by Mia Archer
The tone of her voice made it clear she thought she was the one who needed to be sorry. Maybe she was right on some level. She had come out here when I specifically asked her not to, but again with as weird as I'd been acting I suppose I could forgive her for being a little suspicious.
I could worry about that later though. Right now I needed to clear the air between us.
"I haven't wanted to talk about my work, and I had a good reason," I said, turning to Tara. "This bitch here.”
"What are you talking about?" Taylor asked.
"She's been threatening me. Threatening you. Telling me that if you ever came to the club she was going to give both of us a piece of her mind, and in her vocabulary giving us a piece of her mind means she's going to try to assault us."
"She already tried to do that," Taylor said. "I'm sure if you check any of the security cameras I see around the place you'll see that."
Tara struggled a few times and let out an unintelligible growl, but otherwise she didn't say anything. No, instead she looked to the various cameras set up around the place. Some of them were dummy cameras, but I knew from going back into the manager's office that enough of them worked.
A place like this needed to have some sort of backup when the clients got too rowdy.
She slumped against Taylor and sighed in defeat. Yeah, something about the way she slumped told me she was the one who threw the first punch and Taylor was defending herself. That wouldn't look good when somebody went back to review the tapes.
"Let her go," I said, turning my attention to Taylor.
"Are you sure?" Taylor asked.
"I should’ve done this a long time ago," I said. "I was afraid of what might happen if I gave in, but I'm not afraid anymore."
Taylor shrugged and let Tara go. “Suit yourself."
Tara took a couple steps forward and she nearly fell. From the way her outfit looked it seemed it wouldn't be the first time she took a spill this evening. She turned and glared at Taylor with pure hatred, then she wheeled around on me.
"You are so going to pay for this," she said. "If I'm already on camera…"
She lunged at me and she was so fast that I almost didn't have time to step to the side. Almost. I dodged out of the way and she stumbled forward into the crowd. A crowd that parted around her. None of the guys made a move to help her, though I did see a couple of them catching glimpses of her as she stumbled forward.
She came up again and growled. Shoved herself at me.
It occurred to me that she wasn't all that good at fighting no matter what kind of game she talked. I also saw that several other people had appeared in the crowd. Girls who worked at the club who no doubt wanted to see what the commotion was. Meanwhile George wasn't lifting a finger to stop the fighting, though he was looking at Tara with some concern.
Then again if I had a dick and I was getting it sucked by someone I might be concerned if they were making a complete ass of themselves too. Apparently getting his dick sucked by Tara on the regular was enough to keep him from getting too involved in her fights.
Again Tara came at me, and this time I figured I'd done enough to prove I wasn’t the aggressor in this fight. I balled my hand into a fist and it made contact with her stomach as she went by. Only the fist making contact with her stomach made sure that she didn't keep going. Instead she doubled over and grunted.
I grabbed her by the hair and pulled her up until she was on her tiptoes.
"Tonight just isn't your night, is it?" I asked.
I felt something coursing through me that I hadn't felt in a good long time. Something I was slightly afraid of. Something I spent years trying to avoid. Something that made me feel alive.
It was time for this bitch to know exactly who she was messing with. I'd tried to take the high road. I tried to be the bigger person, the better person, but she refused to stop her relentless bullying. And now she'd hurt Taylor, or at least she tried to hurt Taylor, and that meant it was on.
It was time for the inner mean girl to come out to play.
“Did I ever tell you about my hometown Tara?" I asked, pulling back on her hair and causing her neck to arch out just a little.
"Why the fuck would you tell me about your hometown? I hate you and I don’t want to ever talk to you,” Tara said.
"It's funny. I grew up in a small town. Only a couple of stoplights. A whole bunch of Bible thumpers and Jesus freaks. The kind of person who wants to make your life a living hell if you have the audacity to love someone of the same sex."
I yanked back even more. She cried out in pain and I felt a surge of satisfaction. Damn this felt good. I was starting to realize that maybe there was a difference between being a mean girl to make myself feel better and being a mean girl to fight off bullies. It was fighting fire with fire, and felt nothing but exhilaration taking on Tara. It easily matched the shame I felt when I thought back to doing this to people who didn’t deserve it when I was in school.
“Did I ever tell you I was a prom queen?" I asked.
"Who would make a dyke like you prom queen?" Tara spat out.
I balled my hand into a fist again and held it in front of her nose. She went cross eyed.
"Shut up while I'm telling my story or I'll make sure your face isn't pretty enough for the stage even at the worst club in town," I said.
"I was a prom queen and everybody was happy for me. Do you know why?"
Tara licked her lips. Locked eyes with me. Seemed to realize there was a point to this story, and that point wasn't going to be good for her. Even she wasn't so dense that she missed that.
"Because anybody who made fun of me or the girl I brought to prom knew they were going to have the shit kicked out of them. Most of the guys too. That's how we rolled out in the country."
Tara didn’t say anything. Her eyes were locked on my fist. She seemed genuinely afraid for the first time since we’d met each other.
It actually felt sort of weird. We’d spent so much time with her being the bitchy one, threatening me and making me miserable, that it was funny seeing her whole bitchy facade come crashing down the first time someone challenged her on her bullshit.
"I like to think I'm a proof you can take the girl out of the small town,” I said. I looked at her and grinned. "But you’re proof they can’t take the trailer park out of the girl, you piece of shit.”
I finally let her go and this time I did have the supreme satisfaction of watching Tara go stumbling back. She fell back on her butt and let out a little yelp.
Good. It was the least the bitch deserved. I hope she bruised her tailbone.
"You're going to pay for that," she said.
I didn't say anything in response. I merely raised a fist at her. Her eyes went wide and she scrambled back. I noted that as she scrambled back through a puddle of some strange liquid.
I winced and really hoped that was beer. There was always a chance it was something else. Something that would be a lot more unpleasant to go crawling through.
Tara looked down and from the disgust that registered on her face she didn't care for what she was crawling through either. She held her hands up, sticky with whatever it was, and let out a scream. Looked up to George.
"Well? What are you waiting for? Help me out asshole!"
I saw the wheels turning in George's head. He wasn’t a bright man so the wheels were turning a little slowly. No doubt trying to decide if future blowjobs from Tara were worth the trouble of picking her up and getting whatever that liquid was on his hands as well. Finally he crossed his arms and shook his head.
That was good for another growl from Tara as she picked herself up and very nearly slipped in the stuff again. She shot me one last dirty look and and then disappeared into the crowd.
I stood there for a moment feeling alive. Really and truly alive for the first time in a long time.
I realized that it had been far too long since I stood up for myself. I'd been so afraid of hurting somebody that I’d allowed myself to bec
ome a complete pushover. I'd gone too far in the opposite direction out of the fear that I’d bully someone again.
Well no more. I’d proven to everyone tonight that I wasn't going to put up with that bullshit any longer. Tonight I showed that Tara wasn’t going to get me.
I looked to Taylor and cocked an eyebrow. "I think we need to talk."
She looked down and if anything she seemed almost reluctant. Then again, I'd never known the phrase "we need to talk" to ever result in something good. She was no doubt running through all the bad things that could potentially be coming as a result of those words.
But it was too late. She'd come here to check on me. Now that Tara was good and taken care of I couldn't ignore the fact that Taylor was here checking up on me.
"Do we have to?" she said.
"I think we do," I said in as quiet a tone as I could muster given everything that had happened tonight and the loud music still blasting all around us.
I reached out and took her hand. Though I noted that when she took my hand she didn't squeeze it like she usually did
No, things had changed between us tonight. I wasn't sure if they had changed for good, but I also wasn't sure that I wanted them to stay the same. Not after all this.
I took her through the back area. Not into the private rooms. Through the backstage area where we saw Tara. She shied away from me.
It was almost enough to make me laugh. She’d gone from being the big bad in the backstage area to being so afraid of me that she didn’t say anything as I walked past.
I hated to say it, but it felt good. Sometimes you needed to bully the bullies.
I continued pulling Taylor right on past Tara until we were out behind the club. It was always quiet back here.
I looked up to the stars above. I couldn't see all that many here in town, but there were enough to remind me of growing up at home in a farmhouse in the country where I could see for trillions of miles when I looked up.
Talking to Tara about where I grew up got me to thinking about that. Got me to thinking about the person I was once upon a time, and how maybe I needed to bring some of that confidence back into my life.
"Nice place they have here," Taylor said, looking around and rubbing her arms.
I looked around and realized that, aside from the view of the stars above, it really didn't look all that impressive down here. There was a dumpster off to one side, and a small wooded area behind us which sort of hid a gas station on the other side.
"It's quiet," I said.
"So you wanted to talk?" Taylor asked.
"I don't want to talk," I said. "I think after what happened in there we need to talk. Wouldn't you agree?"
Taylor sighed. "I suppose you're right. Look, I'm sorry for coming out here. I should have never…"
I held a hand up and that stopped her. She looked to me. Cocked an eyebrow.
I hated what I was about to say, but I needed to say it. After all, she was out here checking on me. She let suspicion get the best of her.
"I've seen what you did tonight happen time and again with girls, but I never thought it would happen to me."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
I sighed and looked up to the stars again. It helped distract me from what I was about to do. Thinking of home gave me strength. Just like it gave me strength when I was standing up to Tara.
"I've seen girls who were in relationships. I've seen what happens when their guys come out here and see them at work. Some of them can handle it, I know at least one guy who got off on the thought of his girl dancing close with guys professionally, but most of them can't take it. Most of them get jealous."
I searched her eyes. And the more I looked at her the more I knew I was absolutely right.
Taylor fell into the latter category. She was the kind of person who couldn't take the idea of the person she was dating working the kind of job I worked.
"It started at the party. The way you accused me when I went off with that guy. And coming here tonight… I'm willing to admit that I probably gave you a good reason to be suspicious, but you also came out here because you suspected something."
"Maybe I did," Taylor said. "But can you blame me?"
I reached out and touched her shoulder. She smiled and leaned her cheek down against my hand. I longed to run that hand along her cheek. To feel the heat there. To pull her in for a kiss.
I wasn't going to do that though. No, now wasn't the time to give into temptation, and Taylor was certainly temptation made flesh. Now was the time for me to be strong. Now was the time for me to be a little bit of the person I'd been going up.
Even if it killed me to do it.
"I can't say that I blame you. Especially since I was trying to keep what Tara was saying about you a secret. But at the same time the fact remains that you came out here. You let jealousy get the best of you, and I don't need that in my life right now."
It was like I was reaching into my chest and ripping out my heart. The way Taylor looked up at me, suddenly surprised, it was also pretty clear that was the last thing she expected from me. I hated it, but it had to be done. I'd seen what happened with those relationships. With girls who tried to make things work with someone who had a jealous streak.
It never worked out, and I had no illusions about it magically working out for me because I was a lesbian. It's not like we had magic superpowers when it came to our relationships succeeding.
"What are you saying Jasmine?" Taylor asked.
"I think you know what I'm saying Taylor," I said. "I can't be in a relationship where someone is jealous. Where I have to worry about you worrying about what I do at work. I’m at a strip club for men and you still came out here.”
"But I…"
I moved a finger up. Pressed it against her lips. She went crosseyed staring down at my index finger and once more that was enough to shut her up.
"I'm not saying this is the end Taylor," I said. I wished I could believe that. "All I'm saying is I think we need to take a break. Take a step back and evaluate what we both want. Decide if this kind of relationship, if my job, is something we can both handle."
I didn't tell her that I already knew how this turned out. That I'd seen other relationships that ended with girls taking a break from their boyfriends, and that break never ended.
I didn't want to be completely heartless. I didn't want to leave her without any hope.
"Is there nothing I can…"
I took her hand in mine. Gave it a squeeze. I relished that squeeze because something told me that was going to be the last time I felt her hand grasping my own for a very long time. Maybe ever. It broke my heart to think that.
"No more," I said. I leaned in and brushed my lips against hers. "I know this hurts, but this is how it has to be. Trust me."
I let her hand go. Forced myself to pull away. I knew this was for the best, I knew this was partly my fault. Maybe more than partly my fault. And yet we’d come to this place and I knew it had to happen.
I'd seen this play out often enough with other girls’ relationships and I didn't want it to happen to me.
So with a sigh I went back into work. To the place that had both introduced me to Taylor and pulled us apart.
There were times when I hated working here, even if the money couldn't be beat.
19
Taylor
I slumped back in my seat and looked at the incoming call list. It was a bunch of calls from a bunch of people who didn't know a mouse from their ass. In short, exactly the kind of call I dreaded whenever I came into work in the morning.
It also looked like nobody else in the support department was in the mood to take any of those calls. None of them were going away and I could see in the phone list that other people were active.
I sighed and I was about to pull one of them up when I felt someone coming up behind me.
"What's up?" Stephen asked.
I sighed in relief. I didn't want to talk to Dan right now. It was weird, but D
an served as a reminder of how he'd convinced me to go out to the strip club which led to thoughts of getting together with Jasmine.
And that naturally led to thoughts of how I'd fucked everything up. Big time. Not exactly the kind of thing I wanted to think about right now.
I wheeled around in my chair, glad for the distraction from the calls in the queue. After all, if Stephen wasn’t answering then I felt like I didn't have any obligation to answer them either.
I stopped when I saw Dan standing there with a grin on his face.
"Still sad about everything that happened?" he asked.
"Maybe a little," I said.
It still irked me that they knew everything about what had happened. It all came out after Jason was kicked out on his ass for harassing people at the office party. Turns out Jasmine wasn’t the only girl he bothered that night, and Gwen had come down on him with a righteous fury.
Telling the guys about my part in that naturally led to how I got a little suspicious of Jasmine and maybe let that suspicion get the better of me. That led to talking about how everything fell apart around us.
Damn it. Now here I was thinking about it again.
"I told you this was a bad idea," Stephen said.
"Hold on," Dan said. "Let's give it a chance before we say this was a failure."
I eyed the two of them with suspicion. This sounded a lot like the conversation that got me dragged to a strip club in the first place. I was wary of those conversations now.
Especially since I was still suffering from one hell of a case of lingering heartbreak. I couldn’t go more than ten minutes without thinking about how I’d royally screwed things up with Jasmine.
I mean sure she'd done her part to help screw things up, I was well aware that it took two to tango with our fucked up situation, but still.
"What are the two of you planning?" I asked.
"We’re not planning anything," Dan said.
"That's not the truth and you know it Dan,” Stephen said.
"Well it's close enough to the truth," Dan said.
"Yeah and Darth Vader killed Luke's father from certain point of view but we all know that's bullshit,” Stephen said.
