by Vivian Wood
I’m helpless to do anything but what she says. Gripping her thighs, I fuck her hard, hammering up into her pussy until we both unravel together.
After that we drowse for a while. I stir while she is still mostly asleep, my throat as parched as a desert. When I head outside to grab some water for both of us and take a piss, Jonah lopes up to me.
“Hey, man. You got some mail. Looks important.”
He passes a thick padded envelope to me, the outside studded with overnight mail stickers. Shifting the water bottles to one side, I frown at the envelope.
“Thanks, man.”
Jonah shades his eyes. “Are you guys going to stay on after tomorrow? I have some tourists coming in and I need to decide if I’m going to build an outside shelter for them or not. If so, I’ll have to get some tarps out of the shed or something…”
“Nah. Tomorrow morning we have to split. We still have most of the eastern side of the park left to canvas.”
Jonah nods. “Be well, man. If I don't see you guys, tell your old lady I said goodbye.”
I look up from the envelope, a little taken aback at that. “She’s not… I mean, we’re not… like… dating. Not really.”
Jonah looks surprised. “Oh! I’m sorry, man. I just assumed. Well, tell her bye anyway.”
He takes off, shaking his head. I’m left wondering just what he saw that made him think that Rachel and I were together. He probably assumed that because I have slept in her cabin since we arrived here, we were serious.
But we aren’t.
We can’t be.
I mean, she’s leaving.
My heart thuds dully in my chest. The sound threatens to grow to a full-on roar, but I refuse to let it. I can’t be mopey about it now, not while she’s still here. But I have a feeling that when Rachel leaves, I will feel more alone than I have in all my days working as a park ranger.
I go refill both of our water containers, then finally piss. Turning back toward the cabin, I can’t get the idea of Rachel leaving out of my head.
I picture her packing her bags and leaving, a guilty look on her face. Is that a possibility? Do I need to say something to her in order for that not to happen?
I open the envelope, needing a diversion.
Inside I find a few folded sheets of paper and a plane ticket in my name, already booked for Dulles Airport in Virginia. The ticket is dated for a week from now. I’m a little baffled by it.
Unfolding the sheets of paper, I start to read the attached letter.
Dear Mr. Sellwood —
It is our understanding that you would like to help military veterans. As such, we have secured for you a position working for Chester, Millington, and Ives — a not-for-profit lobbyist group. There, you would be able to attend many events of great importance in order to lobby in the favor of your fellow veterans. It would be immensely helpful to the men and women who have served this country.
You would also receive a starting salary of $300,000 in addition to an expense budget to include a car service and housing in the DC area. The position must be filled by next week. Please let us know if we do anything else to help you on your journey.
Best wishes,
Civicore Management Group
I read the letter a few times, unsure what I am seeing. Why would Civicore go out of their way to find me a paid position at some lobbyist firm? It’s got to be some sort of bribe, but I don't fully understand it. Especially the date of the ticket… why a week from today? What significance does that have?
Hopefully Rachel will be able to shed some light on the offer. After all, it is from her family company.
Heading back to the cabin, I set the water bottles down and sit beside her on the twin bed. Her honey colored hair is messy in a special way that means we’ve just had sex. She stirs in her sleep, her brown eyes fluttering open.
Fuck, she is so damn perfect.
“Hmm?” she asks drowsily.
Her hand finds mine, twining. She tugs on my hand to get me to come back to bed.
I clear my throat. “Civicore sent me a letter.”
Her face scrunches. She sits up halfway. “Huh?”
“They sent me a job offer. Not working for them — it’s for a job in Washington. And a plane ticket for a week from today. Someone seems to think that I will be a free agent in a week, even though our summer excursion isn’t scheduled to be over for another six weeks.”
Guilt is written all over her face as she pushes herself upright. She blows out a long stream of breath. “That’s because my father has issued me an ultimatum. Either I come home in a week or I’m cut off.”
My eyebrows rise. I pull away from her touch. “You are leaving so soon? And you didn’t think to share that with me?”
She grabs for my hand again. “I’m not planning on going back in a week. I don't march to my father’s tune.”
My eyes narrow on her flushed face. “No? What are you planning, then?”
Her tongue darts out to moisten her lips. “Well… I’m planning on staying the rest of the summer, but… there is something else you should know.”
She cringes as she says it. Acid starts to simmer in the pit of my stomach.
“What?”
She blows out a breath. “Apparently the water samples we collected were used to determine the mineral makeup of different areas of the park. You could’ve guessed that, I’m sure. But what you didn’t know — what neither of us knew — is that Civicore has a lot of interest in fracking around the Olympic Peninsula. They have been interested for years.”
Surprised, I huff a laugh. I can’t even give credence to the things she is saying. “What? Why? Who in their right mind would think that they could frack here?”
She bites her lip for a second, hesitating. “Apparently Civicore has some big politician on their side. They think that they can get the contract. That’s why I’ve been called back… I’ve done what they needed me to do, although…” She tears up. “You have to believe me, Gray. It was unknowingly.”
I’m too shocked to respond. This is my home. This is my sanctuary from the rest of the world.
She starts to cry, big fat tears rolling down her cheeks. She sniffles as she does it, not quite a full-blown crying jag but almost. A little voice in the back of my head whispers that Rachel had to have known about this.
But I push that voice aside and concentrate on what she’s telling me. If she says she didn’t know, then I believe her. I realize that I trust her, though I put that fact aside to be examined later.
“Hey. Come here,” I say softly. “It’s okay. It’ll be alright.”
She meets my eyes for a second, reads me correctly, and then buries her head against my chest. Her arms loop around my waist. Her tears wet a couple of spots on my shirt.
While she cries, I try to think.
Why does Civicore think that they will be allowed to frack here, so close to Seattle?
And who is the politician they have on their side?
Rachel isn’t much help. When I ask her, she just says she doesn’t know anything.
I do know one thing, though. If I have decided that I trust Rachel, then I’ll have to count her story about being called back to New York early as true. And if that’s true, then…
My heart beats oddly.
That would mean that she chose to stay in the woods with me, rather than head back to Manhattan right away. In a way, it would mean that she chose me, even though I will still lose her eventually.
And for some reason, that warms my heart, even as bitter acid eats at the pit of my stomach. I hold Rachel while she cries, determined to come up with a plan to deal with Civicore.
They are going to pay. For taking Rachel away and for plotting to destroy the whole damn environment out here. One way or another, they will get what is coming to them.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Rachel
Grayson and I agree that we need time to think about what to do. The cabin we’re staying in has other gu
ests staying in it later, so in the early afternoon we head back into the wilderness. Grayson is more comfortable there, I can tell. He seems more relaxed and thoughtful as soon as we are deep in the woods again.
“I guess we don't need to go any particular place,” he says, his brow creasing.
I hike alongside him, swatting at a mosquito. “No. But… maybe we just go hit the spots that you love best.”
He looks at me, nodding slowly. “If that’s how you want to spend your last days here, then sure.”
Puzzled, I scrunch my face up. “I’m not going back to Manhattan just because my father made a stink about it.”
“From what you’ve told me, I think that when we go back to base camp, there will be a set of orders waiting there for us. I’ll be sent off to somewhere remote. You’ll be ordered back to New York.” He shrugs my shoulders. “It’s just how things will be.”
“Right.” I try not to look bitterly disappointed, but I’m sure I fail miserably.
“I think you’re right about the other part, though.” He looks thoughtful. “I think we should scale Mount Vessalt. It’s hardly out of our way and the view from the top is incredible. Just breathtaking, really.”
I nod slowly. “Let’s do it, then.”
“Yeah?” He glances back at me. I give him the most reassuring smile I’m capable of at this moment. “Okay. We have to backtrack a little and then it’s a serious hike.”
“I’m ready. Lead the way.”
He turns around and starts heading down the ridge we are ascending. I follow him, my heart full of worry. I’m wondering how I’m ever possibly going to leave things like this with Grayson. Up in the air, unfinished.
My heart squeezes at the probability of leaving things just hanging like that, forever. God, I can’t even fathom how I will do it.
Everything in Manhattan seems so far away now but I am only a week away from it, at most. My father wants me in the Civicore offices, bright eyed and bushy tailed. And he also expects Clay to be at my side.
After being with Grayson for even a short time, it seems cruel to force myself to accept… well, less. And let’s face it, anyone who is not Grayson is going to feel like the wrong choice. But I can’t force Grayson into my life in Manhattan.
Clay has set us up for a lifetime of infidelities and hurt feelings. I understand why my father is attached to him, but… I can barely breathe, just thinking about walking down the aisle to marry Clay.
When the ground rises beneath our feet once more, steeply inclining toward a peak, I start to breathe a little harder. Grayson looks back at me every so often.
“Oh man,” I puff. “This is hard.”
He gives me a faint smile. “I know. But it’s a good mountain to climb if you are trying not to think about something.”
My heart clatters against my ribs. So he’s trying to avoid thinking about me leaving too, if I had to guess.
He picks up the pace, so much so that I really have to work to keep up. The trees begin to thin out, the dense underbrush peeling back to show patches of rock on the ground in some places. I’m really huffing and puffing now, trailing behind Grayson. Glaring at him with his long legs, muttering under my breath.
When we finally reach the summit, I’m soaked in sweat and wheezing. Grayson casts an eye over me.
“Do you want to stop for a minute? We are almost to the sightseeing spot.”
Bracing my hands on my knees, I shake my head. “Not if it’s flat I don't.”
He grins. “That’s my girl.”
He starts walking away, missing my disbelieving expression. His words are a torment, of sorts. It’s evident to me at least how badly I would like them to be true.
I would like to be his girl again.
But that isn’t possible. I have to go back to New York. Certain things are expected of me.
My heart turns to lead in my chest. I straighten up and tag along after him, feeling as though I’ve been punched in the stomach.
“Okay,” he says, putting his hand out to stop me in my tracks. “Take your backpack off and close your eyes.”
Raising both of my eyebrows, I shrug my pack to the ground. He does the same. Then he spins me around, coming behind me to stand with his hands over my eyes. My heart sings at his closeness; I realize that this moment reminds me of the last time he covered my eyes and led me somewhere.
How far we’ve come from that moment on the golf course, beneath the stars.
“Go on,” he encourages. He’s oh so very close to my ear. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
I almost open my mouth to argue back. It already has. You’ve stolen my heart again, somehow.
But instead, I just draw a breath and step forward. I let him guide me the last few steps, feeling unbelievably sad and unspeakably happy all at once. The feelings slosh around inside my brain; I feel like I’m going to throw up from how quickly it changes from dark to light and back inside my mind.
Grayson lifts his hands from my face. “You can look now.”
I open my eyes. The view here is incredible and the time of day couldn’t be better. I see nothing but mountains, their slopes covered with pine trees. Bathed in the gorgeous pinks and purples of the sunset, the sleepy mountains come alive. We’re up higher than just about every other thing I can see and the view stretches for ninety degrees. To my left, I see a river snaking its way between two peaks. I’m actually so awestruck that for a minute, I struggle to find the words.
Grayson looks at my face with a grin. When I look to him, he laughs.
“I know, right? That was my reaction the first time I climbed up here.”
I can’t help but wrap my hands around his face and pull him in for a kiss. Pressing my lips against his, I try to feed all the tumult of emotions I’ve been feeling today into it. His lips are hot and sweet, his tongue dancing with my own.
Grayson makes this soft little growl in the back of his throat, slipping his arm around my waist and pulling me against his body. When I need to take a breath, I pull back for a second and look up at him. His breathing is harsh as he peers down into my eyes.
Oh god.
I love him.
I love him so much.
I never stopped loving him five years ago, not really. He just disappeared.
And now that I know where he is, now that I’ve seen him, I will have to say goodbye to him again. Somehow, some way, I will have to look him in the eye and wish him farewell.
My heart cracks and breaks inside my chest as I look up into his deep blue eyes. Feeling a tear slip down my cheek, I close my eyes for a second.
“Hey,” he says, his voice gone to gravel. He wipes my tear from my cheek with the calloused pad of his thumb. “It’s okay. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
I draw a shaky breath and whisper, “It’s not okay.”
He is quiet for a few beats. I open my eyes and look at him. His face is unreadable, but the tension that he exudes is palpable. He blows out a breath, looking out over the vista.
“This wasn’t supposed to get messy.”
My heart aches. “And yet, here we are.”
“Do you think…” He pauses and shakes his head. He clears his throat. “I think the best thing for us both to do is just to pretend that… for the next week, that we are happy.” His thrust works as he swallows. “That we aren’t facing anything, that we are just simply… happy.”
I wipe away my tears again. “Do you think so?”
Grayson glances back to me. “I do.”
I exhale, loud and long. “Okay.”
He smiles, but that expression doesn’t reach his eyes. It feels fake. He releases me and steps back toward the trees. “I think we should bivvy out tonight. Sleep under the stars. How does that sound to you?”
Pushing my hand through my hair, I sigh. “That sounds great.”
My words are hollow, as hollow as his smile, but we are pretending. He nods and looks out at the sunset again.
“I’m going t
o go get materials for the fire,” he says. “You pick out where we’re going to bed down for the night.”
We go on like that, both of us covering our hurt in a pile of things that have to be done. He starts a fire. I lay out our sleeping pads and bags. We sit and look out at the gorgeous view while we eat dinner. As the sun sinks below the horizon and the last rays of purple light touch the mountain, I can see the stars spreading throughout the sky.
He moves closer, so that our legs and arms touch. I ask him to bring out the compass once more.
“Show me how to navigate in the dark,” I tell him. “Teach me how to know where I am using nothing but the compass and the stars.”
Grayson looks at me, a thousand unspoken emotions crossing through his perfectly blue eyes. I can tell he wants to say something, but we have an agreement in place now.
Neither of us wants to say anything to disrupt that.
So instead he sighs, holding the compass. He raises his hand to point. “We’re facing north. See the north star, the brightest one right there?”
“Yes.”
His voice is rough with emotion. “It’ll always be present, anytime you look for it. Always.”
When I look at Grayson, his eyes bore into mine. It seems like he’s talking about more than the stars. I bite my lower lip.
“Will it be there forever?” I ask.
He draws a breath. “As long as you are alive, the star will still be there, burning like a candle in the night sky. Just look for it there next time you are feeling alone.” He cups my cheeks, leaning down to whisper against my lips. “It is as faithful and reliable as any star can be.”
I kiss him then, aching with need and want. And something more, something left unsaid between us. As we kiss, night falls on the mountaintop, and we have nothing but each other to pay attention to.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Grayson
It’s been raining for almost a day. My shoulder keeps bothering me, the echo of an injury sustained in another life. Rachel and I spend the time hiding out in a hastily constructed cave of tarps. We basically fuck the entire time we are bogged down, occasionally coming up for air or a few handfuls of trail mix. Or we make each other crack up as we eat dried fruit.
