Cruise Control: A Humorous Cruise Ship Cozy Mystery (Cruise Ship Cozy Mysteries Book 11)

by A. R. Winters

  I tapped my chin as I considered his words. “You don’t think it was a lover’s quarrel? Or maybe Kayleigh killed him in a ‘if she couldn’t have him, no one could’ move?”

  John shook his head decisively. “No. If Vernon had shown any romantic interest in Monica, then maybe, but Vernon wasn’t a romantic in any sense.”

  “He wasn’t interested in either of them?” It wasn’t like Kayleigh or Monica were horribly ugly by any stretch. By any objective measure, both were attractive women.

  “Vernon’s mystical nonsense made him say he was above romantic relationships. That he didn’t need such a bond in his day-to-day life, that he was married to his spirituality.”

  “I’ve heard of being married to abstract concepts before, but how do you marry your own spirituality?”

  John threw his hands up. “I don’t know, kid. If you ask me, Vernon did one too many things that the law wouldn’t approve of. Given his wealth would prevent any trouble, I doubt he had any deterrent from going deeper into his experiments.”

  “Mr. Heaven? Mr. Heaven are you there?” Holly called out as she came into the room. “Oh. Hi, Addy. And Dad. I mean, Mr. Heaven.”

  “Holly, I really don’t think it’s the end of the world if the others know I’m your father.”

  “It is for me. I want to just be Holly, the social media girl. Or liaison. Or whatever it is I’m technically doing.”

  “I guess I’ll be going,” I said. “Thanks for the talk, Mr. Heaven. I don’t want to get in the way of your father-daughter time.”

  “Addy, wait. I was going to look for you after I checked up on Dad.”

  I perked up. “What is it, Holly?”

  “Ivan wants to talk to you. It’s really important, he says. It’s something about Vernon. He was out on the pool deck a little bit ago, so he told me to have you meet him in his cabin.”

  The gears were finally turning, I supposed. With time to calm down and be rational about it, they realized Ethan and I weren’t going to charge the first person who looked remotely guilty and instead were now cooperating.

  Provided they didn’t have anything serious to hide still anyway.

  “You all right, Dad?” Holly asked, pointing at his head.

  “I’m fine, Holly. Just leave me be for now. It’s time for another nap.”

  “Oh, is it okay for you to sleep when you hit your head like that?”

  “Holly, I slept like a rock last night. If there’s any danger, it’s passed. And if I can sleep like that more, I should get whacked in the head more often.”

  “Fine. Don’t hesitate to ask. I don’t like being worried.”

  “It’s all good, Holly. Calm your nerves.”

  Holly followed me out of the cabin, closing the door behind us.

  I glanced at her. “So did Ivan want to see me right now?”

  “It seemed like that to me.”

  “Guess we best get over to him then.”

  All of the VIP cabins were close, so it was literally a thirty-second walk to get there and begin knocking on the door.

  Then knocking some more.

  “Mr. Popov? Are you there?” I shouted through the door.

  More knocking still.

  “You said you just talked to him?” I asked Holly.

  “Five minutes ago, yeah.”

  “Could we have beaten him back?”

  It was then I noticed that the door wasn’t shut all the way. It had been wedged open. I leaned against it and threw it open.

  The breeze of the balcony blew in and tickled my face, and I proceeded in to see why he wasn’t answering. Had we simply beaten him to his room?

  Nope. It wasn’t that.

  Because Ivan was there. Lying face down on the balcony, unmoving.

  Dead.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  As soon as I discovered the body and confirmed Ivan was dead, I got ahold of Ethan and Dr. Ryan.

  “Zip ties again,” Dr. Ryan said, looking around. “Lots of broken stuff though. Probably went down fighting?”

  “That’s a good guess.” Ethan was snapping photos of anything and everything that even looked slightly askew, since I couldn’t do it without my phone. “How long ago do you think it happened?”

  “Adrienne and Holly came to get us immediately upon their discovery, so my guess is it happened less than a half-hour ago. Ivan’s body is still warm.”

  “Well,” Sam said, sitting outside the room with me, “at least your suspect list is shorter now.”

  “Yeah, but this isn’t the process of elimination that I like, Sam.”

  “What’s going on here? What’s happening now?” Sebastian was powerwalking down the hall and pushed through everyone into Ivan’s cabin. “Ivan? He’s dead now too?”

  “Sir, you can’t just barge in here.” Ethan was quick to push back against the invasion of the newly crowned CEO. “This is an active crime scene.”

  “This whole trip is a disaster. I demand you turn the ship around and take us back to port this instant.”

  “Good news, we’re already doing that. The cruise is done tomorrow. We’ll be arriving back in New Orleans soon enough.”

  Sebastian’s stern glare told me he didn’t appreciate Ethan’s deadpan response.

  “Really? Something else happened?” John Heaven called out as he barged into the scene. Ethan again proved to be the vanguard against the two of them.

  “Um, Da… uh, Mr. Heaven, I thought you were taking a nap?” Holly said, helping Ethan remove her father from the scene.

  “I couldn’t sleep. Thought of something I wanted to share.” John was jumping up and standing on his tiptoes to try to see what was going on in the scene. “Ivan? Ivan? Is he okay?”

  “No, D… uh, Mr. Heaven. He is very not okay. He is the opposite of okay.”

  John took a moment to think. “He’s dead?”

  Holly nodded, looking sorrowful.

  John, though, seemed more frustrated than anything else.

  “What is it, Mr. Heaven?” I said, tapping him on the shoulder. “What’s so important you needed to tell me ASAP?”

  “Just an observation I had, and well, Ivan is even more evidence for it. Your killer? She’s definitely a woman.”

  Ethan cocked an eyebrow. “And why do you say that?”

  “Think about it. That balcony. There’s a mirror of it in all of the VIP cabins.”

  “That’s provided for fresh ocean air, and the whole cruise experience. It doesn’t make in-cabin murder something men are incapable of,” I said.

  John tapped his head. “If you’re going to kill someone, you’re going to plan it out. You’re going to look for outs, ways to throw the investigators off your trail. So why not make the immediate worry be a missing persons case instead of a murder? Why not throw the bodies over the balconies?”

  And with that, he had me paying attention to his ravings.

  “Vernon died in the middle of the night,” John continued. “There’s no chance anyone would have seen his body tumbling into the ocean below. The killer then could, I don’t know, say that Vernon was wandering off doing his spiritual mumbo-jumbo. By the time anyone suspected foul play, we’d be back in New Orleans and any evidence would have been cleaned away by the housekeepers four or five times over.”

  “That’s true,” I admitted. “No one would have seen Vernon’s body taking a swan dive in the night.”

  “And Ivan too,” John continued. “He died not even a half hour ago. No one would see if someone threw a body overboard.”

  “Wouldn’t it?” I said, my eyes closed. I was mentally picturing where we were on the ship. “We’re in the back of the ship. Unless someone in a connected cabin was watching for it, no one from above deck would see it. Wouldn’t even hear or see a splash. It would be covered by the ship’s engine.”

  John nodded. “Exactly.”

  “Okay.” I looked from John to Ethan, who was listening to our conversation intently. “So we’ve determined that the p
ro-murder strategy is to hurl bodies overboard. Why does that being the optimal way to cover your tracks mean it has to be a woman?”

  “Vernon was a bit of a string bean, but he still had a bit of weight to him, no? And Ivan confirms it. No one’s getting him over the railing without some muscle. A woman wouldn’t have the strength to do all this. So they didn’t.”

  I almost wanted to go on some sort of feminist tirade but realized that it was pointless.

  The three women I suspected were Holly, Monica, and Kayleigh. All three of them were aggressively average for women. I wasn’t about to go around and grill all of them on how much they benched, but it was not enough to quickly move a big guy like Ivan.

  Doubly so since whoever did the deed had to do it quickly. Ivan hadn’t been dead long, so if it was Holly, she acted at hypersonic speeds. She also had no signs of the struggle that had apparently happened. She should at least be sweaty and a mess, but she didn’t have a hair out of place on her head.

  Still, I had my doubts. “Could it be a double bluff? Maybe the killer wanted us to think it was a woman.”

  He sneered, his arms crossed. “Yes, I somehow got between my room, where I was talking with you minutes ago, and Ivan’s to kill him, and then got back, without you or Holly seeing me. You caught me red-handed, my brilliant detective.”

  “That’s not what I mean.”

  Holly tapped me on the shoulder. “What… what if there are two killers? Maybe they’re working together, like some sort of murderous Bonnie and Clyde.”

  “That’s… not the reference I would have used, but I always assume when two people die, it’s the same person behind it.”

  “Always? This has happened before?”

  I put on a wide smile. “What? No. Of course not! I was talking theoretically. It takes a lot to take another person’s life willingly. Not everyone can do it. It’s surprisingly not part of most of our natures. So until something tells me otherwise, I’m assuming the same person is responsible for both crimes.”

  Ethan patted me on the shoulder, backing me up. “Yes. Smaller net before the bigger one, or however I put it before.”

  He then put a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder.

  “All right, people, crime scene. Nothing to see here. Everyone out. Out! I don’t care how rich you are, just get out and leave this to the professionals!”

  “Professionals?” Sebastian sneered. “You’re a ship’s first officer, not a homicide detective.”

  “I’m more of a professional than you right now. Go. Go get drunk. Have a steak. I don’t care, do anything you want as long as it's not in here.”

  After a bit more serious persuading, Ethan managed to break the scene up, sending everyone on their way, Sam assisting by offering to go and get them whatever they needed. The clearance allowed Dr. Ryan some time as he took our late passenger down to the morgue, as was becoming all too common during our trips.

  The door closed on Ivan’s cabin, not to be opened until we got to port and a team of CSI techs went through it.

  Ethan and I withdrew to my comfy cabin, heaving ourselves onto the sofa.

  “So… this again.” Ethan glanced at me, clearly as overwhelmed as I felt. “Learn anything particularly useful in all of this madness?”

  “Well, John Heaven got talkative with me. I doubt it’s him since yeah, he’d have to be some sort of ninja to take out Ivan with me and Holly on the way to the crime scene.”

  “And I guess we can cross Ivan off preliminary suspects for the first if we’re going with both of them being the same murderer.”

  “Who does that leave? Benedict Jones? Kayleigh Wing? Monica Butterhat? Oh, and Holly. No. It wasn’t Holly. There are way too many things to go wrong for her to kill Ivan and run back to tell me he wanted to see me.”

  Ethan stretched out his legs. It had been such a long day already and it was only noon. “I was suspecting that Herman Graaf guy for a bit, but I was following him around trying to convince him to turn on the internet already. We still haven’t gotten word back from HQ, and he says that means the rules still say no internet.”

  “I’ll say one thing about him: that guy has his principles, even those principles are kind of strange.” My head fell back into Ethan’s arm. “Although I guess that kills any hope of camera evidence seeing us through. You’d think safety regulations would disallow that.”

  “The money that was paid to them was probably more than the fine. You know how it is. Money speaks louder than basic ethics.”

  I hated that he was right, and in more ways than one. Money likely played a role in taking out Vernon, and to whoever did the deed, a man’s life was worth less than the potential of a fat paycheck.

  “Oh! Oh, I’m sorry!” Holly had opened the door to come into the room and then immediately turned around to leave.

  “Come on in, Holly. Ethan and I aren’t… uh… never mind.”

  She came in and sat down in the armchair, fidgeting and darting looks around the room. “I think I just want to stay here for the rest of the trip, Addy.”

  “What’s the matter? What’s bothering you?”

  “Two people died, and I’m the one who keeps running into them. I’m cursed.”

  “Coincidences happen. Believe me. You’re not cursed. You’re just… in proximity to a very bad person.”

  “It’s very stressful.”

  “I know.”

  “Makes me second-guess this intern thing.”

  I reached over to comfort her. “It’s okay. You have the freedom to find your way. You don’t need to intern on a cruise ship. Just… I don’t know, travel somewhere new. Without a cruise ship. There’s plenty of wonderful things to see on land that this ship will never be anywhere near.”

  “Yeah, I’ve thought about that. Maybe.”

  “I can’t tell you what to do Holly. You’re a grown woman. You have to make your own choices. Free and independent of anyone else, even your father.”

  “Oh, you don’t get along with your father?” Ethan commented.

  “Yeah. They have some issues,” I said, remembering to keep up the ruse.

  “That happens. Can’t let it keep you down.”

  “Yeah… I won’t. Thanks.”

  This girl seemed to only feel things in extremes. But it wasn’t my job to be her therapist. “Holly, did Ivan say anything about what he wanted to tell me beyond wanting to see me?”

  She bought a moment to think for herself. “No. Not that I can remember. Said it was somewhat urgent. My gut says it had something to do with Vernon. He told me things weren’t as they seemed and that I should be careful.”

  “Given we have a murderer among us, that’s pretty sage advice.” I turned to Ethan. “What about Ivan’s room? You gave it a good look, right? Anything of use?”

  “No. Just zip ties. Broken things, but nothing that looked important.”

  “I suppose that’s just how it is.” It was another well of leads that had instantaneously run dry on me. Darn.

  “I did want to tell you something, Addy.” Ethan wrapped his arm around me. “With all that’s happening, I don’t want you going off alone anymore.”

  “Hmm? Am I suddenly grounded?”

  “If I have to do that to keep you safe.”

  I pushed him gently. “You know that doesn’t work for me, Ethan. I’m in on this.”

  “Well, whoever this is has no qualms about silencing potentially troublesome people. Addy, I can think of no one on this ship more potentially troublesome than you.”

  I smiled cheerfully. “I guess you’ll have to be my bodyguard then.”

  “I suppose that’s what I’ll have to do.”

  He had my back. He always did. I wish that was enough to protect everyone and not just my nosy self.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  With the crisis of a second murder on our hands, everyone remotely related to the chaos was happening was summoned to the captain’s office.

  A noticeably jacketless captain, to boo
t.

  Kayleigh Wing, Monica Butterhat, John Heaven, Benedict Jones, and Sebastian Hawk, along with Kelly, Sam, Ethan and I were all there.

  The only person missing was Holly. I had mostly cleared her of potential wrongdoing, being 99.9% sure that she had nothing to do with any of this and was an unfortunate bystander who chose the wrong cruise to be an intern on.

  The one hundredth of a percent that remained wasn’t something I was going to entertain right now with much more obvious suspects.

  “This is all getting out of hand.” The captain was standing, leaning against his office chair. “Two murders? I’m used to dealing with crises, but this is starting to get ridiculous.”

  “Yes. I’ll agree on that point.” Sebastian stepped forward and stood toe to toe with the captain. Ethan was prepared to separate them if Sebastian tried anything funny. “This is ridiculous. This ship’s security is simply atrocious.”

  “Step away from the captain, Mr. Hawk,” Ethan said. “The security on the ship is fine and I won’t hear otherwise.”

  “Then why are two of my people dead?”

  “Maybe it’s because one of your people killed them. LightningBlossom is the group who brought the violence aboard our ship. I would watch what I say because I’m sure my dear Kelly here would love to put together a lawsuit against your company for dragging the Swan of the Seas’ good name through the mud with these murders.”

  A smile was on my face and I couldn’t stifle it, even knowing I should. We were really good at keeping our ship’s name clean despite everything that had happened. Kelly must have been some sort of PR wizard.

  “I’m going to reiterate this,” said PR wizard interjected. “Here on the Swan, we treat each passenger as a valued treasure. The deaths of Vernon and Ivan weigh heavy on our consciences and we’re doing what we can to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.”

  “Our CEO is dead!” Sebastian said, slamming his fist on the table. “If it weren’t some fluke of luck, our company could have been ruined because of that. Thousands of people out of work because of your company’s failures.”