I turned away from Henry, who was pretty relieved that we weren’t packing our bags. A smile found my lips.
He’d picked me first.
I’d never thought he would pick me first.
The car ride to school was eerily silent after the fight between Rebecca and Henry. The tension was thick. I tried my best to sink into the back seat.
Ryan eyed me through the rearview mirror and sighed. “Listen, I get what you were trying to do, asking my mom that question and all but…” He muttered something under his breath. “I know how she is. Okay? I know how she would react. Just, don’t try. For one, she won’t approve, and for two, I’m not ready for her disapproval.”
My fingers ran across the gray-clothed seats, my heart pounding against my chest. I felt awful for even having brought it up to Rebecca. “I’m sorry, Ryan.” I really was. It wasn’t my place to even bring up such an issue.
We pulled into the parking lot of the school and the three of us hopped out. I watched Hailey climb out of the car and look toward Theo, who was waving her over. “I’ll catch you guys later.” She started in his direction and I went to stop her. Ryan placed his hands on my shoulders.
“She has to learn on her own, Chicago,” he said. His voice lowered. “I know I did.”
“Ryan, I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to make a big issue this early in the morning. Or to make an issue at all.”
“It’s okay,” he said, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “Now as long as you tell me where you got that hickey from, we’ll be really okay.”
I laughed as I snuggled against him. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” When I looked up, I saw Daniel walking right next to us into the school building, his eyes locking with mine. There was a small twitch in his lips, and he eyes were the bluest of blue against his shirt.
“Good morning Ryan and Ashlyn,” he said.
“Morning, Mr. D.,” Ryan replied, his arm still around me.
Daniel noticed Ryan’s hold and stared back at me for a split second. I pulled my friend closer to me, giving Daniel a hateful glare.
“Good morning, Mr. Daniels.”
English class came and Daniel didn’t look at me once. Not only had he ignored all of my text messages, but he was also ignoring me in class. Wonderful—back to square one.
“Okay, who wants to present their flash fiction first?” Daniel asked.
No one raised their hands. Stupid flash fiction. Stupid teacher for assigning flash fiction. Stupid life.
Daniel frowned, looking around. Then a bright smile came to his face. “All right, Avery. Thanks for volunteering! You’re up.”
Avery groaned. “Come on, Mr. Daniels. I didn’t volunteer,” he huffed and puffed.
“Oh…well okay. Then you were lucky enough to be picked. Get on up here.”
Avery dragged his body up to the front of class as Daniel took a seat in one of the abandoned chairs in the back of the class. Avery was a bigger kid, and the idea of hearing him read flash fiction would have made me smirk last week. But today, my eyes were puffy and I was PMSing and just all around annoyed.
Avery cleared his throat and cursed under his breath, stating how stupid this was. “Boobs, booze, football. This is the life.” The classroom snickered; his football buddies hooted and hollered. But I noticed Avery frown. Daniel must have noticed it too.
“Try again, Avery,” he said from the back of the class. I didn’t turn around to see him.
Avery gave a sigh, cleared his throat, and read from his paper. “Searching for more, but not smart enough to get there.”
Ryan and I started clapping for him, and the rest of the class laughed. “Loser,” coughed one of his teammates. “Fat loser,” joked another. He rolled his eyes and slugged them as he walked by.
It was always the jokes that hurt the most.
Avery pushed one of his teammates. “Yeah, well, this fat loser gets more girls than you.”
Ryan laughed to himself. “Doubt it.”
Avery shot his eyes over to Ryan. “You got something to say, Turner?” What was it with football players always calling people by their last names? Did Avery even know Ryan’s first name?
Ryan rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair. “Not a word.”
“Figures. You never really did seem to have much to say.”
Avery made his way back to his desk. The rest of the class all went up to read their flash fiction, but Ryan’s was my favorite.
“Stars exploded and I was born. Please call me Tony.” He said it and no one understood it—except me. Ryan winked my way and I smiled.
That left me to go next. Daniel didn’t even call on me, but I wasn’t surprised. His ignoring skills were on point. I walked up there with no paper in my hands and stared Daniel straight in the eyes.
“Identical twins except with death. Romeo’s quest to find Juliet.”
I saw the struggle happening in his eyes. Not knowing what to say, not knowing how to react.
Ryan asked Daniel to come up with his own flash fiction when he moved to the front of the class.
“Shakespeare, kisses, lists. The vision before reality. Dream once more.”
I hated him because I hiccupped and had tears falling down my cheeks. The class snickered at his flash fiction, but it wasn’t funny.
“That doesn’t mean anything!” Ryan argued.
The bell rang and Daniel chuckled to himself.
“All right, everyone. Great job today. Make sure to read chapters one through three of To Kill a Mockingbird for tomorrow. Rumor has it that there might be a pop quiz.”
Ryan groaned as he tossed his backpack on. “It’s not a pop quiz if you tell us about it, Mr. D.”
“Not all rumors are true, Ryan, but it’s best to plan as if they are.” Daniel smirked.
I rolled my eyes. I hated his smirks.
Sigh.
I loved his smirks.
Ryan told me that he would see me at lunch. There were only a few more students left in the class. I moved over to my desk and picked up my books. “Mr. Daniels, I have a question on the reading assignment. Do you think you can help me?”
He narrowed his eyes on me. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?” That was the most he’d said to me in the past hour. The last student walked out of the room and he sighed. “Ashlyn—”
“Is it because of the letter I gave you? About loving you? Because if it is—”
“Ashlyn, no. That’s not it. I swear.”
“Then it’s simply because you’re a jerk?” I waited for the response he never gave me. “I have another letter for you from my sister.” He arched an eyebrow.
I placed one down on his desk. On the front it read: #25. Broken Hearts Club. He sighed, reached for it, and opened it. As I watched him pull out a photo of Gabby, I gasped. I almost lost it completely right then and there when I saw her. She was looking straight into the camera, holding up both of her middle fingers. That’s my girl.
On the back of the picture were the words “Fuck you for hurting her!” in black sharpie.
I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t.
Daniel smiled. “She had your charm.”
He was wrong though. Gabby was a lot more charming than I was. “You told me you wanted me to be yours…” I whispered, moving closer to his desk.
“I know, Ashlyn. And I do… It’s just… It’s complicated.”
I rolled my eyes. “For a very smart guy, you sure are a complete idiot. I’m the definition of complicated, Daniel. What’s the deal? You ignored me all night because of your brother—”
“Are you talking about me?”
There he was again, standing in Daniel’s doorway looking at us. I turned to face him and saw the shock in his eyes from seeing me.
“Oh… Oh wow.”
Oh no.
“This is new, huh? Going for the students, are we?” He moved into the classroom and sat on the edge of Daniel’s desk.
“It’s not what
it looks like, Jace…” Daniel said in a low growl.
Jace.
I didn’t know the devil had such a sweet name.
“Really?” He leaned in closer, whispering to Daniel. “Because it looks like you’re fucking your student.”
My mouth dropped wide, shocked by his words. “We haven’t—”
“Ashlyn!” Daniel hissed, slamming his hand against his desk. “Don’t talk to him.”
“Don’t worry. I just dropped by to say hi. Here.” Jace pulled out a piece of paper and slapped it into his brother’s hand. “Call me for a little brotherly bonding later on. I’ll bring the beer. You bring the chicks?” He gave me a full-grown smile and I wanted so much to knock him out. “Just make sure mine are legal. I already did enough time behind bars.” He disappeared from the classroom, leaving me astonished.
Daniel’s jaw clenched and he lowered his head, rubbing the back of his neck. “I need you to leave, Ash.”
“What does he have on you?” I wondered out loud.
We had been fine until his brother showed up. For a split second, I could’ve sworn we had even been…happy.
He ignored me. I released an uncomfortable laugh and squirmed around in my shoes before I turned to walk away. I’d been so stupid to even think for a second that we were us.
I should’ve never stopped by to see Daniel weeks ago when I saw him standing alone in the cemetery.
I should’ve kept walking. I should’ve pretended I hadn’t seen him.
But I had seen him.
And for a small moment in time, he’d seen me, too.
Hailey didn’t show up for lunch. I noticed that Theo wasn’t in the cafeteria either. Sitting down at the table, I sighed when I saw Daniel looking my way. He glanced away fast before anyone else could notice.
Ryan came walking over and slammed his tray down. “Okay, I know I said she had to learn on her own about Theo, but I really thought she would have made better choices.”
“She’s smart. She’ll be fine,” I said, taking some fries from his tray.
“If he hurts her again…” His voice was somber as he looked around, waiting for Hailey to walk in. “I’ll kill him.” His hand went into his pocket and he pulled out his fake pack of cigarettes.
“Ryan, what is that exactly?” I asked, curiosity finally pushing me far enough to want to question him about his fake cigarette habit.
He eyed his fingers, which were holding an invisible cigarette. A frown found his lips and he placed his hands on the table. “When I was thirteen, I told my dad I thought I was gay.”
My heart stopped beating at the mention of his dad. I’d never heard him or Hailey ever talk about their father before.
Ryan continued. “I cried and cried because we went to church, ya know? And Mom believed in hell. She still does, of course. She would tell us how sinning was wrong, how bad-doers would go to hell. So I knew how I was feeling wasn’t right. I wasn’t right.”
Oh, Ryan…
“Dad told me it didn’t matter. None of it mattered. I was his kid and he loved me. He said he would talk to Mom, and I begged him not to. I begged him to keep it between us. A few nights later, I sat at the top of the staircase in our house and listened to them fight. About me. He told her that he thought I might be gay but never stated it as a fact.” Ryan narrowed his eyes, looking at his fingers. “She called him a liar and a bunch of bullshit things. I guess she accused him of cheating on her, too. Which was stupid. He would never…” He paused. “She told him to leave. To never come back. I rushed to my bedroom. From my window, I watched him walk outside to the front of the house. He lit up a cigarette and started smoking it, running his hands through his hair. Then he got into his car and left.”
“He didn’t come back?” I asked, my gut tangled in knots.
“The headline was, um…” He narrowed his eyes, tracking back into his memory. “Paul Turner, father of two, dies in a horrific car accident on the corner of Jefferson Avenue and Pine Street.”
The guilt and blame was strong in Ryan’s words. His fingers lifted the invisible cigarette and he rested it between his lips.
“It wasn’t your fault, Ryan.”
He held his fingers up and stared at them. “The cigarette box is a reminder of why my secret is a secret. All it does is hurt people. I take the box everywhere I go.”
Our conversation came to a halt when Hailey came over in a hurry. She slammed her tray down on the table. “Sorry I’m late.”
I looked up, saw Theo walking into the lunchroom, and gagged. I still hated him.
“We’re back on.” Hailey smiled brightly. “I apologized for being a controlling girlfriend, and he said our spirits could still travel together.”
“You apologized?!” I whined, perplexed.
“You don’t understand, Ashlyn. I love him.”
Love? I was starting to wonder what that word meant. It seemed that people tossed it around to everyone nowadays. Myself included.
Ryan ignored his sister, not pleased with her choices. I had to admit that I was a bit disappointed, too.
He turned back to me. “It was Jake, wasn’t it? Did Jake give you that hickey?” I blushed.
“No.”
“But he wants to give you a hickey?”
“Yes.”
“And…the boy who did give it to you is…”
I frowned. “No longer in the picture.”
Lost.
~ Romeo’s Quest
I sat on the edge of the dock, watching the sun shine down on the lake. I felt defeated, tired, drained. It seemed that every time a moment of happiness appeared, the shadows came back to shallow it up. Life wasn’t fair, and I felt like a dumbass for thinking that it should be. But I wanted it to be. I needed life to be fair, just for a little while. Because I needed her.
Ashlyn was the only thing that fought away the darkness.
The footsteps heard behind me were heavy. I knew it was him before he even spoke. I was the one who’d called him and told him to meet me here.
“It feels weird being back here.” I turned to see Jace walking my way. His hands were stuffed in his pockets. He walked over and sat next to me. “I haven’t been back since Mom…” His words faded. He placed his fingers in the water, creating ripples from his touch. He infected the water without even knowing it. Because that’s what Jace did—destroyed things, people. He never tried to, but he always did. “I saw Randy inside. He’s living here, too?” I didn’t reply. “He said you guys are at Joe’s bar performing twice a month?”
Coughing, I cleared my throat. “What are you doing here? What do you want?” I asked, feeling my body start to heat up from his arrival. Whenever Jace came around, doom wasn’t too far away.
He turned my way, wiping his wet hands across his jeans. His eyes were perplexed by my question. “I’m back to find out who killed Mom, Danny. And I’m a little shocked that you haven’t tried to do any damn thing about it after you had me locked up!”
My voice rose rapidly. “I had you locked up—” I sighed and took a breath. I’d played our reunion over and over again in my head for months. I had hoped he would have figured out why I’d had him put away, why I’d had no other choice. “I had you locked up because you would’ve been next, Jace. You would have come up with some stupid-ass revenge plan and gotten yourself killed.”
“I’m not stupid,” he hissed. “I could’ve handled—”
“You could’ve handled what?! Tracking down the asshole who killed Mom right over there?!” The palms of my hands pushed into the side of the dock, and I leaped up. Jace stood up almost faster than I did. “Maybe you could have pissed off some more fucking thugs and had them kill Dad and me before they ripped you apart, too!”
“Fuck you, Danny! You locked me up. You ratted me out. I’m your brother!” he screamed. I could see the resentment in his eyes, his fingers curled into fists.
“You’re my kid brother!” I shouted louder, tossing my hands up in irritation. “You’re my ki
d brother. I’m going to tell you once, Jace. Don’t do this. Don’t go digging back into this mess.” My eyes went to him and I crossed my arms. “I already buried Mom and Dad. Don’t make me pick out another damn plot in the cemetery.”
“I wasn’t even there…to bury my own parents.” He sniffed and ran his finger under it. His hands landed against his waist. “Red trusts me again.”
“Jace—”
“No. It’s good. I had a chance to rat him and his guys out when I went in, but I didn’t. I kept my damn mouth shut, and Red… He trusts me. He’s letting me back in.”
“Don’t you think it’s a little weird how forgiving he’s being to you?”
Jace shrugged. “I didn’t rat his guys out when I was locked up. It’s called loyalty. Something you wouldn’t know about.”
I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my wallet. “Look, Jace…I have two hundred bucks on me. We can go to the bank and I can take out more.” I held the money out toward him. “You can go stay with Grandma down in Chicago for a while. Clear your head.”
“My head is clear, Dan.”
“It’s not.” I walked over to him and wrapped my hands tightly around his head. “It’s not clear if you think for a fucking second that this Red guy trusts you. Get out of town, Jace. Please.”
“I have to find out who did it, Danny,” he whispered, his eyes filling with tears. “I have to find out who killed Mom, and the best way to do it is from the inside.”
“Why? Why can’t you just let it go? She’s gone. She’s not coming back.”
“Because I did it!” he cried, pointing to the spot where Mom died. “I’m the reason she’s…” He placed his fist over his mouth. “Her blood, her death. It’s on me.”
“No.” I shook my head. “It’s on the sick asshole who had the gun.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this, you know,” he spoke softly. “I was supposed to go to college, too. Ya know? Dad thought I would go to college.”
“You still can.”
“I wanted back in. I wanted back into the band. I wanted to get clean. I wanted to stop all of this.”
Loving Mr. Daniels Page 16
