Molly's Journey

by Sheila Newberry

  ‘Sit down in your chair, Serena. And you, Molly, where you were,’ Sarah said calmly. ‘Yes, we would be pleased to have you here. It would be no trouble to me at all. Why not come tomorrow? The rooms are always ready. Just the three of you, is it?’

  ‘Yes. You’re very kind.’ Has she guessed? Molly wondered. I know I’m about to cause her pain. But I have to go through with it now: I must. Rory and Almond each has the right to know of the other’s existence. Staying here, well, it could help, but I hadn’t thought Rory might not be around . . .

  ‘Rory should be back late tonight, isn’t that lucky?’ Sarah told her, as if she knew what she was thinking. ‘Now, a cot or a bed for the child?’

  ‘Almond’s three years old, she sleeps in a bed: she and Nancy can share with me. One room will do. Serena, you remember my friend from the last time we stayed here?’ As she nodded, Molly’s fingers strayed again to the opal ring. She was aware that Sarah’s gaze was intent upon her. She’s working it out, Molly thought. How long since Rory and I parted?

  ‘You still wear my opal ring!’ Serena said, pleased. ‘I told you it would bring you good fortune.’

  *

  ‘I thought you were keeping that outfit for when we arrive at the mission,’ Nancy observed.

  ‘I don’t want to upstage Sarah when Rory’s around,’ Molly replied. Her clothes were not as plain as all that; the red silk blouse, which she had packed on impulse, was old but still striking, and went well with the good black skirt which she had worn when she worked at the House of Leather. Their country clothes, which included Molly’s shabby jodhpurs for she planned to take a ride or two for old time’s sake, were in the big trunk they had left on the boat. But she had dressed Almond in her best velvet frock, smart plaid wool cape and matching bonnet.

  Not being overburdened with baggage, they were able to travel by tram as Almond excitedly demanded. She knelt up on the hard seat and pointed out the exciting things she could see going on through the window. ‘Fire engine, Mummy, look!’ It was not the most comfortable of rides. ‘There’s our driver waving at us!’ when the cab drew alongside the tram.

  Nancy gave Molly a gentle push. ‘You go first and knock. Almond, stand back while I lift the cases on to the top step.’

  Molly thought, in sudden panic: I hope Sarah answers the door . . .

  ‘Hello, Molly,’ Rory said evenly, looking at her searchingly for a long moment. He made no attempt to hug her as he always had done in the past. Sarah was not with him. ‘Come in, I will see to the cases in a moment; take them straight upstairs.’ He looked older, she saw, more serious, but then she supposed she did, too. He had attempted to smooth his hair back with oil, but he wore a hand-embroidered waistcoat, which was familiar to Molly as her blouse must be to him. Cora had sewn it for him that winter Molly was training for her circus role.

  Almond, blithely unaware of the tension, pulled away from Nancy’s restraining clasp and almost bounced into the hall.

  ‘Hello, I’m Almond Sparkes, I’m three and my mummy says I’m to call you Rory.’

  ‘Why not? It’s nice to see you again, Nancy. Hang your coats up,’ he invited. He bent to untie the little girl’s bonnet strings, revealing her tell-tale mop of hair. He touched it for a brief second, his face averted from the others, then took Almond’s eagerly proffered hand and led the way into the comfortable sitting room. ‘We have a good fire going in here today. Make yourselves comfortable, Molly, Nancy. Will you come with me, Almond, I wonder?’

  ‘ ’Course I will!’ Almond grinned.

  ‘Mother and Sarah will be with you very shortly,’ he said. ‘Almond should meet them first, I think.’

  *

  Quarter of an hour passed, agonisingly slowly. Molly and Nancy sat there in silence waiting.

  Then Almond burst into the room all excited, almost shouting the good news. ‘Guess what, Mummy – I’ve got a real Grandma, not just Gran Lexa, and her name’s S’rena and she gave me this bag of sweeties. And Sarah is my auntie, but I can call her just Sarah, like I do Nancy, and Rory is my daddy – didn’t you know?’

  Rory swung her up in his arms as if he’d known her all her life, with a laughing, ‘Hey, calm down!’ but Molly recognised the look of challenge directed at her, over her daughter’s head.

  ‘Yes, I did know,’ she managed to say.

  Rory set Almond down between Molly and Nancy on the sofa. ‘Hold on to her, Sarah’s bringing the tea trolley and Mum’s hanging on to the handle, too. I’ll be back shortly; must see to your luggage, as I said.’

  ‘It’s hard to take it all in,’ Serena admitted as she sank into a chair and Sarah lifted her feet on to the footstool and plumped the feather cushions to support her back. ‘Molly, dearie, how could you keep this from us all this time?’

  Molly began to sob, she couldn’t help herself. ‘I’m sorry, so sorry, it just seemed the right thing at the time.’

  ‘Don’t alarm the child,’ Sarah said briskly. ‘Serena’s had quite enough excitement for one day, too. I’ll just fetch the teapot. We all know now, don’t we? Explanations can come later.’

  ‘Sarah made all these lovely cakes, Mummy. Can I have one, please?’ Almond asked eagerly. She was soon sticky with jam and cream. Mopping her up with her table napkin gave Molly a minute or two to compose herself before she began to talk over old times.

  *

  It took a long time for Molly and Nancy to persuade Almond to settle in yet another strange bed and go to sleep. ‘You go down, Nancy, and make my excuses,’ Molly said finally. She and Rory had not yet addressed a single word directly to each other.

  ‘But it’s only just past eight o’clock.’

  ‘Sarah is busy getting Serena to bed. I – I can’t face Rory again tonight. The way he looked at me – oh, Nancy, he must hate me for all this.’

  ‘I’ll tell him you’re tired, then,’ she reluctantly agreed. ‘Maybe he’ll talk to me.’

  ‘Maybe he won’t. But will you try? I wanted to say I really kept silent because of Sarah. I wanted them to have a happy marriage, not spoil things for them, but now I have anyway.’

  *

  Molly gave her tear-stained face a perfunctory wash, peeped in at the sleeping child in the dressing room off the bedroom she was sharing with Nancy. This was the best bedroom in the house, it had been slept in by Serena and her husband in the old days. She wondered fleetingly why Rory and Sarah had not chosen it for themselves when they became a couple. She closed the door. Almond was a light sleeper, she didn’t want to disturb her.

  She turned the gas lamp low, looked for a book to read in bed. She was startled by a brief thump on the door. ‘Nancy? I’m decent.’ It occurred to her that Nancy might be carrying a tray of bedtime drinks. She reluctantly pushed back the covers, padded bare-foot to open the door.

  Rory stood there, just as he had that night in Madrid. ‘May I come in for a moment, Molly? There is something I must say to you. Please don’t be nervous, it won’t take long, I promise. Nancy knows – approves, I believe – that I am here.’

  She moved back, allowing him to enter the room and close the door gently behind him. He was still fully dressed, of course; she wore her flannel nightgown, suitable attire for a mother likely to be called from her warm bed by her child, the voluminous folds ideal for wrapping round her for a cuddle. She was thankful she was covered from neck to ankle, not in tights and cropped jacket as she had been the last time he came to her like this.

  They sat opposite each other in the cane chairs and she was relieved that the light was not too bright because she did not want him to know that she had been crying again.

  ‘I’m not mad at you any more, Molly,’ he said at last. ‘Nancy tried to tell me how it was – I appreciate that you have been brave and strong, particularly when Almond was born. When I saw my mother’s face – the joy, when she realised this was my child – I knew I must swallow my pride, my resentment.’

  ‘I was wrong. I had no right to keep the news from yo
u. But you and Sarah—’

  ‘We aren’t married, Molly, didn’t you realise? I wanted to go through with it, I felt we could be happy, but at the last minute she changed her mind. She said she’d thought she could live with the knowledge that I was in love with someone else, but when it came to it, she couldn’t. She’s a wonderful woman, Molly. Who else would have stayed on here, caring for my mother as she does, while I went gallivanting off, trying so hard to forget you?’

  ‘Sarah still wants you, I can tell,’ Molly said very softly.

  He sighed. ‘I know. And I know how special our daughter could become to me, to my family, if you will only allow it – oh, I realise that you’ll go back home, but not too soon, I hope? I’m just asking you for this one chance, that’s all, and for us always to keep in touch in the future. ’ He stood up, leaned over and kissed the top of her head. ‘That’s it, Molly. Goodnight.’

  ‘Rory, don’t go – not for a moment,’ she said urgently. She was in such a hurry to get out of the chair she tripped over the hem of her nightgown and he instinctively caught hold of her.

  ‘Oh, Molly, Molly.’ His arms tightened round her. ‘You look like a little cherub in that ridiculous flowing gown.’ She felt the warmth of his hands through the flannel.

  ‘See, you haven’t stopped loving me, have you?’ she challenged him, moving closer.

  ‘You aren’t fair, Molly, you never were.’ He put her from him firmly. ‘This is how it has to be, unless you change your mind about me.’

  *

  Why? she asked herself as she pulled the bedcovers under her chin. Why am I trembling? Why couldn’t I admit to him that I know my own mind at last – that the minute I saw him, I was sure of my feelings for him? But there’s Sarah to consider now.

  FIVE

  Sarah stood at the stove, setting down the heavy kettle to boil. She was in her working clothes, with her unruly hair bundled up in a cotton piece. Her hands were grimy with coal dust for she had been fiercely riddling and making up the fire. It was just after six in the morning. Despite Molly’s stealthy steps, for the rest of the household appeared still to be slumbering, Sarah was instantly aware that someone had come into the kitchen. She spun round, and Molly knew that her pallor and heavy-eyed appearance were due to lack of sleep, for didn’t she look awful herself this morning?

  ‘I was going to bring you tea in a while; you should have stayed in bed.’ Sarah sounded rattled. ‘I like to be undisturbed while I get things under way, before I have to see to Serena.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Molly said simply. ‘But this might be the only chance we get to talk on our own.’

  ‘I said I’m busy.’ She dabbled her hands in a bowl of cold water, wincing, then dried them on a rough towel.

  ‘It won’t take long. Please, Sarah.’

  ‘You’re not dressed,’ the other girl reproved her.

  ‘No, sorry. I’ll go back to bed, stay out of the way, afterwards, I promise.’

  Sarah sat down abruptly at the table, and Molly followed suit.

  ‘I know he visited your room last night,’ Sarah stated. ‘He told you he still felt the same way about you, didn’t he?’

  ‘No!’ Molly insisted. This was true, she thought guiltily. I was the one who challenged him with that, after all. He didn’t actually admit it. ‘I wasn’t aware you and Rory were not married, Sarah. I am here for one reason only – to allow Rory and Almond to get to know each other. I couldn’t bring myself to write to him about Almond because I knew you would be hurt, and I didn’t want that. I was glad he had found someone with whom he could be happy. I would probably never have returned to Australia if the friend I travelled out here with the first time, who knows Rory, had not urged me to, and financed the trip. I had to convince myself that Almond’s happiness must come first. Last night, Rory told me that I was – had been – unfair to him. This hurt me more than I can say.

  ‘We both saw how Rory and Almond took to each other, and how delighted Serena is to have another granddaughter. I’m not here to take Rory away from you, Sarah. In fact, I think you should marry him and have a family of your own as soon as you can!

  ‘We will be moving on very soon to stay with other friends many miles away. I should like to think we can return here in a few months’ time to see you all before we go back to England. That’s all, really it is.’

  ‘Look me in the eye, Molly, and tell me you don’t care for him?’ Sarah pleaded.

  ‘I do still care for him, I can’t pretend differently. But nothing happened last night, Sarah. I hope we’ll always think affectionately of one another, but the bond between us now must be Almond, nothing more.’ Molly suddenly slid the opal ring from her finger. ‘Give me your hand,’ she ordered.

  Mutely, Sarah obeyed. Molly placed the ring on her palm, closed her fingers round it.

  ‘There, I’ve cut the ties. This is to prove you can trust me. You don’t have to tell Rory any of this unless you want to, but anyway, leave it until we’re gone. He didn’t give me the ring, you know, Serena did.’ She added softly: ‘Beauty from the desert, a stone full of light and flickering flames – that’s what I’ve always fancied.’ Flickering flames die down eventually, she thought; smoulder and then disappear; ashes blow away in the wind.

  ‘Molly,’ Sarah said at last, sounding bemused, ‘please take this back. Keep it for Almond to wear one day. I’m sorry I misjudged you.’

  *

  ‘Everything all right?’ Nancy asked as Molly settled back into the adjacent bed. She did not ask where she had been.

  ‘All right,’ Molly repeated. The opal was cutting into her own palm now, she was clenching it so tightly, but Sarah was right: the ring should be for Almond, to remind her of the exotic country of her father, with its extraordinary changing colours, strange intense light, searing summer heat and blazing bush fires. May she fall in love just once and forever, she wished, not fall in love with love too readily, like me . . .

  *

  Rory and Molly walked along, with Almond between them, clinging to their restraining hands. They weren’t walking anywhere in particular, just round the houses, as Rory put it. Almond’s non-stop chatter was entertainment enough. She found excitement in everything. ‘See, Daddy!’ She pointed out a thin black cat with a kinked tail walking delicately along the ridge of a roof; railings painted black with warning gold spikes; daring boys hurtling on the pavement towards them on roller skates, the latest craze, and swerving audaciously to miss them by inches; two women having an irate exchange, arms akimbo, over a prickly garden hedge while the scruffy dog belonging to one of them, the cause of the argument, sloped slyly off into the distance in search of more rubbish to rifle through.

  This was their last day here before they moved on.

  ‘I wish you weren’t going – not yet,’ Rory said suddenly.

  ‘It’s for the best,’ Molly said evenly. ‘I want to see a happy ending for dear Nancy when she and Art meet up again. I want to show Almond where I stayed when I first came to Australia—’

  ‘Where you fell in love with your Dane.’

  She looked at him, startled, as Almond prattled on happily.

  ‘I’m not so sure it was love now. Certainly it seemed very real, painful at the time, but I was even younger than when I met you, Rory. Henning was so much older than me. He made sure I was aware of that. Didn’t encourage my infatuation with him, but in the end he admitted he was also strongly attracted to me. He’d be over forty now. He did make an effort to get in touch with me, back home, but I didn’t respond. Does first love endure anyway?’

  ‘Sometimes I think it does. I was beginning to believe I was over you until—’

  ‘Stop talking! Listen to me!’ Almond cried imperiously, jumping up and down to remind them she was there, for they had slowed to a snail’s pace. ‘You said you’d buy me some barley sugar.’

  ‘That was for the journey tomorrow,’ Rory reminded her.

  ‘But I don’t want to go tomorrow! I want to go up t
he mountains – I want to play in the snow like you said we could. I want to stay here with you and Grandma a bit longer!’

  He saw the hurt in Molly’s eyes. ‘There’ll be another time – you’ll see the Australian Alps one day, I promise – and I guess you’ve seen plenty of snow before in London. You’ll love it where you’re going ’specially when it’s spring. The sun’s much nicer than the snow. You’ll sit on a horse and gee him up, you’ll see lots of different animals and you’ll forget all about me until you come back again . . . ’ he assured her.

  ‘Lift me up, Daddy, I want to tell you something.’ Almond pulled away from Molly’s hand. They came to a halt. He swung her up into his arms and bent his head to catch her whisper. ‘I won’t forget you – never!’ And she hugged him tight.

  ‘Molly . . . ’ Rory said, knowing she had heard, but she was now striding ahead, hands in her pockets. They looked so right together, those two.

  *

  Nancy was feeling both apprehensive and excited as they were about to board the boat. They had sent a telegram this time to Elfie and Ernst, for they would need to be met at their final destination, of course. She wondered if Art would be there, waiting at that lonely station.

  Sarah had hugged her and wished her all the luck in the world, knowing something of events in London: they had talked that last afternoon, sitting in the kitchen while Molly and Rory were out with Almond, and Serena had her rest.

  ‘I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you, Nancy. It sounds as if you were meant for each other.’ Sarah paused, sighed. ‘Like Rory and Molly. They can’t pretend they were never close, that nothing happened between them. Almond is the proof of that. He’s asked me again to marry him. I still don’t know if I should.’

  ‘They’ve hardly said a word to each other,’ Nancy observed. ‘They seem to have made their minds up to go their separate ways.’

  ‘Be honest, Nancy, you know Molly through and through. Does she still love him, d’you think?’