Survivor

by Sam Hall

  “The Phantom Menace is over, and now they’re into Attack of the Clones.”

  “God, that long? It didn’t feel like it.”

  “I know.” I frowned at that. “The bond goes both ways. I don’t know what you’re thinking or anything, but I can feel it.”

  My mouth went dry, and I rolled onto my back, staring into his eyes. He smiled slightly, as if hoping I’d do the same, and I wanted to, I felt that tug. But what I’d experienced felt intensely personal.

  “It’s OK. You just felt happy, really happy for a while. It was nice, and I was bloody glad I could do that for you.” I felt his hand moving in gentle circles, my attention yanked to the wavering warmth it generated.

  “Are you…distracting me?”

  His grin was bright, then gone again a moment later.

  “Ophelia said you would struggle with this. That taking a mate bond was hard for people born outside Sanctuary.” His eyes dropped down to where his hand rested. “I just wanted you to know how it feels. The minute you came to me, when you…” His breath stopped for a moment, and I watched that muscular throat swallow. “Taking your bite was the most fucking intense thing I’ve ever been through. It made everything that came before it fade into the background.” I almost flinched at what simmered in his gaze when he looked up at me. “You’re not there yet, you might not ever be, but, Flick…” His eyes dropped to my lips and stayed there. “If you do, I’ll be right there waiting for anything you choose to share with me. Now, you must be starving.”

  As if on cue, my stomach grumbled, and he smiled. He went to pull away, to take away that lovely warm pain free feeling, but my hand slapped down over his without thinking. It pressed his hand harder against me, then up, under the short hem of the scrubs. His eyes widened when his fingertips grazed my bare skin, when I moved it up under my shirt a few inches. He was going to say my name, break the spell, but I shook my head, then closed my eyes as I felt whatever this bond did flare hard.

  I was throwing myself headfirst into that which felt good, I knew that. Much easier than dealing with what had happened, what I needed to face. But I could be excused, just this minute, couldn’t I? I hurt so fucking much, the sound of the ashtray cracking into Rick’s head filling my mind with little effort. So it was understandable, to rub this strange, beautiful man’s hand over my stomach, to twist under him oh so slightly as his touch burned through me.

  “Flick…”

  His voice was a low rumble, of admonition and desire all torn up together, and I wanted it. He was mine, this was right, if I just pushed his hand…

  Wait, what?

  I heard my Tirian’s growl of frustration inside my head.

  You can’t fucking force this, I snapped at her.

  I force nothing. You want him, want to see his strong body, push down his pants and…

  Not yet, I said, pulling my hand away. I’m not ready.

  Then soon.

  10

  “I don’t think that’s edible.”

  We all stood around the kitchen, looking at the burned mess Aidan had created in the fry pan. He’d said he could make scrambled eggs. He was wrong. I surveyed the broken shells and milk and splatter over the counter.

  “I did offer,” I said, feeling a hollow ache in my chest at the disarray. Rick was god knows where, in whatever state I’d left him in, but surveying the chaos made my chest tighten until my breath became shallow pants. Which is perhaps why Peter put a hand on my shoulder and gave it a rub.

  “How about you take Flick and Kade down to the hall to get a meal? I’ll clean this up,” he said.

  “But don’t you—?” I asked.

  I stopped myself. I was not going to whine like a little girl because someone I’d only just met was staying behind.

  “That OK, Flick?” Aidan asked.

  "Yes, of course,” I said with a smile. “I’ll just need to get dressed.”

  You should’ve said no, I thought as I stood in front of the bedroom mirror.

  I was a mess of bruises across my face and down my neck, my nose still swollen. I lifted the scrubs top gently, partly due to protesting muscles, partly due to not wanting to see what was underneath.

  And I didn’t particularly want others to see it either.

  Would their eyes skate past the injuries, ignoring my bald stare until they found a spot of clear skin they could focus on? Would their smiles be polite, while their eyes indicated they wanted to get as far away from me as possible? I paused and watched the fear rise in my eyes, followed by a greenish sheen.

  I jerked the shirt off. It hurt me physically as much as it did mentally. I just stood there, the top hanging limply in my fingers and just stared.

  This is him telling you just what he thought of you.

  My eyes took in the static fireworks of bruises up and down my body, explosions that had gone off long after I’d stopped him kicking. He’d gone easy on Kade, I realised. Not enough, never enough, but if he could wreak this kind of devastation on me… My fists balled, my eyes flaring bright green.

  He will never get his hands on Kade again.

  For once, my wolf’s and my thoughts were one and the same.

  This is why we stay, this is why we take mates, strong mates, she insisted.

  And how will that make me strong?

  You are already strong.

  For a moment, I was transported back to that bloody lounge room, my husband lying on the carpet, staining it with his blood. I stalked towards him, my fingers gripping tighter around the ashtray.

  You have survived everything. My flashback jumped abruptly back to where I saw myself being beaten into oblivion by Rick. What does the opinion of a few strangers mean?

  I ignored the pain now, having to grit my teeth hard as I stripped off the rest of my clothes to stop from crying out. I turned and inspected it, all of it. It burned into my memory, every lash, every cut, and every bruise.

  These are battle scars. Walk into that hall the warrior you are.

  I tried to keep that in mind as I paused at the doorway of what looked like a huge shed. I looked down when I felt someone take my hand. Kade looked up at me, still looking a little tired, but there was something else in those eyes. “C’mon, Mum,” he said. “I’m hungry.”

  Aidan smiled and then started to show us around. “Food’s over there. Just help yourself to whatever you want. You can go back as many times as you like, no one cares. They’ve got a bloody nice dessert bar from memory,” he told Kade with a wink.

  “Mum, can I—!”

  “After you’ve had a proper meal.”

  “Drinks are over at the bar. You don’t need money,” he said when my hand went to my bag. “C’mon.”

  It felt like everyone’s eyes were on me as we walked inside. They weren’t, they couldn’t be. There were hundreds of people in here, small families and large. They had to have better things to do than look at me. My fingers tightened around Kade’s when the first group looked up. Some smiled to see Aidan, but that soon fell away when they saw us.

  Everything I had dreaded walking down here happened. Eyes went wide before darting away, wanting to look at anything but me and Kade. Mouths went to ears, and while I couldn’t hear what they said, I could guess at it. Warrior, I told myself. I wanted to drop my eyes to the concrete floor, take in the legs of the trestle tables, the shoes of strangers as I followed the backs of Aidan’s feet, but I focussed on holding my head high and looking straight ahead, which was perhaps why I didn’t notice the stranger when she approached.

  “Aidan, darling! I haven’t seen you in ages!”

  My head jerked to the side to see a beautiful blonde woman greet him with open arms. He smiled sheepishly, moving in to hug her. She seemed to just enjoy that for a moment, and why not? Like everyone here, Aidan was a good-looking man. Was she his wife or girlfriend? Probably not, as she took us in with a smile when he pulled back, catching a glimpse of us over his shoulder.

  “And who do we have here? I’m Rene
e, Aidan’s mum, and I am so glad to meet you!”

  Mum? Goddamn, I needed to find out this woman’s beauty regime. Aidan looked like he was somewhere between twenty-five and thirty, but so did she.

  “Mum…”

  “Oh shoosh, if you’ve finally got a lady in your life, I want to know. Don’t mind Mr. Grumpypants. What’s your name, sweetheart?”

  Mr. Grumpypants? I cocked an eyebrow at Aidan, who did indeed partially resemble his nickname. He looked a little flustered, his muscular arms crossed over the front of his broad chest, but I stepped forward and took her hand. I was done hiding. It hadn’t helped before, and if this was like any other small town, clearing things up with his mum would clear things up with the whole community.

  “I’m Felicity, well…I prefer Flick. This is my son, Kade. Aidan and Peter found us by the side of the road just outside of town. We’ve had some car trouble, and…” I didn’t need to explain. Anyone with two eyes could see what I’d gone through. “Ophelia gave us a place here, up on the hill.”

  “Near Carissa’s place,” he explained further.

  I expected her to brush me off then, mouth some platitude and back away, now that I was not who she thought I was. Instead, those clear hazel eyes studied me, seeing something, but I knew not what. She saw my injuries, but her smile didn’t so much falter as soften. Then she straightened and stepped forward, linking her arm with mine, and looked down at Kade.

  “Well, I’m just glad my boy was able to help you two. C’mon, we’re just sitting down to eat. I’ll introduce you both to some people, including your neighbours.”

  The first thing I noticed as we followed Renee over to a long table was the ratio of men to women. Females seemed to be in small numbers here, placed between clusters of men. Kids sat with adults, a little boy and a girl looking up as we took a seat.

  Multiple mates, my Tirian reminded me.

  “Everyone, this is Flick and her son, Kade. Aidan and Peter found them beside the road having car trouble on the way back to town, and they’re staying in the empty place next to yours, Carissa.”

  Was there a hint of steel in Renee’s voice? I wasn’t sure, but people looked up from their meals and conversations to smile and greet us, like we were just any two people joining the group. I sat down, Kade and Aidan on either side of me.

  “So, Flick, what do you think of Sanctuary?” asked one of the men across the table from me.

  It’s weird and alien, and I only just woke up here hours ago, I thought.

  “At the moment, it seems like a dream come true.”

  I’d meant it as a sign of gratitude. I felt like I was equal parts numb, angry, terrified, and suspicious of anything good, but thankfully, long inbuilt social scripts came to the fore and gave me acceptable answers. I flicked Aidan a sidelong look, something he caught me doing, before quickly looking away.

  I was grateful, I had to remember that. We were in one piece, more or less, and we were safe for now. People were going out of their way to be nice to me. I took a deep breath, and then the guy said, “You hear that, Renee? Your boy is a dream come true!”

  “Of course, he is,” she replied, eyes shining. “As I was telling your Sindy all those years ago, but she had to go and settle for Eric.”

  “Hey, she didn’t settle for me!” another very tall man said. He reached over and pecked a woman who I assumed was Sindy on the lips. “It was true love.”

  “Honey, it works better if you don’t say it in past tense,” she replied, but returned the kiss enthusiastically.

  I watched the exchange and the gentle banter that came with it with hungry eyes, and wondered if Sindy knew what she had right now.

  But you could have the same.

  I wasn’t sure if it was my voice or my Tirian’s I heard, but I remembered Peter’s warm embrace as I slept, his eyes dropping to my—

  “So, Flick, are you thinking about staying a while? Sanctuary’s a nice place to raise kids,” the guy across from me said. I think his name was Greg.

  “What kind of skills do you have?” the woman two men down from him said. “I’m Zoe, by the way. I know we’re short-handed in the kitchens, and they’re always looking for more office staff.”

  “Everyone quits, sick of dealing with Phyllis,” the man beside her grumbled.

  “If you need anything at all, I’m just next door,” another woman a few people down from me said. “I’m Carissa, and this is Scott.” A handsome man with swept back brunette hair and a short beard gave me a wave.

  “My son, Jackson, is coming over to look after the kids tomorrow morning,” Greg said. “He could take your Kade as well, if you like. Jackson loves kids.”

  “Well, my boy, Ian, is taking some of the young uns down to the watering hole,” another man said. “He’s a big, strong fella, just like his dad. The kids have a ball, and he’s got eagle eyes. Never had issues. You can meet him when you come down for breakfast, check him out, see if you feel comfortable with letting him take Kade.”

  I frowned as a few grumbles went up and down the table at this. There were other guys about to recommend their sons to me, I could see it as the broad chests swelled, eyes full of pride as they were about to tell me all about them.

  They were being kind, I could see that. Here I was, a mangy, bruised looking thing, and they were fighting over which of their sons I should meet. It was sweet, this pretence, but I looked like a victim of a war—not exactly dateable. I forced the polite smile to stay plastered across my face, but it hurt, the effort it took.

  Then Aidan lent back against the bench seat, laying his arm along the backrest behind me. I glanced at the long, muscular limb revealed as his rolled-up sleeves slid up, then back at the table. The grumbles increased as I watched the men deflate. I looked up at Aidan, who shook his head ever so slightly as he focussed on staring down the rest of the men at the table.

  “Enough of all this twittering,” Ophelia said, having appeared at the head of the table. She was a picture of patrician power as her steel grey eyes scanned the table. “Can’t you see the woman’s been hurt? Doubly so, with her child. This isn’t the time to organise a date for your sons, and shame on you for trying.”

  She smiled at me, a warm gesture that softened her hard words, but I could see the strength in that jaw as she nodded to me.

  “Now, you both look tired and hungry. Aidan, be a good boy and grab our guests some food. Mila,” the little girl who was sitting just across from Kade sat up straight and looked down the table, “you look after this boy. The kids here aren’t used to outsiders. It’s your responsibility to make sure they understand, you hear me?”

  “Yes, Auntie.”

  “Thanks, Ophelia. That’s very kind, but—” I started to say.

  “Why shouldn’t I be kind?” she asked quietly. “Isn’t that what you deserve?”

  The words died in my mouth as those formidable eyes met mine. It was an intimidating mix of compassion and an iron will that I felt when I stared into hers. I felt it almost physically, a pulsing need to do just what she wanted. An eyebrow raised as I continued to stare. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to look away, it was that I couldn’t. It wasn’t until Aidan moved, grabbing our plates and blocking my view of Ophelia for a moment, that I could finally drag them back to my lap. I wasn’t sure what had just happened. Ophelia didn’t feel angry or hostile, it was just…power. Power and perhaps a little surprise.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll look after you,” the little girl, Mila said to Kade. “No one in my pack gets hurt.”

  “Honey, it’s not a pack…” her mother said.

  “Yes, it is,” Mila said, and for a second, I heard an echo of Ophelia in her voice. I looked over at Kade, who just stared at her, blinking.

  Finally, whatever spell the little girl held over him broke, and he looked around, then nodded and said, “OK.”

  The rest of the meal went a little smoother, everyone going and helping themselves to food. The familiar tableaus of couples sharing foo
ds, mothers and fathers feeding much smaller children settled something inside me. Aidan appeared back with several plates, spreading them out before us. “I wasn’t sure what to get, so I got a bit of everything.”

  “You didn’t have to—” I started to say.

  “You gonna say no to one of the aunties?” he said with a wry smile. My eyes flicked from him to the older woman holding court at the end of the table.

  “Yeah, alright.”

  “Here,” he said, passing the two of us utensils. “Better start eating, or she’ll be down here in a sec, asking why not.”

  His grin was a shy, cheeky thing, his eyes darting back to the food after locking with mine for a second. For a moment, I felt like I’d just shared some kind of secret joke, but if you asked me what it was, I wouldn’t be able to explain. Whatever it was, I felt a weird sense of relief when he went back to his plate, picking up my own fork with grim determination.

  I surprised myself by managing to eat a lot more than I’d thought I’d be able to. I guess I’d eaten nothing for days, so I had something to make up for. But there was something about the steady hum of happy conversations, of being caught up in a cocoon of functional family dynamics, I was able to relax enough to eat.

  I was jerked out of a very nice food coma when Ophelia said, “Right, young ones. You’ve done your duty and eaten a proper meal. Mila, make sure there’s no fighting. Jenna, make sure the youngest serve themselves first, then the older ones. Kailey, make sure no one takes too much. I can’t stand waste.”

  “She’s got them acting like little mothers,” I said with a smile.

  “Mothers?” Greg’s wife said. “I guess they will be one day. No, Ophelia’s training them to be leaders.”

  I watched the large crowd of boys fall into line behind the girls, their female cousins not shy about chivvying them into order when they felt like it.

  “Can I go, Mum?” Kade said. Mila stood with her hands on her hips, looking at him expectantly.

  “Sure, love. Just mind what Ophelia said, OK.”