Survivor

by Sam Hall

  “Thanks Nanas,” he said in reply. “I’d like that.”

  They left not long after that, promising to mobilise the families, which sent Renee into a flurry.

  “Don’t worry about Mum,” Aidan said as I watched her man the phones, ordering people around left, right, and centre. “She loooves this kind of thing. Getting lots of families together, having a big do, and you gave her an instant grandchild. You’re sweet for at least a couple of years.”

  “And what about you? What is this celebration? It seems kinda…public.”

  For a minute, I remembered him taking my bite inside the car. My mouth burned as I saw the way he bared his neck to me. We hadn’t really had a chance to be together since it’d happened, as Kade came first.

  “It’s OK,” he said huskily, his eyes dropping to my lips. “They don’t stay all night. Mum might even be persuaded to take Kade tonight, if he’s up to it.”

  “Not yet,” I said, watching him play. “But soon, yeah. I think that’d be worth trying.”

  25

  The backyard was crammed full of people.

  “Congratulations, maaate…”

  Yet another person came up and slapped Aidan on the back. He was obviously a popular guy, if the party was anything to go by. A lot were his cousins and extended family apparently, and there were workmates, friends from school…

  “Will you guys be going back to work soon?” I asked.

  Peter arrived at my elbow with a drink.

  “No, not for a bit. The newly mated, well, they get a little leeway, if you catch my drift,” Aidan replied.

  “They always want babies,” Peter said, eyes burning into mine as I looked at him. “And anyway, you’ll be going into your heat soon.”

  “And then this’ll be…” I surveyed the house, seeing it locked up and empty. Except for us. We’d be spread out on that massive bed in our room, clothing well and truly optional, the boys aching…

  “Stop talking about that,” Aidan groaned. “I can’t go and say hello to my Nana with a fricking boner.”

  “So how will that work?” I asked regardless. Rick was absolutely a one and done kinda guy. The thought of me panting in our bedroom, desperate for more with none coming was kind of depressing.

  “You’ll have no worries there, Flick,” Peter rasped into my ear. “Your scent will keep us coming and coming…”

  “And we’ll rope in more guys if needed,” Aidan said.

  As if summoned, Sen came in through the side gate, which was apparently a work around to stop me from having to stand at the door and give permission for everyone to enter. He walked through the crowd, weaving his way like some kind of shadow, his eyes pale as smoke against his bronzed skin. Eyes that searched until they zeroed in on me.

  I felt kinda squirmy as he made his way over. He moved like a bloody panther, containing a feline grace I could never aspire to. I felt like I was looking at a male model or something, like I should look away out of politeness.

  But I didn’t. He came to a stop before us, inclining a head to the guys.

  “Fellas,” he said. “Congratulations, Aidan. You’re bloody lucky to have found your mate.”

  “Thanks,” he replied. “Hope you’re just as lucky.”

  “Me too.”

  Those grey eyes came to settle on me and seemed to catch every fidget with a predator’s quiet restraint.

  God, don’t think about restraints! Immediately, my mind was flooded with scenarios where we transformed the silence of our house with gasps and sighs, the guys holding me spread-eagled on the bed as they—

  “I would give anything to know what you’re thinking,” Sen said in a low growl as he stepped closer. The guys moved in at the same time, sheltering me with their bodies. I tried to take a deep breath, but my lungs caught on the musky male scent that seemed to cover me.

  “I—”

  “Now, I’d like to thank everyone for coming…”

  Our heads whipped around to see Renee, complete with a microphone, had taken a spot in front of the crowd. She smiled when the crowd turned, Aidan’s dads moving through the group to take a spot by her side.

  “So, tonight is the one night my mum has to be even more extra…” Aidan muttered. “There better not be a slide show.”

  “Ohh…I would pay good money to see baby Aidan projected on the side of the house,” Peter said with a chuckle.

  “We’re packmates now,” he replied, shooting him a dark look. “One in, all in.”

  “Aidan, sweetheart? Come up, love. Don’t be shy,” Renee said. “He was always the more retiring of my boys. Even as a little boy…”

  “Bro, we ditched the projector,” a teenage boy with Aidan’s eyes said, running up to us. He grinned and winked at me. “We stashed it in the next-door neighbour’s yard.”

  This was one of Aidan’s brothers, Jared.

  “Yes!” Aidan replied, performing a complex handshake with the boy. “Is Rexy on the PA?”

  “As we speak. Hey, Flick,” the boy said, giving me a smile and a once over.

  “Do not check out my mate, you little shit,” Aidan said, grabbing him by the collar and hauling him forward.

  “Calm down, pops. I was just looking. Damn, you are lucky getting that on the regular, because she is—”

  “Finish that sentence and I’ll remove your teeth. One by one.”

  “K. You need to chill. Plenty of other babes on the loose. I’m gonna go and check out Mrs. Keely’s daughter because she’s due to come into season soon. Me and you, bro, could be coming up, starting our packs at the same time.”

  “Jared, you are fifteen. You are not joining a damn pack, and you better hope Mrs. Keely doesn’t bloody hear you carrying on, because Mum will…”

  Their words faded away as Aidan hauled his brother through the crowd towards his family. My family, I realised. I knew what living in a small town was like, how it could get cramped and insular, but as I looked around the mass of people, I realised something that was small for most but revolutionary for me—I could be happy.

  The idea of it took my breath away with its magnitude. To have a home to come down to every day without having to worry about whether there were coffee cups on the table or if the sheets had been washed and replaced. For Kade to have a safe space to spread his crazy toy empire, building increasingly complex scenarios that would only earn him a fond nod. To lie in peace at night, entwined in the bodies of people I loved and cared for, who loved and cared for me. To feel wanted, needed, recognised, and desired. This was heady, heady stuff. I’d spent more than a decade in hell, only to end up here.

  How, I wondered as Renee and the dads all embarrassed the shit out of their son, while Jared and the other brothers snickered as the stories went on and on.

  “Flick?”

  My head jerked sideways to see Sen had moved closer.

  “I…” He smiled, shaking his head. “I’ve never bloody done this before. Look, I’m gonna offer you a token later, and I just wanted to check if you liked it.”

  He grabbed my hand and placed a small stone sculpture in my palm. I rolled it over and saw it was a small stone wolf, carved from a black and white flecked rock. It even had little chips of green glass for eyes.

  “It’s beautiful, Sen,” I replied.

  “Flick? Peter? Where are you?” Renee called out over the crowd.

  “I’ve gotta go,” I said. “Mother in law is calling.” I placed the stone back into his hand, his fingers tugging at mine for a moment before I pulled free, and that heat washed over me, making my skin tingle when he took it back.

  “Good luck, mate,” Peter said, slapping Sen on the back, and then we walked through the crowd.

  “…And I just want you to know how proud I am to have you in our family, Flick.”

  Renee was in full flight, her skin glowing, her eyes starting to shine with tears, and I found myself doing the same. Her pack was all around her, her kids as well as her mates, and she was just so bloody happy and sh
e wanted to share it with me. She was already tousling Kade’s hair and patting his shoulder like we did, like he was her biological grandkid. Which I guess here didn’t matter. With all those dads, only one was likely to be the sperm donor, so I guessed here, blood wasn’t thicker than water. Kade, like many kids, just liked the attention and the spotlight.

  Renee finished her speech and looked at me expectantly. I should have been listening, staying in the moment and participating in what this family had going on. The expectant pause seemed to stretch out, asking me over and over to say something, anything. So I did what I could.

  I grabbed Peter by the hand, stepped up to Aidan and Kade and Renee and the dads, and I put my arm around as many as I could, resting my head on Aidan’s shoulder, the weight of Peter’s arm across my back letting me know he’d joined us. I was still working out what the hell this whole pack thing was, but perhaps it was this—a group of people prepared to open themselves up to others and let them in.

  “Thank you,” Renee whispered.

  “Now, as alpha, it's customary for me to say a few words about the happy pack.”

  We were down to my immediate family now, standing in front of everyone as Ophelia regarded the crowd.

  “I’ve known both Peter and Aidan since they were young cubs, and seen them grow into the strong men we see today. It’s impossible for us to predict the Great Wolf’s path, but even as younglings, I could see they would honour her in their doings and grow to become good prospective mates.”

  “Flick,” she turned to face me, “I have known for a much shorter time, though no less well for that. She came to us wearing the evidence of another’s cowardice, his pathetic attempts to break her and her child upon them. But just as the bruises have faded and their bodies healed, so have their souls. It’s a long path out of abuse and into healing, to shift from surviving to thriving, often one we spend our lives walking.” Ophelia’s eyes stopped roaming the crowd and settled on the woman I knew was Kiralee’s mother and her friends. “I am honoured you have taken me on that journey with you. So let's raise our glasses. To Kade, Flick, Aidan, and Peter!”

  I felt it rise as the beer cans and goblets went up into the air, a huge thing, filling my chest. It made my eyes prick and my lip tremble.

  “Flick?”

  My hands went to my eyes, dashing away the tears before they could fall, but that just smeared them over my cheeks.

  “Are you OK?”

  “Mum?”

  “I’m just happy, baby,” I tried to say, but to my complete and utter shame, it came out as a garbled wail. To make things worse, people made soothing noises, the crowd responding with a chorus of platitudes.

  “Mummy!” Kade said, wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight.

  “Oh, Flick…” Ophelia said. “It’s all been a bit too much. Boys, take her inside, give her a moment, and help her wash her face. I’ll settle the mob down. We’ve got quite a few for the petitioning ceremony. Do you think she’ll be up for it? The men have been very restless.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I said, my words a distorted mess.

  “Look, we can put this off or pause it. I shoulda told Mum to back the hell off,” Aidan said, pacing the bathroom floor.

  “Is Mummy OK?” Kade said, his voice starting to waver.

  “Mum’s fine. It’s a bit like you last night. You didn’t cry because you were sad, did you?” Peter asked. Kade solemnly shook his head. “Sometimes, when we get really happy, we cry. That’s what’s happened.”

  “OK,” he said. “Kiralee’s outside. Can I go and play?”

  “Just stick inside the gate, mind the big kids, and you should be fine.”

  “Gimme a moment to clean up. Go and do damage control, please,” I told the guys.

  “You’re sure?”

  I nodded, moving over to the bathroom taps and turning them on. I splashed water on my face, trying to remove all of the evidence of my outburst.

  “It’ll be alright, love. You’ll see,” Peter said, and then they both left.

  Goddamnit, Flick, I thought, looking at the mirror and seeing my red rimmed eyes. If you were trying to convince people you were less of a freak…

  I never understand this. Monkey brains are reactive and excitable, yet you concoct ways to be shamed by your own natures? Your kind is truly strange.

  Do Tirians have no rules about what you do and don’t do?

  Of course.

  And how would you feel if you unwittingly did that thing?

  There was a short pause. Oh.

  I dried my face and then brushed my hair back into a neat ponytail. Time to face the music.

  “Flick?”

  I jumped when I heard a strange voice come from the kitchen. I walked stiff legged up to the doorway, worried about what I might see.

  “Hey.”

  He waved his hand awkwardly, the guy with the cereal bowl from the mess. What was his name? I took in the neatly pressed clothes and the long ponytail of blond hair. Shaun, it came to me finally.

  “Hi, Shaun,” I said, sure the suspicion was obvious in my voice. And why not? What was he doing, lurking in my house?

  “Look, sorry to sneak up on you like this. I just wanted to have a quick word and…” His eyes flicked to the sliding door.

  “OK.”

  “Um…well, I know this is gonna sound kinda forward, but I wanted you to know what you’re about to walk out into.” A thrill of fear went through my veins. “When you go outside, they’re going to sit you down and your pack will be around you when they ask if anyone else wants to petition to be part of it.” His hands went up when he saw me stiffen. “Petitioning doesn’t mean anything. Well, it sort of does. It does to us…” His voice trailed away as he stared at the floor for a moment. “It just means you’ll consider what they have to offer, maybe choose some people to work through your heat with. You’re keeping your options open, but you’ll think about it.”

  “Is that what this is?” I said with a frown. “Did you want…?”

  “What?” His eyes went wide, still startlingly blue in the low light. “Oh shit, I guess that is how this looks.” He backed up against the kitchen benches. “Nope, not what I was thinking. Not that you’re not…” He waved his hand up and down. “Fuck, I’m messing this up.”

  He raked his hands through his hair, and I noticed the fine tremor there.

  “I wanted to petition Jules and she was just dumped into the whole ceremony and no one prepared her and…” He shook his head slowly. “It didn’t go well, for either of us. I just wanted you to know what you’re getting yourself into. We haven’t had enough outsiders come here. We just tend to assume somehow you’ll know all this shit, and then…” His hands fell limply to his sides. “Anyway, I’m gonna go.”

  To see a man as gorgeous as him so abjectly unhappy was somewhat shocking. He looked like he should be a spokesmodel for some kind of multinational gym, with babes hanging off each arm, not standing there looking… Broken-hearted, that was it.

  “You don’t have to,” I said.

  His smile when it came was bright and shaky.

  “Yeah, I do. Trust me, I do. I feel like a total creeper right now anyway. I’m just gonna…”

  He made a move towards the door but I said, “Why?”

  That stopped him in his tracks. He turned and looked back at me, eyes haunted by ghosts I didn’t know.

  “I know Sen’s got a token for you. I just wanted you to have some time and think about whether you wanted to accept him. It looks like everything’s getting dumped on you out there. We do that. We just assume everyone will just go along with the way we’ve always done things. Sometimes, it doesn’t work out that way. Good luck, Flick. You deserve to be happy.”

  And with that, he really did leave, slipping out the door and into the night, then shutting it with a click.

  I blinked, then squared my shoulders as I stared at the sliding door. All those people, watching, staring, talking…

  Wha
t does it matter to us what people say? You dealt with your mates damn well. Be that woman.

  Well, alright then.

  “So, we didn’t really get a chance to explain all of this…” Aidan said as I walked outside. He grabbed my hand, to comfort me or to stop me from running? “So what’s going to happen is—”

  “They’re going to ask who wants to petition to be part of my pack, or at least, in my bed for the heat.”

  “You know.” Aidan looked stunned. “Did your Tirian tell you?”

  “No, Shaun did.”

  “Shaun? What the hell did he…?”

  He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence. As we walked over, a group of men stood around one of the dining room chairs, Peter and Ophelia standing by its side.

  “Flick, did Aidan fill you in on this?” Ophelia asked, looking a little frazzled, which was interesting. “I admit, I was remiss in preparing you for this, but we thought we had a little more time before you were going to take the final step with Aidan.”

  “So I sit here and listen to what these guys have to say?” I replied.

  “Well, yes.”

  I scanned the mass of men, seeing hard body after hard body. It was both hot and intimidating. While I knew I was so much stronger, there were so many of them looking at me with a mix of interest and fear. Eyes ran over my body, somehow taking in my mum jeans and plaid shirt like it was couture that they would very much like to peel from my body. But it came with a curiously shuttered expression, as if each and every one of them waited for me to slam my door in their faces.

  God, this is like some horrific paranormal version of The Bachelorette, I thought. Sen was the only one I recognised in the group, but it must have been hard, putting yourself out there in this public display, crowd members yelling out words of encouragement or jokes at their expense.

  “Can we take this inside the house, away from the mob?” I asked Ophelia.

  She seemed surprised by that, but she finally nodded.

  “You would like to keep the rest of the party away from this?”

  “Yeah, if we can. I don’t… It’d be better not to have the kids around, and I don’t think this needs to be a spectator sport.”