by Mia Archer
I rolled my eyes. "Could you guys drop the Star Wars routine and tell me what the hell you're going on about?"
"Fine. We were going to see if you wanted to come out on the monthly outing."
I cocked an eyebrow. "And which one of the two of you lovelies decided you were going to come out of the closet finally?" I asked. “I know it can't be Stephen. Not with the hottie he landed. That would be a crime against heterosexuality!"
Dan and Stephen exchanged glances as they realized exactly what I was talking about. They burst into laughter. I didn't think the joke was that good, but if they were going to give me credit then whatever.
"You guys still aren't telling me what's going on here," I said.
"But I totally did," Dan said. "We want you to come to the work outing with us."
"What work outing?”
"The one to the club," Stephen said, and then he looked away and cleared his throat.
I stared between the two of them. Looked for any sign that this was their idea of a joke. If it was a joke then it wasn’t a very funny one.
"You guys are kidding me," I said.
"Totally not," Stephen said. Then he turned to Dan. "I told you this was a bad idea!"
"It's totally not a bad idea," Dan said. "I've already told you what my plan is."
"And were you going to tell me what this plan is?" I asked.
My irritation was mounting by the moment. As far as I knew they hadn't gone on the first outing about a month ago even though they talked about it. Maybe there was something about the rapid development of my relationship with Jasmine coupled with its equally rapid demise that made them realize it would be in poor taste for all the guys to go out to the Lacy Garter.
Apparently a month was enough time for them to think it was A-okay though.
It was difficult for me to push down on my irritation. They should know that place was off limits.
Though I chided myself for being ridiculous even as I thought it. After all, I always thought it was silly how the straights went on about their exes as though it was a huge betrayal of trust for someone to date them. That wasn't a luxury I had in the small gay communities I ran in, from college to the here and now.
So if I thought it was ridiculous when somebody tried to claim an ex for their own then wasn't it equally ridiculous that I was getting upset as though the entire strip club where my ex worked was somehow my territory?
"This was a bad idea," Stephen said. "Forget we even brought it up. I'm sorry we bothered you.”
I held up a hand and shook my head.
"No. I'm sorry. Maybe I overreacted just a little."
"I told you…" Dan started to say, but then I shut him up with a glare.
"Or maybe you guys are being dicks, but that has yet to be seen. So why don't you go ahead and tell me what your big plan is?”
Dan grinned. It was the same grin that convinced me to go to the strip club in the first place. It was the same sort of grin that told me I was about to get into trouble.
"It's pretty simple," Dan said. "You have to go to that club tonight."
“I have to go to that club tonight?”
I really hoped my tone communicated just what I thought of that idea. I was willing to hear him out, but if he thought he was going to win me over with circular reasoning like “I have to go to the club tonight because I have to go to the club tonight” then he had another thing coming.
“Now wait a minute and hear him out,” Stephen said. “As always there’s sort of a method to the man’s madness. You have to give him that considering how things turned out last time.”
This time I turned the look on Stephen and he seemed to realize, just a little too late, exactly how that sounded. After all, things hadn’t worked out all that well at all in the end, had they? Even if they did seem to be going well for a short while.
“Sorry,” Stephen said. He had the good grace to blush and turn away. Obviously he was a little embarrassed.
“Please. Tell me all about how you’re going to turn things around for me. Tell me all about how going to a strip club is going to save a relationship I’m not in anymore because the last time I went to that strip club everything blew up in my face. I’m really interested in finding out how you’re getting from one to the other.”
“Like I said, hear me out,” Dan said.
“I’m listening, but I can’t guarantee you’re going to like the finger I show you when you’re done,” I replied.
Dang. I was getting really salty with him. I figured he deserved it just a little. Sure it wasn’t his fault that everything had gone wrong. That was all on me and Jasmine. Still, I couldn’t help but be a little annoyed with him since it was convincing me to go to the strip club in the first place that started all the trouble.
“You need to go out there because you need to grow a pair,” Dan said.
I arched an eyebrow. It was an interesting start, I’d give him that. I wasn’t sure I liked where he was going with this, but I’d give him a chance.
“Go on,” I said.
“Well the way I see it is this girl said there was still maybe a chance for the two of you, right?” he asked.
“She said that, but I don’t really believe it,” I replied.
“Sure you don’t believe it, and that’s why you’re not out there fighting for this girl,” Dan said. “But what I’m trying to tell you here is you need to be out there fighting for her.”
I sighed. “You don’t understand. It’s way more complicated than that. I went out there and betrayed her. I made her think that she was…”
I stopped, my voice catching. I’d managed to keep it together talking about Jasmine so far, but I was having trouble now. Sure we’d only been dating for about a month when everything went to shit, but there was something about the intensity of that month that made me feel the loss way more intensely than I had other relationships that lasted about that long.
“You’re bullshitting yourself, and I’m not going to let one of my friends do that,” Dan said.
I looked up at him and I felt moisture gathering at the edge of my vision. I was going to lose it in front of these guys. I didn’t want to lose it in front of them. Not and ruin the tough girl routine that I cultivated at this place.
“Look at the way you’re tearing up just thinking about this girl,” Dan said. “Maybe you were only dating for a little while, but those are the tears of someone who really misses a person. Am I right?”
“I guess you are,” I said, still not wanting to concede the point.
“Of course I’m right. You really had feelings for this girl and you let jealousy get the better of you, but is that any reason for you to let everything go to hell the first time you stumble?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. “She made it pretty clear she didn’t want to hear from me again.”
“Actually that’s not what I heard when you told us about your breakup,” Stephen said.
“Excuse me?”
“You said that she said that you needed to take a break, but that’s it. Maybe her tone said something else, but that gives you an opening.”
“Is there a point to all this?”
I knew I wasn’t being fair. They were just trying to cheer me up, after all. They were just giving me a pep talk and trying to let me know everything was going to be okay even if we all knew everything wasn’t going to be okay.
That was what friends did for each other, and these guys were pretty good friends even if I did get annoyed with Dan from time to time.
Stephen was the one taking point now though. Maybe Dan had started this conversation, but the intense look on Stephen’s face said the he was damn well going to be the one who finished it.
“Look, you’re always making comments about how lucky I am to be with Carrie, right?” he asked.
I blushed and looked away. I suppose I did make comments like that a lot, now that I thought about it. And now that he pointed it out it occurred t
o me that maybe it wasn’t the nicest thing in the world to say. Maybe he could take that the wrong way and think I was making fun of him or something.
That couldn’t be farther from the truth. I was happy for the guy. Happy he’d found a girl who was so hot who also made him so happy. If anything I was jealous that I didn’t have that in my life.
But I could see where he would take that the wrong way.
“Yeah, I suppose,” I said.
“Well do you think I rolled over and gave up the first time we had an argument? The first time it looked like she was going to go off and find someone else? Hell no I didn’t, and you know why?”
I had a feeling I knew where he was going with this, but he’d worked up a good head of steam and I didn’t have the heart to stop him.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because I was in love with the girl and I wasn’t going to let anything stop it, that’s why,” he said. “And if you’re really in love with this Jasmine girl then you should do the same thing. So you made some mistakes, so you hurt her feelings. If people broke up every time they hurt their feelings then no one would ever stay together!”
I stared at him with my jaw hanging open. Dan was doing a bit of the same. Stephen was always such a nice guy. So down to earth with a ready smile on his face. Passionate isn’t a word I’d ever use to describe him, and yet “passionate” is the only way I could think to describe the speech he’d just made.
“I guess you do sort of have a point,” I said. “You’re saying if I like the girl then I should go out there and try to fix things. Not sit here and mope and hope she’ll call me or something?”
I hated to admit it, but that had been my grand plan for saving our relationship. Waiting for her to realize she couldn’t live without me. Waiting for her to come around and beg me to take her back.
Though the more time stretched out between our argument and the present the more I was thinking that call wasn’t going to come. The more I figured she’d been totally serious when she said she knew how these sorts of relationships ended when someone got jealous.
I hated that my jealousy had done this. Why had I ever suspected her of messing around on me? It wasn’t fair to her, damn it.
“Fine. So maybe you have something. I just hope you’re not doing all this in an attempt to get me to go out with you or something,” I said.
“Would I ever do something like that?” Dan said.
“Trust me. This is all about getting you back with that Jasmine girl,” Stephen said. “We’ve never seen you happier than when you were with her, and we want you to be that happy again!”
I fixed them both with a level glare, but both of them didn’t turn away. Both of them had a look of anticipation on their faces that told me they were completely serious about this. They wanted this to work out. Heck, maybe they’d organized this whole outing so I would have a chance to get out there and see Jasmine again.
“You guys are devious. You know that, right?” I asked.
“Maybe we are, but you wouldn’t have it any other way,” Stephen said.
“So does that mean you’re going?” Dan asked.
“Yes it means I’m going,” I said. “I still think it’s a terrible idea and this is all going to end in tears, but damn it I’m going.”
And for the first time since Jasmine and I had that argument behind her work I felt a bit of hope. Sure it wasn’t much, but it was something. Maybe this wouldn’t have an unhappy ending after all.
A girl could hope.
20
Jasmine
“Y’know this place has been so much nicer since you stood up to Tara,” Tiffany said.
I looked over at her as she put on some of her makeup and rolled my eyes. She wasn’t the first girl to come up and thank me for standing up to Tara. I had a feeling she wouldn’t be the last either.
She was the only girl who insisted on thanking me every single night though. It was getting to the point where the people thanking me for getting Tara to finally step off of her constant warpath was almost as annoying as Tara had been while she was on the warpath.
Almost. Not quite. It was nice to be able to enjoy the dressing room without worrying about someone calling me a dyke or saying I was checking her out.
I looked over to the back corner of the dressing room. Tara had been banished back there when it became clear that no one else back here was going to stand up for her.
That had been almost as satisfying as when I threatened her. Almost as satisfying as when she went to the owner to complain and he pointed out that he had video of her assaulting a client and she was lucky she wasn’t getting fired.
Almost as satisfying, but not quite. Yeah, she wasn’t a worry anymore. It was refreshing after all the trouble she’d caused me for so long.
Especially considering she was a big part of the reason why I was no longer with Taylor. Sure Taylor getting jealous in the first place and not trusting me had been the straw that broke the camel’s back, but Tara was the one who’d been piling that straw on and stressing me out to the point that things got that bad.
“So are you looking forward to the evening?” I asked. “Saturday night. There should be plenty of people out there. Lots of money!”
“I think the question is are you looking forward to it?” Tiffany asked.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.
I preoccupied myself by concentrating on putting on some glitter lotion. Applied properly the stuff could provide a nice shine when I was out under the lights.
Of course there’d been a couple of times when I got clients in trouble because they came home with glitter all over their clothes and they told me later that their wives or girlfriends didn’t appreciate it, but I figured that was a whole lot of not my problem.
“Come on Jasmine,” Tiffany said. “You haven’t been the same ever since that night. I mean I know you did a big favor for all of us by standing up to that bitch, but maybe you should give that girl a call?”
“I already told you I’m not doing that and that’s that,” I said. “I made my decision.”
Of course that wasn’t entirely the truth. Just about every night before I headed out to work I played a little game where I stared at my phone and willed myself to call Taylor. All I’d have to do is unlock my phone, open up my contacts, and tap on her name.
It was so simple, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. There was something that was keeping me from calling her. Maybe it was stubborn pride. Maybe it was lingering annoyance that she’d been there that night.
Maybe it was the feeling I had that I’d completely overreacted to her being out there in the first place. Maybe it was the lingering feeling that I’d completely fucked things up and no amount of talking to Taylor on the phone was going to fix it.
Sure she’d been jealous, but the more I thought of it the more I thought that was something we could’ve worked through. I’d just been so worked up in the moment, so ready to lash out at anyone, and Taylor had been right there.
So I did what I always did when Taylor came up. I didn’t think about it.
“She made her decision that night and I made mine,” I said. “I’m not calling her.”
Tiffany shrugged. “Suit yourself, but you’ve been pretty miserable ever since that blowup. Maybe you should reconsider.”
I slammed the glitter lotion down on my table so hard that some of it squirted up and landed on my makeup. I growled. That was going to be a pain to clean up. Once you got that glitter on stuff it was impossible to get out.
I knew because I’d made the mistake of washing some of my work clothes at my apartment and now glitter seemed like a permanent fixture in my dryer. I wasn’t going to get my damage deposit back because of that.
“Would you give it a rest?” I asked.
“Of course,” Tiffany said.
Tiffany stood and made her way over to the staging are. There was still at least one performer ahead of her, but I had a feelin
g she didn’t want to be around me right about now.
Not that I could blame her. I’d been on edge ever since the argument with Taylor. It was antsy. I felt like an addict who needed a fix and I couldn’t get it. At least what I imagined an addict felt like.
Lord knows I’d seen plenty of examples here in this dressing room since I started working here.
“You know you shouldn’t be mean to people like that.”
I turned to look up at the source of that nugget of wisdom. Sure my brain knew that was Tara’s voice, but I had a hard time connecting that calm somewhat rational voice to the girl I knew who flew off the handle and tried to make me miserable whenever she could.
This was the first time she’d talked to me since the incident. Usually she bustled past me as quickly as possible and then tried to get out on stage or onto the floor as fast as she could.
Even now when I looked up at her she flinched away as though she thought I was going to hurt her or something.
“What do you want?” I asked.
She flinched again, but for a wonder she stood her ground. She stayed right there in front of me staring down with a touch of defiance. There was a touch of the fire the old Tara showed, but not much.
She really was a changed person since the day I stood up to her. I wondered if that change was permanent or if this was the start of her backsliding and doing her best to make me miserable again.
“Look…”
She paused. Looked around the room. Seemed to be gathering her thoughts. What little thoughts she could be said to have. Finally she looked back at me and sighed.
“Can I sit down for a minute?” she asked.
“Be my guest,” I said.
She started to sit, but I held up a finger and she stopped.
“Know that if you start up any of your old bullshit I’m going to make you regret it even more than you regret what happened here a few weeks ago.”
“I suppose I deserved that,” she said after a long moment.
I blinked. Okay then. Not what I expected from her. I hadn’t known Tara to ever take on the blame for something in her life. That she was doing it now was a big change. Weird.
