by Lynn Mann
Flame came to a halt beneath Fitt, sensing that her Bond-Partner reeled from my thoughts. She reassured Fitt that all would be well whilst letting her know that I spoke the truth.
All of a sudden, the Kindred Elder slammed herself in between Fitt and me. I jumped violently and banged my head on the tree trunk against which I had been leaning. Infinity’s nurturing energy wove its way throughout my being, helping me to recover from being separated from Fitt’s mind in such an abrupt manner. I couldn’t find her. Normally, I only had to think of Fitt and our minds would touch. Now, all I could feel was the Kindred Elder’s fury.
We begin to open wounds that will resist being opened, observed Infinity, who had wandered over to stand next to where I sat. She rested her muzzle on the top of my head and I stroked her front leg, thoughtfully.
I reached for Flame and found that I was blocked from her as well. For a moment, I felt fury at the Elder’s intrusion. Then I felt Infinity’s approval as I regained my centre. I had a sense of an old, well-established pattern beginning to shift in the ether and I knew that Fitt and Flame were at the heart of it every bit as much as Infinity and I were those ensuring that it would happen. I felt a bit sorry for the Kindred Elder; she had to know that putting herself between We Who Are Infinity and Flame and Fitt was like trying to hold back the wind with a paper plate.
Nevertheless she must do what she thinks best to protect her kind. She will not risk the wound opening that festers within them unless she is certain that it can be healed, observed Infinity.
I saw the perfection in everything once more. Events were converging on a single point in time and space and it was time for us all to make our way there. We need to move on, Infinity and I agreed.
We ate well that evening thanks to the hunting and gathering skills of Vickery and Marvel. Not content to leave his achievements for the day at providing us with food as well as fulfilling his promise to help us all with Quinta’s students, Marvel then proceeded to attempt a new Skill he had discovered within his Awareness: fire-singing. Since most of the wood that Aleks had gathered that day was damp from all of the rain, Marvel wanted to encourage our fire to roar with heat, thus drying out the wood laid out to dry around it.
He stared intently into the fire and was soon producing a smooth hum with which he experimented until he found the exact tone he wanted. I felt him send his intention along the pathway of sound that linked him to the fire, and the fire began to draw more air! Just as if invisible bellows were at work, the fire began to burn more strongly and we all clapped and cheered as it then began to roar. We then collapsed with laughter as Rowena only just pulled Marvel back away from it in time to prevent his eyebrows singeing.
When all of the excitement had died down, I suggested to my friends that we needed to continue our journey.
‘But what about Justin and Gas?’ Aleks said. ‘From what you’ve told me, they’re busting their guts trying to catch up with us. We can’t just move on without them?’
‘And what about Fitt and Flame?’ said Vickery. ‘Do we wait for them to come with us?’
I looked around at the rest of my friends as they picked up from me what had happened between me, Fitt and the Kindred Elder. Eyebrows were raised, brief discussions were had with Bond-Partners and then one by one, they all nodded.
‘The Kindred Elder is preventing contact between any of us and Fitt and Flame at the moment, so they’ll have to decide for themselves what to do for the best. Justin and Gas are moving much quicker than we will be, especially as we’ll be stopping to help the wild horse herds that are making their way to meet us, so they’ll still catch us up. Everything will happen when the time is right,’ I said, staring at Vickery.
Vickery’s eyes widened. She looked down into her lap for a few minutes while she discussed what I had meant with Verve, and then she looked up and nodded.
We all looked at Aleks. He raked a dirty, thin hand through his now lank, black hair. His pale blue eyes peered out from the dark shadows that surrounded them, flicking from one of us to the other. He communicated with Nexus by the weakest of mental whispers, most of their bond once more cloaked in his fear, but at her whole-hearted agreement that it was time to move on, he gave a stiff flick of his head into a nod.
He was managing to hang on to his sanity by a thread as a result of flickering his thoughts between the sight of the foals working with their mothers, the way Nexus had moved the last time he’d ridden her and the courage he had felt within Flame as she chose to transform her worst nightmare into her biggest opportunity. He was hanging on by a thread, but he was hanging on.
Just hang on a little longer Aleks, I thought to him, knowing he couldn’t hear me. But Nexus could. I felt her pass on my thought to her Bond-Partner and his eyes immediately flicked to meet mine. I grinned at him and mouthed, ‘just a little longer.’
He clenched his fists and closed his eyes tightly. Then he took a deep breath and opened his eyes. He nodded, more strongly this time.
Blessedly, I slept soundly that night and was the last to wake the following morning. When I did, I felt Justin waiting for me.
You needed that, he told me.
And you need at least that, plus a whole load more. You’re still pushing yourself too hard, Jus.
Gas and I refuse to acknowledge any such concept, he replied cheerfully, especially now that you’re on your way again. We’ll be there, Am, when it counts. I promise you.
It all counts and you’re always there.
Justin paused, taken aback. Was that you or Fin? I can’t tell your thoughts apart from hers anymore.
You’re not the only one. Several times, now, I’ve opened my mouth and words that I could never have strung together without Infinity have come out.
It’s to be expected for all of us, I guess, Justin observed. We’re one with our horses and their insights are becoming as much a part of us as they are of them. Seriously though, we’ll be there.
‘When you two have finished chatting, there’s breakfast to be eaten and then camp to be cleared, Am?’ Rowena called across the campfire.
Being Aware hasn’t made you any less bossy, has it, Ro? Justin directed his thought to all of us.
Amidst the sniggering that followed, Marvel said, ‘it’s made her worse, and her respect for private conversations has taken a nosedive as well, but we wouldn’t have her any other way.’
‘Speak for yourself,’ grumbled Aleks as he draped bedding over nearby saplings to air.
Rowena scolded Justin for not resting more, until he finally gave in and promised to rest for the whole of the following night instead of just a small part of it. I agreed with Marvel. We wouldn’t have Rowena any other way.
Rowena caught my thought about her and winked at me as she moved on to giving Holly and Sonja their chores for packing up camp. I watched all of my friends about their tasks for a few moments before finally rising, and I felt a huge amount of fondness for all of them. They and their horses had all come with Infinity and me for different reasons, and yet those reasons had all ended up being the same. We were all on a path towards helping the Kindred, thereby eliciting change. As a group, we made that aim more defined and we gave it strength. As a group, we had power. In the weeks to come, we would need it.
Eighteen
Weight
When we finally got going, it was mid-morning and the sun’s rays were gaining strength. A mist was rising from the plains in front of us as the water began to evaporate from where it had been deposited so ferociously, and the air felt warm and damp around us. Infinity and I took our place at the front of the group and for a moment, I missed Flame not being at our side. Then I remembered all that she was achieving with Fitt and all I could feel was pride and love for her.
She comes, Infinity informed me. As I reached forward to stroke the white neck that gleamed in the summer sunshine, I felt what Infinity could feel and I laughed out loud.
‘What gives?’ Vickery asked from just behind me.
&nbs
p; ‘The Kindred Elder may have managed to block us from Flame and Fitt, but she can’t block Flame from Infinity! They’re coming to join us!’
‘Oh no,’ moaned Aleks, ‘no, no, no. I can’t have Fitt near Nexus, this is too much.’
‘Even though she’s one of the Horse-Bonded? One of us? Even though Flame is happy to be ridden by her?’ Sonja asked him.
‘They won’t catch us up for a day, maybe two if Fitt needs to hunt,’ Marvel said, ‘so you’ll have plenty of time to get used to the idea, Aleks.’
‘Remember what you felt from Flame when she bonded with Fitt. She knows Fitt inside out and she knows that Fitt poses no danger to any of us,’ I tried to reassure Aleks.
Aleks shook his head, miserably as he walked alongside his horse, and Nexus moved closer to him and nuzzled his arm. I left her to counsel him and returned my attention to what I could feel of Flame, through Infinity.
Flame’s determination had reached new heights as she walked along with Fitt on her back. She wanted to go faster, indeed they had tried that already for a short time, but having felt the damage that her weight did to Flame by pushing her down onto her forequarter as it had, Fitt had insisted that they go no faster than a walk until they found us and she had received the help she needed to balance her upper body. My heart leapt and I considered waiting for them. No. I knew that we needed to move on and I trusted that everything else would fall into place as it needed to.
I was following my sense of the Kindred Elder, knowing at the same time that several more wild horse herds were converging on us, but my attention was mainly on the joy I felt at just being at one with my horse. When we came across a raised area of land that was drier than the rest of the plains upon which we splashed, the urge took us to run with the breeze, outpacing it as easily as we did our friends. Infinity may not have been the tallest of horses, but she was all power. I gloried in her strength as her hind legs reached underneath us, pushing hard into the ground and propelling us ever forward with breathtaking speed.
All of a sudden, Justin and Gas were with us. Not physically, but as they, too, powered on as fast as Gas’s long legs could carry them, the four of us were one. We revelled in the feeling of our hooves pummelling the soft earth, in the feeling of freedom, of lightness, of oneness. And then Adam and Peace were with us! We drew them into our bodies with us and felt their exhilaration as they shared our physical experience. Sonja and Bright joined our being, followed by Marvel and Broad, then Holly and Serene and finally Rowena and Oak. We were horse. We were human. We were one.
We pulled up just before the ground began to shimmer with water again. Adam and Peace drifted away, leaving behind a subtle imprint of their love on all of us. I looked around at my friends.
‘There are no words,’ said Marvel, simply.
Vickery looked around at us in confusion, but the rest of us knew exactly what he meant. As we waited for Aleks – who was still refusing to ride – and Nexus to catch up, nobody spoke. I was Aware of Vickery’s realisation that we had all shared something from which she had excluded herself by not being Aware. I felt a decision beginning to take hold in her mind.
When Aleks finally caught up with us, he was more disgruntled than ever, but nothing could dampen any of our spirits. Justin and Gas were as elated as we were and I was relieved to feel how much energy our shared experience had given them. When we stopped to make camp that evening, I was Aware that, true to his word, Justin stopped and made his own small camp. He ate a full meal and then lay down to sleep as Gas grazed alongside him. I felt Rowena checking in on him too, and grinned at her, gratefully.
The next morning, we woke to the sounds of whinnying and galloping hooves, and realised that the wild horse herd that had been closest when we made camp the previous night, was upon us. We felt their anticipation and enthusiasm for what they would achieve with our help, and we all leapt out of bed. Even Aleks looked slightly energised by what he was feeling from Nexus as the wild herd called to our horses.
I stood up and looked over the top of the bushes in whose lee we camped, to where the wild herd galloped a huge circle around our horses. Every now and then, one of our horses would go for a trot or a canter, tail held out behind, neck arched and ears pricked as their powerful strides carried them around the rest of our herd. Then they would come to a graceful halt, snorting and blowing, as the next horse took a turn.
We dressed hurriedly and then, at Vickery’s insistence, each downed a bowl of the previous night’s soup, before going to join our horses. As soon as we reached them, the wild herd circled closer and then came to a snorting, wild-eyed halt.
The lead mare, a tall, skewbald horse, was in foal. Even as I began to wonder whether she would be strong enough to be ridden, I felt her absolute certainty that she was. She was horse. She could feel the pathway to lightness in front of her and she would tread it. She would go first as was expected and she would be ridden now.
I looked over at Holly, who had just mounted Serene in order to begin the demonstration that we had given to the previous two herds. She turned to look at me at the same time, as we realised the same thing – no demonstration was needed. The pattern for perfect balance was now strong enough within the collective consciousness that these horses already knew what they needed to do and they required only a small amount of help to do it.
The lead mare approached Holly as she dismounted from Serene as we all knew she would; so far, all of the mares who were pregnant or with foals had chosen Holly with whom to work, feeling most comfortable with her gentle, unassuming nature. Marvel gave Holly a careful leg up onto the skewbald mare’s back.
Holly was everything the mare needed her to be. She sat lightly and beautifully and in complete control of her body. She was careful where she used her legs, but the mare was never without support or direction when she needed it. The mare responded easily to all of Holly’s signals as if she had been ridden a thousand times before. She felt a profound satisfaction as her rider guided her along the pathway that beckoned to her and when, less than half an hour later, she reached its destination, she halted gracefully. Her foal began to move within her and I was Aware of subtle adjustments already being made within his still-forming body as his mother’s perfect balance took a hold on him, priming him for a life of being able to live his full power.
Once Holly had slid carefully to the ground, the mare sat all of her and her foal’s weight on her hindquarters, and struck the air with both forelegs. She whinnied shrilly as everything that had burdened her from her past began to leave her – joined by everything that was also clearing from her foal.
I put both of my hands to my mouth as Rowena gasped beside me.
‘By the wind of autumn,’ breathed Sonja.
Holly sobbed unashamedly and Marvel put an arm around her shoulder, unable to stop his own tears from flowing.
‘Her foal will be born into a body that will never know anything but perfect balance,’ I whispered to Aleks and Vickery. ‘He’s able to clear his negative energy now, while she’s clearing hers.’
‘Ohhhhhhhh,’ breathed Vickery.
Aleks looked at me with tear-filled eyes, unable to speak.
I felt a presence at my shoulder and turned to see that a dark bay mare stood waiting for me. ‘Please could one of you give me a leg up?’ I said to my friends.
We were finished by lunchtime. Each of us who had ridden had been astounded by how little help the horses had needed from us. A tiny adjustment in straightness, a little extra lift, some resistance to excess forward movement until weight distribution had been adjusted correctly and usually a small amount of help to find the final coordination of body parts, and then it had been on to the next horse.
‘Is it just me, or did it feel strange riding wild horses whilst fully clothed?’ Marvel said as we watched the herd gallop joyfully off into the distance.
‘It’s you,’ said Sonja.
‘Just you,’ said Holly.
‘I wouldn’t know,’ said Aleks.<
br />
‘I’m with Marvel,’ said Rowena. ‘There was something very liberating about riding in my underwear. What about you, Am? Am?’
I had turned to watch Vickery riding Verve in the distance.
Holly gasped and clapped her hands together. ‘Fantastic!! She and Verve are nearly there, she just needs to stop holding back!’
‘She doesn’t know she’s holding back though, she thinks she’s giving it everything,’ said Sonja.
All of us who were Aware had the same realisation at the same time.
‘We’ll go and make lunch. She’ll be tired once she’s finished,’ said Rowena.
‘But won’t any of you go and help her?’ Aleks said. ‘Surely one of you could easily help her if she’s nearly there?’
‘Just like we’ve easily helped you?’ Rowena said.
Aleks looked around at us, his confusion plain.
Sonja took pity on him. ‘It’s great that Vic’s decided to try to achieve perfect balance with Verve but she’s going to need to fulfil the potential she saw for herself when she bonded to Verve before she can achieve it; she’s nearly there, but she needs to realise for herself that she still has a slight tendency to hold herself back, and correct it. Once she does that, she’ll become She Who Is Verve. The rest will be easy.’
‘But why can’t you help her to realise that she’s holding back?’ Aleks said.
‘Vickery is a headstrong person. She won’t agree that she’s holding back and arguing with us will only make her more determined that she’s right,’ explained Sonja.
‘It’ll be easier for her to learn what she needs to know by being in a situation that makes it obvious to her,’ I said, ‘and on this trip, we’re not short of situations.’
Aleks looked at me sharply and then mouthed the words, ‘my worst nightmare,’ to himself. ‘Why have you told me this about Vickery?’ he asked, suddenly. ‘Do you all talk about me this way?’
