The Book of Magnificent Monsters

by Anna Fienberg

  ‘“Yes,” I told him, because it was true. Already I was thinking that perhaps here lay the answer to my troubles. “You are a miracle,” I said. “You’re as magnificent as fire itself! I remember Wise-as-an-Owl telling me once about you. Did you know that you have your own page in the Book of Spells? It says, Phoenix have eyes of crystal and tail feathers of gold.” I couldn’t help my own eyes opening wide. His unearthly beauty made me feel strangely hungry, with a longing for some taste I would never have. “Oh fabulous Phoenix, you could be the very person to help me with a terrible problem.”

  ‘The Phoenix instantly drooped. He closed his eyes with boredom. “Why should I?” he asked.

  ‘“As an act of kindness?” I suggested. The Phoenix hunched his wings disdainfully. “You are so beautiful,” I coaxed, “that I would like to call you Glorious One – or Glory for short.”

  ‘“As you like,” he said, “but I still haven’t time to help you. That’s not what we Phoenix are for. Anyway, I’ll be leaving in the morning, as soon as my colours have deepened.”

  ‘I decided right then to stay by his side all night. I knew my mother would be worried, but she’d understand if my plan worked the way I wanted.

  ‘In the morning I made one last try. “Glory, what do Phoenix like best?”

  ‘“Hmm, I can only tell you what I would like above all else.”

  ‘“Yes? What?”

  ‘“To feel a mother’s love.”

  ‘I drew a deep breath. “If you help me with my trouble, Glory, I promise that you will have your wish.”

  ‘The Phoenix settled down in the ashes. “Tell me,” he said.

  ‘“Well, it’s like this,” I began. “I have an uncle, Tiki Pu, who will say anything to get out of a tight spot. This morning he came sidling into our house looking guilty, as well he might. We knew straightaway that something was wrong.”

  ‘“What have you done now, Tiki Pu?” my father sighed.

  ‘“There’s no need to look at me like that,” sniffed Tiki Pu, “as if I’m always making trouble. It’s just, see, I was asked to spend the evening with the War Lord and his friends. They were all boasting about how many splendid horses and houses they had. I simply couldn’t stand it.” He stopped, embarrassed, and then went on with a rush. “And so I told them that on my last voyage to Africa I had captured the most dazzling creature in the world. That was good – they all looked crestfallen.”

  ‘“But then the War Lord said, ‘Where is this creature? I want to see it!’ Well, I hadn’t thought of that, and in my confusion, I’m afraid I told him that I had given it to my dear family. Well, you know the War Lord. He said, ‘I want this creature brought to me by tomorrow at noon, otherwise—’ Tiki Pu didn’t say what otherwise was, but you can be sure it will be the end of my family. Glory, we don’t have anything like this dazzling treasure to give the War Lord. I don’t know what we can possibly do.”

  ‘The Phoenix cocked his head to one side as I began to explain my plan. Then he interrupted crossly. “We Phoenix are not born to be some War Lord’s plaything. We must be free to soar the heavens and dazzle the stars. What you are asking would be very undignified, Tashi.” His feathers ruffled in outrage.

  ‘“It would only be for such a little while,” I explained, and I told him the second part of my plan. He quite liked the idea of astonishing the War Lord with his beauty. His feathers calmed as I talked and finally he agreed to come home with me. Besides, he was curious to meet Tiki Pu.

  ‘I sat myself on his back amongst those fabulous feathers and a few minutes later we were sitting beside my amazed family at the dinner table. Tiki Pu revived like a thirsty plant when he saw the Phoenix and heard my plan. He showed not a moment’s worry for the danger he had brought to the family, and could only talk of the riches the Phoenix would bring to him. Glory looked at him in wonder. “He is even worse than you said,” he whispered in my ear.

  ‘We found a large cage for Glory and spent some time coaxing him to step into it. “This is not at all the sort of thing we Phoenix are used to,” he said, looking down his beak.

  ‘At noon the next day we were in the War Lord’s Great Hall. When he saw Glory, the War Lord jumped up from his gold chair and clapped his hands. He threw Tiki Pu and me a coin each and waved us away. He could look at nothing but the flame—coloured feathers of the Phoenix. As we were leaving the hall I said to the War Lord, “You do understand, my Lord, that my family has given up a great prize for you?”

  ‘“Yes, yes,” he replied. “In fact you and your uncle must stay for the banquet I’m holding tonight. I’m going to show off this fabulous creature to all my friends and enemies.”

  ‘That evening, Glory in his cage was the centre of attention in the Great Hall. He preened and bowed as the guests marvelled and told each other tall tales of Phoenix they had almost met. His feathers glowed so intensely, he looked like a small trapped sun. It hurt my eyes, and my heart, to look at him. I checked once more for the small package wrapped in silk in my pocket.

  ‘Towards the end of the evening, I bent under the table, pretending to look for something I’d dropped. In the darkness, amongst people’s fine leather boots, I drew out my silk handkerchief. I undid the knot and took out the squashed piece of Ghost Cake. Then I stood up and strolled over to Glory. Quickly, quietly, I dropped the Ghost Cake on the floor of Glory’s cage.

  ‘He nodded to me and gobbled it up with his ruby—red beak. Then he stepped through the bamboo bars that melted away at his touch. I couldn’t help laughing with relief as I watched him.

  ‘But what was he doing now? He froze, looking back at the cage in wonder. He was entranced by the magic of the Ghost Cake. To my horror he stepped back into the cage and out again through the bars – in and out, again and again.

  ‘And then, instead of flying straight for the open windows as we had planned, he glided up to the heavy gold chandelier hanging over the War Lord’s chair. From there he dropped a deposit on the War Lord’s head! That’s the kind of bird Glory is – he just has to show off and make mischief!

  ‘The War Lord sat shocked and silent as something white and smelly trickled down his cheeks and into his ears.

  ‘Glory dived and tipped a flask of wine over one tipsy guest, and knocked a large bowl of vegetables over another. He was having such a good time, he didn’t notice the War Lord and his men hurry over to lock all the doors and windows.

  ‘Too late, Glory realised what he had done. I had told him the magical effects of Ghost Cake did not last long. He flew wildly around the room, pushing in vain at the high windows. He flashed me an anguished look. Serves you right! I felt like shouting, to teach him a lesson. I warned you to be quick!

  ‘The War Lord and his guests were rushing about the hall throwing cloaks and tablecloths in the air like washing flapping in the wind, trying to bring the Phoenix down.

  ‘I made my way over to the far wall and felt in my pocket for Ghost Cake crumbs. Nothing. Panic was making me hot all over. Breathe deep, I told myself. Carefully I drew the scrunched handkerchief out of my pocket. I smoothed it in my palm. There! One last crumb, tucked into a fold of silk. Just then someone grabbed my arm, jerking me off balance. “Quick, give me the cake!” hissed Tiki Pu.

  ‘My fist closed tightly over the crumb. “No, I promised Glory no harm would come to him.” I pulled away, waving my hand to Glory, and threw the crumb up into the air.

  ‘Glory wheeled back but the crumb was falling faster. He dived right down like something about to crash, his beak pointed at the earth, then suddenly up he swooped.

  ‘Oh, he was so beautiful, like a shooting star. He caught the cake in his beak and then, without a check, he sailed on through the great stone wall and out into the freedom of the frosty night.

  ‘The War Lord stormed over to us. “You cheating bamboozlers!” he raged. “You have shamed me in front of my guests! You’ll pay for this!”

  ‘Tiki Pu sank to his knees, whimpering. He was going to be no help,
as usual.

  ‘“But, Sir, there is no shame,” I cried. “You have given your friends – and enemies – a night to remember! Just look about you!” The War Lord turned. Indeed, his Great Hall had never been so lively. People were laughing and shouting and pointing, waving their arms in the air as they described to each other what they had just seen. “This will be a story to tell their children and grandchildren in years to come.”

  ‘Just then a guest slapped the War Lord on the back. “Well, old friend,” he gasped, “what a night this has been! You have shown us not only a fabulous Phoenix, but a Phoenix who flies through walls!” And he slurped another glass of wine to celebrate.

  ‘The War Lord looked stunned, but he smiled stiffly and nodded to the guards to push open the doors and windows. He glared at Tiki Pu, but made no move to stop us as we quickly made our way outside where Glory was waiting in the branch of a plum tree.

  ‘When we reached home, Glory looked around expectantly. “Well, what about your promise, Tashi?”

  ‘I glanced over my shoulder at my mother, who smiled shyly. “I promised you would feel a mother’s love,” I told him. “Well, this is a mother – my mother – and believe me, Glory, she is so grateful for what you have done for us that she will love you like her own for the rest of your days.”

  ‘At that, my mother held out her arms and Glory flew right into them.’

  Dad cleared his throat. He wiped his eyes. ‘Ah yes, family. Nothing like it.’ He looked at his brother Joe. ‘Can’t get used to the beard though. Suppose it will just take time.’

  Joe blew his nose. ‘Like a few days?’

  Dad grinned and Mum got up to clear away the tea things. Jack saw her lean down to whisper in Tashi’s ear, and kiss his cheek.

  ‘What did she say?’ Jack asked Tashi when they were outside.

  ‘She said the Phoenix might have been my treasure, but I happen to be hers.’

  ‘Well, you’re mine too,’ said Jack, standing up and spreading out his arms, ‘and this whole family’s, and this whole world’s!’ He went running around the garden until Tashi tackled him and Jack flipped Tashi over with an ancient wrestling move taught to him by his father, who’d been taught by his father, the famous World Champion Suburban Lawn Wrestler.

  THE UNEXPECTED LETTER

  ‘What a surprise!’ said Mum, as she opened a letter telling her that she’d won a luxury car from a lottery in Nigeria. ‘Especially as I didn’t even buy a ticket.’

  ‘Life is full of surprises,’ Uncle Joe told Jack.

  ‘But they can turn out well or not so well,’ said Jack, ‘depending on what you do with them.’

  Uncle Joe scratched his head. ‘How do you mean?’

  ‘Well, Tashi was talking about that very thing today.’

  ‘Ah, I would have liked to have heard that conversation,’ said Uncle Joe.

  ‘Me too,’ said Dad, coming into the kitchen.

  ‘And me,’ said Mum, handing him a tea towel.

  ‘Well, it was like this,’ said Jack, settling himself on a stool. ‘There was a letter for Tashi. An unexpected letter—’

  ‘That’s not surprising,’ said Uncle Joe. ‘I get letters all the time. Mostly from the bank, which is bad news.’

  ‘Well, it was surprising for Tashi. Nobody could remember such a thing happening before. The postman got off his bicycle and waited to hear what it said. All the family crowded around to see. But when Tashi had read the letter, all he said was, “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you about it now. This letter has already taken four days to get here and a friend of mine is in terrible trouble. I have to go straightaway.”

  ‘His mother picked up the envelope that Tashi had dropped on the table. It was of the finest paper and was addressed in rich black ink by a delicate hand. The handwriting belonged to Princess Sarashina. And it looked like it had been written in a hurry.

  ‘Tashi read the letter again in his bedroom.

  ‘Tashi shuddered as he put down the letter. How could he forget the Master of Revels? He’d met him only the year before, and—’

  ‘Nearly lost his feet!’ cried Dad, almost dropping his tea towel. ‘That villain was going to chop them off!’

  ‘That’s right,’ nodded Jack. ‘But Princess Sarashina sounded so worried that Tashi felt he must go to her. Quickly he stuffed some Ghost Cakes into his pocket, together with a balm for spider bites, plus a new herb Wise-as-an-Owl gave him for calming snakes. Then he put on his dancing shoes and told his family he would be back as soon as he could.

  ‘When he arrived at the Palace, Tashi went looking for Princess Sarashina and her sister. As he stole through the ornamental gardens he heard a voice he knew well: it was the Master of Revels. He was talking to his son Khan, and what Tashi heard next filled him with anger and dread. He moved closer, holding his breath to hear better.

  ‘“I don’t know,” the Master of Revels was saying. “If the Emperor should find out …”

  ‘Khan interrupted sharply. “He won’t know a thing until it’s too late, Father. I have already spread stories around the Palace that the Emperor is becoming forgetful. People are talking. As soon as I am married I will declare that he is no longer fit to rule, and the throne will be mine – I mean ours,” he quickly corrected himself.

  ‘The Master of Revels shook his head. “We’ll need more men. Too many of the Palace guards will stay loyal to the Emperor.”

  ‘“Yes, I know,” Khan said impatiently. “That’s why I have written this letter to General Zeng telling him to come at once with extra men.”

  ‘A troop of guards came marching past, and Khan told one of them to get a horse and deliver the letter. When the guard asked the way to the General’s fortress, Khan shouted, “You fool! They’ll tell you at the stables.” Then he kicked the man in the bottom to hasten him on his way.

  ‘Tashi, treading softly, keeping to the shadows, followed the guard. While he crept along, a cunning idea came to him. By the time the guard arrived at the stables, Tashi had worked out a plan. He bowed politely before the guard, and told him what was in his mind.

  ‘That done, he hurried back to the Palace, searching through hallways, skirting around piles of wedding presents that guests had sent ahead, listening at doors, until he finally heard the Princesses’ voices. Their door was locked. Of course – they were in disgrace.

  ‘Tashi swallowed a piece of Ghost Cake and glided into the room. There was a loud argument going on.

  ‘“—and so there’s no point in your trying to escape,” Princess Sarashina was crying. “You’d be brought back to the Palace before you could say fried chicken feet, and Cha Ming would probably lose his head.”

  ‘“Then what do you suggest? Just sit here, waiting for the wedding and a life of misery with Khan?”

  ‘The sisters jumped when they noticed Tashi standing beside them.

  ‘“Where did you come from?” gasped Princess Hoiti-Toiti.

  ‘“Tashi, at last!” cried Princess Sarashina, leaping up to hug him. “The wedding is tomorrow. Can you possibly help us?”

  ‘Tashi blushed and glanced over Princess Sarashina’s shoulder at Hoiti-Toiti. She was rolling her eyes. Still bossy and proud, thought Tashi. She had a fine sense of her high place in the world, and didn’t really like her sister’s friendship with Tashi, who had a lot of relatives but not one at the Palace.

  ‘Tashi sighed. “Look, this is what we could do,” he said quietly. And he told the sisters of the conversation he had overheard that morning in the garden, and about Khan’s plans for the Emperor.

  ‘“But how can we prove it?” Hoiti-Toiti objected. “My father would never believe a common boy like you over the son of his most trusted adviser.”

  ‘Tashi’s ears flushed red and he wished yet again that this Princess had a nicer way of talking, even if he had to admit that she was right. “I spoke with a Palace guard on the way to the stables,” he managed to answer calmly, “and persuaded him to let me have Khan’s note to Genera
l Zeng.”

  ‘Princess Sarashina’s eyes opened wide. “How did you do that?”

  ‘“It wasn’t very difficult. The guard had already decided to look for a new master, and when I explained how grateful the Emperor would be to have this warning about Khan’s plan, he was only too happy to leave the note with me.”

  ‘“I knew you would think of something, Tashi!” Princess Sarashina beamed. “Now we must find a way for you to get close enough to speak to my father. There is to be a big pre-wedding dinner tonight, you know.”

  ‘“Yes, but Khan and his guards would never let me into the Banquet Hall.” Tashi looked thoughtfully at the sisters. Then his eyes dropped to the beautiful carpet on the floor. He smiled. “I’ve just had another little idea. But first you must tell me where I can find Cha Ming.”’

  ‘Cha Ming had never eaten Ghost Cakes before, and he was very surprised when Tashi pulled him through the Palace wall. Princess Hoiti-Toiti ran to her beloved Cha Ming. “Not now,” said Tashi. “Cha Ming and I have some arrangements to make. We’ll be back in time to escort you both to the banquet.”

  ‘The girls were dressed ready for the evening when Tashi and Cha Ming returned. Princess Hoiti-Toiti tugged Cha Ming’s arm. “Make him tell us what is going to happen,” she cried.