Managing Your Emotions: Instead of Your Emotions Managing You

by Joyce Meyer

  What is despair? According to the dictionary, the verb despair means, “To be overcome by a sense of futility or defeat.” The noun means, “1. Utter lack of hope. 2. Something destroying all hope.”1 I define it as not knowing what to do, or being utterly without a way.

  We all know how frustrated we feel when we know we ought to do something about our situation but don't know what it is. No matter which direction we look, there seems to be no way out.

  But for the believer there is always a way out of every situation because Jesus has told us, I am the Way (John 14:6).

  It gives me great comfort to remember that although there are times when I am like the Apostle Paul — pressed on every side and perplexed because there seems to be no way out of my circumstances — the Lord has promised never to leave me nor forsake me. (Heb. 13:5.) So when I come to a dead end, I am not driven to despair because I know He will show me the way I am to go and will lead me through to victory.

  Disappointment, Discouragement, Destruction

  Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established. Proverbs 15:22 kjv

  Behold, the Lord thy God hath set the land before thee: go up and possess it, as the Lord God of thy fathers hath said unto thee; fear not, neither be discouraged. Deuteronomy 1:21 kjv

  Bless the Lord, O my soul. … Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindess and tender mercies. Psalm 103:1,4 kjv

  All of us become disappointed when we have a plan that fails, a hope that does not materialize, a goal that is unreached.

  We are all disappointed when things don't work out the way we wanted them to. We are disappointed by everything from a picnic that is rained out to the sickness or death of a loved one. We are disappointed when the new watch we were given won't run right or when the child we had hoped would turn out right shows no signs of doing so.

  When things like that happen, for a certain period of time we experience a let down, one that can lead to depression if it is not handled properly.

  That's when we have to make the decision to adapt and adjust, to take a new approach, to just keep going despite our feelings. That's when we must remember that we have the Greater One residing within us, so that no matter what may happen to frustrate us, or how long it may take for our dreams and goals to become reality, we are not going to give up and quit just because of our emotions.

  That is when we must remember what God once told me in just such a moment: “When you get disappointed, you can always make the decision to get reappointed!”

  Disappointment often leads to discouragement, which is even more of a “downer.” We have all experienced the depressing feeling that comes after we have tried our very best to do something and either nothing happens or it all falls totally apart — which is just one form of destruction.

  How disappointing and discouraging it is to see the things we love senselessly destroyed by others or, even worse, by our own neglect or failure. Regardless of how it may happen or who may be responsible, it is hard to go on when everything we have counted on falls down around us. That's when those of us who have the creative power of the Holy Spirit on the inside can get a new vision, a new direction, and a new goal to help us overcome the downward pull of disappointment, discouragement, and destruction.

  Debt

  … pay your debt. … 2 Kings 4:7

  We have seen that the Bible teaches us that we are to owe no man anything except to love him. Here in this verse, we see that we are to pay our debts. When we allow debt to overwhelm us, it can bring discouragement and even depression.

  Have you realized yet that it is usually emotions out of control that get us into debt? Trying to live beyond our means because we want things for our own personal pleasure or sense of prestige or to impress other people leads to indebtedness.

  When Dave and I were young marrieds we got into trouble with debt. We did it by running up our credit cards to the maximum buying things we wanted for ourselves and our children. We were making the minimum payment on the balance each month, but the interest was so high we never seemed to make any progress toward paying off what we owed. In fact, we just kept getting deeper and deeper into debt.

  What caused that? Emotions and a lack of wisdom.

  If you and I are ever going to get anywhere in the Kingdom of God, we must learn to live by wisdom and not by our carnal desire, which is human emotion. (Prov. 3:13.)

  The Bible teaches that Jesus has been made unto us wisdom, and that the Holy Spirit is wisdom within us. (1 Cor. 1:30; Eph. 1:17.) If we will listen to the prompting of the Spirit, we will not get into trouble. But if we live by the dictates of the flesh, we are headed for destruction.

  Wisdom makes the decision today it will be comfortable with tomorrow. Emotion does what feels good today and takes no thought of tomorrow. When tomorrow arrives, the wise enjoy it in peace and security, but the foolish end up in discouragement and depression. Why? Because the wise have prepared for tomorrow and are able to enjoy the fruits of their labor, while the foolish who have put pleasure first must now pay for yesterday.

  It is much better to work now and play later, than to play now and worry later!

  It is so discouraging to go to the mailbox every day and find nothing there but bills, bills, and more bills. Eventually that discouragement leads to depression because of the pressure of not being able to see a way out. When we charge things we cannot pay for, we are spending tomorrow's prosperity today. Then when tomorrow comes, all we have is debt.

  How many people are deep in depression right this moment because of overwhelming debt?

  To live a disciplined life, which is what it takes to produce good fruit in our lives, we have to be willing to invest today so that we can reap tomorrow.

  To relieve the discouragement and depression that come from being in debt, we must get out of debt by becoming self-disciplined to think not of today's sacrifices but of tomorrow's rewards.

  Disease, Distress, and Division

  By the great force [of my disease] my garment is disguised and disfigured; it binds me about like the collar of my coat. Job 30:18

  In my distress [when seemingly closed in] I called upon the Lord and cried to my God; He heard my voice out of His temple (heavenly dwelling place), and my cry came before Him, into His [very] ears. Psalm 18:6

  But I urge and entreat you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you be in perfect harmony and full agreement in what you say, and that there be no dissensions or factions or divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in your common understanding and in your opinions and judgments. 1 Corinthians 1:10

  The word “disease” simply means dis-ease. It is a minute form of death. If a person feels bad all the time, his dis-ease can easily draw him down into depression. For that reason we say that disease is a “downer.”

  To be distressed is to feel hindered or to be filled with “anxiety or suffering.”2 That too is a “downer” which can lead to a state of depression if not handled promptly and properly.

  As we see in 1 Corinthians 1:10, division refers to dissension, factions, disharmony, disagreement, or strife. To many people like me, division is also a “downer.”

  I hate disharmony and dissension. I despise arguments and disputes. I can't stand factions and divisions.

  I used to be a fighter and was always stirring up something. Now I love peace, harmony, and tranquility. Nothing brings me down worse than division — either within myself or between those I love most, such as my family members. I am sure that God feels the same way about His family.

  Division, like all these other “downers,” comes from following feelings rather than the Spirit, as we read in James 4:1: What leads to strife (discord and feuds) and how do conflicts (quarrels and fightings) originate among you? Do they not arise from your sensual desires that are ever warring in your bodily members?

  The end result of all of these “downers” is the same: unsett
led emotions, which sooner or later lead to misery and destruction.

  “Lifters”

  Lord, how are they increased who trouble me! Many are they who rise up against me.

  Many are saying of me, There is no help for him. …

  But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. Psalm 3:1-3

  Although there are “downers” in this life, there are also “lifters.”

  In this passage, the psalmist says that despite his distressing situation he is not despairing or becoming depressed because his confidence is the Lord, the lifter of his head.

  In Hebrews 12:12 kjv we are told: Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down. … And in 1 Timothy 2:8 the Apostle Paul wrote: I desire therefore that in every place men should pray, without anger or quarreling or resentment or doubt [in their minds], lifting up holy hands.

  When we are depressed, everything around us begins to fall apart and lose its strength. Our head and hands and heart all begin to hang down. Even our eyes and our voice are lowered.

  This downcast position and stance can depress us even more. When we are in that downcast stance, the Lord tells us, as He did Abraham, … Lift up now your eyes and look from the place where you are, northward and southward and eastward and westward (Gen. 13:14).

  Our eyes and hearts are downcast because we are looking at the problem rather than at the Lord.

  In Genesis 13, we read that the herdsmen of Abraham and his nephew Lot were arguing and fighting because there was not enough room for both of their flocks and herds to graze together. So Abraham suggested that Lot go one way, and he go the other. He gave Lot the choice of which way to go, and his nephew chose the best lands to move into. Abraham was left with the poorest lands for himself and his servants and livestock. At that point the Lord told him to lift up his eyes and look around him in all directions, for He was giving him all the land as far as he could see for his inheritance, promising to bless and increase him abundantly.

  This lesson is a good one for us to remember today. When people disappoint us, instead of becoming discouraged and depressed, the Lord wants us to decide to lift up our head and eyes and look around us, trusting Him to lead us into an even better situation because He has one for us. It is so tempting to say, “Oh, what's the use?” and just give up rather than moving in a new direction as Abraham did.

  The Lord is constantly exhorting us to lift up our eyes and heads and hearts to take inventory of our blessings and not our problems, to look at Him instead of the evil Satan wants to bring to us because God has plans to bless and increase us abundantly.

  No matter how your life has turned out to this point, you have only two options. One is to give up and quit. The other is to keep going. If you decide to keep going, again you only have two choices. One is to live in constant depression and misery. The other is to live in hope and joy.

  Choosing to live in hope and joy does not mean you will never have any more disappointments or discouraging situations to face. It just means you have decided not to let them get you down. Instead, you are going to lift up your eyes and hands and head and heart and look not at your problems, but at the Lord, Who has promised to see you through to abundance and victory.

  Satan wants to cast you down, but God wants to lift you up.

  Which will you choose? The “downers” or the “lifters”?

  The Holy Spirit as a “Lifter”

  And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever. John 14:16

  Do you know that even the ministry of the Holy Spirit is one of lifting up?

  When Jesus ascended into heaven, He said to His disciples, “I am going to ask the Father to send the Holy Spirit upon you to be your Comforter.”

  The Greek word from which the word “Comforter” is translated in this verse is parakletos,3 meaning “Ô called to one's side,' i.e. to one's aid. …”4 In other words the Comforter is One Who comes to stand alongside to encourage, edify, and exhort.

  Everything the Holy Spirit does is to keep us lifted up.

  Each one of us has to face and deal with disappointments and discouraging people and situations every day of our lives. We have been given the Holy Spirit to help us do that. He is our permanent “pick-me-up” to keep us from becoming depressed.

  Pressing On or Pressed Down?

  I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,

  I press on toward the goal... Philippians 3:13,14

  As I have stated, the word “depression” (or “depress”) does not appear in the King James Version of the Bible, so I looked it up in the dictionary. According to Webster, depress means “1. To lower in spirits: SADDEN. 2. To press down: LOWER. 3. To lessen the activity or the force of: weaken.”5

  When Satan comes against you and me to depress us, he is trying to lower our spirits, sadden us, press us down, to lessen our activity and force for God. He is trying to keep us from moving forward, because one of the synonyms of the word “depressed” is “backward.”6

  Satan wants to use depression to “pull our power plug,” to drive us backward, while God wants to empower us and propel us forward.

  The question is, are we pressing on or are we being pressed down?

  The Effects of Depression

  One of the dictionary definitions of the word depression is “an area sunk below its surroundings: HOLLOW.”7

  Satan wants to drag us down into a sunken position so that we are below everyone else and hollow inside.

  The psychiatric definition of depression is “a neurotic or psychotic condition marked by an inability to concentrate. …”8

  In extreme depression, a person can become so unable to concentrate he is taken captive by Satan.

  In my own life, I have been in such a depressed state I could read the same sentence in a book over and over again and still not grasp what it was saying. Why? Because my mind was not functioning properly.

  Dullness, “inability to concentrate, insomnia, and feelings of dejection and guilt,”9 and even a complete or partial withdrawal from society are all symptoms of extreme depression.

  I became so depressed at times I didn't want to see anyone or even get dressed. I just wanted to sit in a dark room all alone and feel sorry for myself. The only thing I would do to pass the time was watch some tearjerker movie on television that would set me on a crying jag all night long.

  In fact, when Dave and I first married I became so depressed I thought I wanted to commit suicide. So I made an appointment to talk about it with my pastor.

  When we met, I had carefully groomed myself for the occasion, as I always do when I go out. As soon as I walked into his office, I said, “Pastor, I just think I'm going to kill myself.”

  “No, you're not,” he said.

  “Oh, yes I am,” I answered.

  “No, you're not,” he repeated. “People who are planning to commit suicide don't go to the trouble to comb their hair, put on makeup, and get all dressed up.”

  So he totally popped my bubble.

  What I was suffering from was not suicidal depression, but simply a milder more miserable form brought on by listening to the enemy instead of listening to the Lord.

  Causes of Depression

  What are the causes of depression? There are many. One of them is guilt.

  Some people are so burdened down with depression brought on by a sense of guilt they have to be hospitalized. In the course of my ministry I have encountered people who are actually in a catatonic state because they blame themselves for something — or everything — that has happened to them in their lives.

  One reason we must resist Satan's attempts to pull us down into despair and depression is to avoid ending up in such a state that we have to become hospitalized or we become catatonic. The Word d
oes not promise we will never be attacked by disappointment, discouragement, or any of these other negative emotions, but it does assure us that when they come our way we can successfully defend ourselves against them because we have the Spirit of Truth within us to help us. As we saw before, Psalm 34:19 says, Many evils confront the [consistently] righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.

  Never assume that just because you are a Christian, you are exempt from attacks by the enemy or beyond the reach of his devices. Just know that when that attack comes, you have the power of God within you to resist and overcome whatever may be sent to destroy you.

  Victory comes through recognizing you are being assailed and in knowing what to do to defeat the enemy behind the attack.

  The world may be passive, but you and I must be active. The world may operate in the flesh, but we must operate by the Spirit Who lives in us and is there to strengthen, guide, and empower us.

  Another cause of depression is an inferiority complex.

  Every one of us has strengths and weaknesses. We need to face the truth about ourselves, but we must not get down on ourselves because of our human weaknesses. We must simply learn not to keep our attention focused on ourselves all the time. Instead, we must allow the Holy Spirit to direct our minds to whatever truth He wants us to face.

  A third cause of depression is change.

  Many times the reason we have so many problems with our feelings is because some kind of chemical imbalance exists in our body. Now, that does not mean that we should blame every feeling of depression on physical or chemical change, but that is one possible cause to take into consideration.