose your cool,” he said.

  Walking over to an all white, bullet-shaped capsule, he walked up the stairs stationed on the side. “You will each go in this simulator, two at a time, and experience take off. The rest of the class will be able to see you, but you will not be able to see us. You will do this simulation over and over until you are calm,” he said. “You are not expected to get it right the first time. This is new technology, and it moves faster than anything we have ever seen. Alright? Let’s do it!” Clapping his hands together, he opened the door, and looked out at the line of us standing there.

  No one wanted to move. Quickly, the instructor spoke up. “You and you!” he proclaimed, pointing to Garrett and me. Of Course, I thought. “Come on, get up here,” he said from atop the stairs, entering into the simulator.

  Garrett and I both dragged our feet walking up the steps into the simulator. Inside, the room was very small and claustrophobic. Tiny buttons lined the walls, and in the middle of the room sat two chairs. Large straps came from all angles around the seats to lock the passengers in. Many screens sat in front of the chairs, and I wondered what they were for. Sitting down in my seat and locking myself in, I began to realize why some people might panic.

  “Okay, fully strapped in?” asked the instructor. We both nodded. “Great! Okay, here’s the deal. This is a simulation from the pilots’ position. This is not where you will be in the ship. You will be in a tight area like this one, just behind the pilots. We don’t need you to worry about any of these flips or switches. Don’t touch any of the buttons. All you’re here for is the experience of the G-force and lift-off turbulence. The noise and feel of this takeoff will closely mimic the real thing, so don’t freak out.”

  I could feel my hands begin to shake and perspire. I tilted my head back and exhaled in an attempt to calm myself, but the nerves were really getting to me. My stomach twisted into knots. Fighting the urge to fidget with my thumbs, I quickly wrapped them under one of the many straps around my body and held on tight. The outside world and sounds seemed to drown out the sound inside the simulator, until I heard the door shut, and I snapped back to full alert.

  “Aella, chill out! It’s going to be fine, okay?” Garrett said, trying to be reassuring.

  The countdown to takeoff began loudly over the intercom, “Ten, nine, eight...”

  “What is that?” I screamed in a panic.

  “It’s the countdown, Aella, what the hell? Hold on, and calm down. Here we go.” He rested his head back against the headrest and took a deep breath.

  “I’m not—” Too late. My head slammed against the seat as the simulator made an awful roaring noise, and felt like it was going to beat me to death. The force pushing me against my seat only continued to push harder, forcing my eyes open and my head sideways. I began to cry silently. On a panicked exhale, I was unable to get out even an audible word, and suffocating on my own fear, I began to hyperventilate.

  The simulator came to a stop slowly and the rumbling halted. Garrett looked to me and must have seen my frantic eyes and repetitive gasping. Quickly, he hit my chest with an open palm, releasing the air into my lungs, somehow, and brought me out of the panic with newfound oxygen. Tears streamed down my face. Hanging from the straps surrounding my body, I was exhausted.

  “He’s going to make us do it again!” Garrett yelled at me.

  I couldn’t even say anything back. I was drained.

  “Okay,” the speaker overhead boomed with the voice of the instructor, “that didn’t go so hot. I’ll give you one minute before we start the countdown again, okay? Good luck,” he said without waiting for our response.

  “Oh my god,” Garrett said in a hushed tone, leaning over to me. “We are going again. Try and calm yourself before it starts. It’ll help. Just remember, it’s not real right now. It will end. Okay?”

  I sat back in my seat with my head against the backrest and attempted to catch my breath.

  “Ten, nine, eight...” the countdown began.

  “No, no, no!” the words escaped my mouth.

  Boom. Shot back in my seat again, the force felt as though it would rip me apart. Once again, I gasped for air. Finally, getting one breath in, I yelled out in agony. I just wanted it to stop, I was so scared.

  Staggering to a stop, Garrett looked at me. “Okay, this isn’t working and I don’t want to keep doing this,” he rushed. “You can do this.” His eyes were more intense now as he looked into mine, and grabbed my hand. “You’re here for a reason. Don’t let them down. You have to be up there with us, and this is the only thing in your way. Don’t let it get in your way. Please.” He clutched my hand harder now.

  “I don’t think I can—”

  “You can. You can. The countdown is going to start again, but I’m right here. Keep your head back and look at me. I’m not going anywhere, okay? Don’t take your eyes off of me,” he said.

  Looking into his deep and dark eyes, I realized Garrett was a creature of a different kind. Fear didn’t seem to touch him, and his bravery shook me for a second. At first I was taken off guard, but then I felt myself start to feed from his energy.

  “Ten, nine, eight—”

  “You got this, Aella. Just look at me. Don’t—” He was interrupted as we blasted off again.

  The simulator filled with noise and shook beyond control. My entire body trembled, not from the simulator, but rather from the fear I was experiencing. The entire time I watched his big brown eyes, they never looked away, not once. His hand held onto mine tightly and didn’t let go.

  Then it was done. The rumbling came to a stop, the noise faded, and the force on our bodies lifted. Garrett still held my hand, and I continued looking into his eyes.

  “Okay, much better you two! Next!” the instructor yelled over the intercom.

  For a moment, Garrett and I continued to look into each other’s eyes and hold hands, until he snapped away. Quickly unfastening his straps, he climbed over me while I unlatched my own, and was out the door before I knew it.

  “I thought you were going to have a heart attack!” Jane exclaimed.

  “Me too.”

  “It got kind of weird in there with Garrett, huh?” Smith asked.

  I shrugged off the question and acted like I hadn’t heard it. “Who’s going in next?” I asked.

  “That would be me and Smith! We didn’t all get so lucky to have someone not completely hung over in the simulator with us... This oughta be interesting, at least,” Jane said.

  The entire class, including the architectural team and the chem team, watched as Jane and Smith entered the simulator together. First we heard Jane scream, and then the barfing began. Not just her, but Smith too, puking non-stop in the simulator. Once it stopped, the instructor shook his
head.

  Tapping on the mic, he said, “Well, that did not go as planned, did it? If this were real, your entire team would be swimming in puke, just like you guys are now! Looks like we have about a minute until the countdown begins again.”

  Their screams were audible through the thick simulator walls. The instructor made them go again though, and the puking didn’t stop, but thankfully, the simulations did. Jane and Smith stepped out of the simulator covered in vomit. The smell was enough to make anyone within a couple steps of them hurl.

  “Okay, well since these two idiots couldn’t hold their shit together, you have the rest of the day off,” the instructor lamented. “Thank god, because I am so done with you guys.” He shook his head and walked away.

  Chapter Six

  The next two days were filled with simulations to prepare us for what was to come. This included staying in a low oxygen saturated room for hours, highly stressful situations in which someone would have to correct the flight path of a pod before collision, or even just starting a fire from scratch. The idea was to give us basic survival skills in space. Some people were able to keep their composure, others not so much. With a bit of time and conditioning, though, everyone was able to at least handle themselves during take-off.

  The night before the launch, they called a meeting to discuss the next day with us.

  “Good to see you all together tonight. This is the night! This is the last night before take-off, the last night on Earth. It seems almost sacred that we all be here together right now,” said Captain Idris. “Tomorrow we launch to Circadia, an unknown planet waiting to be discovered by us. Any hardships we endure, any difficulties we face, and any victories we achieve from now on will be history. History that we will make, together. We have brought together some of the smartest and hardest working people in the world. Don’t let us down. Let’s make a new world we can all be proud of.”

  That night I didn’t sleep. The anticipation for the launch had me firmly in its grip.

  When morning finally broke, I was up, waiting, when a loudspeaker announcement came rolling through the halls of the dormitories.

  “Please collect your things and place them in the prepared tubs. Bring these tubs with you to loading to be stowed. We will launch at 1300. Thank you.” The male voice cut out, and I looked around my room.

  Glancing from the pile of things I decided to take, and the small two by four box sitting beside my bed, I got up. I rolled each piece of clothing, that I had previously folded neatly, to make more room. First two pairs of comfortable pajamas, then two pairs of jeans. My shirts were next into the box, with two long-sleeved shirts and two short sleeved ones. They were a bit baggy, like all of my t-shirts, and plain. As I packed my underwear, I realized I had no idea how these items were going to be washed. There was supposed to be water on Circadia, but no one was sure if it would be usable. The thought made me cringe, but I kept packing. Next was my light jacket and then a heavy coat, because I had no idea what the weather would be like either.

  By the time these things were all packed in the tub, there wasn’t a lot of room left. Looking remorsefully at the pile of the rest of my belongings I had intended to bring with me, I sat on the floor and cried.

  Every moment that inched closer to launch time broke my heart a little bit more. We were starting over. Completely. We had no idea how long we would be there. We were all basically still strangers, with only the clothes on our backs to go with us, and that was about it.

  Gathering my emotions and packing them into a tiny box, I stood up and looked at the mound of stuff. There wasn’t much more room, but I decided to prioritize. I had to have my clothes, so that was a no-brainer, but the next things I picked were three composition notebooks and a large pack of pens. If we were going to be writing history, like Idris said, I wanted to make sure someone recorded it. Wouldn’t it be amazing to be that someone?

  After delivering my tub to loading, I grabbed a quick bite to eat from the shop. It didn’t occur to me at the time it would be my last meal on Earth, and all I had was a granola bar and milk. It didn’t taste that great.

  Garrett sat across from me at one of the tables. “Hey, you ready?” I asked casually.

  “No, not really,” he said.

  “I’m surprised. I figured Garrett Wells would be the most excited. You will be changing history, you know? Famous forever,” I said, looking all around into the sky as the imaginary paparazzi took their pictures. The dramatics made me happy and was the easiest way of communication for me. I was best at making fun of someone in an awkward situation.

  “I don’t really have a choice, do I?” He rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair, resigned to the idea of leaving.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “I didn’t have a choice in coming here. I didn’t want to be here.”

  “You volunteered just like everyone else, right?” I assumed that, like me, everyone on the trip was anxious to see the new world. Who wouldn’t jump at the chance? I thought.

  “No. When they called, I told them I didn’t want to go. Then the nice lady on the phone proceeded to tell me that I didn’t have a choice, that I was being ‘drafted’. They delivered papers and everything,” he said. “Wait, did you not?”

  “No! They called and asked me if I would go, and I said yes... but I wonder if I have the same papers. Maybe they just didn’t need to show me mine, since I was willing.” My mind began to wander. Why would they need to enlist the draft for this? Maybe that was how the government contributed. Since they had no money to help, they had power, in exchange for knowledge. “Why didn’t you wanna go?”

  “Why did you?” he asked.

  The question caught me off guard. “I, um, don’t really have a life.”

  “What?”

  “I mean, I do, I just didn’t really have anything exciting going on in my life. Felt like I needed to do something worthwhile, change the world, you know? Or start a new one! Make new friends, see the world in a different light... you still didn’t answer me. Why didn’t you want to come?”

  “I watched the interviews and I listened. Sounded like it was going to be a shit show, and I was right. The world almost ended, and when it didn’t, I was pretty happy. I was ready to enjoy it, but now I’m being sent away from it.” He lifted his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. “Not to mention, I have no idea why they need a deep space lunologist on Circadia. If you couldn’t tell before, I wasn’t exactly pleased when I first got here.”

  “Oh, really? I hadn’t noticed! I just thought you were naturally a huge dick! It all makes sense now!” I said, trying to hold back the laughter to emphasize the sarcasm.

  Garrett kept a straight face and looked back at me.

  “I’m sorry, but it’s true. You know it is,” I said. “Do you think Idris knows about this?”

  “Yeah, he was drafted too. You didn’t know?” he asked.

  “No?”

  “Yeah, after Idris punched me in the face for being an asshole, he asked me to stay after the meeting. Told me that he was drafted in too, and that we had to make the most of it,” Garrett said.

  “I would’ve never guessed... Guess he handled it better than you, eh?” I said, laughing.

  He slowly rocked his head from side to side into a nod. “I guess you are probably right,” he winked. “I can probably work on that. Sounds like whether we all knew it or not, we’re all probably forced to be here.” Garrett looked at his watch and stood up. “We only have about twenty minutes till launch, I better get going. See you there?”

  “See you there!” I said, already standing ready to rush back to my room to use the telephone.

  “Mom?”

  My mother was the only person in the entire world I cared to talk to. She understood what I was and how I was, and didn’t care. She just got it. Knowing I didn’t belong on this planet, she understood when I told her I was leaving. It didn’t keep her from getting emotional, but she was at peace with it.

  “
Hi, honey! You’re getting ready to leave, aren’t you?” she said, disheartened. My mother was excited for me to take this journey, but wasn’t prepared for me to leave. We couldn’t even say goodbye due to the covertness of the program, which made it even more difficult.

  “Yeah, I am mom. I’m scared, but I’m going to be okay. Alright?” I tried to suppress the tears that welled up in my eyes. “I just want you to know I love you, in case anything does happen. I love you so much.”

  The silence on the other end was telling.

  “Mom, I’ve got to go. Okay?”

  “Yeah, honey, I understand. I love you too, so much. I am so proud of you. I always hoped you would change the world... but you’re doing so much more than that. You are creating a new one. Be safe, okay? I love you,” she said, sobbing.

  “I love you too, mom! I’ve got to go. I’ll try and stay in touch however I can.”

  “Alright, I look forward to it. Bye baby.”

  The phone call ended when I forced myself to hang up, and my heart shattered into a million pieces. But I had to pick them up quickly, as I had to go.

  Two hours before launch we all met in our original meeting place. My team was waiting for me as I arrived in my white, skin tight suit that helped control our body temperatures. The garments were extremely comfortable, but also served that essential purpose. The new speed of the craft was not without fault, as it would become very hot during launch until we surpassed the atmosphere. Once we were out, the temperatures would drop dramatically until the systems were up and going.

  Everyone stood around looking nervous. Garrett pulled at the white suit where it bunched and became visibly uncomfortable for him. Catching my gaze, his face turned bright red, but he played it off like he was straightening his wardrobe. Of course, I knew better.

  Jane sported a high ponytail and made the jumpsuit look like a fashion statement. Her hair was perfectly slicked back and her makeup pristine. Everything she did she took pride in, and going to a new planet was no exception. I always enjoyed seeing how much effort she put into every task she applied herself to.