Girl Love Happens : Season One

by T. B. Markinson

  I stared helplessly at both of them.

  Around eleven that night, I parked the Honda in the parking lot two dorms down from where I lived. I had never intended to stay so long at my mom’s, but the afternoon and evening rushed by before I noticed it was almost nine. Mom veered close to gabbing about more embarrassing stories, but the wine seemed to seize her tongue, and I was able to keep her out of most of the conversations with Erik. Overall, it was a pleasant evening under the moonlight.

  Both of us got out of the car.

  Erik leaned on the trunk. “Thanks for letting me tag along today. It meant a lot.”

  “Not sure I’ll ever recover.”

  “Your mom is a trip. Is she always that bad or only when drunk?” He buttoned up his flannel shirt. The temperature outside was rapidly dropping.

  “She’s always a challenge, and this was the first time I’ve seen her drunk.”

  “Does it worry you?” He motioned for me to sit on the trunk.

  I waved off the idea, not having the energy to dissect my mother’s mind-set. “Too cold. Besides, I better get back.”

  “I’ll walk you.”

  “It’s okay. I usually park in this lot. I’m used to it. What dorm is yours?”

  “My marine father would have me shot by a firing squad if I ever let a woman walk home alone after dark. Besides, I’m heading that way to Anders Hall.”

  “Chivalry isn’t dead.” I rubbed my bare arms.

  “Not in my world.” He peeled his long sleeve shirt off and handed it to me.

  I put it on, the fabric still warm from his body heat.

  “Come on. Let’s get you warm.” He bent his arm out for me to loop my hand through.

  I did.

  “I really appreciate you coming today. God only knows how much worse it would have been if it was just the two of us.”

  “Your mom is angry. There’s no doubt about that. Are you close with your dad?” He steered us around a group of drunk boys who were clearly ready for the semester to be over.

  “Not really. This past week I’ve talked to him on the phone more than I have since leaving home. He’s a pilot,” I explained.

  “My dad is the same. Never around.”

  “Dads—what can you do?” I said in hopes to obliterate the awkwardness.

  We reached the entrance of my dorm.

  “Here we are. Thanks for walking me.”

  “Hey now. I said I’d walk you home.” He pried the glass door open. “That means to your room.”

  “Oh, okay.” Knowing Gemma would be home, my mind filled with ideas of ditching him before reaching the door. “You really don’t have to, though. It’s late.”

  He waved me off. “It’s the least I can do. You saved me from spending another Mother’s Day alone.” Sadness tinged his words, ruining my chance of ditching him.

  Each step closer to Gemma echoed in my head.

  An oblivious Erik continued the march to my impending doom.

  When we reached my floor, I whispered, “Shhh. Quiet hours have started.”

  He nodded in a way that suggested he understood the true meaning.

  Outside the door, I reached into my purse to retrieve the key.

  Before the door opened, Gemma said, “I’ve been worried sick. I tried calling, but no one answered.”

  “Oh, we were outside most of the time. I didn’t even think...”

  Gemma stiffened when Erik and I came into view.

  “Erik walked me home in the dark,” I rushed to explain.

  “Now that you’re safe and sound, I’ll go.” He must have perceived my sagging shoulders and the daggers shooting out of Gemma’s eyes.

  I staggered around and said, “Thanks so much, Erik.” I put my hand out to shake for some absurd reason.

  He shook it. “Tegan.” He nodded to Gem and then regarded me. “See ya at the history final on Wednesday.”

  The darkness in the hallway swallowed him as I shut the door.

  “Seriously, Tegan.” Jenny hovered behind Gemma. “Didn’t you learn from the Walt’s Hill fiasco?”

  Gemma stared, stone-faced, not giving me a glimpse if I was in the doghouse or not.

  Bernie sat on Gemma’s bed.

  “What are you two doing here?” I set my purse on the desk, pretending nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

  “Gemma called us freaking out since she expected you hours ago.” Jenny leaned against the closet door.

  “I’m sorry, Gem. I should have called. But my mom was such a mess I couldn’t leave.”

  Gemma remained quiet.

  “Please. Don’t be this way. It was nothing.”

  “What was nothing?” she asked.

  “Erik. He, uh, joined me at my mom’s.”

  “You took Erik to your mother’s?” Gemma’s eyes matched the shock in her tone.

  “I didn’t plan it. It just happened.”

  Bernie and Jenny exchanged an oh brother look.

  “It was nothing.” I scanned Gem’s eyes. “Can we talk? In private?” I whispered uselessly in the cramped room.

  “I think I need some space,” Gemma said.

  “What does that mean?”

  Gemma didn’t respond. “Can I crash with you?” She waited for Bernie’s answer.

  “Of course.” Bernie stood but studied me with sympathetic eyes.

  Gem grabbed her backpack and tossed in some clothes.

  “Gem, wait. I can explain,” I cried.

  “That may be true, but it doesn’t change how I feel right now. And I think it’s best I leave before saying or doing something I regret.”

  I tugged her arm. “Please, don’t do this. You’re blowing this way out of proportion.”

  Gemma stared down at my hand on her arm. Seconds crawled by before she twisted her head and said to Jenny and Bernie, “Can you give me a second?”

  Both exited quietly.

  Relief whooshed through me, until Gemma returned her face to mine. Her eyes brimmed with anger and hurt. She stood near the doorway with her arms folded over her chest. “So?”

  “That’s how you want to start this conversation?” I shook my head.

  “How do you want to start?” Her arms tightened as if preparing for an onslaught.

  “Civilly. First, ask Jenny and Bernie to leave. It’s weird having them right outside the door while we talk. And we need to talk.”

  “Bernie lives off campus. If they leave, I won’t have a ride.”

  “Gemma! You’re jumping to some really horrible scenarios without giving me the benefit of the doubt.” I groaned. “Listen. After we talk, if you still want to spend the night apart, I’ll drive you to Bernie’s.”

  Her crinkled brow conveyed, Yeah right.

  “I promise, promise. But I need you to hear me out, beginning to end.”

  The resolve in her eyes lessened. Not as much as I would have liked, but at the moment I’d take what I could get.

  She stuck her head out into the hallway, whispered some words, and then shut the door. “First term of the agreement met.”

  If I wasn’t livid with the beautiful redhead, I would have laughed. Even when she was being annoying on purpose, I wanted to rip her clothes off.

  “Thank you.” I collapsed onto my bed and patted the spot next to me. “Would you like to sit down?”

  She moved a chair into the middle of the room and sat, straddling the back.

  Neither of us said a word.

  “Well?” She hefted her shoulders. “Shouldn’t you be pleading your case?”

  “You act like I murdered someone.”

  She kneaded her face with a palm, a trace of a tear forming in the corner of one eye. Was it an angry or sad tear?

  “Why do you fly off the handle every time you see me with Erik? He’s a friend. Nothing more.”

  She jolted up in the chair ramrod straight. “You don’t think I have any reason to suspect his motives?” Her stiff posture and inability to meet my eyes suggested she didn
’t trust my motives either.

  “Do you want to know why I invited him to my mother’s today?”

  “Not really,” she mumbled more to herself.

  “I ran into him in the parking lot and asked him why he wasn’t celebrating with his mother. Boy did I feel like an ass when Erik told me his mom died when he was a kid.”

  Gem’s shoulders sagged some.

  “You should have seen him. So lost. I couldn’t let him walk away.”

  She bobbed her head. “Okay, but can you look me in the eye and tell me that was the only reason you invited him?”

  “No, I can’t.”

  She popped off the chair like a champagne cork. “I knew it!”

  I shot off the bed. “You knew what?”

  “You like Erik! All along, you’ve liked Erik!” She paced toward the door and back to the center of the room, rubbing a hand on top of her head.

  “For the love of God, stop!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

  It worked. She froze mid-stride.

  “Sit down,” I gestured to the chair, and Gemma complied.

  I squatted next to her and clasped both of her hands. “I don’t know how to explain this to you so you’ll understand, but finding other people attractive doesn’t mean I’ll act on that attraction. You hang out with Bernie all the time. Do you think she’s pretty?”

  “Sh-she’s Jenny’s girlfriend,” Gemma stuttered.

  “I’m aware. That’s not the point. Do you think she’s pretty?” I peered into her emerald eyes.

  Gemma started to shake her head but conceded the point with a shrug.

  “Would you ever put the moves on Bernie?”

  “Of course not,” she spat out.

  “Don’t get mad. I never thought you would. Not once have I ever accused you of such a thing, and not once have I said you can’t hang out with arguably one of the most beautiful girls on campus.”

  Gemma glanced away.

  “I admit I think Erik is attractive. Very attractive.”

  She sucked in a ragged breath. “The first day we met, you admitted you had a thing for Harrison Ford, even a look-alike.”

  “How do you remember that?”

  Her smile wasn’t reassuring. “Hard to forget.”

  My thighs burned from squatting, an exercise I’d hated in gym class and still didn’t like. Realizing Gemma’s angry spurt had dissipated for the moment, I retook my seat on the bed.

  “Meeting Erik has thrown you for a loop.”

  “True,” I said.

  She flinched.

  “But not for the reasons you think.”

  “What do I think?”

  I snorted. “That I want to fuck Erik.” There wasn’t a need to sugarcoat the huge effing pink elephant in the room.

  “Do you?” she whispered with her eyes downcast.

  “No. I don’t. I find my attraction to Erik confusing. When I hooked up with you, I was convinced I was a lesbian. No doubt in my mind from the moment we kissed. I was perfectly content with that knowledge. But then Erik happened. He’s made me question some things, not my love for you or my desire to be with you, because nothing and I mean nothing will change that. But my identity. I don’t want to be bisexual.”

  “Then don’t.”

  I covered my mouth, stung by her blunt reaction. “If it was that easy, I’d do it. Don’t you realize how much this has been killing me? How I feel like a failure? Like I’m letting you down?” My nose burned, a good indicator it was only a matter of seconds before the waterworks released. “I don’t want to hurt you.” My body heaved up and down, racked with sobs.

  Gemma flew to my side, wrapping her strong arms around me. “Shhh, please don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry.” She rocked me back and forth, whispering, “I’m sorry.”

  “I hate crying.”

  She laughed. Really laughed. “For someone who hates crying, you sure do cry a lot.”

  I laughed with her, shooting snot out of my nose. I used my sleeve to wipe it away, realizing too late that I still wore Erik’s shirt. Luckily, Gem didn’t seem to notice.

  “Don’t let Erik see that,” she said but then added, “Or maybe he should.”

  We both grew silent as the awkwardness of my confession and her reaction seeped back into both of our minds.

  “Do you still want me to drive you to Bernie’s?”

  She rested her head against mine. “I don’t know.” She stared at her hands in her lap. “No, I’m okay for now.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  After turning in my history final, the last one I had to take, I should have been bubbling over with excitement or at least cracking a smile. But I didn’t.

  “Tegan!”

  I whirled around in the hallway, finding myself in Erik’s arms. “The semester is over!” He picked me up off the ground, crushing me against his chest.

  I grunted.

  He plunked me down. “Aren’t you excited for summer?”

  Dreading it was more like it. “I guess so.” I hitched a pathetic shoulder.

  He steered us away from a handful of students exiting the building and chattering about getting trashed to celebrate. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” I hugged my stomach.

  He hooked a thumb toward his chest. “Hey, it’s me. Not some douchebag.”

  I actually laughed. Erik may not be a douchebag, but he was the source of my turmoil. Partly, at least. “Who told ya you aren’t a douchebag?”

  He smiled. “All the women in my life, except for April.” He laughed. “But it’s best to treat her like opposite day. Whatever she says, I translate it to make it good.”

  I rolled my eyes. “In the doghouse?”

  He rolled back onto his heels, sticking his thumbs into the belt loops of his cargo shorts. “Maybe. You?”

  “Absolutely.”

  He jerked his head for me to follow him outside. The sun blazed overhead. “Take a seat.” He shoved me onto a bench on the path along the side of the building.

  “Manhandling girls isn’t exactly chivalrous.” I rubbed my arms where he’d gripped me.

  “Not opening up to a friend doesn’t make you best friend material.”

  I sighed. “Gemma’s having a hard time accepting me.”

  Erik slid onto the seat next to me, resting one arm along the top plank. “As a lesbian? That makes zero sense.” He formed an O with his right hand.

  “Sometimes I wonder about you. As a bisexual.”

  “You’re bi?” His normally masculine voice cracked like a boy going through puberty.

  “Don’t get too excited. The only person I want is Gem.”

  He waved me off. “I know that. I just didn’t know the whole… situation.”

  “It’s not something I shout from the rooftops.”

  Erik nodded his head, simultaneously rubbing the two-day growth of beard on his chin. “Is she mad about the other night?”

  I snorted. “You could say that.”

  “She thinks you like me?”

  “Other way around, Cockschott.” I scooted closer to the metal armrest.

  He stuck his tongue out but didn’t bite on my weak diversion attempt. “Ah. She’s worried I like you.”

  I bit down on my tongue to stop the words “Don’t you?” from leaving my addled brain.

  “Give her some time. Maybe the three of us should go to dinner—” I started to object, but he mimed with his hand for me to shut it. “Not as a date or something. Once she gets to know me, she won’t be able to hate me.”

  I laughed. “God, you have such an ego.”

  He flashed a crooked smile. “I can’t help it if people love me.”

  I’d settle for Gemma loving me. Hell, even liking me at the moment would make things a heck of a lot better.

  Erik glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to run.” He rose, his shadow giving me a chill. “Seriously, Gem will come around. No one in their right mind would let you get away.”

  “Thanks.”
/>
  “I’ll stop by later to say goodbye.” He patted my head as he spoke.

  Before I could tell him that was a bad idea, he dashed off.

  The end of the semester gin and tonic party had arrived, and all I could do was stew in the corner on one of the couches in the basement. No one looked in my direction, and for that, I was truly grateful. I felt like Hester Prynne, except with a scarlet B for bisexual scratched into my forehead.

  “Mind if I join you?” Bernie didn’t wait for an answer and plopped down right in the middle of the three-cushion couch.

  Seriously, the woman really did think she was Oprah. What irked me the most was that she was the only one trying to ease the situation. Jenny was firmly on Gemma’s side.

  “How you doing?” she asked with her face turned to mine.

  “Fine, thanks.”

  “Is that why you’re hiding in the corner?” She motioned to the drinkers across the room. A hazy cloud of smoke hung overhead.

  “I’m not hiding.” I hugged the couch pillow to my chest.

  Her smile suggested I was being childish but she thought it was cute. “It’s okay, you know.”

  “What’s okay?”

  “Being bisexual.” Her voice was much too loud for my liking.

  I put a finger to my lips.

  Again, she flashed me that condescending smile that rubbed me the wrong way. Bernie cast her gaze over everyone in the room. “Everyone here is drunker than drunk. Don’t worry.”

  I wanted to scream. Who did this chick think she was? If I wanted to worry, I would, thank you very much. Jesus, I was more neurotic than I thought.

  She leaned closer, laying a hand on my thigh. “I felt the same way, at first.”

  Dammit. Now I was curious. Was Bernie bisexual? But then, of course she was. Bernie was everything to everyone all the time.

  “It’s not easy, I know. But it doesn’t have to be hard, either.”

  She had me for a moment and then lost me by spouting Yoda-like advice.

  Bernie nodded as if in tune with my confusion. “Gemma loves you more than I thought possible. Most people don’t ever experience that kind of love.”

  “Don’t you think I know that?” I tore a string off my shirt.

  She didn’t back off. The woman had more chutzpah than anyone I had ever met.