by Vivian Wood
You’ve never really seen the person you’re sleeping with until you’ve seen bits of dried pineapple shoot out of their nose after a particularly funny comment.
What we don’t do is talk about the emotions swirling in the air around us. We don’t talk about the fact that I made promises to her that I’m not sure I can keep. Or the fact that in that moment, they were the balm she was so desperately seeking.
And we definitely don’t talk about those three little words that are on the tip of my tongue every single time I sink myself deep inside her, filling her to the hilt, her name on my lips.
I can almost taste the emotions in the air, but Rachel keeps pushing her lips against mine. And I’m weak for her, knowing that we may only have less than a handful of days together.
My natural inclination is avoidance by whatever means necessary. So when she moans, when I’m pulling those soft sounds from her lips, so deep inside her that neither of us can breathe, let alone think…
That is pretty satisfying to me, at least for now.
All things come to an end though, especially the best ones. I’m lying stretched out over the top of my sleeping bag, Rachel burrowed sleepily at my side. I doze just a little, but not enough to fall into dreaming. There’s no guarantee if I fall asleep that I won’t dream, and I don’t want to terrify Rachel again.
A low rumbling sound reaches my ears. My eyes snap open. It dies away, but I’m still wide awake.
What was that, exactly?
It comes again, this time accompanied by a hint of the ground beneath me shaking. It stops again, but I’m not interested in taking any chances. My hand shoots out to wake Rachel. “Hey. Something is happening.”
Her eyes open, her expression groggy. “What?”
The rumble starts again. The ground begins to quake. I spring up, reaching for a pile of our clothes. “I’m not sure, but you need to get dressed. We have to get off this mountain.”
I toss clothes at her and she starts to get dressed. I pull on pants and a shirt, scrambling to find my socks and stuff my feet in my hiking boots. The rumbling and shaking starts again, much louder this time. I try not to panic but it’s hard.
My hands are shaking as I tie my boots.
Desperate, I look around the tent. We can come back for most of this stuff, so I just stuff the map and the compass in my pocket. My water bottle I clip to my waist with a carabiner. Then I look at Rachel.
She’s just got her boots on and is looking around the tent. My head is spinning as I try to make some decisions. It doesn’t help that the ground under my feet is still shaking.
“Is it an earthquake?” she wonders.
“I don’t know. Just… bring your water bottle,” I direct her. “And the trail mix, I guess. Leave everything else.”
She roots through her bag. I see her slip the trail mix in her pocket, along with her cell phone. Then she grabs her water bottle and looks at me expectantly. I realize that it’s dark out here, enough to make me grab two flashlights. I toss one to her and then head out of the tent.
Turning the flashlight on, I sweep the beam across the ground. I hold out my hand to her. “Here. Hold on tight. I think we’d better try to run.”
She grabs my hand, looking frightened. As she does, the ground beneath us shifts down a few feet, giving away somewhere far below us.
“Fuck!” I breathe. I sprint away quickly, seeking a way down that doesn’t involve the sagging earth we were just standing on. Rachel lags behind me, holding onto my hand with an iron grip.
Still, the earth just keeps shifting under our feet. It’s so dark out and the flashlight is little help. Rachel stumbles over a tree root and I stop, letting her hand go to grab her around the waist and haul her up. Around us, trees are falling over and disappearing.
Fuck. I’ve seen the aftermath of landslides before, whole tops and sides of mountains just collapsed. But I never prepared to be in one.
What the fuck do I do?
Jesus.
Rachel is my priority. Everything else in my life could up and vanish in an instant, but the only person I need to worry about right now is the one I can’t live without.
I need to know that Rachel is okay. How do I keep her safe?
“What do we do?” Rachel yells to me.
“We had better run,” I say, looking around for a steady path. “Here, this way.”
I tug her hand. We start running as the ground beneath our feet falls away. It’s a nightmare of sorts, where we are running, but we are not nearly fast enough to escape what’s happening.
“Just keep going,” I urge. “Whatever happens, don’t stop until you’re—”
I trip over something on the ground, stumbling and falling.
We are ripped apart. “No! Rachel, just wait right—”
Then the ground shifts again, rumbling so loudly that I can’t hear whatever Rachel tries to shout at me.
All I know is that I am falling backward. It seems so ridiculous to me at the moment as my arms and legs start to flail. Yet I keep going.
Falling.
Falling.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Rachel
One second, Grayson is gripping me around the waist.
The next second, I am on the ground, looking at empty space where he just was.
All I can hear is my heart beating in my ears. I’m so fucking afraid. And now I’m alone, ripped away from Grayson’s touch.
I’m trembling harder than I have in my whole life.
Where did he go?
“Grayson?” I call out. Crawling to my feet, I edge toward where the earth fell away. I’m completely soaked, damp soil clinging to me wherever I touch it. All I can smell is fresh soil and the scent of fear coming off my body.
This can’t be real. This can’t be happening right now.
As I get closer to the lip, some of the loose earth crumbles. “Gray?” I call out.
Silence.
Oh god.
What if… what if something happened to him?
My heart thunders in my chest. I only just found Grayson again. My heart is in my throat.
What if all his goodness is just… gone? It would gut me to be without him.
Not just without him. For him to be… dead… that would be worse than anything I could dream of. Yet I’m not entirely sure I’m not having some terrible nightmare, the ground rending right under us, prying Grayson from my grip.
I stop to consider it. I can feel the goosebumps on my arms. I can feel my heart racing. Shivering, I pinch myself hard.
“Ow!” I mumble.
This is reality, I guess. I look out over the expense of dirt, panicking.
What should I do?
Where the fuck is Grayson?
God, what if I never get to tell him how I feel? What if the worst happened, and now I have to live my life knowing that I never said I love you to Grayson?
The earth rumbles again, signaling that it might not be done giving way. I skitter back from the edge, my mind racing.
I’m not giving up on him, not yet.
Think. What would Grayson do if the situation were reversed?
Wiping the tears I didn’t realize had escaped down my face, I cup my hands to my mouth and call out again. I notice that there are dirt and bits of pine trees stuck to my hands, but that’s the last thing on my mind right now. “Grayson!”
Getting as low as I can, I crab walk over to the edge. Pieces of ground break away around me, crumbling and plummeting down the side. It’s scary as hell, especially not being able to see what is down below. But I’m a lot more terrified of the idea of never seeing Grayson again.
When I get to the lip, I shift, sticking my head over the edge. For several beats, I’m awestruck.
The mountain just sheered away, dropping twenty feet below my head. Down below that, I see the broken trees and bits of rocks that indicate a landslide has happened. A swath of land a hundred feet wide has been erased. It’s like a piece of slate that has
just been wiped clean.
There is no sign of Grayson.
I suck in a watery breath, tears obscuring my eyes.
He’s gone.
Oh god, he’s really gone.
I pull myself away from the landslide, rubbing my face. A feeling of numbness begins, right where the heartache starts getting too deep.
Then I hear a faraway cry. “Rachel!”
I feel like my whole being freezes.
Is that real, or is it just in my head? “Gray?”
I swivel my head, scanning the horizon.
Nothing.
Maybe it was just in my imagination, then.
Then I hear it again, closer this time. “Rachel? Rachel!”
It’s Grayson, and he sounds desperate.
“Here!” I call, my gaze swinging around wildly. “I’m over here!”
Scooting away from the edge, I crawl on my hands and knees until I feel safe standing up. Then I take a few steps in the direction of
“Rachel!” he calls. “Keep talking to me! Stay right there, I’m coming to you…”
“I’m here! I’m here!” I yell. “I thought you were lost…”
Sudden he appears out of nowhere, barreling into me. He hugs my whole body to his larger one, seeming distraught. He crushes my face to his chest. “Oh my god,” he breathes. “Oh my god, you’re all right.”
I wrap my arms around him, crying openly. “I can’t believe you’re not hurt!”
He sucks in a breath, holding me so tightly that I see stars for a second. He loosens his hold and I look up at him. He cups my cheek, pushing back my wet hair. I reach up, curling my fingers around the back of his neck. Our lips meet in a desperate, breathless kiss.
When he pulls back, brushing his fingers across my cheek, there is such immense relief on his face that I start feeling it too. My fingers shake. I can’t stop touching him, can’t stop making sure he’s real.
I feel like God gave me another chance with him. I don’t want to make the same mistake twice. I need to tell him how I feel, even if cuts me open and leaves me bleeding.
“I love you,” I blurt out.
He looks stunned. “You do?”
“Of course I do.” My eyes well with fresh tears. “I’ve never stopped loving you, Grayson.”
He looks at me very seriously. “I love you too, Rachel. I’ve never loved anyone else. It’s always been only you.”
I reach up on my tiptoes to kiss him again, tears running down my face. “I love you so damn much it seems unreal.”
Grayson grips me hard again. “God damn it. I can’t ever lose you like that. I won’t.”
I look up into his blue eyes. “That sounds a lot like a promise.”
He kisses me hard, leaving me a little breathless. “It should. I can’t promise that I will be a perfect man, but I can promise that I will love you like no one else can. You’re mine. And I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep you safe.”
“I don’t care if I’m safe, I only care that I’m with you.”’
“Then I’ll do what I can to make sure we can be together,” he utters, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against mine. “Anything you want. If it is in my power, I will give it to you.”
Before I can respond, the ground shakes and rumbles again. I almost lose my breath.
“We have to go,” he whispers harshly, looking my in the eyes. “We have to get off of this damn mountain before another landslide happens.”
My eyes widen. “Is that common?”
“Who the fuck knows?” He glances around. “I lost my flashlight.”
I look around. “Mine should be here somewhere…”
I spot it, grabbing it off the ground. He takes it from me, clicking the beam on.
Shining it on the ground ahead, Grayson takes me by the hand and leads me downward through the woods.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Rachel
When we finally stumble into Whiskey Bend we are without our backpacks and we looks like we have been sleeping rough in the wilderness. Nate is instantly there the second he realizes that something bad has happened to Grayson and I. He demands explanations and then pushes us toward our bunks.
He pushes us off to shower and rest. We go willingly, piling into my bed. Exhaustion pulls me down, plucking at my tired mind. I let its gravity settle on me as I slip into darkness.
When I wake, it’s early afternoon. Grayson is laying still with his arms behind his head, watching the fan blades move. I’m sprawled out on top of his chest, my wet hair still drying. Grayson doesn’t seem to mind, or at least he doesn’t seem to notice.
But maybe that’s because he’s worried about something. There is something on his mind, I can tell.
“Hey,” I say.
He looks down, his lips lifting a little. “Hey.”
“Did you sleep?”
He shrugs. “A little.”
I swallow, pushing my doubts aside. Yesterday was the time for that; today is the time for courage. Though I don’t feel courageous, I ask him anyway.
“What are you thinking about?”
He glances off, out the window. “I was wondering what I will have to do to keep my promise to you.”
My brows creep up. His answer was not what I was expecting. “What do you mean?”
“I just… I meant what I said, Whatever you want, if it’s within my power, I want to give it to you. You want marriage? A white picket fence? A family?”
“Oh. Well…” I take a breath, holding it for a second before releasing it. “I would eventually like to be married. And kids… I mean, probably not yet, but…”
He scrubs a hand over his face. “Yeah. But… you’ll want them eventually.”
I shrug. “Maybe.” I reach out and take his hand, entwining my fingers with his. “Are you worried about being able to provide for me?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t need the white picket fence, you know.”
His blue eyes dart back to meet mine. “But if you want that, that’s what you should have. You shouldn’t be giving up anything just to be with me.”
I reach up, brushing his hair off his forehead. “Who says I am?”
He squeezes my hand. “I’m serious.”
“So am I. You think I don’t know exactly who you are and what you have to offer? You’re wrong. I do know. And I don’t love you despite that. I love you because of it.”
“You say that now—”
I interrupt, irritated. “No. I have spent the last ten years of my life trying to give you my heart. Either you’ll take it, or you won’t. Which will it be?”
He takes a breath. “I would do anything to keep it.”
“So? Now you have it. We never have to have a conversation again in which the premise is whether or not you deserve to have my heart. You already have it.” I kiss the back of his hand. “Now let’s move on.”
Grayson watches me for two beats, then kisses me possessively. There are no words, not just then. We are just two beings, each needing what the other can offer. He is the oxygen to my flame, allowing me to grow ever larger because of his presence.
For a time we are lost, getting stoned and drunk on each other. For now, it’s all we need.
Hours later, Nate doesn’t even raise an eyebrow when he finds us both in an exhausted pile in my bed. He smirks a little, but that is all.
“I brought you food and some coconut water,” he says. “I guess I don’t have to ask you where Grayson is sleeping.”
I glance at Grayson. His lips lift a little. “I guess not.”
Setting the tray of food down, Nate sighs. “Rachel, we should talk when you are feeling better…”
I sit up a little. “About Civicore canceling my funding?”
“Err…” Nate looks a little startled. “Yes, actually.”
Wrinkling my nose, I nod. “I was expecting to hear from you. My father and I have already had words over this.”
Grayson sits up a little st
raighter. He’s obviously not comfortable with Nate seeing us in bed, but it’s not like we are naked and moaning or anything. He clears his throat.
“It was to be expected. Rachel’s family is pretty controlling.” He looks from Nate to me. “I’m not sure what we will do, but we won’t make decisions based on what your father says.”
That makes my eyes mist over for some reason. I slip my hand into his and smile sadly.
“I imagine that Civicore is not just cutting my funding. I bet they are also writing the National Park Service a big fat check the second I leave. Am I right?”
Nate sighs. “There has been talk of an endowment, yes. I am just hearing this fourth hand, of course. Everything is happening in D.C., behind closed doors.”
I sigh. “Of course.”
Nate shifts. “I am more than willing to help you both. You just have to tell me what you want. Do you want to stay here, Rachel?”
I gulp, my gaze going to Grayson. He lifts his brows.
“I don’t think we’ve talked about what we want yet,” Grayson admits. “But we will. Tonight, after we get some sleep.”
“Of course.” Nate bows. “Get some rest. I’ll try to catch up with you later.”
He slips away. I move to get up, but Grayson reaches out and holds me back. “We do need to talk. We have to figure out what is best. Whether it is for you to go back—”
“No,” I cut him off, shaking my head. “The very idea that I would leave you—”
Grayson’s expression is fiery.
“But what about your inheritance? Your father uses money to manipulate those around him. I don’t doubt that he will find some way to torture you.”
I grip his hand. “So? So I will be slightly uncomfortable. I’ll have to leave my comfort zone. I’m fine with that. The question is, are you?”
He cups my cheek and leans in close to brush a kiss against my lips. “If it means I get to keep you by my side, I will do anything.”
