Can’t Touch This

by Michael Todd

  Just then, Marchosias stuck his head through the portal. “Boss?”

  Beelzebub looked back. “Yes?”

  He eyed the other portal. “Just letting you know. The angels have a friend, and all three of them are really laying waste to demons. They also seem to be eyeing the portal again. Just a note.”

  Beelzebub leaned his head back and shook his fists, growling, “DAMN YOU, ANGELS!”

  Katie caught her breath and put her hands on her waist. “Okay, let’s try this one more time. We have to get this portal closed.”

  Pandora spat into her palms and rubbed them together, bouncing her shoulders. “Let’s do it.”

  They gripped the sides of the portal again and it actually started to move, but only for a second. It seemed to have someone on the other side, pulling in the other direction. They were playing tug of war with an unknown entity, but they couldn’t look through since the lava was still pouring out.

  Pandora dropped the side, looking at the first portal. Katie frowned, grunting. “What are you doing? Grab the side.”

  Pandora shook her head, pointing over. “I think we might want to handle that little issue first.”

  Katie, her lips curled and blisters from the lava on her hands, turned her head to find a large angry-looking demon running from the portal with a fresh wave of demons right in front of him. “Who the fuck is that?”

  Pandora’s lip twitched, and the veins in her neck stuck out. “Marchosias, the old commander of hell’s army.”

  They watched as he ran across the hills, past the lava-filled town and straight to the edge of downtown Rio. In his hand, he held a huge hell-forged sword. He reached back and swung it like a baseball bat, taking out an entire floor of a building. It dropped down and cracked, leaning to the side before tumbling over in a huge cloud of debris and dust.

  Katie released the side of the portal and pulled her sword from the sheath on her back. “Oh, fuck this dude. Fuck him right back to where he came from.”

  She whipped her sword in front of her and took off, racing toward downtown Rio to meet Marchosias before he could destroy any more of the city. The large beast waved his arm over his head, summoning all the smaller demons. They jumped and snarled, racing off in different directions. They filled alleys, streets, and neighborhoods, and even climbed the sides of buildings to get to the roofs. Katie couldn’t believe what was happening right before her eyes. They were taking over the city and destroying anything they could get their grubby little claws on.

  As she entered the downtown area, she dipped low, barely missed by a falling building. Four smaller demons leapt from the top of it, two of them flying past Katie, the other two landing on her wings. She wobbled violently and reached back, trying to knock them off. They were keeping her from steering or going higher. Their heavy bodies were pinning her wings to her back.

  She put her arms up, heading straight for the side of a building when she heard Pandora’s voice. “Get the fuck off my bitch!”

  She flew right above her, picking the demons off and tossing them the ten stories down to their deaths. Katie pulled up, barely stopping in front of the glass walls of the building. The people inside huddled against the wall and peeked out to see her. She waved and flew back over to Pandora, watching Marchosias swinging his huge sword at anything that stood in his way.

  Katie rubbed her face. “They have swords now?”

  Pandora shook her head. “There’s an old armory in hell, but nobody ever really used it before. That sword looks pretty new, though.”

  Katie gripped her sword firmly in her hands. “Well, let’s see how it matches up to my angel sword.”

  She took off, flying to face Marchosias. Pandora raised her eyebrows and shrugged. “Hey, why not? It’s not like I’ve never held a hell-forged sword before.”

  From down below, she could hear Juntto’s voice. She glanced down to see him waving to her. He was huge, but not tall enough to hear from where she was flying. She dove down, folding her wings and plummeting toward the ground. As she approached, she fluffed out her wings and spun her feet, landing with her wings tucked.

  He held up his phone. “I got a phone call. And yes, before you ask, I carried the damn thing into battle. Angie said it needs to go with me everywhere.”

  Pandora raised her eyebrows. “And? Is it like a creditor you’d like me to get rid of or something, because I have to be honest here, Juntto. We are kind of in the middle of something right now.”

  Juntto lowered his eyelids and stared at her for a moment. “It’s Korbin. He wants to talk to you.”

  Pandora carefully reached for the phone and put it to her ear. “Hey there, Korbin, old buddy. I hope this is important because I’m watching Katie fighting a huge beast with a hell-fired sword.”

  Korbin spoke quickly. “It is. I saw the lava flow on the news, and I think I have an idea.”

  Several demons came running toward Pandora. She kept the phone to her ear and listened as she pulled her sword and sliced the head off one of them. She flipped around, thrusting her blade through another as Juntto grabbed the rest in his fists and crushed them to dust.

  Pandora leaned on her sword and kicked her leg out, slamming her heel into the chest of one of the demons. It pulled back with a hole in its chest before falling over and turning to ash. Korbin was still explaining. “I think my fort troops are going to be able to help you. The Damned ones. If someone can teleport them to Brazil, that is.”

  She pursed her lips and rubbed her chin. “Korbin, that’s a damn good idea. You should call more often with your brilliance. Anyway, gotta go. Five demons trying to get my number. Gotta kick them in the dicks.”

  She tossed the phone back to Juntto and reared her foot back, following through.

  17

  Pandora watched as the demon flew high into the air, arcing down the street still holding his balls, his eyes crossed. There were four others lying on the ground around her, writhing in pain. She took out her gun and shot each of them, watching them turn to ash. As she looked up at the one in the air, it slammed into the side of the building, sliding down the glass and bursting into dust. She holstered her gun and brushed her hands off.

  Juntto was standing there with arched brows, rubbing his crotch. “That was just terrible. Inhumane, even.”

  Pandora blinked at him. “They were trying to eat me, and I don’t mean in a sexy way.”

  Juntto turned his head to the side, confused. “What…”

  Pandora’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, honey. Poor Angie. Me and you are going to have some conversations when this is all over, that’s for damn sure. I can’t even think right now with that look of confusion.”

  Juntto’s eyes shifted up as he thought hard. “Do people eat other humans?”

  Pandora wiped the corner of her eye and patted him on the shoulder. “Oh, Padawan, you have so much to learn. So much to learn. Don’t worry, we’ll get you fixed up real nice. But not right now. Look, Korbin told you the plan, right?”

  Juntto nodded, kicking a group of demons that were rushing them. “Good. When Katie comes back down here, can you tell her what is going on?”

  “Sure,” he said, glancing back at her, now high in the sky. “But if she is mad, you are going to have to answer for it.”

  Pandora waved her hand over her head. “Pffft. Please. Do you know how many times that sissy gets pissed at me? It has to be at least a couple. I’m sure she will get over it and move on. Besides, I’m doing this to help her. Just reach out, hold her lips together, and gently whisper, ‘Shhhh.’”

  Juntto put his hands up, palms out. “Nope. I would be a dead Juntto. She would put me in the office, lock me in there, and torture me with paperwork. Nothing is worth that kind of cruel and unusual punishment.”

  Pandora chuckled as she cracked her neck and pulled open a portal. Glancing over her shoulder, she gave Juntto a grin before disappearing through. The portal snapped shut, and Juntto glanced around. Most of the demons were heading straight f
or the battle Katie was in. He shrugged and took off at a run, heading back to where he had left the civilians. They were making their way from the favelas, trying to get to a safe place while keeping far enough out to not attract any attention.

  When he turned the corner, he could see them approaching, running as fast as they could. The lava was spreading fast, heading down toward the water, which happened to be where the civilians were. Several demons screeched loudly, hauling ass down the hill toward them.

  Juntto narrowed his eyes and took off at a run again, pushing his body to go faster. As the demons came within five feet of the humans, Juntto dropped, sliding toward them like he was stealing second base. The demons paused and looked at him as Juntto’s giant blue foot came straight at them. Their eyes got wide, and they screamed as he smashed into them. One went flying back into the lava, while the other was pulled under his foot and smashed like a bug on a windshield beneath him.

  The civilians stood there wide-eyed as he stood up, wiping the remnants of the demon off before it crusted into ash on his leg. He turned to them and waved his arms. “Keep moving. The lava isn’t going to slow down. We need to hurry!”

  They quickly started moving again, running through the grass, trying to make their way as far away from the demons and the lava as they could get. Juntto took up the rear, trying to push them faster. The ones in the back, though, were all parents corralling children or older folks trying to get their limbs to move quicker than they were accustomed to. At that pace, Juntto knew he would lose several of them to the river of molten rock steadily gaining on them.

  He rubbed his chin, looking around, then his eyes stopped. To his right, parked in front a small electrical box on the outskirts of the city, was an abandoned pickup truck. The driver looked to be in pieces about a hundred yards away. Obviously, the demons had snuck up on him. He ran over, shrinking down and jumping in the driver’s seat. The key was still inside and he cranked it, but nothing was happening. There was a huge dent in the hood where one of the demons had used it as a springboard.

  Juntto jumped out, growing as big as he could. He leaned forward and picked the truck up with both hands and carried it over to where the people were. When he put it down, everyone stopped and looked over in surprise. He waved his arm at them. “All older people and children, get in the back. I can push you a lot faster than you’re walking.”

  The group looked at each other and then moved fast, running over as Juntto lifted the kids and the elderly into the back. The rest of the group kept running. Juntto began to push the truck, getting the wheels moving and picking up speed. As he chugged along, a group of demons spotted them and came running toward him from the city boundaries.

  He moved to the center of the back and gripped with one hand, keeping the momentum as he blasted his Juntto-sized gun with the other. Everyone in the bed of the truck covered their ears and watched as one after another, the demons burst into dust. Several of the kids in the back sat up on their knees, grabbing rocks and pieces of metal from the bed of the truck. They laughed as they threw them as hard as they could, cheering as they slammed into demon heads.

  Juntto smiled, glancing at them. “I like this. Keep it up, little warriors. You will be heroes.”

  The distraction of the rocks and trash gave Juntto more opportunity to kill the demons when their attention shifted. They were actually doing one hell of a job fighting the war.

  Katie’s eyes went huge, and her cheeks puffed out as all the air left her stomach and lungs. When the butt of Marchosias’ sword slammed into her stomach, her arms and legs went forward, and only one angel wing stayed extended. She tried to grab the hell-forged metal so as to not fly off, but it was slick from the sweat on the demon’s hands.

  Her fingers slid off the end and she soared backward, slamming hard into the side of the building behind her. She reached out, gripping the small metal lip around her, and shook the daze from her eyes. With a crunch and a crack, she pulled out of the building, leaving the indent of her entire body in the side of it. She spread her wings, looking at a small broken edge of the bone, feathers gently fluttering down off of it.

  Katie’s eyes flashed blue, and she gritted her teeth. “That was my wing, you douche canoe!”

  She growled and soared forward, her sword out in front of her. She ducked below his swing and reared back, slicing the blade across his side. As she passed, she could see a small amount of blood trickling down, but barely any. The problem was simple: Marchosias was just too big to do fast fly-bys. There was no way she was going to be able to injure him enough when she wasn’t able to get close to him for more than a few seconds.

  She glanced around for Pandora but didn’t see her anywhere. Looping back around, she slowly hovered down to the ground far enough away from the demon that he couldn’t reach her with his sword. She ducked behind a tall pile of rubble from a collapsed building and sheathed her sword. “Come on, Katie, pull it together. Think. If he is too big for you to swipe or get close to, there is only one way you can fight this beast fair and square.”

  Katie pursed her lips, unsure if she was going to be able to accomplish her idea. Pandora had done it, but Katie had come to learn that Pandora was more than just a part-human, part-angel. Nonetheless, she had no choice. Marchosias was going to destroy the entire city if she didn’t act.

  Pressing her hands together in front of her, she closed her eyes and took a long, slow breath through her nose. She could feel her angel energy surging, following the influx of oxygen from her limbs into her chest. She focused steadily, picturing exactly what she wanted to happen. As she did, her body began to grow. Her legs lengthened, her shoulders widened, and she could feel the pressure in her temples expanding.

  She stood up straight, keeping her focus until she could no longer feel her body growing. She opened her eyes and blinked for a moment, staring into the window of an office building. The people inside shrieked and backed against the wall. Looking down, she realized that she was at least twelve feet tall. Her foot cracked the sidewalk as she stepped forward, spreading her wings wide. The things were huge, spanning the street, and then some.

  Just then she heard the crack of metal and whirled around, finding the lava pouring in around them. It surrounded Marchosias but didn’t seem to bother him in the least. Katie had no idea if it would hurt her, but she wasn’t taking the chance. She lifted off the ground, her wings blowing huge gusts as they flapped, sending her forward fast. She pulled the sword from her back and looked at it in awe. It was enormous, sparkling, and very sharp.

  A small smirk curled her lips as she raced forward, swinging at Marchosias. He lifted his sword, the two sharp metal weapons colliding and sending sparks fluttering into the river of lava below. Katie swung again, but Marchosias moved quickly for his size, blocking the blow. They pressed their swords together for a moment before he pushed hard, sending her backward through the air.

  A low, devious laugh echoed from the demon’s chest. “You stupid girl. You think growing makes you more powerful? I am always this size, and I am more powerful than some human with wings could ever be. You are a freak, a mutant, and you are only here for God’s sick amusement.”

  Katie screamed angrily, racing toward him again and slamming her sword into his. He cackled loudly, throwing his head back. “Oh, yes. I’ve heard of you. The girl that turned the Queen of the Damned. Well, guess what, honey? You don’t have a demon anymore. Those powers drained from you the moment Pandora accepted those disgusting humps of feathers on her back. You are weak, and I look forward to eating you for breakfast.”

  She grunted as she pushed harder against him. His words meant nothing to her, or at least they shouldn’t have. “Yeah? Well, you are nothing but an old washed-up hell commander who couldn’t get a real job. A pathetic excuse for a demon. And guess what? I’ve met a lot of them.”

  Marchosias’ face went blank, then he frowned. Stepping back to get a better grip with his feet, his claw caught on a small car, and he stumbled back
ward. Katie lifted her sword, watching him waving his arms as he tried to catch his footing. He smashed into one of the buildings and several people screamed, falling from the wreckage.

  Immediately Katie dropped her sword and jetted forward, putting her arms out and catching the falling innocents. They clung to her tightly, their eyes full of fear as she turned and moved as fast as she could toward Juntto in the distance. As soon as Marchosias caught his balance, he began grabbing cars, trucks, and slabs of stone from the fallen buildings and chucking them as hard as he could at her.

  She swerved in and out of the falling debris, bringing her arms up and holding the humans close to her for protection. Small explosions burst behind her as cars crashed into the street. Marchosias called to her, “Run, little angel. Save your human friends. The rest will perish by my hand and my sword. Thousands of lives on your conscience.”

  Katie landed next to Juntto and put the people down. He glanced at her for a moment. “You look like a Juntto warrior, only white. It’s a good look for you, although I don’t think that big-ass demon appreciates it.”

  Katie smirked. “He’s not going to appreciate a lot of things when I’m done with him.”

  In the training fields outside Notre Dame Cathedral, a portal crackled and spat. Slowly it opened and Pandora stepped out, looking down and brushing the leaves from her chest. She grumbled to herself, “Damn other dimension. Fucking leaf people don’t know how to keep their grubby shrubs off the goods.”

  She heard the cocking of a gun and slowly looked up, flashing a smile. She put her hands up as the commander pushed through. As soon as he saw who it was, he let out a deep breath and gestured for the soldiers to lower their weapons. “Pandora. We weren’t expecting you.”

  Pandora grinned. “I wasn’t expecting to be here, but there has been a major incursion in Rio. Let’s just say there are demons and lava on this one.”

  He nodded with his mouth held firm in a straight line. “We saw it on the news, but that doesn’t explain why you are here.”