Suddenly Enthroned

by C R Riley

  Chapter 39

  Larkin

  I have been back in the Palace for two days now. Not by choice I can assure you of that. Had I had my way I’d have gone back to Maximiliano Chateau immediately after my doctor’s appointment and distracted myself with work. I wasn’t given a choice though, Dr. Wilson insisted I take it easy for a few days and let my body recover.

  So that is what I did, even though it is the last thing I wanted to do. I am not good with downtime. I am much better when I keep myself busy and don’t have time to think about subjects that will only make me sad, and yes, I had a very good reason to feel sad.

  After a very trying week at work, an exhausting one, I came to realize I wasn’t feeling quite myself. After a few quick calculations I realized that I wasn’t just warn out from all the hours I’d been putting in since Antonio left for his diplomatic tour. It wasn’t until I sent one of my security team members into town to retrieve what I needed did I conclude that I should call Dr. Wilson. I tried not to get my hopes up, not let my mind go there until I confirmed it with her. Except if you’ve ever been in my position, you’d understand how hard that really is.

  My team did a really good job of not asking me a ton of questions after my appointment. I think the fact that I looked worse than I did when I went in, communicated I hadn’t received the news I was hoping for. Although it wasn’t a complete surprise to me, since that morning my body had begun cramping severely.

  I’d witnessed my mother experience three miscarriages. I was four, six and seven when my parents had thought they might be adding to our family of three. After the last one my father decided it was time for them to stop putting us all through the pain we suffered when each one ended prematurely.

  For the record I never felt like my parents didn’t consider I wasn’t enough for them. It was quite the opposite actually. I felt like I was exactly where I was meant to be and that God had planned to give me to them all along.

  But we all have dreams of having children that are a piece of us. My parents were no different, so I never faulted them for trying to experience what so many others got the privileged of experiencing so easily. It just wasn’t in their cards, and once they both came to that same conclusion, it was as if our family became that much closer. We learned to appreciate that we were a family, and would always be a family, even though none of us shared DNA.

  I only had to ask my team to take me back to Aragon Palace. They’d driven me there without saying a word.

  I was lucky enough to be able to get my emotions in check before Isabel got home that evening. She had been so ecstatic to see me that she didn’t once ask me why I was there. Instead the two of us had some much-needed girl time, and did stuff that we wouldn’t be able to do when Antonio was around. Isabel has quickly become the little sister I never had growing up. I love spending time with her because she is a pure soul that brings a special kind of joy with her always.

  It wasn’t until later that night, when I was alone in our large suite that I finally grieved for our loss. I ran a hot bath, then dumped lavender and mint salts into it. Once I sank into the tub and there was nothing left to do but let my mind go there, it was as if I couldn’t stop.

  My head of security finally came to check on me when she was doing her rounds. Amanda is a single mother of two very sweet girls who currently resided with their father. She sees them as often as she can. When we are in town, she makes a point to have dinner with them. It is something her ex also believes important. While he is no longer in love with Amanda, he loves his girls enough to realize they need their mother as much as they need him. Therefore, they co-parented the best they can and it seems to work for them.

  She had just returned from visiting them and was worried about me. It wasn’t normal for a member of the security team to enter our private bedroom. That was typically considered taboo, and unless it was life or death, it was a big fat no-no. But Amanda realized I was in a bad way and had a pretty good idea why. So, she did what a person who cares about you does and broke protocol.

  I should probably be completely mortified. After all she did find me a blubbering mess, soaking in a lukewarm bathtub. I most likely would have stayed there until the water became cold and given myself pneumonia. I’d done that once before after my friend’s death. Let myself get so down that I’d done more harm than good. My mother that time had found me and then taken me home with her until I was able to take care of myself again.

  Amanda had encouraged me into a warm shower and then helped me get dressed. Then she’d escorted me down the hall to the kitchen where she made me some tea to help me calm down.

  We talked.

  She shared with me about her own loss in between the two angels she mother’s now. Tried to reassure me that it wasn’t an uncommon tragedy and didn’t mean that I’d never get to become a mother. Her words I knew were meant to soothe, and they did, but that didn’t mean it lessened the pain any less. Which is something she also said she understood and the reason she had encouraged me to call Antonio.

  I had refused. He would be home from his trip soon enough, plus it wasn’t as if there was anything, he could do about it. Combined with the fact that I didn’t feel like I could say those words over the phone like that. When I told him, I wanted to be in his arms so that we could both grieve together.

  Currently I am resting in our bedroom.

  A few hours ago, I finally completed miscarrying the life we had created. Dr. Wilson told me I had options when I was in her office. One of those was to just let nature take its course. She explained a few details to me about what would happen or could happen. If in a few days if nothing seemed to be progressing, at that time she wanted me to come back to the office so she could determine if anything needed to be done on her end. The cramping, the heavier flow of blood, and the larger clot that passed, told me I had successfully done it. I think having to place that all in a sterile container—luckily it wasn’t a clear one—so that Dr. Wilson could have it tested, was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was all so final, sad, and depressing.

  I’d cried myself to sleep. Woke when I heard my phone ping, indicating a text from Antonio. I have been avoiding talking to him because I knew he’d know something was wrong if he heard my voice. So, we had been texting these last few days, it was easier to hide my mood in a text.

  Antonio: Where are you?

  I think I read those three words a hundred times before I responded.

  Larkin: Why?

  Does he know I left Maximiliano Chateau? How would he know unless someone told him? Amanda promised me she wouldn’t, and I had to believe her.

  Larkin: I’m fine. Everything is fine.

  Crap. Why did I say that? Now he will know that is a lie.

  Larkin: What did they tell you?

  Please for the love of all that is sacred, if I find out someone went behind my back.

  Larkin: I told them to shut it and I’d handle this when you got back.

  What must he be thinking? Handle this when you got back, really Larkin that doesn’t sound fishy. Gaw, you are so bad at this.

  Larkin: It’s just a minor setback really. No need to rush back, because there is nothing you can do anyways. So, do what a King must do and when you get back, we can discuss it.

  There is no reply to any of my text; therefore, I know something is amiss. He wasn’t due back for a few days still. Now that it was done my plan was to go back to Maximiliano Chateau. I needed to check on the progress being made and the best way for me to stay up was to get back to work.

  I roll out of bed as I send a text to Amanda, asking her to meet me in our quarters in ten minutes. That gives me enough time to comb my hair, wash my face and add a minimal amount of makeup. I don’t change my clothes; because the sweatpants and t-shirt I have on right now fit my mood. I do however pull my hair up into a high ponytail to get it out of my way. I plan on going into the library after I speak with Amanda to go over some emails and see if I can get my foreman o
n the phone.

  So as soon as I am ready, I head to the kitchen and brew a cup of coffee while I wait. I begin going over everything that I have neglected these last couple of days while I let myself get a little lost. The list is long, but it will feel good to finally get my mind back on the issues I can control, rather than the ones I can’t.

  By the time I hear the door open I am ready to tell Amanda the plan. I’m seated at the table luckily when I come to realize that the person who walked in isn’t Amanda, not by a long shot.

  “Mi lunaita.” His rich voice washes over me and I crumble exactly like I knew I would.

  Antonio has me secured in his arms within seconds and I am being carried into the living room. Together we drop down onto the couch.

  I nuzzle my face into his chest and let the scent that is Antonio comfort me. This is what I have been missing, what I required to kept me grounded. He is my compass that guides me and without him I wander aimlessly, searching for the right path but never able to find it.

  “What has dimmed your light mi lunaita? Why do you look so sad?” His words break through my solitary moment and bring me back to reality way too quickly.

  I know I cannot keep this to myself, that I have no other choice but to tell him. I also know that when I do my man will suffer along with me. “I’m so sorry.”

  “You have no reason to be sorry Larkin. You only need to say what it is that you need to say.” I can tell he is holding back, trying to decide if he needs to fire a few of my security team.

  “They were only following my orders Antonio. I needed to be the one to break this to you. And because I knew you would be home shortly; I saw no reason to do it over the phone.” I hate this, but if I don’t just tell him it will only drags this matter out more. “I went to see Dr. Wilson a few days ago. At first, I thought I’d have something positive to share, but that morning I knew what I’d be sharing was going to break us both.”

  His arms tighten around me and I can feel his body tense. “We will try again my love. When you are ready, we will try again.”

  Tears soak his shirt. “I know.”

  And I do.

  Dr. Wilson tried to advise me that it was just one of those things that happened. In a few months we could try again and most likely the results would be different.

  I go on to share with him what happened earlier. Tell him the whole gruesomeness of it as I bawl. My husband does not hold back his emotions either. He freely lets it all go, and together we fall apart much like I am sure other couples do when they suffer this kind of loss. Being with him right now, while it is sad and emotional, it is also the best I’ve felt since receiving the devastating news.

  The smell of something cooking wakes me up. I’m still on the couch but I am alone with a throw secured around me. The next thing I am aware of, are the voices that echo from the kitchen area.

  “Do you know if it was a boy or a girl?” Isabel softly asks her brother.

  “No. It was too soon to know. Thank you for being here for her when I couldn’t.” Antonio sincerely tells his little sister. “I’m sure your sunshine helped ease her pain some.”

  “I don’t know. I could tell something was bothering her, but I figured it was work, or the fact that Lady Dalia …” Isabel stops when she catches me walking in slightly shaking my head. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  I walk up to her and wrap her in my arms. “Thank you. What are you two cooking?”

  “Grilled cheese sandwiches and minestrone. Helena started the soup before Antonio woke from his nap with you.” Isabel glances up at me. “She left for the evening to give us some private family time.”

  Antonio spins around. “What did Lady Dalia do now?”

  I gently pat Isabel’s shoulder to reassure her I’m not upset she brought it up. “It was nothing. Do you need help?”

  Antonio plates a sandwich and hands it to his sister. “Let’s eat in here tonight. Get us all some water and start dishing up the minestrone.”

  Then he directs his attention towards me as he assembles another sandwich. “No. Tell me Larkin.”

  I really hate how he can do that; make the words flow out even when I don’t want them to. Grabbing a bowl from Isabel I begin ladling in a few while I share.

  “Like I said it is no big deal. Last weekend, when I came home for Izzy’s game, her and one of her sister’s happened to be there. The one that is dating her coach.”

  Antonio glances to his sister for that answer.

  “Lady Karina, although dating is a very loose description, I think. Georgette said her dad dates lots of women and she is just the latest flavor.” She makes an adorable disgusting face, one that make both of us chuckle.

  “Anyway, so because I was there, seated in the stands like everyone else …”

  Antonio glares at me, we’ve gone rounds about this. He typically sits in the press box or stands off to the side surrounded by his men. Keeping the crowd at bay and offering him the chance to focus on Isabel without being distracted. I however enjoy sitting in the bleachers with the rest of the families. It gives me a chance to practice my socializing skills, as well as lets me get to know the other parents. You can learn a lot about a person if you sit amongst them during a youth soccer game.

  Rolling my eyes, I refuse to feel guilty about doing this my way. “Dane and Emmett were both with me. Geeze, those men alone are enough to discourage anyone from trying something. Plus, Quinn’s niece is also on the team, so she joined us, even though it was her day off.

  “Now back to what happened. At halftime, as you know is when most of the parents finally get the nerve to talk to me. That day was no different. Two moms sitting a few rows ahead of us turned around to be friendly. Said it was nice that I showed my support for the team and Isabel. We talked for several minutes, but we’re interpreted when those two strolled in. Dane and Emmett reacted quickly, as soon as they spotted Dalia, thought it best to ask her to leave. I however stopped them.”

  We are all seated around the table now and I pause so Antonio can say the blessing. I continue after a few bites, because I haven’t really eaten much these last few days and this taste wonderful.

  “What happened Larkin?” Antonio is getting impatient.

  I make eye contact with Isabel who is trying really hard to not smile. She and I had a very good laugh about it later on the way home, although not all of what happened was necessarily funny.

  “Third quarter Isabel stole the ball from the other team and I may have gotten a little excited. I jumped up and my popcorn and drink may have gone airborne and landed on both of them. What? I was just having fun.” Yeah it was rather funny. My drink landed in Dalia’s lap, while my popcorn covered them both.

  An evil smirk takes over Antonio’s face. “Please tell me they were dressed more for a night out and not so much for a sporting event.”

  “Most definitely. Dalia nearly came unglued and said a few things that were very inappropriate when around a younger crowd. Asked me what kind of simpleton I was acting so ridiculous over something that meant nothing. I told her that I disagreed; that it meant everything to Isabel so it was worth acting foolish. When she just kept up the shenanigans, going on and on about how embarrassing it was to have someone like me representing them. That there should be some law about not allowing foreigners who have no clue how to act in public when playing such an important role. Finally, after about ten minutes of her word vomit, I had had enough.” I take the last few bites of my sandwich and try to end it there, but my husband wants to hear the entire story.

  “Tell me your team finally stepped in and took care of her.” He sounds so sure that that is the only way to handle her, except it was not.

  “No. I took care of her myself.” I shove my plate aside and take a few sips of my soup.

  “What did you do?” Amusement bounces around in his brown eyes.

  Pointing my spoon at him I call him out. “Do you not think I can handle her? Did you really think I would allow her to get
away with trying to belittle me in public?”

  When he shakes his head and reaches for my hand I continue. “Good, because I didn’t. I very calmly said a few truths to her.”

  Isabel finishes up and asked to be excused. I am grateful, because some of the truths I told Dalia are not kid friendly and I know Antonio is going to want to hear them all. Once she leaves the kitchen and heads for her room to do her nightly routine, I decide to finish my story.

  “I told her that first of all I wasn’t playing any role, that this wasn’t some Broadway performance. Might have pointed out that if it weren’t for foreigners stepping up throughout history, to leave their homes and serve this country, several of your great rulers would not exist, you included.”

  That’s right, Angela is not a Hermosa Islas natural born citizen, her family moved here when she was a teenager from Spain, after she was promised to Prince Ramon, so that she could get to know her future husband better.

  “I went on to say that I took my duty as Queen seriously, and that while I may still be learning a few things, it didn’t mean that I was so far removed from matters that I had no clue on the power I held in my hands. That with a simple nod or making eye contact with the right person, I could have her forcefully removed simply because I did not like her. Although I promised her, I would not do that, because I learned long ago that an act like that only adds fuel to the fire. Instead I cautioned her to tread lightly, because she was causing a scene and would most likely be asked to leave by someone other than me if she wasn’t careful. Then I continued to watch the rest of the game.”

  “Why do I get the suspicion that isn’t all you said?” Antonio brings my hand to his lips. This man knows me so well.

  “As we were leaving, I may have paused next to her and her sister. Extended my hand, making it appear like I was making peace with them. Then I might have gone on to say a few other truths. I may have mentioned that it was a good thing she never got the opportunity to experience you fully, because if she had, and then you dumped her manipulative little ass, she’d be ruined for any other man. I may have even gone so far as to declare that there was no way I’d ever get tired of you either, that you most defiantly knew how to use what the good Lord had blessed you with. Then I offered to pay for her dry cleaning and had Quinn give her the number of the one we use and instructed her to put it on our tab.”