by Baron Sord
Jimmy’s right hand arced downward in a brass flash.
I had grossly underestimated his speed. Or, dropping my portfolio had clued him in to my next move.
Either way:
CLINK!
The impact of his brass knuckles sounded like metal on metal as he hit my cheek and connected solidly with the bone underneath.
“Doug!” Vanessa screamed.
“School is in session, dough boy,” Jimmy chuckled, dancing like a boxer, looking for an opening. Unfortunately for him, he had underestimated my resilience.
I shook it off like he hadn’t even hit me and spiraled a right up into his jaw like a missile. At the last instant, I pulled it. I didn’t want to kill him.
Jimmy was rocked back by the blow. He stumbled into the concrete wall of the building and his hands slapped it with meaty whacks.
I grabbed his throat and started crushing his windpipe with my fingers.
His eyes bugged out of his face and he did his best to breathe through the pinhole I’d made of his throat.
Gotta get my gat! His hands flailed, trying to get inside his white linen jacket.
“You got any guns on you, Jimmy?” I batted his hands away several times while squeezing harder on his throat.
“Ack!”
“You better relax, Jimmy, or I’m going to end you.” I glared at him with fire in my eyes. I meant it. Fury raged in my veins. This guy had no hesitation when it came to killing me. I would show him the same courtesy. “Stop struggling, Jimmy, and you might get out of this alive.” I goosed my grip on his throat so he knew I meant business.
Eyes wide and frightened, he thought, Dough boy almost made Jimmy piss hisself! Can’t be pissing Jimmy’s new suit! He finally relaxed.
I reached into his linen jacket and pulled out a little 5-shot .32 automatic. Easily concealable. I slid it in my back pocket.
Jimmy struggled.
I squeezed.
“Ick!” Jimmy grunted.
“I’m going to let you go in a second, Jimmy. When I do, you are going to get lost. If I see you following us, I will turn around and kill you.”
End Jimmy? No, you can’t end Jimmy! He stared at me with horrified bulging eyes.
“Are you hearing me, Jimmy? Nod if you are.”
“Ack!” He nodded as much as he could with my hand clamped around his throat.
I released his neck and jumped back.
He immediately bent over and let out a loud hacking cough. Sounded like a dog trying to vomit. He tried to stand up. His eyes squinted with tears and he bent over to cough again. More horrid dog vomit sounds. A thick string of drool stretched from his lips all the way to the sidewalk before breaking off and leaving a small puddle. He coughed again, harder this time.
My eyes on Jimmy, I crouched down and picked up my art portfolio. When I stood up, a San Diego Police car suddenly drove by.
It slowed to a stop beside us.
Fricking great.
The reds and blues started flashing and the cop stepped out of the car. He had those mirrored wraparound shades and a spiked military haircut.
“Is there a problem here?” the cop asked sternly as he adjusted his duty belt.
I backed away a step from Jimmy.
The cop looked at me as he stepped onto the sidewalk.
Jimmy was busy coughing his lungs out.
“What happened?” the cop asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “This guy just started coughing.”
“He did,” Vanessa emphasized, now standing right beside me. Stefan sat beside her, his tail wagging in a blur while his little pink tongue waggled out of his mouth. Business as usual for him. Vanessa smiled at the cop, “Me and my friend Doug here were just walking by and this guy started coughing. Doug tried to help.”
I said, “I know CPR.” It was true. “Thought maybe he was choking on something.”
The cop frowned at me through his mirrored shades for a second before looking at Jimmy and saying, “Sir, are you okay?” Mirrored Shades bent over slightly, trying to get a better look at the pimp’s face.
Jimmy responded with a wracking cough. He was still doubled over.
“Sir?” Mirrors asked calmly. “Can you breathe? Do you need emergency services?”
Jimmy held up a shaky hand as if to say, wait a minute. He coughed one last time and finally stood up, his face gray. He looked terrible. Death warmed over.
“Jimmeeeee,” Mirrors said endearingly, now all smiles. He obviously knew the pimp.
Jimmy barely heard him. His eyes were watering so hard he couldn’t see. He blinked spastically and wiped away tears with the back of his hand.
“What’s this?” Mirrors asked, grabbing Jimmy by the wrist. “What are you doing with brass knuckles, Jimmy?”
Jimmy was still reeling from being choked and he stared at the cop like he was a stranger. Jimmy looked physically ill. Had I broken his windpipe? From the looks of Jimmy’s ashen gray face, it was entirely possible.
Disappointed, Mirrors glanced at the brass knuckles and said, “This is a parole violation, Jimmy. It’s also a felony. What did I tell you about carrying these?”
Jimmy was mystified.
“Can we go?” Vanessa asked the cop.
Mirrors looked at her for a long time and smiled. “Just a minute, miss. Please stay right here.” I’ll get a better look at you after I bag and tag Jimmy. Maybe I’ll get your number and take you out later. Bet you’ve never been fucked in the back of a police cruiser. Cuff you to the bars until you’re begging me to come inside you.
Vanessa thought with a satisfied grin, He called me miss. Still got it. If Richard could see me now, maybe he’d think twice about his affairs.
Richard was her husband who cheated on her.
Mirrors looked me over.
My cheek throbbed where Jimmy had hit it with his brass knuckles. Not painfully, but the sensation was intense. The wound should’ve been horrendous and bloody and I should’ve lost some teeth or suffered a facial fracture, but I hadn’t. That didn’t mean there weren’t any marks on my face. Those bullets last night had left red marks. If Mirrors figured out I was fighting Jimmy, I’d be on the hook too.
And, I had Jimmy’s .32 in my pocket. Not good.
If Mirrors found it, he would either think I was carrying a concealed weapon without a permit, or that I had stolen Jimmy’s gun. Both options looked very bad.
“Did he hit you?” Mirrors asked me point blank.
“Uhh… no?”
“He didn’t, officer,” Vanessa said confidently. She grabbed my chin, turned my head, and kissed me gently on the cheek with her red lips, lingering on the spot that was throbbing.
Despite the dire circumstances, feeling her wet lips caressing my cheek with love while her tongue licked my skin made me twitch in my jeans. No woman of Vanessa’s caliber — other than Vanessa — had ever touched me with romantic intentions, let alone kissed my cheek. And used tongue. You better believe I was twitching.
She broke the kiss and said coquettishly, “It’s just lipstick.” She smudged her thumb across my cheek and showed it to Mirrors. “See?” Her thumb was covered in a smear of red lipstick, more of which was presumably coating my throbbing cheek.
I had to hand it to Vanessa, she was clever. That was very quick thinking. Too bad she had dubious principles.
Mirrors looked at her and thought, Of course she has a boyfriend. He looked at me and thought, I’d bet my left nut Jimmy and this prick were fighting over her. She doesn’t look like one of Jimmy’s regular girls. Too high class. Jimmy was probably harassing her like always. Fucking degenerate. That Jimmy is always starting trouble everywhere he goes.
“COUUUGH!!!” Jimmy coughed so hard he nearly spat up his stomach.
Mirrors smirked at him, “Today’s your lucky day, Jimmy. If you had hit him, that would be assault with a deadly weapon.”
“COUGH!!”
The cop said, “Did you hit him, Jimmy?”
&nb
sp; Jimmy shook his head violently no.
Vanessa said, “Can we go, officer?”
Mirrors looked at me with a smirky smile. It’s this guy’s lucky day too. I don’t got shit on him if Jimmy won’t press charges, which he won’t, knowing Jimmy. He’s the real problem anyway. Ah, fuck it. He shrugged, “Sure. You two can go. Stay safe.”
“Thank you, officer,” Vanessa said brightly. She pulled me by the arm and we walked away.
What a fuckin’ ass, Mirrors thought.
I glanced back.
He was staring at her ass.
I glared at him.
Mirrors glared at me and thought, What? You want a problem you can’t solve, buddy?
I closed my eyes momentarily before turning my back on Mirrors and Jimmy.
“COUGH!” Jimmy gagged behind me.
“Jesus Christ, Jimmy,” Mirrors groaned. “How many dicks you swallow today?”
At the corner, Vanessa and I turned and I hurried her along. A block later, we turned again.
I needed to get rid of Jimmy’s gun.
We passed a sewer grate and I almost dropped it in, but my prints and DNA were all over it. Better hold onto it until I had a chance to wipe and sanitize it. Or I could take it home and add it to the collection I had started last night, namely Revolver’s .44 Magnum and Automatic’s H&K VP9, which were now both stashed semi-safely away in Arnold’s gun safe in the house. He had put them there last night.
I’d hold onto Jimmy’s .32 and stash it in the safe when I got home.
Vanessa and I continued to the Convention Center.
She thought, I am so wet right now it’s ridiculous! This is so romantic! Like a scene from a movie or something! Without warning, she wrapped her arms around my elbow and leaned into me with a gasp of excitement, “Wow, Doug! That was unreal! You could’ve killed that guy!” She said it like killing Jimmy would be a good thing.
“I almost did,” I grunted with a combination of concern and disgust. I wasn’t sure I liked the fact Vanessa was so excited about the way I had defended her. That I had defended her was fine. Jimmy had stepped way over the line. But I didn’t want him dead. In jail, yes, but not dead. Killing people was not romantic. I sighed, “Did you see him coughing? I might’ve broken his trachea or the hyoid bone in his throat. An orthopedic surgeon might have to put a pin in it to hold it together. If they even can.” I didn’t know the first thing about hyoid reconstruction.
Vanessa’s face soured. “So what? He deserved it.”
I stared at her.
“What?” She smiled at me. God, his eyes are incredible. They li-trally sparkle.
“This isn’t a game, Vanessa. That guy could die.”
Her smile tarnished into a furious glare. “So? He wanted to rape me, Doug. Rape me. I saw it in his eyes.”
She was probably right.
I didn’t have to read Jimmy’s mind to know he wasn’t a nice guy. “But he doesn’t deserve to die for wanting to do something he didn’t do. As annoying as it sounds, that’s not how the law works. Innocent until proven guilty of a crime committed. If there is no crime, there is no guilt. If there is a crime, and they are found guilty, we send them to jail. Sometimes we execute them. But not until after they do something and a jury finds them guilty.”
She scowled at me, “So, what, first he gets to rape me, then he gets punished?”
I groaned, “Look, I see your point. I really do. It’s just that…” I didn’t know what else to say. On occasions like this, the law sounded lame at best. It was a circle I couldn’t square, that was for sure.
She grimaced, “That man is filth, Doug. Calling him a man is a stretch. More like a monster. You were there. What would’ve happened if you hadn’t been there? Huh? What then?”
I sighed, “I see your point. Believe me. I get it. I really do. You shouldn’t have had to go through that. That guy Jimmy is a terrible person and you deserve better. I get it.”
Her grimace slowly brightened into an affectionate smile and she thought, I deserve you. She said, “And you protected me from him.” God, did you. You were like a knight in shining armor back there! Richard never would’ve done anything like that! I would’ve had to dial 911 myself and hand Richard the phone while Jimmy did whatever he wanted. Richard is the kind of man who waits for reinforcements to show up. He’s not a fighter like Doug. No way. Uh uh. I don’t even know why I married that asshole. Where was Doug when I was picking husbands? Probably in high school. Oh my God, he is so young! Does that make me a cougar? A wet and ready cougar. My knees are trembling just looking at him. What do I have to do to get him to the nearest bed? We passed a Motel 6 a minute ago. If it wasn’t for that Jimmy Jerk and that police officer, I’d drag Doug straight back there and have my way with him! God! I swear, I am dripping right now!
“Uhhh…” I mumbled in disbelief.
“Yes?” She gasped, her pupils completely dilated despite the sunshine.
“Maybe I should take you home.”
Her eyes widened. I thought you’d never ask! This is going to be glorious! Oh, the things my tongue will do to this boy! Wait till he feels what I can do with my Kegels!
I pulled out my new Robot phone.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m calling an Uber,” I said as I punched my address into the app. I didn’t know Vanessa’s, but mine would work. “And I’m taking you home.”
The sooner, the better, she thought, then giggled, “Anything you say…” you animal. When we get back to my place, you can take me any way you want…
When the Uber arrived a few minutes later, I got in the back seat with her.
Stefan yipped at the driver.
“No dogs,” the driver grunted without looking up.
“He doesn’t pee,” Vanessa said endearingly, picking Stefan up and nuzzling his nose. “You don’t pee, do you, Stefan?” Stefan wiggled his tongue in response. “I promise he won’t pee.”
I thought, yeah, but what if he does?
Vanessa set Stefan down on the back seat and reached forward to caress the driver’s shoulder seductively. She also leaned forward and met his eyes in the rearview mirror.
When the driver made eye contact with her, he thought, Holy shit! She is fucking gorgeous! Hottest pax I ever had! Thank you, Uber! You just made my day!
Vanessa cooed in his ear, “You don’t mind, do you?”
He laughed sheepishly, “Okay, just this once.”
“Yip!” Stefan barked, wagging his tail.
Vanessa grinned at me victoriously.
I smirked. Watching her use her looks to get her way was incredibly irritating.
During the drive, her knee pressed against mine and she played with the hair on the back of my neck, leaning against my side like a relaxed cat.
A few minutes later, we pulled up outside my place. I tipped the driver five bucks on my phone and we got out of the car.
“Well, Doug,” Vanessa sighed breathlessly. “Your place or mine?” She giggled nervously.
“Uhhh, I’m going back to the convention center. By myself.”
“What?! Why?!” Did I say something wrong?!
I groaned, “No, it’s just…”
Just what?! Is there something wrong with me?!
“I told you I was going to Comic Con. You don’t have a ticket, remember? The show is sold out.” It was the truth. What was she going to do? Stand around outside all day waiting for me? I had editors to meet and art samples to show. I couldn’t babysit her.
Why is he looking at me like that? Am I ugly? She whined, “I have tickets for tomorrow. Can’t you go with me and my niece then? She would love to meet you. She’ll think you’re totally cool. Go with me tomorrow! Please?! I swear I’ll make it worth your while if you stay home with me today…” I will give you head like you’ve never had before…
In my minimal sex life, I’d barely had any head, good or bad. But I was fairly certain her husband Richard had had the best. I heaved a groan and said,
“I have to talk to the editors.” I held up my portfolio. “I waited all year. Sorry.” I offered a wincing smile.
“You can talk to the editors tomorrow,” she said. Or never. Who needs to work in comic books? The pay can’t be that good.
“No, Vanessa. I’m talking to them today.”
Suddenly angry, she blurted, “Are you gay, Doug?! Is that it?! Please tell me you’re gay!”
I chuckled, “I’m not gay. You’re gorgeous, Vanessa.” I picked up her hand. The one with the bright-white wedding ring tan-line. I wanted to tell her I found her character highly questionable and her lack of principles appalling, but there was no point. I said, “You’re married, remember?”
“Oh, that,” she sighed, totally disappointed. “I won’t tell if you won’t.” She grinned like a kid. “What happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom.”
“But I’ll know, Vanessa.” I let go of her hand gently.
She sagged and groaned, “You are such a Boy Scout.”
“Actually, I’m not. But my roommate is. Or was.”
She rolled her eyes. “Are you sure…” you don’t want to just have sex? She grabbed my hand abruptly. Just this one time? Richard will never know.
“I’m sure.”
“Fine. Fine!” She dropped my hand. Stupid Richard. I need a divorce.
“I should go.”
“See you tomorrow?”
“Maybe.”
Or not.
—: o o o :—
Before heading back downtown, I put Jimmy’s .32 in the guest house. I would’ve put it in Arnold’s gun safe with the .44 Magnum and VP9 from last night, but I didn’t know the code.
On my walk back to the convention center, Arnold called.
“Hey, Arn. You still working?”
Arnold shouted into the phone, “HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEWS?!”
I pulled the phone away from my head and turned the volume down. “No. What news?”
“Dude! Just Google San Diego news.”
“Google? Why aren’t you using iSearch? It’s way better than Google.” In the last few years, iSearch had become the world’s most popular and accurate search engine, outpacing Google for total daily searches and ad revenue. They also made way better phones.
