by Baron Sord
In her case, sadly no, but a guy could dream.
I smiled at her as she approached.
Stefan’s tongue waggled as his feet turned over double-time so he could keep up with Vanessa’s long strides.
“Hey, you,” she said breathlessly as she grazed a finger down my bare arm. Up close, she easily passed for 25 and damn near perfect. She also wore makeup. Eyeshadow and reddish lipstick. Nothing too stark and dark, but enough to enhance her natural beauty. Funny, because I had never seen her wearing any makeup during her neighborhood walks before I had gotten my super looks.
Yeah, she was stalking me.
Okay, maybe I was flattered.
“Hey, Vange —” Fricking Arnold. I had almost called her Vangelina. I pushed my irritation away and smiled at her, “I mean, hey, Vanessa.”
“Hey, Doug. Nice day for a walk, don’t you think?”
“It is,” I grinned.
“Care to join me?”
“Oh, uh, I was going down to Comic Con.” Much like with Pinstripe, I didn’t expect Vanessa to know anything about it. Or care. “For the show.”
“You mean at the convention center, right?”
“Yeah.”
“I can walk with you, if you want.”
I wasn’t going to be rude. It was just walking and talking. “Sure. Why not?”
She grinned and we started down the sidewalk together.
She said, “I’m supposed to take my niece tomorrow.”
“To Comic Con?”
“Uh huh,” she nodded. “She wants to meet the cast of The Walking Dead.”
“Oh really? How old is she?”
“Fifteen. She has a crush on Rick Grimes.”
“Not Daryl?” I joked.
“I think Sophia likes older men.” But I’m partial to younger men… Vanessa grinned at me and bumped into my arm.
I smiled politely and put a few inches between us while we walked. This wasn’t going to be easy.
Yesterday, Pinstripe had been disgusted by the very idea of Comic Con. She was easy to disregard. Now, in contrast, Vanessa seemed to know a fair amount about it, the cast of TWD, and she might even go to the show. What was not to like? Yeah, her being married was a huge inconvenience.
As were my fricking principles.
Vanessa said, “If you’re going tomorrow, maybe you can come with? I’m sure Sophia would like hanging with you more than me, you being an older man and everything.” But not too old for me. Goodness! He wasn’t this hot yesterday. It’s like he got better looking overnight. I must be ovulating. Look at him! Like a Greek god!
I chuckled nervously, “Oh, I’m not sure if I can go tomorrow or not.” That wasn’t true. Unless I had a crisis in the next 24 hours, I was definitely going to the last day of the Con. I always went all four days. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend the day with Vanessa bumping into me. I was human. If she tried hard enough, I would get harder and harder — I mean, it would get harder and harder — for me to say no to her. And by hard, I meant damn hard. Right now, as a matter of fact. Was there a way to adjust my jeans while walking without her noticing?
“Well,” she grinned, “if you do go, you should come with. You probably know a lot more about it than I do. You can answer Sophia’s questions.”
“I guess.”
“Is that a yes?” She stopped short on the sidewalk and grabbed my arm, catching my eyes with hers. Hers sparkled and she thought, Say yes, say yes, say yes…
Damn, those eyes.
I sighed.
If she kept this up, she was going to break me right here and now, and in the best way possible. I reminded myself she had a husband who she lived with. I wanted to say yes to Vanessa, but I needed to say no. Not happy with either option, I said, “Can I let you know later? I mean, in case something comes up?” Other than me, which still was.
“Sure,” she smiled and thought, He’s gonna say yes. I just know it.
I broke eye contact and started walking before I did exactly that.
Vanessa caught up and thought, I hope my sister won’t mind if I take Soph instead of her. She said her boss only has two tickets and she really wants to take Soph herself, but she’ll understand. Once I tell her how hot Doug is, she will totally understand. Vanessa pulled out her phone and started texting while we walked.
I smirked to myself. Mind reading was a handy skill. It made it easy to pick out the disloyal liars and selfish opportunists, namely Vanessa. Here she was, a married woman, trying to worm her sister’s tickets out of her, just so she could hang with me for a day.
Flattered, but no.
Vanessa might not realize it, but she had solved my problem for me. She was not the kind of woman I wanted to get involved with. Period. Even if she got a divorce, I would still be reluctant to hook up with her.
To my surprise, she walked me the entire two miles into downtown. Asked me all about my job testing software at YouDoIt, Inc. She acted like it was the most interesting job ever. That was a first. Nobody thought my work at YouDoIt was interesting.
Vanessa’s thoughts revealed her true intentions: How much does it pay? It doesn’t matter. He must already have money. He lives in that craftsman mansion. It’s a bit shabby, but it’ll do until he gets a promotion.
Shabby? Compared to her mansion, maybe. But it was fantastic, if you asked me.
She thought, It is on a huge piece of land. We can tear it down and rebuild from the ground up.
We?
I had to repress a laugh.
Arnold would be offended if he knew Vanessa was making plans to tear down his family’s mansion. Decades ago, Arnold’s grandparents had built that mansion by hand. I had seen old black-and-white photos of a youngish Grandpa Beaks kneeling on the roof beams and hammering nails in the hot sun. Yeah, the Beaks family would never tear it down.
Vanessa thought, A man with Doug’s looks is destined to climb the corporate ladder well into six figures, if not seven. He shouldn’t be testing software. He should be running the company.
I didn’t want to run a tax software company. I wanted to be a comic book penciller.
She thought, I’ll have to Google YouDoIt and see what the CEO makes. Doug might even make eight figures when I’m through grooming him. First step will be his wardrobe. He needs to stop dressing like he’s in middle school.
I wasn’t wearing my Star Wars Rock Concert T-shirt, which had sadly burned away yesterday, but I was wearing a T-shirt that said REBEL SCUM. Vanessa and I barely knew each other and here she was already trying to change me. I had no desire to be some kind of Slick Rick corporate king. Not only did she have no idea who I was, she was projecting her fantasy man onto me. Worst of all, she was still married.
I almost blurted, “Hey, Vanessa, let me get you a pick ax and a miner’s helmet. Then we’ll go find some rich guy for you to cheat on while you dig for his gold because I don’t have any. How does that sound?”
I didn’t.
When we reached downtown, we passed the parking lot where I had met Pinstripe yesterday. If she could see me now with Vanessa in tow. That would be amusing. Didn’t matter that Vanessa and I weren’t hooking up because Vanessa’s intentions were clear. I could have Vanessa any time I wanted. Pinstripe could suck it.
“Doug? Is that you?” a woman called out from behind.
I stopped and turned around.
No way.
Pinstripe.
Standing in the parking lot next to her black BMW 7-series.
I was surprised she remembered my name.
She wasn’t wearing a pinstripe suit today. She wore running shoes, tight leggings and a loose long-sleeve casual shirt. Her blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail and she wore sunglasses, but it was her. She held a large Starbucks cup in one hand.
Who’s this bitch? Vanessa thought.
“Yip!” Stefan barked.
Pinstripe came walking up to us and squatted down in front of Stefan.
He wagged his tail.
“Look at you,
cutie,” Pinstripe grinned, petting him affectionately. “Is this your dog, Doug?”
“It’s my dog,” Vanessa said sourly. Stop petting him. I know what you’re doing, you bitch. This is my guy time, not yours.
“He’s so cute,” Pinstripe giggled.
Stefan licked her fingers affectionately.
Traitor, Vanessa thought. Any port in a storm, right, Stefan?
“Yip, yip!”
Pinstripe stood up, lifted her sunglasses, and smiled right at me, “Hey, Doug.” I don’t remember him being this handsome yesterday. I must’ve been in a hurry. He’s a stud! How did I not notice?
“Hey,” I muttered, not sure what to say.
“How was the cartoon thing yesterday?” she asked.
I smirked, “You mean the cartoon kid thing?” Those were her exact words when she had turned down my offer for dinner.
“Yeah, that,” Pinstripe nodded. “The thing at the convention center.”
Vanessa scowled, “You mean San Diego Comic Con?” Yeah, bitch. I know what it is, but you sure don’t.
“Oh right,” Pinstripe smiled. “San Diego Comic Con. I was going to say that.”
No you weren’t, Vanessa smirked. If you don’t stop staring at my man, I am going to claw your eyes out.
I wanted to laugh. This was too much. I was flattered but I didn’t want them hurting each other over me. I said, “Vanessa, we should go. The convention is already open and I need to show my art samples to the comic book editors before it gets any later.” I held up my portfolio. Jeff Strickland, editor-in-chief of Crash Comics, had already offered me two pages in an upcoming issue of S&M, but that was only a start. If I ever wanted to quit YouDoIt, I needed to line up more than two pages.
“You’re an artist?!” Pinstripe blurted. “You didn’t tell me yesterday! I love art!”
Vanessa thought, I see you love to suck ass too, you brown-nosing bitch.
“Aspiring artist,” I snickered. “The only way I’ll stop aspiring and quit my day job is to get to the convention center.”
Vanessa wondered, Do comic books pay as well as software? They can’t possibly, can they? No, I don’t think so. I’ll have to give Doug a little oral convincing to stay in software.
I restrained an urge to fire an angry glare at Vanessa. She could blow me for an hour every day until I died and I would still refuse to stay in software any longer than it took me to land a full-time pencilling gig.
Pinstripe said. “Sorry, Doug, I don’t mean to keep you, but, um, I don’t know what you’re doing later, but, uh, I’ll be here all day working at my office. I’ve got a huge case I’m working on and might end up eating dinner at my desk, unless you were to…” She trailed off and thought, have dinner with me?
Vanessa glared at Pinstripe and thought, I’ve got a huge case of shut the fuck up I can give you if you don’t zip your big fake lips, bitch.
Wait, was Pinstripe asking me out? And being nervous about it? Talk about flipping the fricking script. Yesterday, my mouth had been full of proverbial marbles when I had asked her out.
Pinstripe looked at me earnestly and continued, “Maybe we could get dinner this evening? If you’re free? I know I’ll need a break later. Dinner would be perfect, don’t you think?”
Oh, hell no! Vanessa thought. She blurted, “He’s having dinner with me.”
“I am?” I said, not at all surprised but slightly amused that Vanessa was attempting to claim me.
“You are,” Vanessa insisted, grabbing my forearm.
Pinstripe had missed her chance with me yesterday.
I smirked at her and shrugged. “Guess I’m busy.” As beautiful as Pinstripe was, she had shown her true colors when she’d shown her disdain for my now-defunct Star Wars Rock Concert T-shirt. I ask you, what was not to love about that shirt? Lady Liberty had liked it on sight, and that was before I had gotten abs and enhanced good looks.
Pinstripe glanced between Vanessa and I, then said uncertainly, “Oh, are you two a thing?”
“We are now,” Vanessa said possessively.
I said, “She’s my neighbor.”
“Oh,” Pinstripe said. That must be code for they’re sleeping together.
Not wanting Pinstripe to get the wrong impression, I sighed, “Vanessa and I are neighbors, but we only met yesterday afternoon.”
Afternoon? Pinstripe thought. I met him in the morning right here in the parking lot! What was I thinking?! I should’ve said yes! Doug is a total heartthrob! I blame my lack of coffee yesterday. It must have made my vision blurry. I would never say no to this man! I mean, look at him!
I wanted to say, “Your loss,” but I didn’t. Smiling at Vanessa, I said, “We should go. The Con already started.”
“We should,” Vanessa agreed. She smirked at Pinstripe, “Bye!” Then pulled me along the sidewalk.
Look at that ass! Pinstripe thought. And those shoulders! Okay, that’s it! I am getting myself a Keurig. Never walking out of my house without caffeine ever again!
I had to smile.
Seconds from now, I would be grimacing.
—: Chapter 4 :—
A few blocks later, Vanessa and I passed the Motel 6 on 2nd Avenue and waited at a red light.
Some huge dude with pale skin came out of nowhere and walked up to us. He wore a white linen suit and a white fedora and lots of gold. Rings, chains, earrings. Everything about him screamed pimp and not in a cosplayer sort of way. He was the real deal. Although San Diego had cleaned up quite a bit over the years, it still had it’s fair share of unsavories.
The pimp started drooling the second he saw Vanessa. “What’s your name, girl?”
Vanessa tuned him out immediately, pretending he wasn’t there while staring at the red hand on the walk sign. Change already, she thought. This guy is disgusting.
“Hey, babe. I’m talking to you. Tell Jimmy your name, sweet thang,” he snickered to himself, proud of his rhyme.
This guy was too much. I groaned, “Hey, buddy, can you lay off?”
He smirked, “I plan to do a whole lotta laying. That’s right.” He nodded enthusiastically, eyes crawling all over Vanessa. “Babe, you are tight! Inside and out, am I right?”
Vanessa cringed. The signal changed and she started across the street at a fast walk, pulling Stefan along.
I followed close behind.
“Where you going, babe?” Jimmy the Pimp fell into step beside Vanessa.
Vanessa grimaced and ignored Jimmy and kept walking.
“Jimmy’s right here, babe. You don’t need to go anyplace else. Jimmy the P is where you need to be!” He laughed again. Such a good natured chap.
Stefan was lagging behind because he kept looking up curiously at Jimmy.
“Let’s go, Stefan.” Vanessa tugged at his leash.
“Hey,” I said to Jimmy. “Take a hike, man.”
He glanced back at me, then said to Vanessa. “This your boyfriend, sweet thang?”
I wish he was, Vanessa thought as she stepped onto the sidewalk on the far side of the street.
Jimmy stopped in the middle of the crosswalk like he owned the road. He frowned down his nose at me like I was his competition and said, “You her boyfriend?”
“No,” I grumbled.
Jimmy’s grin spread wide, “Right answer, Poindexter.” He clicked me a smile and fired his finger at me before scurrying after Vanessa.
When I caught up, the three of us and Stefan were walking alongside a concrete building. Nothing but a solid concrete wall the entire length of the block. To our left was a solid row of parked cars. Comic Con traffic creeped down the street. There was really no place for Vanessa and I to go except forward or back. I was confident Jimmy would follow us in any direction except up. Too bad I hadn’t cracked the flying-with-fire thing as of yet.
“Mmm, mmm. Look at that sugar.” Jimmy was right behind Vanessa, staring at her ass. “You know how Jimmy likes his candy. Mmm, mmm! Sticky sweet, baby! Sti! Key! Sweet!”
; Vanessa looked over her shoulder and flashed me a pleading grimace. Do something already, Doug!
“Listen to me, sweet thang,” Jimmy said in a sweet voice as he slithered up beside her. “What says you and me go someplace real nice, and I’ll show you the time of your sweet young life. How’s that sound? You want some of Jimmy’s sticky sweet candy, little girl?”
Vanessa stopped short. Stefan immediately sat down, wagging his tail and staring up at her. Vanessa turned to Jimmy. She was tall, but he was twice her size. That didn’t stop her from yelling, “Go! A! Way!”
“Oooh,” Jimmy laughed, “You like it rough, don’t you, sweet thang? I’ll show you rough, if that’s what you want. Jimmy likes it rough.”
Vanessa shook her head and took off up the sidewalk, practically dragging Stefan behind her.
Jimmy followed.
This was too much. I trotted to catch up. “Hey, Vanessa! Hold on a second!” I didn’t want her going too far ahead without me.
She stopped and turned up ahead at the same time I caught up to Jimmy and grabbed his elbow.
Jimmy stopped short and turned to me with a smile. “What you think you doin with my arm, Poindexter?”
I let go and said calmly, “Hey, buddy, I already asked you once nicely to leave her alone. Now she’s asking too. Please do everybody a favor and go back to whatever you were doing before we came along.”
Jimmy’s face went from sweet to sweetly evil in a single second. “How about you turn around before I buss you up, Poindexter?” He slid his hand into his pocket. I hope you like the taste of brass knuckles, son. You gonna be spittin teeth when Jimmy’s done with you.
I was aware there were cars driving up and down the street. In the past 6 or 7 minutes, I had already seen two police cars here downtown. They were everywhere today because of the Con. If Jimmy and I had a serious fight right here and now, I could easily end up arrested for felony assault. Or worse. Look what I had done to Ice Statue. Going to prison for accidentally murdering Jimmy wasn’t on my agenda for today or any day.
Regardless, Jimmy needed to learn how to respect the boundaries of other people, especially women. Intent on grabbing the lapels of Jimmy’s white suit and talking some sense into him, I dropped my portfolio on the sidewalk and shot both my hands forward at the same time.
