Survivor

by Sam Hall

  "Babe, I hope you’re sure about this, because I’m dying to get inside you,” Aidan growled.

  I loved that—the need, want, desire. I loved that he saw me as something else altogether. Not Felicity, to him I was Flick, not a victim, not even a survivor, but a whole person all in herself.

  “I want you too,” I said, looking over my shoulder. “Both of you.”

  Peter leaned forward and cupped my chin before kissing me deeply, right as Aidan worked himself inside me.

  “Oh fuck…” I panted against Peter’s lips. “Oh god…”

  “You’re OK, love. So fucking beautiful.”

  Yeah, I was. When my eyes flicked open, I knew from the reflection in Peter’s brown ones that they were bright green, his beginning to shine with an answering glow. I dared him to protest as I reached down and took his cock in my hand. My mouth burned with that acidic saliva, a drop falling onto the head of his cock. He shivered and then let out a godawful roar when I covered the head with my lips.

  To an idle observer, perhaps they would see me as subservient, subject to both the men’s gratification, but they would have no idea. I was the conduit that joined the lot of us together as a pack. I was the centre of their pleasure and mine, their world. Each of us had been lost and lonely in different ways. Even Aidan, with his easy-going personality, didn’t seem to be really connected to anyone other than family, but that was over now. In some ways, this act was a perfect illustration of our relationship.

  Aidan might be slamming in, his thick shaft dragging along that sensitive bundle of nerves inside me, my legs spreading to let him go deeper while I worked as much of Peter’s cock down my throat as I could, but that was superficial. Something else rose as we galloped, faster and faster towards that end goal, something that took me a while to recognise.

  Back before I’d been brutalised into a whole other thing, I carried around a fragile little light inside me. Like most women, particularly young women, a lot of things seemed to threaten to smother that—lack of equality, opportunities, bullshit expectations, trying to find your place in a world that seemed determined to maintain limited options, except for doubts. Always the doubts, a habit I still retained. Am I good or pretty or funny or cute or loveable or smart or hardworking or talented or whatever enough? The guys didn’t take any of that away, they just stripped away some of the bullshit that had kept the fire inside me from flaring to life, like it did now.

  I burned with everything I was and was connected to. Weirdly, right as we were having sex, my love for my child swelled up and filled my heart to overflowing. Those little fingers, restless as I held his hand when we crossed the road, ready for independence. Those long legs, running towards everything—friends, school, the pack, even in the face of what he’d gone through. That crazy smile, that chaotic laugh as he told me yet another weird little kid joke, cracking up before he could get the whole thing out. The complete focus on his face as he told himself the stories he was creating in his head with his action figures, complete with pew pew gun battles. I loved him so much, and whatever fire inside me burned brighter in response, then flared outwards.

  Strong hands bringing me tea or coffee in bed, massaging my shoulders or my feet, or stroking my hair. Conversations about Star Wars or what to have for dinner or just the quiet between them. Holding me when every part of myself ached, inside and out, and continuing to hold until now. I would never forget what had happened to Kade and I, but right now, I had incontrovertible evidence that we were so much more.

  We were pack.

  I told you, my Tirian said.

  Shut up, I replied, right as my body tensed, and then I came. I pulled them with me, three strands of pleasure winding tighter and tighter around each other, until we erupted. I fluttered around Aidan as his cum jetted inside me, while I swallowed down Peter’s.

  It took a bit, but finally, we flumped down on the bed in one big tangle of limbs.

  “That,” Aidan said, “was fucking awesome.”

  19

  I can do this, I can do this, I thought as I hovered at the entrance to the mess hall.

  “Are you OK, honey?”

  Maisie, the head cook, stood next to me, looking out at the tables upon tables of men. Good-looking men. Very good-looking men, who were single, likely to feel an uncontrollable desire to have sex with me if I went into heat, and may be potential mates. I looked down at the tray of fried eggs I was holding and took a deep breath.

  “I will be,” I replied belatedly.

  “OK, well put them out and then start picking up plates. Finn’s talked to the guys. No one’s going to get inappropriate with you. You have any trouble? You come to me.”

  She tapped a stainless steel ladle in her hand and scanned the crowd.

  OK then.

  I’d met Finn briefly, a tall guy with grey eyes who was one of Jules’ mates. He seemed nice. This will be fine, I thought, then took another deep breath and walked out.

  I felt their eyes on my skin as I strode over to the bain-maries, zeroing in to where I could see there was an empty spot. I went past a line of men, each with a plate in their hands, but they weren’t looking at the food.

  Walk, walk, walk…

  “Excuse me,” I said when I reached the gap, men clustered on either side.

  “No probs, love,” a deep voice said.

  I glanced up to see a tall man with dark brown skin and a long tail of brown dreadlocks step back, the men around him quickly doing the same, until there was a wide path leading up to the metal servery. Almost an honour guard. I nodded my thanks, then moved up, ignoring the fact that my fingers were shaking, before I placed the tray over the hot steamy water and then stepped back.

  “These look delicious,” another guy said with that self same bulky muscular body. God, no wonder they wanted eggs. These guys had to be on a solid protein diet to maintain such physiques. I realised my eyes were sliding over the mass of burly men before me, just standing there dumbly as they began to grin, before I snapped myself out of it. I smiled—because as a woman, what else did you do when things were awkward?—and stepped away, walking quickly over to the cleaning station. I wrapped my hands around a trolley handle and focussed on my breath.

  In and out…in and out, I told myself. Stay here, stay grounded.

  You stupid fucking bitch!

  Rick’s voice was a whip crack, cutting through the ambient noise. I jumped at the sound of it, as if he was just there at my shoulder, and my eyes darted around.

  Nope, not there. Here, in the mess, with all of these guys.

  Me stalking towards Rick with that ashtray in my hand.

  Nope, I’m walking over to the empty table, gonna scrape those plates clean.

  My ears felt full, my head swollen, as everything started to sound echoey and distorted.

  The blood seeping into the carpet. So, so red.

  “Let me help you with that,” a guy said as he slid onto the vacant bench seat, pulling the leftover plates towards him and scraping the contents onto one, before he stacked the others neatly. I frowned and then shook my head, reality asserting itself with an abruptness that made my head spin. I could see the big strong hands as they moved, his short crop of brown hair. “Bloody grubby bastards, leaving their shit here to be cleaned up. We cleaned our plates for you over there.”

  He pointed to a table where a cluster of men all sat there watching us, a stack of tableware sitting in the middle of them.

  “Right,” I said, finding my voice. “Well, thanks…?”

  “Keith,” the guy said with an impish smile, as if that had been his goal all along.

  “Well, it's nice to meet you, Keith, but I’ve got this. You wouldn’t want me coming to your place of employment and doing your work, would you?”

  He stilled at that, a terrible heat rising in his eyes, causing me to step backwards for a second.

  The ashtray in my hand, I can feel it.

  He can’t hurt you. None of them can.

  �
��Love, you wanna come and repair fences? Well, apart from the fact you’d have a bloody riot on your hands, I think you’d look damn cute in high vis…”

  I grit my teeth, took a deep breath in, and then let it out again.

  “Piss off, Keith,” another man said. I turned to see a guy in work gear with a long ponytail of blond hair pulled back from an almost pretty face. He held a big bowl of cereal in one hand. “Sorry, Flick, is it?” I nodded. “I’m Shaun. The fellas, they’re a bit…” He frowned for a moment. “They’re a bit over excited, seeing a new woman in the hall. Just be straight with them. Tell Keith to piss off back to his job, which is where he’s supposed to be now.”

  “Fuck off, Shaunie,” Keith sneered.

  “Fuck off, Keith. Mick’ll have your balls if you turn up late again.”

  “Yeah, but maybe Flick will—”

  “Don’t finish that sentence,” Shaun said with a growl, then he put a spoonful of cereal into his mouth as if to belie the menace in his voice. “Actually, all of you who are due at work, get your bloody arses into the trucks.” His voice rose, reverberating through the shed, cutting through the noise. “Flick’ll be here at lunch, if you behave yourself. Losing your job isn’t gonna make you a more desirable mate, so get.”

  I watched in amazement as a bunch of guys got to their feet and ambled towards the door, even as they shot us looks over their shoulders. I found the breath I hadn’t realised I was holding eased out at the thinning of the numbers.

  “Just show ’em who’s boss,” Shaun said to me, pointing to the doorway with his spoon. “Be clear about what you want, and don’t be afraid to tell ’em.”

  “Well, thanks,” I said, feeling a little flustered. He was so matter of fact about it all. “I…appreciate it.”

  The spoon paused mid scoop, and those bright blue eyes stared into mine for a second before he forced them away.

  He shook his head and said, “No thanks needed. I…I’m happy to help.”

  And with that, he ambled off to go and sit in a corner—on his own, I noted—to finish his cereal and coffee.

  So I got to work. People still watched me, I could feel that, but I tried not to let it worry me. I jerked and started at the strangest things, heard things that weren’t there, but weirdly, the more I focussed on what I was doing, the less intrusive they became. I worked methodically, clearing the tables, filling the tubs, and then bringing them into the kitchen.

  “You did well,” Maisie said when I arrived back with the last tub. “Now, time to get started on those dishes.”

  I’d worked as a waitress back at uni, so while it took a bit to get my speed back up, I was pushing the racks through the dishwasher and replacing the now clean, warm porcelain back into the many stacks on the shelves in no time. There was a kind of mindlessness to it, coupled with a background ambience of bustle and savoury smells that lulled my fears for a moment.

  Then Maisie said, “Time to put out the lunch dishes!”

  I jerked my head up and saw several women were moving towards the serving area, grabbing trays of hot food or platters of sandwiches. I walked over to help.

  “How’re you coping?” one of the serving girls said with a cheeky grin. “I’m Sheila.”

  “Flick and fine. I’m not fast enough yet but—”

  “Doesn’t matter. The guys are patient, especially for a woman still looking to take on more mates. Just smile, and you’ll find most of ’em will give you whatever you want.”

  Peace of mind? The ability to feel comfortable in my own skin? I thought as we walked in, but as I saw the mass of them milling between the tables, I knew that wasn’t on offer.

  There was something hot about a guy that worked with his hands. Was it because that’s what I associated all those rippling muscles with? Work shirts were rolled up over well-formed forearms, above suspiciously clean hands. Big heavy boots shifted on the concrete floor as they waited.

  “Sends you all a-flutter, doesn’t it?” Sheila said with a nod to the guys. “We put on a buffet for them, they put one on for us.” My eyes jerked up, scanning the men who watched us move, a few low groans reaching us as we bent over to deposit the trays.

  “A-flutter?” I said, frowning for a second as we walked back to the kitchen. “I guess.”

  “Not feeling it? I might not either if I had that to go home to.”

  She jerked a thumb at the line where I saw Aidan and Peter watching me just as closely as the other guys, though hunger sat side by side with worry. I found I was smiling before I could even think about it, my feet skipping across the floor as I ran to them.

  “Flick…”

  I wasn’t sure which one of them said my name, all ache and love, but I threw myself into their arms, and they closed them around me.

  “God,” Aidan said, burying his nose in my hair. “How long’s it been? It feels like days.”

  “Too long,” Peter agreed. “How’s it going?” His eyes raked along the group of men. “Have they been behaving?”

  “Yeah, it's been fine,” I said, swallowing as that steadily flickering fire of fear spiked for a second. It was as if noticing it made it flare to life. The two of them looked at me in concern. “It was always going to be hard, but I’m doing my exercises and getting through.”

  “Good, love,” Peter said, smoothing my hair back.

  “Well, I better get back to it. Otherwise, you’ll all go hungry,” I said, going to pull away.

  “Not what I’m hungry for,” he rumbled in response, his hand sliding down to my butt.

  “Damn, don’t say shit like that,” Aidan said. “She smells so fuckin’ good.”

  “Good?” I spluttered. “More likely of dirty dishes.”

  “And horny girl,” he said, pressing a sweet kiss to my lips.

  “Flick!” I turned around to see Maisie standing there. “Grab the last of the trays, and then you can take a break with your mates.”

  “Shit, I’m sooo sorry…” I said as I approached her.

  “Pfft…” she said with a smile. “We all remember what it’s like to be newly mated. Bit of an occupational hazard working here. I’ve seen many girls here find their pack.” She looked a little misty eyed at that. “Now, someone said you might be adding to yours? What’re you looking for? Big and muscly? Though you already have that. What about someone a little more streamlined, if you catch my drift? Or adventurous?” She waggled her eyebrows at me.

  I just blinked as my boss tried to hook me up with several strange men, then ended up walking back into the kitchen and ferrying out trays until they were all distributed.

  “Come here,” Maisie said when I came back in, finding that was the last of them. “Let’s get rid of this.” She untied my apron and tossed it into the dirty clothes basket. “Now…” She pushed my hair back over my shoulders, pinched my cheeks gently and then rubbed them, then stood back and surveyed her handiwork. “Beautiful!” she said.

  “Stop man handling the girl,” Sheila said.

  “I know what I’m doing,” Maisie shot back. “I got you catching Nerida’s eye, didn’t I?”

  Sheila snorted at that, then said, “Well, she’s out there now. Can I go on break?”

  “Off you both go, but dinner prep when you get back, alright?”

  “So, Nerida,” I said as we walked through the doorway, feeling like I needed to act like a normal person and make small talk. “Is she your girlfriend?”

  “She’s my sun and moon,” Sheila said dreamily. “Come and meet her. Your boys will wait for you until the end of time.”

  She grabbed my hand in hers, dragging me along. I shot a frazzled look across the crowded hall where the guys had taken a seat in a secluded corner. Their heads jerked up as they worked out where I was headed, then they picked up their plates to follow.

  “Here she is!” Sheila bounced up to a table where a very pretty girl with long tumbling brown hair sat next to several guys. Nerida’s eyes transformed when she looked up and saw her love. I felt a
lmost uncomfortable about being a spectator to it, something incredibly intimate and intense passing between the two of them when they locked eyes.

  “Well,” Sheila said in a breathy little tone. “Nerida, this is Flick. Flick, this is my Nerida.”

  I watched her bounce over to Nerida’s side and wiggle her way into position beside her on the bench seat.

  “Hi, Flick,” Nerida said, wrapping her arm around the other girl’s waist. “Take a seat.”

  “Hi,” I said belatedly and slipped onto the empty bench.

  “This is Mick, Sen—” Nerida said, beginning to introduce the others.

  “We’ve met,” Sen said smiling as those grey eyes burned into mine. “You’re trying things out in the kitchen?”

  “Um…yeah,” I said. “Kade’s started at school, and I figured it was time to start pulling my weight. Ophelia thought it might be a good opportunity, working here to…” Mick, Sen, and Shaun, the guy with the cereal from this morning, all went very still for a moment, hands pausing mid slice of their food. “To meet some of the guys before the full moon.”

  “Thinking of adding to your pack?” Mick was a big guy, very similar in colouring to Finn, with those grey eyes and auburn hair. Eyes that seemed to take all of me in with one sweep, a smile indicating just what he thought about that. “You’re Mon—Peter’s mate?”

  “Yeah, she is,” the man himself said, appearing by my side and sitting beside me with Aidan on the other, until I was sandwiched between them. Something that reminded me of what had happened the other night, the two of them stroking me while I worked each one of them in my—

  “Congrats, Pete,” Mick said. “Couldn’t think of anyone more deserving. Your mate is beautiful.”

  This was said more to me than him, Aidan’s hand dropping down to take mine and rub my knuckles with his thumb.

  “She’s everything,” Peter replied. I felt him turn and press his lips to my temple, but my attention was on the wooden tabletop, my eyes following the whorls and twists of the wood grain. They had to, as today, his words, Aidan’s hand around mine—right now, it was all too much.