Don't Give A Dwarf (Dwarf Bounty Hunter Book 2)

by Martha Carr

  She rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on. That’s not fair.”

  “Say yes. I promise you’ll love it.”

  “How about you go take a shower and I’ll think about it.”

  With a grin, the girl glanced from one to the other and shrugged. “That’s good enough.”

  With that, she scampered to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

  Johnny grimaced at the noise and threw an arm over the armrest. “I can’t remember how many times I’ve told her not to slam the doors. It’s like it goes in one ear and out the other.”

  Lisa chuckled and sipped her tea. “That’s being twelve, I think. And thirteen. And fourteen…”

  “Yeah, yeah. I know how to count.” He waved her off and sniffed.

  The dog door clattered behind Rex and Luther, who padded swiftly through the house toward them. “Whew. You’re back!”

  “Took you long enough.” Rex sat beside the couch at Lisa’s end and lifted a hind leg to lick the underside of it. “You would not believe what we found out there.”

  Luther shook himself vigorously and his ears slapped against his head. “Yeah, Johnny. Some guy put a whole stack of metal boxes in the water. Filled with all kinds of goodies. Mostly fish guts, but hey. I won’t complain.”

  Johnny straightened in the chair and stared at his dogs. “You—” He stopped, remembered that Lisa had no idea he could hear the hounds, and shook his head at them. These yahoos helped me set the damn crab traps.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  He gritted his teeth and muttered, “I’m not a fan of cleaning muddy pawprints.”

  “What?” Rex lifted his head and turned to study the floor. “Hey. You have other hounds in here without tellin’ us, Johnny?”

  “Ooh, great idea.” Luther circled on the thick rug in front of the fireplace and curled into a ball. “I’m gonna take a nap, and when that’s done, we can show the other hounds the snacks in the water. They smelled a lot like the stuff you put in those crab traps last week.”

  The dwarf sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. And they simply keep talking.

  “Hey, lady.” Rex stuck his wet nose against Lisa’s leg and made her laugh. “What’d you do to make him so upset, huh? You’re not leavin’, are ya?”

  She scratched the hound’s head with a smile. “Good to see you too, Rex.”

  Luther’s head whipped up. “Johnny, she’s not leaving. Don’t let her leave. You guys haven’t even—”

  Johnny snapped his fingers and extended a finger toward the rug. “Go lie down, Rex.”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “I’ll spray you boys with the hose later.”

  “Fine.” Rex trotted toward his brother and curled in the same position beside him. “But tell her she can’t leave yet.”

  Lisa watched the dogs for a moment and the sound of the shower turning on finally issued from the bathroom. She chuckled and nodded toward the door. “Do you think she was trying to listen to our conversation?”

  His gaze followed hers to the closed door and he shrugged. “I wouldn’t put it past her. But I wouldn’t blame her either. She’s smart and simply wants to know how all the pieces fit together.”

  “Very true.” She shifted on the couch to nestle her back into the corner of the armrest and lifted one leg onto the cushion. “But truthfully, Johnny, how is this…uh, ‘shifter as a ward’ working out?”

  With another grimace, he leaned forward to place his glass on the coffee table and shook his head. “She’s a good kid and merely needs a little direction. And the Everglades is a fine place to find that direction. We’re good.”

  Luther raised his head again. “Fine place to feed your hounds too. Right, Johnny?”

  The dwarf raised an eyebrow at the hound, and the animal lowered his head to his paws again.

  Lisa shrugged. “Okay.”

  “What? You don’t believe me?”

  “No, I do. You guys obviously have a good thing going between you. Arguments included.”

  “Yeah, that comes with the territory.”

  She smiled at him. “It does. And you’re doing a good thing for her—helping her out. You know, if you ever want some help or…I don’t know. Insight, maybe. You have my number.”

  “Yep.” He cleared his throat. “I can handle it.”

  “I know.”

  The living room fell silent again but a moment later, Rex jerked his head up and stared down the hall toward the workshop when the police scanner clicked on with a squeal and hiss of static. “Incoming.”

  The dwarf turned to listen.

  “What’s wrong?” the agent asked.

  Luther looked up beside his brother and kicked his back legs out to stretch across the rug. “I think that’s your monster, Johnny.”

  “All available units report to Dan’s Market on Tamiami. We have a sighting, perpetrator unknown. Possibly armed but confirmed extremely dangerous. And…magical. Uh, purple…slime fired at the market building.”

  He bounded from the couch. “That’s our monster, all right.”

  Chapter Six

  Johnny stood beside his enhanced police scanner in the workshop and checked whether the call had gone out on any other channels. “It sounds like we’re goin’ in with troopers.”

  “They should have direct contact with the department.” Lisa stood beside the worktable with her arms folded. “And they’re going into this all on their own?”

  He snorted and switched the scanner off. The static and tinny voices cut instantly. “Local PDs have always had a thing against the feds. Do you think State Troopers are itchin’ to hand jurisdiction to you too?”

  “It’s not like we’d go in to take a regular human case off their hands. They know about bounty hunters.”

  “Barely.” The dwarf removed a small black bolt case from the bottom shelf and slung it onto the worktable. “And if they get all twisted about a fed on the scene, they ain’t gonna be any happier when I show up.”

  “That’s ridiculous. Normal law enforcement isn’t equipped to handle magicals. Not monsters like this. They know that.”

  “Feel free to remind them when we get there.” Johnny took the bolts he’d rigged with explosives of multiple boom levels and shoved them into the case. The one with the tracking device in the tip went in last so he could pull it out first—just in case. He slung the strap he’d fitted to the crossbow over his shoulder and whistled shrilly. “Time to go, boys.”

  “All right!” Rex leapt to his feet as Luther scrunched the rug trying to get a running start before he rocketed past his brother.

  “Hunting twice in one day, Johnny? This is awesome!”

  “We can handle purple goo, Johnny. No problem.”

  “We gotta be careful and stay on our toes.” He pulled a small duffel bag from the bottom shelf as well and swung it over his other shoulder. “There isn’t a lotta info on the monster for now, so this is mostly recon. In person. And if we happen to bring the bastard down while we’re there…”

  “Treats for the hounds, right?” Rex gazed at his master with wide, eager eyes and his tail wagged furiously.

  “Ooh, yeah. Good idea. Incentives.”

  “Johnny, I understand how this works.” Lisa raised an eyebrow at him. “You don’t have to spell it out for me like I’m some kind of rookie.”

  He looked sharply at her and inclined his head. “I was talkin’ to the hounds.”

  “What? They can’t even—”

  The bathroom door burst open and Amanda hurried out, her hair plastered to her shoulders in wet tangles and a thick towel wrapped around her body. “Johnny, wait. I want to come with you.”

  “You’re still wet behind the ears, kid.” He looked meaningly at her damp hair with a grin. “In more ways than one.”

  “Give me two minutes. Please.” She jogged to her bedroom door, clutched the towel against her chest with one hand, and raised the other toward him to tell him to wait. “I’m fast.”

&nb
sp; “Sorry. This ain’t that kinda huntin’ trip.”

  “You need me.”

  Johnny stopped on his way to the door and gave her a sympathetic frown. “Naw, I got this.”

  “Oh, yeah? Like you got that ʼgator scent this morning?”

  They stared obdurately at each other and Lisa tried to subdue a chuckle. “No one told me about the ʼgator scent.”

  “She was good.” Luther panted.

  “Yeah, real good. We wouldn’t have found it if she wasn’t on the boat. Come on, Johnny.” Rex uttered a high-pitched whine. “We might need her.”

  Amanda gestured toward the hounds, silently telling Johnny he had his proof right there. His scowl only deepened, so she tried the pleading-shifter-pup eyes again. “Please, Johnny. I promise I won’t run off after shifters this time. I’ll stay focused and do everything you say. Hey, I can be your sidekick.”

  The dwarf rolled his eyes. “Damnit, I already have two coonhounds and a—” He stopped with a grimace.

  “Partner?” Lisa added with a smirk.

  Johnny shot her a warning glance. “Fine, kid. If you’re ready by the time this gear and those hounds are loaded and Sheila’s engine’s purrin’, you can come.”

  “Yes!” Amanda jumped up and down in excitement, then scrambled to keep her towel from falling. “Two minutes. I’ll be fast.”

  The door to her bedroom slammed shut and he grimaced.

  “Quit slammin’ the damn doors,” he muttered and marched down the hallway toward the front door.

  Lisa followed swiftly and the hounds whined and stepped to either side, waiting for their master to let them out. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

  “Nope. But I ain’t sure it’s a bad idea either.” He opened the door and the dogs raced past him but skidded to a halt in front of the door to the screened-in porch.

  “Come on, Johnny.”

  “Hurry. Let’s go. Let us out.”

  “She’s a kid, Johnny,” the agent said.

  As soon as the screen door was unlatched, Rex shoved it open with his snout and he and his brother bounded onto the dirt to race toward the red Jeep.

  “Yep. A kid who’s been in more fights than most kids her age. She’s been through hell and back and she still wants to tag along. It seems like a good learnin’ opportunity to me.”

  “Well, to me, it seems more like endangering a minor.”

  He grunted and continued toward Sheila. Rex and Luther ran circles around the Jeep, too excited to say much of anything coherent. “I ain’t endangerin’ her, Lisa. I’m givin’ her a chance. The kid needs to feel like she’s useful and not a burden.”

  “Did she tell you that?”

  “No.” He swung the duffel bag and the bolt case into the back of the Jeep. “But I know the feelin’ and I see it in her, all right? That’s it.”

  She opened her rental and retrieved her service pistol and the shoulder holster she preferred to use. “I still don’t think it’s safe.”

  “The safest place for that kid is right beside me.” They both turned when the front door slammed shut and the screen door flew open. Amanda leapt off the porch like another coonhound on two legs and raced toward them with a broad grin. He nodded at Sheila’s passenger seat. “Which might be literally if you have a problem ridin’ shotgun with a child endangerer.”

  The agent raised an eyebrow at him. “I didn’t say that’s what you are.”

  “All right, then. Get in.” He climbed into the driver’s seat. His door shut a second after Amanda slammed hers behind her. He grimaced. “Doors, kid.”

  “Right. Sorry.”

  Rex and Luther scrambled into the back of the Jeep and their claws clicked on the metal bed stripped of the carpeting and extra flooring to allow him to rig mounted weaponry. “This is awesome, pup.”

  “You’re gonna love this!”

  “Hunting on a case.” Luther threw his head back and uttered a broken howl.

  The girl laughed as Johnny started the engine and revved it a little in preparation. “Yeah. This is gonna be great.”

  Lisa buckled her seatbelt quickly and turned to look at Amanda with wide eyes. “You’d better strap in. There’s no telling how he’s gonna drive when we’re after a—”

  Sheila lurched forward and jerked to the side as Johnny accelerated into a tight circle in the drive. The hounds slid sideways in the back and howled with excitement. Amanda threw her head back and uttered a wild laugh before she clicked her safety belt securely. The agent shrieked and braced herself against the almost nonexistent center console and the frame of the passenger door.

  “Dammit, Johnny! Can’t you—”

  He thrust his boot down on the gas pedal, and Sheila raced along the drive in a spray of dust and pebbles. When she squawked a protest, he smirked as they barreled down the long drive away from his cabin. “Can’t I what, darlin’?”

  She gritted her teeth and darted him a sidelong glance. “Drive like you’re not trying to kill us.”

  “You’re buckled up. And trust me.” He patted the dashboard. “If Sheila rolls, we ain’t walkin’ away with so much as a scratch. I made sure of that myself.”

  Her heavy sigh sounded both frustrated and nervous and she brushed her fluttering hair out of her face. “Somehow, I’m not reassured.”

  “Your choice.”

  They reached the dirt frontage road moments later and the bounty hunter didn’t show any signs of slowing.

  “Johnny.”

  “Lisa.”

  “Slow down.”

  His boot pressed the accelerator.

  “Johnny! It’s a turn! You can’t simply—”

  “Watch me.” With a broad grin, he jerked the wheel violently with one hand and engaged the handbrake with the other. Sheila spun and drifted sharply around the corner, and the engine roared as dirt and rocks were thrown across the dirt road and into the trees and the ditch.

  The agent screamed.

  He released the handbrake and stepped on the accelerator again, and the Jeep careened down the frontage road.

  In the back seat, her wet hair drying quickly as it whipped around her face, Amanda stared blankly at the back of Johnny’s seat with her mouth open. “Woah.”

  Rex and Luther bayed wildly in the back.

  “Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about, Johnny!”

  “Can’t do that in an airboat. Monster, here we come!”

  The girl burst out laughing.

  Lisa sat rigidly in the passenger seat and breathed heavily as trees and ferns and reeds blurred past them.

  Johnny glanced at her. “You can’t do it, huh?”

  She barely shook her head, her face pale. “I…need a minute.”

  “Sure. You get fifteen.” He punched the power button on the dash and Iron Maiden blared incredibly loudly through the speakers.

  Her eye twitched and she released a long sigh. “You are terrifying sometimes. You know that?”

  The dwarf snorted and couldn’t hide a smirk. “You should’ve seen me before retirement.”

  “No, I think out-of-retirement Johnny Walker is enough.”

  “That was insane!” Amanda shouted over the music as they hurtled down the frontage road. “How’d you learn to do that?”

  “Practice, kid.”

  “Like in your driveway?”

  “Naw, like in more getaway maneuvers than I can count.” He grinned at her through the rearview mirror.

  Lisa scoffed and started to roll her eyes before a surprised laugh escaped her. She ran a hand through her windblown hair and shook her head. “You’re unbelievable.”

  “Much obliged.” He winked at her, retrieved his sunglasses, and slid them on with one hand before he focused on the road again. He didn’t see Agent Breyer grinning as she studied him speculatively.

  Chapter Seven

  Six State Trooper vehicles had cordoned the road off when the team reached Dan’s Market. The officers stood behind the open doors of their vehicles, their weap
ons drawn and aimed at two huge tentacles that rose from the swamp on the side of the road. The appendages were twenty feet long—at least the part of them that stretched above the overhanging branches and the waterlogged reeds—and waved slowly from side to side. Their purple hue was so dark it was almost black and was impossible to miss against the green, brown, and yellow of the swamp and the clear blue sky.

  Sheila squealed to a stop on the asphalt, and the hounds bounded out before the dwarf had even turned the engine off.

  “Woah-ho-ho, Johnny!” Rex panted and stared at the two wavering tentacles on the side of the road. “Look at the size of that.”

  “Calamari for life,” Luther added with a sharp bark.

  Half the troopers turned to study the dwarf who slid out of the red Jeep with a tall brunette in Daisy Dukes and a girl in jeans and a loose t-shirt slightly too big for her.

  Johnny snapped his fingers, and both hounds sat immediately. He rounded the back of the Jeep and retrieved his crossbow and the bag of bolts. “It certainly looks like a big one.”

  Lisa strapped her shoulder holster on and headed with him toward the trooper vehicles. “What the hell is that?”

  “That’s what I’m fixin’ to find out. To me, boys.”

  “Yeah, yeah, Johnny.” Luther was at his master’s side first, quickly followed by his brother. “Then to the giant snack, right?”

  “I bet it tastes better raw. Johnny, does it bleed?”

  Amanda craned her neck and stared at the waving tentacles. “Woah.”

  One of the troopers muttered something to his fellows, none of whom moved from their positions. Their guns remained trained on the partially hidden monster as their leader left the line of vehicles to intercept the newcomers.

  “It’s not safe for you folks to be here,” the man said and pushed up the wide brim of his hat with an uncertain frown. “Y’all need to turn around. Nothin’ to see here.”

  “Those big-ass tentacles say somethin’ different,” the bounty hunter said calmly and shouldered past him.

  “Sir.” The officer hurried after him and put a hand on his shoulder. “I can’t let you go any farther. Please turn around and—”