I Have a Voice

by Bob G Bodenhamer

  Exercise 3.3: Outcome setting

  The PWS’s internal and external dialogs provide clues on what needs to change. There are examples of the way PWS talk to themselves and to others throughout this book. People who are stuck tend to focus more on defining the problem rather than on finding solutions. This outcome-setting exercise gets the PWS thinking differently: what they want instead rather than what they want to get rid of; what they do want, rather than what they don’t want. It also enables you to assist the PWS in identifying how they will get it. At each step the PWS thinks about the ecology of each proposal, to check that the outcome is right or appropriate for them.

  Overview

  State the outcome in positive terms.

  State the outcome in sensory terms.

  State your outcome in a way that is compelling.

  Quality control your outcome.

  Take personal control.

  State the context of your outcome.

  State the resources you need for your outcome.

  Future pace – check that it works.

  Although the PWS can use this model on their own, I recommend that you first ask them the questions so that they can focus on finding the answers.

  1. State the outcome in positive terms.

  Describe the present situation and compare it with the desired future outcome.

  What do you want? What do you want to do differently?

  Where are you now?

  Where do you want to be?

  What are you going toward?

  Make sure that the PWS is able to state what they want to be able to do in positive language. For example, if they say they want to “stop stuttering” have them turn this around so that they are focusing on “becoming fluent”.

  In Case Study 1 in Chapter One, Susan stated a number of beliefs about herself which suggested a rather negative outlook. Figure 3.1 shows some positive reframes of those negative beliefs.

  I am not … Positive reframe:

  broken … I am whole.

  inadequate … I am sufficient.

  shy … I am able to deal with people on my own terms.

  anxious … I feel the adrenalin rush that will allow me to …

  foolish … I learn from my mistakes.

  worthless … I am a valuable member of society.

  ashamed … I learn from my mistake.

  angry … I get fired up so that I change things.

  abnormal … I am unique.

  Figure 3.1: Beliefs about self

  2. State the outcome in sensory-based terms.

  The more realistic their story of the future behavior, the more likely it is to happen. Have the PWS envisage their outcome in terms of a movie in which they can see themselves speaking fluently in a number of situations which in the past were problematic.

  What sequence of steps or stages is involved in reaching this outcome?

  How will you break your outcome down into small enough chunks so that each is do-able?

  How will you know that you have achieved your outcome? What will you see, hear and feel when you have it?

  3. State the outcome in a way that you find compelling.

  People only achieve their goals when they are motivated, so find out the PWS’s level of motivation:

  How compelling is your outcome?

  You can tell from the way they talk about their outcome whether they are inspired or not. If they seem unenthusiastic, help them make their outcome more compelling by asking them:

  What else needs to be there for you to really want this?

  Make sure that they imagine getting their outcome in a dissociated fashion – they can see themselves in the movie.

  4. Run a quality control check on the outcome to make sure it is appropriate.

  Is the desired outcome right for you in all circumstances of your life?

  Is your outcome appropriate in all your personal relationships?

  What will having your outcome give you that you do not now have?

  What will having your outcome cause you to lose?

  Is your outcome achievable?

  Does it respect your health, primary relationships, and so on?

  Often when people set outcomes, they only focus on the positive gains of their desire, and fail to consider what they will inevitably lose. All change involves gains and losses, and these need to be thought about at an early stage, to avoid later “disappointments”. These four questions (Figure 3.2) cover all contingencies:

  What will happen if you get your outcome?

  What will happen if you do not get your outcome?

  What will not happen if you get your outcome?

  What will not happen if you do not get your outcome?

  Does not happen Happens

  Get outcome What will not happen if you get your outcome? What will happen if you get your outcome?

  Not get outcome What will not happen if you do not get your outcome? What will happen if you do not get your outcome?

  Figure 3.2: Cartesian contingencies

  Run a quality check to make sure that your outcome fits every part. Ask, “Are there parts of me that objects to actualizing this desired outcome?” If so, address those concerns (see Exercise 5.2, step 7).

  Pay attention to how your whole self responds to the question in terms of images, sounds, words, and sensations within you.

  Considering the consequences …

  I emailed a question to one of my clients who blocks: “What would happen if you didn’t have fear and anxiety about blocking?” My intention was to get him to consider some alternatives which would change his way of thinking about his blocking by considering alternatives. This client used his work to hide from facing himself and other people. One answer he gave was that he would have interests other than his work. In his email he also listed the following:

  I would be confident.

  I would be centered.

  I would be an equal to others.

  I would be more of a risk taker, more adventuresome.

  I would be positive instead of cynical.

  I would stop taking responsibility for other people’s actions, but still feel compassion for them.

  I would feel the presence of God in my life on a consistent basis.

  I would be joyful and loving.

  I would know that however it turns out, it’s fine as long as I gave it my best effort.

  I would be excited about lots of stuff.

  I would give more time to those people who care and love me.

  I would be non-judgmental and more understanding.

  I would have close friends.

  I would be accepting of myself without worrying what other people think or what they would do to me.

  Wow! Look at all those outcomes which are inhibited by their fear and anxiety around stuttering. This typical response illustrates just how important it is to consider what has been put in the background because of some limiting perception and behavior.

  5. Take personal control.

  Next check that the PWS has an effective strategy for achieving their outcome.

  Is achieving this within your power or ability to do?

  What is the first step? Can you take this first step?

  Are you able to deal with whatever happens during the process?

  6. State the context of the outcome.

  The PWS needs to identify which contexts are the problem ones. They may think of them in terms of the particular people or the kind of people they encounter, or it could be specific locations. They need to have their outcome generalized so that it will meet all possible situations in the future.

  Where, when, how, and with whom, will you apply this outcome?

  7. State the resources needed to achieve the outcome.

  Resources can be states and strategies that allow for fluent speaking.

  What resources will you need in order to get this outcome?

  Who will you have to become?

  Who else has achieved this
outcome?

  Have you ever had or done this before?

  Do you know anyone who has?

  8. Future pace – check that it works.

  When the outcome has been stated to the PWS’s satisfaction, have them run the movie and see themselves in the future with that outcome already achieved. From observing this image or movie, consider:

  How will you know that your outcome has been realized?

  What will let you know that you have attained that desired state?

  Are there any adjustments you would like to make to make this even better?

  Foreground/background – qualities that make a powerful difference

  This exercise has its foundation in Gestalt Psychology. The purpose of the exercise is to assist the PWS in being able to foreground their intention in communicating and background those fears that block communication.

  Exercise 3.4: Changing foreground and background

  Overview

  Think of the next time you will likely block.

  Freeze the movie and locate the picture.

  Step back and look beyond the picture of the block and see the resources in the background.

  Ask the PWS to think of the next time they are likely to block. In all probability, they will create a picture of the person in the particular context.

  Ask them to freeze the movie, and to notice where in reference to their eyes do they see that other person in their context. Is that picture in front of them? Is it down or up, to the right or to the left? In all likelihood that picture will be right in front of them and it is the only thing they are looking at.

  Now ask them, “What are you not seeing?” What? Notice what you are not noticing? Yes, that is exactly what you want them to pay attention to: what in that picture they are not seeing. Because they are so focused on that person and the particular context which they are afraid will trigger their blocking they do not see anything else. Ask them to step back from that image to get a different perspective on it. From this position ask them to notice what they can see behind the first image. What is beside it and beyond it? What else is out there that they were not seeing at first?

  Focusing on something to the exclusion of everything else is called foveal vision. In order to step back, you engage your peripheral vision. So step back, be aware of your peripheral vision and see everything around that original image. Not only look to each side, but look to see what is behind the picture of the block. Allow your awareness to go beyond the image of the block. What is back there?

  Figure 3.3: Alternating frames

  (Based on ‘My Wife and My Mother-in-law’ by cartoonist W.E. Hill, published in Puck in 1915.)

  In every picture, image, and movie that you are seeing, some things are in the foreground and other things are in the background. When we foreground problems they become bigger and more challenging. When we foreground resources we become more skilled, competent and bold.

  What do you see when you look at the picture in Figure 3.3? An old woman or a beautiful young lady? If one of these answers surprises you, look again.

  (Hint: The old woman’s nose is the young girl’s chin. You need to foreground the young woman’s nose in order to see her. In doing so, you background the old woman, changing the bump on the old woman’s nose to the young woman’s complete nose. To see the old woman, foreground the young woman’s necklace and perceive it as the old woman’s mouth.)

  You see either the old woman or the young woman. You can’t see both simultaneously. It’s similar to the way fluency and fear are competing concepts. If what is in the foreground does you no favors, why not put that in the background and replace it with something more useful? Once you are aware that you have a choice, you can see which you want to see. When it comes to blocking or stuttering, knowing that both options are available to you, which do you want to see in the foreground of your movies?

  Consider the PWS who had an image of himself as a scared little kid who froze in the presence of authority figures. When he froze he blocked. He had another image of himself as a resourceful adult who always spoke fluently. When he saw the scared little kid, guess where the adult was? The scared little kid was in the foreground and the mature fluent adult was in the background.

  Foregrounding resources

  What resource states would help you foreground your behaviour of choice? Which resources would enhance your performance as you go on stage in the theater of your mind? You choose. Because you have already experienced states such as faith, courage, relaxation, presence of mind, feeling centered, being whole and so on, that means that you can have activate them as resources whenever you want them.

  CASE STUDY 8

  Jack provides us with an example of acceptance:

  Jack told me during a phone consultation that before he called me he was becoming anxious about the call. He was worried that I would be thinking that he should be further along with the fluency then he was. So, again, we hear a person who blocks worried about what the other person may or may not be thinking about his or her speech.

  By the way, people who block do not have a monopoly with such thinking. The PWS should take heart as they have a lot of company in the so-called “normal” world. Caring too much about what others think is very common. It is a part of being human – we probably all do it to some degree. During childhood we learn how the world works and that includes predicting what other people are going to do. And we are often expected to be a certain way for our parents or our teachers. However, we can never achieve “perfection”. This is also part of being human, because if we were perfect we would never learn anything worth knowing about ourselves.

  Jack told me that in some areas he was much more fluent. And that when he did stutter that wasn’t as important to him as before. He was coming to the point where he was giving himself permission to stutter without feeling bad about himself. Indeed, he said, “It is really not blocking; it is more stumbling.”

  Here we have an example of how speech improves once the person accepts their experience and then relabels or reframes it.

  However, he said, in some contexts he works up a lot of anxiety over an upcoming conversation with others. It happened as he thought about talking with me this morning. Jack was imagining what I would be “expecting” from him as a result of our therapy and his fear that he was not delivering, because in some contexts he was still blocking and stuttering.

  So he is still running a movie which predicts what is going to happen – and that easily becomes self-fulfilling.

  Jack went on to explain that he is able in some contexts to reframe this problem, but in others, as with me, he hasn’t been able to change this. I asked him how he was doing it in other situations. He said that he could reframe away those old fears with the thoughts:

  “I give myself permission to be vulnerable.”

  “I give myself permission to be who I am and not to think about other people’s feelings. I can do this and not be selfish.”

  “I am not going to guess what other people may or may not be thinking about me and deprive them of knowing who I am.” (This one is a powerful reframe for him.)

  We had uncovered these resource states in earlier sessions and they are proving most helpful. Desiring to build on these resource states and to apply them to the problem at hand about his fearing my expectations of him, I asked him how he was able to apply the above frames of mind to the old fears, because knowing how to do something is often more important than knowing what to do.

  Jack explained that he would have a picture that represented the resource state right out in front of him. Then he would place a visual picture that represented the problem state behind the picture of the resource state. He would then bring the picture of the problem state up and into (and sometimes through) the resource state. Using this procedure he could:

  see the problem state through the eyes of the resource state and reframe it.

  mesh the two together, resulting in a reframe.

  totally ref
rame the problem state away.

  What was happening in the situation with me? The picture of his anticipatory anxiety of not meeting my expectations was of the two of us together and him saying to himself, “Bob will think I should be further along than I am.” “Bob has helped others quicker than he has helped me.” “I am not progressing fast enough.”

  Does this sound familiar? That is how you work up a good state of anticipatory anxiety that once it is embodied in your gut, torso, throat and jaw as with my client, you have a full fledged block.

  When he brought that image forward and meshed it with his resource image, the meaning totally changed. He said, “It’s just two guys talking.” And his speech? He was fluent, perfectly fluent. At the beginning of our session he was having difficulty speaking: stuttering quite a bit but not really blocking. By the end of the session he was totally fluent.

  Jack will be taking today’s learning and will practice installing it much deeper. As you know, it is one thing to speak fluently with your therapist; it is another to speak fluently with your peers.

  Exercise 3.5: Applying resources to your thinking

  This is the way Jack was thinking about his expectations (you may do it differently).

  Overview

  Access a resourceful thoughts that are powerful enough to overwhelm the fear of blocking.