Raw (Raw Instinct Book 1)

by Lee Quail

  Both waved at him as he strolled towards the door.

  Edward turned up an alley towards the parking lot.

  “Boxer!”

  Edward turned and for sure, there they were, strolling up the alley towards him.

  Mark said, “You never told us your name.”

  Edward thought it strange they would follow him only to ask his name. “I didn’t think it was necessary.”

  Graham spoke, taking his hands out of his pockets and clenching his fist. “You know, we’ve been more than polite the whole evening, besides if you hadn’t spoken to us first, we wouldn’t be here.”

  “I had to go for a leak. Didn’t want to lose my seat. I said thank you.”

  “Sure you did, Boxer. But we want more.”

  Mark reached out to touch his chin but Edward flicked his hand away.

  Graham stepped forward. “Aggressive much.”

  “Guys, you don’t know me. You don’t want to fight me.”

  “But we want to get to know you, Boxer,” Mark said.

  “If you’re horny go back and get someone else. I’m not into threesomes.”

  Graham grabbed his hands while Mark stepped behind him and grasped him from behind.

  “We love threesomes, shall we show him, Gray?”

  Graham answered with a punch to Edward’s face, and another to his solar plexus.

  “C’mon, Boxer, let’s see what you’ve got. Take us on.”

  Edward’s boxing training had taught him never to respond to street fighters. One punch from Edward could either kill his opponent or land him in the hospital. His nose hurt from the first punch and bled out onto his mouth and chin.

  Graham threw another punch, this time it connected loudly with Edward’s jaw. Another punch landed on his ear and for a second he lost hearing.

  Mark, standing behind, released Edward and he dropped to the ground. Both took turns kicking him in the stomach, the back of his head, his face, arms, and legs.

  They robbed him of the gold ring his mother had bought him and his wallet. They threw the credit cards to the ground and only kept the cash.

  Laughing and walking away, Edward heard Mark say, “Fucking queer.”

  Edward struggled to get up, and hobbled to his car. He reached for his cell phone in the cubbyhole. Thank Christ he’d left the cell phone behind because they would have taken that too.

  He punched in a series of numbers.

  “Angie. Help me. Please. Help me.”

  “Edward? Edward what?”

  “Attacked. They attacked me, help me.”

  “Where are you? Tell me where you are?”

  9

  After the show, Raw drove Caine to Dean’s Bar. Between drinks, they cracked jokes and commented on the talent around them. Until Caine dropped his hand on Raw’s knee.

  “Shall we wrap up here, bro? Let’s go to my place.”

  Raw had no intention of going to Caine’s place, especially after Edward had made Caine the point of conversation earlier.

  “Rain check?”

  Caine had never heard Raw refuse before. “Rain check? Rain check?”

  “I don’t feel up to it.”

  “What, so I’m now a thorn in your side? Wait a minute,” he smiled victoriously, “you’ve found someone, haven’t you?”

  “Maybe.” Raw blushed.

  “You didn’t say a word. Who is he? Do I know him?”

  “I really don’t know if it’s something or nothing. I doubt you know him.”

  “What’s his name, c’mon Raw. This is fantastic news.”

  “Edward Canton.”

  Caine thought for a moment. “Nope. The name doesn’t ring a bell.”

  Edward sighed, relieved. “Thank god. No one could be more sexually corrupt than you.”

  “I thought you enjoyed it.”

  Raw had had good times with Caine. They’d experimented with dildos, some vibrated and others had two helmets, which Raw enjoyed the most. He had allowed Caine to tie and smack him but never allowed Caine to penetrate him.

  “Of course I enjoy it. I just...I need something more.”

  “I can give you more.”

  “I don’t know, Caine. We’ve always been like this. Sexually attracted to each other, but nothing more.”

  “You haven’t given me a chance.”

  “It will never work. I really feel something for this guy.”

  “Tell me more about him, David, is it?”

  “Edward,” Raw laughed. “It’s Edward. He’s a dish, what can I say? Has tattoos all over his body, a lot of them dedicated to his late mom. He’s also a boxer.”

  “At your gym?”

  Raw nodded. “He joined, today actually.”

  “And all this time you couldn’t tell your best friend.”

  “Nothing’s concrete.”

  “Have you had sex with him because that would be concrete?”

  “Believe it or not, no sex.”

  “Jesus, Raw! What’s wrong with you?”

  “You’ll know when you meet him.”

  Caine shifted in his seat. “But wait. If he’s so amazing for you to invest emotionally in this guy, you may have to come out fully.”

  “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it; in the meantime, I find I’m slowly dropping the curtain and stopped playing by my rules. I don’t want to lose him.”

  “You’re in love, my man. I can see it in your eyes. Does he kiss like I used to kiss you?”

  “Better.”

  “Liar!”

  “What can I say? He’s awesome and I need to make my move soon,” Raw paused. “We can’t see each other again, Caine. As friends, yes. No benefits.”

  Raw’s cell phone rang and he reached for it. “Who phones at this inglorious time of night,” he mumbled.

  “Edward,” Caine mocked. “Where are you, honey? I miss you, honey. Please come...”

  “It’s Angie,” Raw said, frowning. “Hi, Angie. It’s late, what’s up.”

  “Darling, I’m at the hospital. You’d best get here soon.”

  “What’s wrong. Are you sick?”

  “Not me, no. It’s Edward. He’s been attacked and he’s in a bad way.”

  “Oh, Jesus!” Raw leaped up and turned to face Caine. “Okay, okay, where? Which hospital?”

  “Rivonia Medicross.”

  “I’ll be there in a few minutes. How is he?”

  “He’s alive, asking for you.”

  “Thanks, Angie. I’ll see you in a few.”

  Caine stood up, ready to leave. “What’s up?”

  “Edward’s been admitted into the hospital. He was attacked. Let’s go. I’ll take you home.”

  Raw ran into the entrance of the hospital and breathlessly enquired at reception the whereabouts of Edward. The receptionist on duty checked the computer listings and within minutes they were in the ward, a private room with a TV and only one bed.

  Angie stood to greet him. “Thank god you’re here, darling. He’s been fretting, asking for you all the time. They’ve sedated him.”

  Raw rushed to the side of the bed and took Edward’s hand gently.

  “I’m here. I’m here, buddy. Jesus!” Raw exclaimed when he saw Edward’s bandaged face. “Jesus! What happened here?”

  Angie spoke. “Two strangers attacked him, took his ring and cash, then left him for dead.”

  “Fuck me. Edward, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving you alone tonight. This would never have happened.”

  “Raw?” Edward mumbled through swollen and cracked lips.

  “It’s me, babe. I’m here.”

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. Don’t talk, rest,” Raw swept his hand through Edwards golden hair.

  Angie interrupted. “Can we talk outside for a minute?”

  “Listen, Ed, I’m coming back now, Angie wants to speak to me.”

  Edward nodded. “Angie. I called Angie.”

  “You did good.”

  Raw released Edward’s ha
nd and followed Angie into the corridor.

  “Christ, Angie. He looks terrible.”

  “He has two cracked ribs and two broken back teeth. The doctors put his nose back in place earlier. He looked a lot worse.”

  “How did this happen? Do you know?” Raw asked.

  “Looks like he met some guys in a gay bar. He chatted to them, innocently enough, and then he left to go home. They followed him into the alley and attacked.”

  “What’s he doing in a gay bar?”

  “Loneliness? Maybe he wanted to spend the night with you. He likes you, Rawson Curisco. And you, in your chronically selfish way, won’t return that feeling.” She punched Raw’s heart hard. “He likes you and you don’t see it.”

  “He told you this?”

  “No. But any fool can see it. If you don’t have feelings for him you must tell him. He deserves to know.”

  “I...I think I do like him. Jesus, I can’t do anything without thinking about him.”

  “Then it’s your responsibility to tell him, Raw. When he’s well enough you’re going to have to make the first move,” Angie said, pointing an accusing finger at him.

  A lump formed in Raw’s throat. Never, in his wildest dreams did he expect to utter such precious words.

  “You best stay with him. I have to get home. Things to do.”

  “Thanks Angie, for everything.”

  When Angie left, Raw phoned Curisco, who, upon hearing the terrible news said he’d come to the hospital immediately.

  “You don’t have to, Dad. He’s sleeping, but I’ll convey your best wishes. Maybe come tomorrow.”

  Curisco agreed and ended the call. Raw returned to the room and sat on the chair next to the bed. He reached for Edward’s hand and after a long while staring at him, fell asleep.

  Two days later Edward left the hospital. He said his goodbyes to the staff and slowly walked out, supported by Raw. On the way home, Raw asked, “How did this happen, Ed? What made you go to a gay bar?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” Edward said, peering out the passenger window.

  “You’re going to have to talk about it sometime. These guys could have killed you.”

  “Tough for you I’m still alive.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “You play around, Raw. You’re capable of having sex with all and sundry, and I’m the direct opposite.”

  “You meet guys online. What’s the difference?”

  “I try to get to know them before committing. I don’t just sleep with them first time round and forget their names in the morning. Have you been tested?”

  ”For what?”

  “AIDS.”

  “Where is all this coming from, Ed? Of course I’ve been tested. Have you?”

  “Yes. Negative.”

  “I’ve been thinking about all of this. When you signed the contract you were bubbling with life and ready to commit to the ring again. I wanted to enjoy that moment with you. Later on, in your apartment you suddenly changed, leaving me up in the air, thinking what the hell. Since then everything’s gone downhill. What happened, Ed? Why did you go that bar?”

  Edward’s lips and jaw hurt and the pain in his chest, simply overwhelming.

  “Why are you so worried about where I go or what I do, Raw? I’m 28. I don’t have to report to you or anyone else about my whereabouts.”

  “You’ve just been accosted by two men who put you in hospital for a couple of days and you expect me not to worry about you?”

  “I should have seen them coming. How the hell was I to know they were out to mug me? Fuck it, this is why I like meeting people online because I can suss them out. It was a mistake, okay.”

  “I can understand wanting one guy for a quickie, but two?”

  “They were together. And right now I don’t need any of this from you.”

  Raw said, “You should have used your skills and knocked them into oblivion.”

  “One held me while the other punched the shit out of me. Just let this whole thing go.

  Raw said, “On the contrary, I think we should discuss this now to clear the air.”

  “You think you’re the only one who can play around? So, it’s good for you, but I must shut up and accept it, right?”

  Raw stopped the car outside Edward’s apartment and hurried to help Edward out the car.

  “No. I’m fine. I don’t want you to help me. I’ve had enough, Raw. Thanks for fetching me. I can do this on my own.”

  “You need rest. Let me at least see you inside.”

  “I need space away from you. Now step aside, Raw.”

  “You don’t have to do this, Ed.”

  “But I do.”

  “I’m not leaving you alone. You need…”

  “I don’t need you right now. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.”

  Edward left that night for Canton’s Cottage in the Drakensberg. His go to hideaway inherited from his mother. He considered writing a note to Angie but dropped the idea. He didn’t want anyone to worry about him any longer than necessary.

  Canton’s Cottage lay in a small corner of the Drakensberg, close to Cathkin Peak and Champagne Castle. It was here he played as a child growing up while his mother bred and sold horses, it was here he learned Zulu and Xhosa, and where his love for the soil began. This was his escape from the rat race, and he embraced all of its moments. Early nights. Early mornings. Horseback riding. Maintaining the garden. Reading. A place where he could recuperate and recharge his batteries.

  ***

  Raw cursed himself for allowing the conversation to run amuck. It was all going so well. He needed to make amends and he left umpteen messages on Edward’s phone during the week, hoping Edward would find a way to forgive him.

  But it wasn’t Edward who contacted him. It was Caine.

  Caine: We need to talk.

  Raw: There’s nothing to talk about.

  Caine: I have something to say to you, it’s important.

  Raw: We’ve had this discussion.

  Caine: Meet me, please.

  Raw: No sex.

  Caine: Promise.

  They met at Dean’s Bar and Raw noticed the barman had changed, unlike the previous one, this barman didn’t have tattoos, he had piercings. Everywhere.

  “This had better be good, Caine.”

  “Relax, will you. It’s just you and me. No distractions. I promise.”

  “There’s always a distraction with you.”

  “Tonight, you’re my only distraction.”

  “There you go again, flirting with me.”

  Caine touched Raw’s hand but Raw pulled it back. “I thought we’d continue our conversation before being so rudely interrupted by Edward’s mishap.”

  “I thought we were clear.”

  “I’m not. I’m sure we can be more. I’m a player but I’m willing to give all that up for you, Raw.”

  Raw didn’t see this coming. He tensed up but allowed Caine to speak.

  “This is me asking you to give us a chance. Just a chance, and, if it doesn’t work, we go our separate ways. I’ve liked you for a long time…”

  “Whoa! Hold the phone, Caine. Suddenly you want more, it doesn’t make sense. You’ve never mentioned this...”

  “I don’t want to lose you. I should have said all this before I know and I was a fool.”

  “It will never work between us, I’m sorry, Caine.”

  “You say that like you don’t ever want to see me again.”

  “Never say never. We’ve been buddies since school, but if that’s what it takes for you to understand, then so be it.”

  “Where’s Edward?”

  The question caught Raw off-guard. “I beg your pardon?”

  “Edward. Where is he? I have intel you guys aren’t seeing each other right now.”

  “Who the hell told you that?”

  “I have my contacts.”

  “I think I’ve had enough of this conversation, Caine.” Raw stood and thre
w some notes on the table to pay for his drink which he never touched. “When you grow up, contact me.”

  ***

  Two weeks later Edward left Canton’s Cottage and returned to his apartment in Johannesburg. City of Gold. City of Pain. He’d spent countless hours in the berg thinking about a way forward. One decision played constantly in his mind: He would not share Raw. If Raw didn’t like that, they’d go their separate ways and he’d look upon this period of his life as just another mistake. He put pride in his pocket and turned up at the gym a few hours after settling in.

  Raw sat at the front desk with Anita when Edward arrived and he leaped from his chair on seeing him. His face had healed and he’d grown a short, golden beard.

  “You’re looking awesome.” Raw said, smiling.

  “Can we talk?”

  Raw led Edward outside and stood at the bottom of the steps.

  “I just want to say I’m sorry I upset you, Ed. But you can’t flare up like that and disappear…”

  Edward interrupted. “I can do whatever I need to make me happy, Raw. I’m on my own. You have Caine. There’s no time or place for us. From now on, keep it professional. That’s all.”

  “I can’t do that,” Raw said, looking straight into his eyes.

  “You’ve beaten me, Raw. You win. I went out that night because I was frustrated with you. I saw that message from Caine about attending a Callum Scott concert and I had just had enough. I tried to make you realize that I want more from you than a casual friendship. I can’t do this anymore. You stay out of my life, and I’ll stay out of yours. Deal?”

  “Will you shut the hell up and listen to me? I can’t do that.”

  “Maybe we can be friends again one day.”

  “Can’t you see me, Ed?”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “You’re so stressed up in your anger you can’t see inside me.”

  “Maybe so. But it’s time we moved on.”

  “I agree. It is time we moved on. With each other,” Raw said, stepping closer.

  Raw’s words sucked the wind from his sails. Edward stared at him; he couldn’t think of anything to say.

  Raw continued. “Can’t you see I have feelings for you?”

  Edward lowered his head, he couldn’t believe those words had come out of Raw’s mouth. “Feelings for me and Caine. I can’t compete. I won’t.”