Managing Your Emotions: Instead of Your Emotions Managing You

by Joyce Meyer

  I bought the book and started reading it. In it this woman, who is now in ministry, began to reenact some of the events that had taken place in her life. All of a sudden I started having flashbacks. I realized it was the Holy Spirit Who was bringing those scenes to my memory to help me deal with them and receive healing from them.

  That is the way true emotional healing works. It is initiated by the Holy Spirit, not by anything that is conjured up by the one seeking help.

  If you are in need of emotional healing, don't try to conjure up something that makes you feel better. Go to the Lord and ask Him to lead and guide you by His Holy Spirit in the ways you should go. Then be ready to face whatever He wants you to confront to bring about your full restoration.

  Don't allow anyone to influence you into going back and digging up things from your past that you may not be prepared to face yet. It can be devastating!

  One of the sweet things about the Holy Spirit is the fact that He leads us one step at a time. He knows when we are ready and able to face certain things. When God Himself brings us face to face with certain harsh realities in our lives, we can know that it is the right time to deal with those painful issues.

  Remember, spiritual revelation comes from God, not from man.

  Beware of so-called spirit guides. Satan tries to pervert the work of the Holy Spirit by offering deceptive imitations to lead people away from true spiritual encounters. Be very careful about who and what you follow. Pray and ask the Lord to keep you from deception.

  There is a lot of spiritual “junk” being offered today, and some of it sounds so good and feels so right. Make sure what you are following is in line with the Word of God and is initiated by His Holy Spirit. When you open up your spirit for guidance and direction, make sure you are opening it up to the Spirit of God, not an imitator.

  Opening Up to God

  And this is the message [the message of promise] which we have heard from Him and now are reporting to you: God is Light, and there is no darkness in Him at all [no, not in any way].

  [So] if we say we are partakers together and enjoy fellowship with Him when we live and move and are walking about in darkness, we are [both] speaking falsely and do not live and practice the Truth [which the Gospel presents]. 1 John 1:5,6

  This is a great Scripture passage because it shows us that if we will take responsibility for ourselves and our own situation, and not try to blame someone else, it will be the first step toward receiving our healing.

  So often the things we try to hide by burying them deep inside ourselves become darkness within us. But this passage tells us in God there is no darkness at all. So when we allow Him full entrance into our hearts and minds, there will be no darkness there.

  I am so glad that God fills every room in my heart, so that I am filled with His light. There are no places in my heart that I know of that are blocked off from Him and the light that comes with His presence.

  Often one of the signs that we are walking in the light of the Gospel is that we have good relationships with everyone with whom we come in contact in our daily lives — including our spouse and our children.

  I can truthfully say that right now I do not know of any person in my life with whom I have a major problem. And it is not because they have all changed. The reason is that I have allowed the Lord to come into those dark recesses of my heart and fill them with His marvelous light. I have opened up myself to the searching, cleansing light of the Holy Spirit of God. The result is that while I used to live and walk in darkness and fear and misery, now I live and walk in light and peace and joy.

  When I was one person on the inside and another person on the outside, I had to wear masks and be phony. I had to put on a facade and play games. I am so glad that now I can stand before God and my family and everyone else and be at peace with myself and with others.

  I no longer have to live in fear of what anyone thinks of me, because I have opened my heart to God's Holy Spirit, and He has lighted up the dark places within me so I can live free!

  You can say the same thing if you will open your heart to God and allow Him to fill every part of you with His life-giving Spirit.

  The Nose Knows!

  But if we [really] are living and walking in the Light, as He [Himself] is in the Light, we have [true, unbroken] fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses (removes) us from all sin and guilt [keeps us cleansed from sin in all its forms and manifestations]. 1 John 1:7

  I like the last part of this verse which speaks of the blood of Jesus cleansing us from sin and all of its forms and manifestations.

  Let me give you an example of how this works in our everyday lives.

  If there is something rotten in your refrigerator, you will know it is there every time you open the door because you will smell it. You may not know what it is or exactly where it is located, but you can be sure that it is in there somewhere.

  I believe our lives are like that. If there is something rotten within us, those who come in close contact with us are going to perceive it, whether they know what it is or why it is there. They will “smell” it, or sense it.

  In 2 Corinthians 2:15 the Apostle Paul tells us that as believers … we are the sweet fragrance of Christ [which exhales] unto God, [discernible alike] among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.

  Unfortunately, it also works in the opposite way. When there is something within us that has been shut away and become rotten and spoiled, it gives off a totally different aroma, detectable by everyone.

  That's why we must open up ourselves and allow the Holy Spirit to come in and cleanse our hearts and remove whatever is causing us to give off a foul stench.

  When we open ourselves to the Lord and let Him begin to cleanse and heal us from within, we will find ourselves coming into better and better fellowship with all those around us. It won't happen overnight, because it is a process. But it will begin to take place, one step at a time.

  Getting at the Root of the Problem

  If we say we have so sin [refusing to admit that we are sinners], we delude and lead ourselves astray, and the Truth [which the Gospel presents] is not in us [does not dwell in our hearts].

  If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action]. 1 John 1:8,9

  In this passage, we see that we can never expect to find a solution to our sin problem until we are willing to admit we have a sin problem, then allow the Lord to cleanse us of it. Part of that process involves taking a spiritual inventory of ourselves to get at the root cause of our sin.

  When you are having emotional problems, one of the things I encourage you to do is to realize the emotions you are experiencing are not the problem, but only its manifestation. What you need to do is not just deal with the symptoms, your emotions, but to get at the root of the problem, whatever it is that is causing you to feel the way you do.

  Generally we pay far too much attention to our feelings. We say things like: “I feel that nobody cares for me,” “I feel that others don't love or understand me,” “I feel that people don't pay enough attention to me.”

  Those thoughts and statements are evidence that we are being influenced by what we perceive from our emotions rather than what is actually taking place in our lives.

  Let me give you an example.

  Let's say that a woman feels that her husband does not pay her enough attention. So she prays and asks God to make her husband more attentive to her. When her prayer isn't answered, she sets in to make it happen herself. She gripes and complains to her husband, “You're not paying enough attention to me; you don't care anything about me or my feelings.”

  The truth is that no matter how much attention her husband or anyone else pays to her, she will never be satisfied. It w
ill never be enough. Why? Because she is trying to get from other people what can only come from God. She is trying to build her self-image on the feedback and opinions of others rather than on her own worth in the eyes of the Lord.

  Her problem may seem to be that she is not loved and appreciated, but the root of the problem is the fact that she feels that way because she was starved emotionally as a child. As a result, now that she is an adult she demands more from others than they are prepared or able to give. So she smothers everyone who comes into relationship with her. If she doesn't realize what is happening and do something about it, she will end up having no relationships at all.

  Unless she gets at the root of the problem and solves it, she will go through her whole life blaming others, claiming her problem is their fault because they are not sensitive to her or appreciative of her.

  She is listening to her feelings and emotions rather than getting at the root of the problem and discovering what is really causing her to feel the way she does.

  Here is another example from my own life. When I was having so many emotional problems, I used to explode and throw a fit if things didn't go just the way I wanted them to.

  I could be working in the kitchen peacefully and calmly, but if my kids came through the back door and let it slam, “BOOM!” I would become a totally different person. I would get upset and jump all over them.

  Then I would go to the Lord in prayer and say, “God, what's wrong with me?” Since I was sure there was nothing wrong with me, what I was really asking was, “What's wrong with these people?”

  I was thoroughly convinced that if others didn't do what they did, then I wouldn't react the way I did.

  But the truth is, I was the one who was at fault.

  If one of my children came through the door and tripped on the threshold and fell down, instead of saying, “Oh, honey, are you all right?” I would lash out and yell, “What's the matter with you! Can't you even come in the house without making a mess? For crying out loud, do I have to teach you how to walk?”

  I was continually blaming my feelings on someone or something else. But one day in the midst of my prayer, “God, what's wrong with me?” He showed me what it was — and it was a life-changing revelation to me.

  The Lord spoke to me and said, “You go through life doing all the things you think you are supposed to do to be a good wife and mother and Christian, but the truth is that inside you feel guilty and condemned about everything — from not praying enough to feeling responsible for the things that happened to you in your past.”

  Then He went on to say, “Those feelings put pressure on you which builds up inside. Because you are at home most of the time by yourself, you have no one to vent your emotions on, so you become like a pressure cooker. The first time something happens to overload your system, you explode.”

  That may be what is happening with you. Like me, you may have so much pressure building up inside you because of your unresolved feelings and emotions that whenever anything happens you don't like, it “sets you off.” Like me, you may not even know what is causing you to react the way you do.

  I have read that medical studies indicate 75 percent of physical sickness is caused by emotional problems.2 And one of the greatest emotional problems people experience is guilt. Many people are punishing themselves with sickness. They are refusing to relax and enjoy life because, after all, they don't deserve to have a good time. So they live in the perpetual penance of regret and remorse. This kind of stress makes people sick.

  If that describes you, the only answer is to call upon the Holy Spirit to help you get at the root of the problem that is causing you so much misery. Only He knows what to do to help you.

  I am reminded of a little story I heard about Henry Ford. One day some piece of important equipment in his automobile factory was not working right so he called a friend named Steinmetz, who was a real mechanical genius. His body was deformed, but his mind was phenomenal.

  When Ford saw that nobody else could repair the piece of badly needed machinery, Ford called in Steinmetz who fiddled around with it for about ten minutes and had it working again. The two friends rejoiced, and Steinmetz left.

  A few days later Ford received a bill from Steinmetz for ten thousand dollars! He immediately called up his friend and complained, “Don't you think this is a little steep? Ten thousand dollars is a lot of money to pay someone for tinkering around for ten minutes.”

  Steinmetz calmly answered, “Well, ten dollars of that bill was for the ten minutes I spent tinkering; $9,990 was for knowing where to tinker.”

  The reason the Holy Spirit is so valuable in this type of healing is because He knows where to tinker!

  The Holy Spirit is the only One Who knows you better than you know yourself. He knows what is wrong with you and what to do about it. The best thing you can do to solve your problem is to call Him on the job and let Him do the “tinkering” that is needed. As He does so, be patient. Remember: emotional healing is a process, one that takes time.

  Pitiful or Powerful?

  Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour.

  Withstand him; be firm in faith [against his onset — rooted, established, strong, immovable, and determined], knowing that the same (identical) sufferings are appointed to your brotherhood (the whole body of Christians) throughout the world. 1 Peter 5:8,9

  If you want to receive emotional healing and go forward with your life, you must lay down self-pity. I am so convinced of that truth that I will go so far as to ask you the same question that God asked me several years ago: “Do you want to be pitiful or powerful?”

  I will also pose some other questions for you on this same subject. The first one is: “Do you feel sorry for yourself?”

  Be honest in your response. Don't do as I used to do and answer, “Yes, but …”

  God has shown me that self-pity is like a wall that keeps us from going forward in life. In my own life, I had to learn that everyone has problems. Just because I was abused as a child, I am not a special case. Like everyone else, I have to take responsibility for my own healing and restoration — and so do you. We must cooperate with the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

  My next question is: “Do you have a chip on your shoulder?”

  For years I walked around with a huge chip on my shoulder because “what happened to me was not fair; it shouldn't have happened to a dog, so I deserve …”

  It is a little hard on the flesh to have to admit that our special problems do not make us special cases. We are all special to God, but everybody has been hurt or abused in one way or another. Each of us has to take responsibility for our own behavior and avoid blaming the past or those who have hurt us.

  The Bible tells us that those who wallow in self-pity make themselves vulnerable to the devil, who is seeking someone to devour.

  If we don't want the devil to devour us, then we need to resist self-pity, blaming others, and carrying a chip on our shoulder. If we do things God's way, we will experience God's victory.

  That's the message that the Lord was trying to get across to me when He asked me whether I wanted to be pitiful or powerful. He was saying to me then, just as He is saying to you now, “You may have a reason to feel sorry for yourself, but you have no right to do so, because I am willing to heal your life. I will deliver you from everything Satan has tried to do to you, and I will use it for your good and My glory.”

  All the hurts and wounds you have suffered, even the things you have done to wrong yourself, the Lord can make into the tools and equipment you need to minister to other hurting people.

  The Wounded Healer

  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of sympathy (pity and mercy) and the God [Who is the Source] of every comfort (consolation and encouragement),

  Who comforts (consoles an
d encourages) us in every trouble (calamity and affliction), so that we may also be able to comfort (console and encourage) those who are in any kind of trouble or distress, with the comfort (consolation and encouragement) with which we ourselves are comforted (consoled and encouraged) by God. 2 Corinthians 1:3,4

  The best healer is often the wounded healer, because he knows what he is dealing with since he has suffered it himself. That's what Paul was saying in this passage from his letter to the church in Corinth.

  If you have suffered through some hard times in your life, you are going to be even more successful in ministering to those who are going through the same kind of suffering in their lives.

  That doesn't mean that those who have never suffered hardship or pain cannot be used by the Lord. Some of the greatest and most powerful ministers I know have lived almost perfect lives. But just because you and I have suffered does not keep us from ministering successfully also.

  I am writing this book to help you realize that even though you may have had a rough time in your life, God can use what you have been through for His glory — if you will allow Him to do so!

  If I were still back where I started out, feeling sorry for myself, I would be no good to myself or anyone else. In fact, I would probably be on the devil's lunch plate! He would be chewing me up and spitting me out. But because the Lord gave me the grace to lay down my self-pity and take up the challenge of living for Him, now I am able to help hundreds of thousands of people all over the nation and beyond.

  To me the greatest testimony in the world is to be able to say, “God took what Satan tried to use to destroy me, and He turned it around for His glory and used it for the betterment of other people in the Kingdom.”