by Lynn Mann
The mood around the campfire at lunchtime was jubilant. Rowena and Oak had made an impressive sight as they experimented with what their bodies could do together now. They had blurred into one another, making it impossible for onlookers to see them as anything other than one being as they moved up and down the paces, performing increasingly difficult manoeuvres. They had thoroughly enjoyed the appreciation and applause that they had received as a result. Sonja and Bright had spent some time galloping around the edge of the paddock with pure joy at their newfound balance and power. Their elation was infectious and we had all laughed and cheered as we witnessed another partnership blurring together into one being.
Rowena and Sonja had then proceeded to teach their pupils. We’d all laughed in sympathy with Marvel when Rowena told him that whilst I may have been content to let him progress at his own rate, he wouldn’t be afforded that luxury by her. He made great strides forward in his riding in that session. While he allowed himself to appear hen-pecked, he and all of us who were Aware knew that he had already made a decision over breakfast that morning, not to let his fear of change stand in his way any longer as he saw the woman he loved evolving away from him. Holly, too, had allowed herself to be pushed further than normal, as had Aleks. Whilst sitting on a boulder watching them all, I had felt a momentum building within our group.
As I sat in silence, toasting a slice of bread over the fire and enjoying listening to my friends teasing one another whilst reliving the events of the morning, I realised that it had been a while since I had seen Bond-Partners blur together in their oneness in the way that I had seen happen twice in the past few hours. I missed Justin and Gas for the thousandth time and then with a pang, I missed Adam. I missed his easy company, his warm wisdom and his gentle humour. He would have loved being with us on a day like today.
Instantly, he and Peace were with me. Tears of happiness filled my eyes as I felt again their warm pride in our group and at what we were achieving together. They knew of my fledgling friendship with Fitt, of my tentative contact with the Kindred Elder and of whom I knew her to be, and of Flame. Where I empathised with Flame and the two Kindred over the difficulties that they were having to find the courage to face, Adam saw only the perfection in the roles that they would play in shaping the future. I sent him a wave of love in gratitude for helping me to see things from a different perspective. It was something he had always been able to do and it was yet another thing I missed about him.
‘Am? Adam?’ Rowena stared at me. ‘And Peace! That must be Peace! He feels just as I imagined him to be!’ She smiled as she felt everything that Adam wanted her to know.
Sonja stopped talking to Holly and a rapt expression settled on her face as she sensed Adam and his exchange with Rowena. All of a sudden, she shook herself out of it and looked embarrassed.
I moved to sit by her side. ‘Sonja, it’s okay,’ I told her, quietly. ‘You can’t help but pick up things from other people now that you’re Aware. You still have to respect other people’s privacy, but the lines are softer than before. You’ll get used to trusting your judgment, don’t worry.’
Sonja nodded. ‘Thanks, Am. Once the initial elation wears off, this oneness stuff’s, well it’s all a bit...’
‘Overwhelming?’ I chuckled. ‘You want to think yourself lucky that you weren’t Aware before Justin learnt to be subtle. A few weeks back and your sense of being invaded and overwhelmed would have reached heights far higher than it will now!’
Everyone laughed, but I was Aware of Marvel trying to overcome his jealousy at Rowena’s silent conversation with Adam; of Aleks feeling left out of my conversation with Sonja and wanting to be a part of it all, but wondering at the same time if he would cope with the new level of discomfort that would come with being newly Aware; and of Holly feeling resentful that she, too was feeling left out, but not trusting herself to commit to progressing in the way that Sonja and Rowena had. She didn’t trust that what she had seen in her horse when they bonded – a calm sea of peace and serenity – was truly what she had the potential to be. To commit to something of which she wasn’t sure was to risk failure and disappointment. Better to hang about on the fringes and wait to see if things became clearer before committing herself completely.
Marvel would make the changes necessary to achieve perfect balance quickly now with Rowena’s help. Aleks was still a long way off, and putting even more blocks in his own way. Holly though, I could help, now that I had gleaned knowledge of the last, deepest, most protected layer of her block.
I felt the Kindred Elder’s touch on my mind. I registered briefly that Rowena had managed to find Justin and Quinta, bringing them both into contact with Adam and Sonja. Good. While they were distracted, the Elder could read what she wanted to from my mind without any of my friends becoming Aware of her. I didn’t think she was ready for their curiosity.
She lingered longer than she normally did. She could feel that our group was altering and she allowed me to be Aware of her eagerness to know what it was that was changing. As she sifted through my experiences, I felt Adam’s attention touch my mind and hers, ever so delicately. She recoiled away from us both, but then was back an instant later. She was intrigued by a discarnate essence that had obviously very recently incarnated as a human, yet was interminably intertwined with one that had recently incarnated as a horse. I felt her realisation that this was the mechanism by which we were evolving. All of her observations fell into place as she realised that we were moving past the point where we would ever see ourselves as separate beings whose primary concern was their own safety and comfort. The horses were helping us to see who we really were whilst we were incarnate, so that we could never see ourselves as being anything else.
Adam stayed as quiet and still as I did. The Kindred Elder realised that there were more of us who had become one with our horses now, more of us who were Aware, more of us who could help other Horse-Bonded to reach the same state, more of us to ensure that humanity strode forward past the point where they could ever return to the ways of The Old. Her mind shuddered violently at the depths to which humanity had once sunk and doubt crept in to stifle the hope which had been slowly unfolding within her. What if it was a feature of humanity that we would always be capable of returning to being ruled by fear and insecurity? No matter how far we evolved? Her mind hardened. She wouldn’t allow herself to be convinced that positive change could be permanent. Not yet. And then she was gone.
I took heart from Adam as he held to his view of the perfection of the Elder’s role in shaping the future and then he and Peace retreated from my mind.
Sonja and Rowena were laughing at each other mouthing and muttering the words they were thinking to Justin and Quinta. Marvel, Holly and Aleks all sat in silence looking forlorn. I hugged myself inside and it was all I could do not to grin.
No, grinning would be considered unsympathetic and possibly mildly sadistic, agreed Justin.
If only they knew that it’s always the most uncomfortable just before it gets amazing. I’d tell them if I thought they’d believe me, but they won’t.
No, they won’t believe it any more than we would have done, Am, and it’ll only make Aleks even more sorry for himself. He’s not nearly as uncomfortable as he’s going to need to be for him to decide that change is preferable.
I nodded. Agreed. It’s going to be a long afternoon with the three of them, but I’m looking forward to tomorrow.
Justin quickly picked up on what I was planning. Well that will be interesting. You won’t be letting Holly know what she’s in for?
No, tomorrow will be soon enough.
Twelve
Centre
Flame was looking better, I decided as I caught my first glimpse of her in the morning sunshine. I had spent most of the previous afternoon infusing her with light as she grazed, ensuring that the fear within her was limited to its sanctuaries in the pelvis and stifle and not free to pervade her body. The grass she had eaten had therefore nourished her and no
t only were her ribs slightly less visible, but I thought I could see a slight gleam in the few patches of her coat that weren’t caked in mud. My inward sigh at the amount of grooming I had ahead of me was quickly muted by my delight in realising that Flame had felt strong enough to roll repeatedly and with gusto in order to get herself into such a state.
I wasn’t long grooming Infinity and then I set about finding Flame underneath her casing of mud. I was forced to be vigorous with my stiff-bristled brush and soon clouds of mud and hair were flying loose and being carried away on the sharp spring breeze. Flame stopped grazing and bent around to wiggle her top lip on my back as I scrubbed away on her back. My heart leapt as I felt her acceptance of me as a grooming partner. I considered being a bit less forceful with my brush strokes, lest Flame opted to match my ferocity and groom me with her teeth instead of just her lip. Immediately, Flame’s attentions became more gentle. She would make allowances for my feeble human skin. I grinned, thinking about how her view mirrored Fitt’s, although Fitt had been more polite about it.
Flame recoiled from me as she registered my connection with the young Kindred. I almost cursed myself, but then I breathed deeply and regained my centre. Fitt was my friend. She was kin to the one who had hurt Flame but she was my friend nevertheless. Infinity and Oak had both been close to her and neither had been in any danger. She knew of Flame and she wouldn’t come close enough for Flame to be uncomfortable. There was nothing to fear. I held my thoughts with absolute knowledge and confidence, Aware that Flame’s courage to stay near me hovered at breaking point. I had no doubts. None whatsoever. Fitt was a Kindred but she was a friend and a brave one, who was stepping away from the conventions of her kind in her decisions to accept help from us and to see our horses as the teachers of truth that they were.
Flame snorted. Fear coursed through her as she stood tense and ready for flight. I calmly moved out of her way and went to stand at Infinity’s side, draping an arm over her neck as she grazed. I was very carefully unconcerned by both Flame’s fears and her readiness to leave us. She could flee if she wanted to and we wouldn’t try to stop her. She would always move awkwardly but she could move without pain now and she would probably find a herd at some point, so she needn’t be alone. Or she could stay. She could face her fears with Infinity’s and my help. She was brave and strong. She could fully heal and she could fulfil the destiny that she had chosen for herself, but she would have to choose to stay with us in the centre of the vortex, where her fears would be magnified the most, where she would be challenged the most and where she would be the most uncomfortable. It was her choice.
Flame spun away from Infinity and me and took off as fast as she could. The other horses all watched her intently as she galloped around the outside of the grazing area but none made to join her. Rowena and Sonja looked over at me and I felt them grasp what had happened. Rowena nodded to herself and returned her attention to watching Flame, but Sonja’s attention lingered with me longer, picking up all of what I knew about Flame. I nodded to her as her mouth dropped open with respect for what Flame intended to do if she could push her fear aside long enough to connect with the deep well of courage inside of her.
Now that Flame was moving at speed, her fear was subsiding, giving her the space to consider her choice. She could carry on going now that her body could move again, she could find a normal herd of horses to live with, maybe even find her old herd again. A feeling of safety washed over her briefly but it was tainted with the knowledge that safety wasn’t real or even necessary. Or, she could stay with her new herd. A herd unlike any other. A herd that had change swirling around it in a way that was both disturbing and attractive at the same time. A herd that would enfold her and take her along with it, ensuring that she not only met but fulfilled her destiny. There was no decision to make. She slowed to a canter and my friends cheered their appreciation as her long legs ate up the ground, her lameness hardly apparent as she engaged her hindquarters fully underneath herself. She slowed further to an ungraceful, wobbly halt in front of Infinity and me. I was stunned by the change in her countenance. Her warmth shone out in all directions, along with her confidence in herself as a force to be reckoned with. She had chosen courage and determination over fear and she was ready to do what she must.
Infinity whickered and reached forward to sniff noses with Flame. I laughed with delight and rubbed Flame’s neck as Rowena and Sonja came running over.
‘Flame, you’re amazing!’ said Rowena, reaching to rub Flame’s neck, knowing that her touch would now be welcomed.
‘She is,’ agreed Sonja. ‘Flame, you’re a brave girl.’ She turned to explain to Holly, Marvel and Aleks what had just transpired.
So, it’s not just humans who have to find their centre, horses do too, sometimes, I observed to Infinity.
Horses are born with their personality and soul in balance. Any shift in focus is normally only a temporary deviation. Flame suffered trauma and pain over a sufficiently prolonged period that she became stuck more in her personality’s worries and fears. Now that she has regained her centre she will find it easier to free herself of the other patterns which are unhelpful to her.
That’s definitely how it feels when I’m centred, it’s as if I’m harder to dislodge in any direction from my place of being.
I felt Infinity’s assent. Flame would not have rediscovered her centre today had you not remained in yours.
But couldn’t you have helped her? You and the other horses?
Everything happens as it should.
Of course it does.
Infinity, Flame and I worked together in the same way that we had done the previous day, with Infinity giving Flame and me a firm sense of her body’s arrangement to use as a template, before moving to the side and giving Flame the space to work around me. Flame followed my intention for her to work to the right – her easier side – first again, concentrating deeply on organising her body the way she had done the day before. Once she had walked circles of varying sizes without losing the bend through her body and her muscles were thoroughly warmed up, she obliged me by turning to walk a circle to her left. Immediately, she slowed right down as her right hind slapped to the ground too early in its stride to allow her to bend to the left easily. I held firm to my sense of how Infinity’s body moved and to my complete confidence that Flame would be able to begin to make small changes towards being able to move her body in the same way. Flame identified where her pelvis would need to begin to shift its alignment. Fear threatened to swamp her. I felt her hesitate in her decision to reorganise her body and I almost sent light to her. No. If I helped her, I would be shielding her from what she must face. Finding the courage to begin working through her fear was something that she must do for herself. I waited, confident that her courage would prevail.
Flame looked across and snaked her head at me, her ears flat back. She was desperately uncomfortable both physically and emotionally and she wanted me to do something. I held firm to my sense of Infinity walking powerfully on a left bend, clear of any negative emotion, graceful, strong, capable. Flame could do what she needed to do. I knew she could. Flame looked across at me again and I felt the Kindred hanging on to her leg with her. The fear in her eyes almost shook me. Almost. I took a deep breath and remained centred.
And then Flame was with me. The second that she chose to believe in me more than in the fear that gripped her, she was able to step aside from some of it, leaving nowhere for it to be. As it dissipated into the ether, Flame tried to move her pelvis differently. Immediately, I hummed a low tone that resonated with the muscles and connective tissues in that area and then sent my intention down the pathway of sound to them, encouraging them to allow the movement that Flame was attempting. Now that Flame had released some of the fear that had been holding them in place, they were able to follow my intention and they shifted slightly. All of a sudden, Flame was able to turn her pelvis more to the left. Her jubilation sang out in my Awareness. The change she had made was sm
all, but it was the beginning of her conscious return to health.
Flame walked circles to the left and right for a little while longer, fascinated with the change she had made in her body and how it affected both how she could move and how she felt. I was Aware of a hunger growing within her for more change. I smiled. My brave, beautiful, chestnut mare was indeed a force to be reckoned with.
I looked across to where my friends had been either grooming or riding their horses, to find that they had all stopped to watch. Rowena and Sonja were glassy-eyed and Marvel, Holly and Aleks were looking from them to Flame, Infinity and me.
‘Earth calling Rowena and Sonja,’ I giggled. ‘They’re just a bit overwhelmed with everything they’ve just felt from Flame,’ I explained to Marvel, Holly and Aleks. ‘They’ll be back with us in a minute.’
‘Wow, Amarilla, just... wow!’ Sonja said.
