Redemption's Edge

by Shirleen Davies

Chapter Twenty-Three

  “All I’m saying is I’ve never seen anything like it. Noah aimed his Spencer, took a breath, and in a couple of seconds, the first two men were down, bullet holes dead-center in their foreheads. He got the third one a few seconds later. Most townspeople believed he’d come out west because he wouldn’t fight. You know what Gabe said after all of them went down?” Bull secured the rope around the last of the dead outlaws they’d loaded into Doc Worthington’s wagon.

  “No. What?” Luke glanced over his shoulder as Dax helped Rachel into the wagon.

  “He slapped Noah on the shoulder and said, ‘Nice work, Major.’ He’d been an officer. Who would’ve thought it?”

  Luke’s gaze rested on Noah and Gabe, who stood next to their horses, talking in low voices. He understood from some townspeople that Noah never spoke of his service in the Union Army, letting people assume whatever they wanted. In Luke’s mind, Noah had been an unknown factor before today. Now everyone at the Frey ranch knew what he could do. Luke turned his attention toward heated voices a few feet away.

  “There’s no need for you and Luke to accompany us, Dax. I’m fine and so is Uncle Charles. Besides, the sheriff and Mr. Brandt will be riding back to Splendor with us.” Rachel’s voice held a ring of finality not many used with Dax.

  “I don’t like it.” Dax planted his feet and crossed his arms, glaring up at her. “We still don’t know where Drake and the others are. Those men are as dangerous as the ones lying in your wagon.”

  “They have no reason to attack us.”

  “That’s what I thought about the Mayes and Olin brothers.”

  Both stopped as Charles climbed in next to Rachel and picked up the reins. “The sheriff and Noah are ready to go. I know it’s inadequate, Dax, but thanks again for saving us.”

  “No need for thanks. We’re glad it ended well for all of us.” Dax shifted his gaze to Rachel and started to speak, but Charles slapped the reins and the wagon lurched forward. He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his pants and watched until the wagon moved around a bend and out of sight, Gabe and Noah riding on either side. The opportunity to tell her how he felt, try to turn his prior actions around, had vanished. He stared at the empty dirt road, already contemplating how to convince Rachel he’d made his choice and it included her. An unwelcome fear squeezed his chest.

  What if she’d given up on any chance with him and had moved on? He hadn’t let the thought matter to him before. Contemplating Rachel with another man had been something he’d pushed to the back of his mind in an attempt to persuade himself he didn’t care. He now knew it was a lie. Dax realized he’d do whatever he could, fight any battle necessary to win her back.

  Charles shook his head and shot a look at his niece before focusing once again on the road ahead. He couldn’t remember knowing two people whose feelings for each other had been so obvious. Their pathetic attempts to hide the attraction would have been funny if it wasn’t causing Rachel so much pain. He kept telling himself it wasn’t his business. Rachel’s choices were hers alone, yet he couldn’t ignore the way his self-confident niece had withdrawn into a world far removed from the one she’d seemed to be building during her first months in Splendor. His gut told him the change had everything to do with Dax Pelletier.

  “Did you know I was in love once?” Charles didn’t know what had caused him to speak of something few people knew.

  Rachel shifted on the wooden seat and concentrated on her uncle, fascinated by his question. “No. I suppose I always believed your work to be your only love.” How ridiculous her comment sounded. Why wouldn’t her uncle have desired love, hoping to find a woman to build his life around? The fact she’d never given it a thought made her feel immature and selfish.

  “It is now, but it wasn’t always that way.”

  They rode in silence for a few minutes, Rachel hoping he’d continue, not sure if she should question him further. Finally, her curiosity could no longer be contained. “Will you tell me about her?”

  She could see his hands tighten, then loosen on the reins. He leaned back in the seat and looked out on the trail before speaking, “Her name was Clare. She had the most beautiful soft, brown eyes. They were large and round and seemed to question everything. She always kept her hair tucked under her bonnet, but one day, the wind blew so hard the bonnet flew off, causing her bright red hair to fall out of its bun and cascade down her back. In that moment, I fell in love.”

  Rachel folded her hands in her lap and waited, her attention fully focused on her uncle.

  “You know how prominent our family had been in Boston social circles. Our obligations were set out at birth—the type of person to marry, their background and education. Little room existed for love.” He glanced away from Rachel, then back to the road. “Clare’s father had been a dock worker his entire life. Her brother also worked the docks, as did most of her relatives. Honest, hardworking, and full of life, her family was not at all concerned with social status, although I knew Clare’s father was acutely aware of our differences. Somehow, my father noticed the attention I paid Clare. He spoke with her father, offering him money and work in the Worthington family business if he made sure Clare no longer allowed me to court her.” His head turned toward Rachel and she could see a wistfulness and longing never before present in her uncle’s eyes. “I suppose the money and an opportunity to move away from the hard labor of the docks were too much temptation. He took the offer and I saw Clare just one more time.”

  “I’m so sorry. It must have been awful for you.” Rachel reached over and placed a hand on his arm.

  Charles continued as if she hadn’t spoken.

  “She snuck out one night to meet me. I asked her to wait until I could support us without the family money. We promised each other we’d wait. I started my medical studies, deciding to focus on something my father couldn’t control, and looked forward to the day Clare and I would be together. A few months later, I received word she’d left Boston with a man her father had chosen for her. He’d learned of our promise and made certain she’d be unable to keep hers. It took a while before I accepted she’d never be mine.” He let out a disgusted sigh and looked down at Rachel’s hand on his arm before placing one of his hands on top. “My father’s interference changed the future. It’s why I chose to leave home and build a new life as far away from family as possible.”

  Rachel didn’t know how to respond. She could almost feel the pain he must have felt all those years ago when he lost the one woman he loved.

  “Looking back, I should have grabbed the opportunity and left Boston with Clare. To this day, I’m still haunted by my lack of courage to act on my feelings. Love isn’t easy. It’s hard won and harder to keep. If, at some point, you have a chance to build a life with the man you love, grab it and don’t look back.”

  Over the miles it took to reach Splendor, her uncle’s words replayed over and over in Rachel’s mind. She’d given her heart to Dax and he’d made it clear he didn’t share her feelings. Even if he stayed, nothing more would develop between them. There was no question in her mind he liked, cared about, and desired her. But love? She had to accept the fact that desire didn’t equate to love, at least not for him.

  Her future had certainly changed from the vision she had of it a few years before. Edging closer to her mid-twenties, Rachel began to doubt she’d ever find the type of mutual love her uncle spoke about. She knew her feelings for Dax were real. He’d always be the man of her heart.

  Perhaps her idea of a few nights before, the one which had seemed so silly, might not be what she needed. She accepted her love for Dax, even if he didn’t share her feelings. Perhaps she should consider a practical approach. As long as a man could be faithful, support a family, and be a good example to their children, why couldn’t she advertise for a mail order husband? Certainly there must be a man out there who would find the prospect of a life with her acceptable.

  By the time their wagon came to a halt behind the clinic, she�
��d made up her mind. She’d visit Bernie Griggs at the Western Union office in the morning. He might have an idea how to begin and, more important, how to send out an advertisement for a husband.

  “What do you mean he’s gone?” Dax’s voice blasted through the dining room.

  “Everything all right out here?” Hank asked as he emerged from the kitchen, Bernice right behind him. Luke and Dax acted as if they hadn’t heard him.

  “He left a note. Here.” Luke held out the paper he’d found on the table next to Cash’s bed.

  Dax read the brief message before tossing it on the table. “How long do you think he’s been gone?”

  “I don’t know. Hours, most likely.” Luke looked as upset as Dax about Cash leaving to find Drake without waiting for them.

  “Did he ever mention to you where he planned to start?”

  “Not a word. I don’t think Cash ever planned for us to go with him.”

  Dax walked to the window and looked out toward the barn. Several men were saddling horses, getting ready to ride toward the herd.

  “I guess there’s no sense going after him. We don’t even know where to start.”

  The three had talked of leaving in two days, after Dax and Luke set up a rotating schedule for the herd and finished a few other chores. They’d decided to ride to Tolbert’s ranch to let him know about the shootings at the Frey ranch. Afterwards, they were free to leave. Cash seemed fine with all of it last night as they’d sat on the front porch drinking coffee. Now he was gone.

  “Not much we can do at this point. I sure hope he keeps us posted.” Luke jammed his hat on his head before strapping his gun belt around his waist.

  “So do I.” Dax didn’t like it. Their friend was on a hunt for vengeance, already declaring Drake and his two partners guilty. In his own mind, Dax felt the same. He just didn’t like anyone taking the law into their own hands. “Nothing we can do now.”

  He’d change his plans and focus on the two most urgent issues in his life—the ranch and Rachel. He’d decided to give her a few days, then he’d do what he could to win her back.

  “Is Rachel at home?” Dax stood outside, looking at Charles and rotating his hat brim.

  “Not right now. Did she know you were coming by?” Charles scratched his chin, trying to remember where she’d said she needed to go.

  “No. We haven’t spoken since the incident at the Frey ranch.”

  “Well, come on in and wait with me. I could use the company and I doubt she’ll be gone long. How about some coffee? Or perhaps a whiskey would be more to your liking?”

  “Coffee would be fine.”

  Dax followed Charles to the kitchen, wondering where Rachel had gone. He also wondered what her reaction would be when she came home to find him there. He’d waited several days before riding into town to tell her of his decision to stay in Splendor. The angst he felt started a few miles from town. Before then, he’d been confident she’d welcome his decision. With luck, she’d also accept him into her life.

  Charles handed Dax his coffee at the same moment the door burst open and Rachel walked in, holding what appeared to be a couple of telegrams. She came to a halt when she saw Dax.

  “Dax. What are you doing here?” Her voice sounded cheerful but distant, as if she couldn’t imagine why he’d stopped by.

  “I came to invite you to supper.”

  Rachel removed her bonnet, setting it on a nearby chair, placing the telegrams alongside it. She already received two replies to the advertisement Bernie had sent out a few days before. There’d been no time to read them at the telegraph office—too many others were standing around and this was something requiring privacy. She wanted nothing more than to be alone to see what type of man might want to be a mail order husband.

  “I’d planned to have supper with my uncle.”

  “I can fix my own meal. Go ahead and have supper with Dax.” Charles left them standing in the front room as he headed toward the kitchen.

  Rachel glanced over her shoulder at Charles, then back at Dax, feeling she had no choice.

  “Supper would be lovely. Is this all right?” She indicated her dress and bonnet.

  You’d look beautiful in anything, Dax thought. “What you’re wearing is fine.” He opened the door, allowing her to precede him outside, then held out his arm to her.

  They walked the short distance to Suzanne’s restaurant, took a table by the window, and ordered the night’s special. Rachel had been aware of Dax studying her from the moment they left her house, as if he had something to say and couldn’t quite find a way to get the words out. She hoped he wouldn’t bring up the same, tired subject of his love for Texas and his intentions to leave. His intentions were all too clear to her.

  “How have you been since the shooting?” His question shouldn’t have come as a surprise as they hadn’t seen each other since the day the four men were killed.

  “I’ve been good, although it isn’t something I ever want to experience again.” Her eyes drifted toward the view of the mountains outside, her features not displaying how much the event did affect her. “There’ve been a few dreams—nightmares, really. I’ve been able to get back to sleep, though. I guess, under the circumstances, it’s normal.”

  Suzanne set down their meals. “Anything else I can get you two?”

  “This looks wonderful,” Rachel said, glancing down at the steak and potato supper, her mouth watering at the aroma.

  Suzanne smiled back. “Don’t forget there’s pie.” She patted Rachel on the shoulder and left the couple alone.

  Dax waited for Rachel to start before cutting his first slice of steak. He chewed slowly, contemplating what he wanted to say.

  “I still get nightmares from the war. There doesn’t seem to be much I can do about them, so I’ve learned to accept they’re a part of my life.”

  “Is it the same dream each time?”

  “Mostly. It’s a battle with soldiers running around, not sure of their place. I step up to say something just before a cannonball explodes around us. The smoke clears and all I hear are the moans and screams of my men.” He set down his fork and motioned for Suzanne.

  “What can I get you?”

  “Do you remember the offer of whiskey you made?”

  Suzanne offered a slight smile. “I sure do. Let me get it for you.”

  Rachel’s puzzled expression followed Suzanne as she disappeared into the kitchen. A moment later, she emerged with a bottle of whiskey and two glasses.

  “Here you are.” She filled each glass. “Let me know if you’d like more.”

  Dax picked his up, indicating to Rachel she should do the same. “Here’s to the start of many suppers together, Rachel.”

  He noticed her slight hesitation before touching the edge of his glass with hers and taking a sip. She set down the glass as her brows furrowed, her stomach beginning to churn at his toast.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I’ve made the decision to stay in Splendor and help Luke with the ranch.” He waited, hoping she’d provide the response he’d imagined. Excitement over his announcement, or perhaps a declaration of how much his staying meant to her. He received neither.

  Her face sobered, although she did smile. Not the bright, radiant smile he’d seen a few times. This one held a look of disbelief, her skepticism obvious.

  “For how long?” She picked up her fork and knife to cut off another slice of meat. She put it in her mouth, letting the juice roll around while contemplating how his announcement might affect her.

  Dax narrowed his eyes at what appeared to be complete indifference. Irritation thrummed through him at how she seemed not to care one way or another. “Permanent. I don’t plan to return to Texas.”

  She set down her silverware and leaned forward, her face signaling nothing. “How nice, Dax. I believe you’ll come to love the town as much as the rest of us.”

  Confusion at her lack of enthusiasm ripped through Dax. She’d told him she loved him. Had
she changed her mind? Now she acted as if his decision to stay meant nothing to her.

  He crossed his arms and settled his gaze on her. “You have nothing else to say about my staying?” His voice held an edge—part frustration, part anger.

  “I’m not sure what else you expect me to say. You’ll be needed at the ranch, and Luke is most likely pleased with your decision.” She fiddled with the napkin in her lap, twisting it one way and then another, waiting to see if he’d offer anything further. Rachel longed for him to indicate his feelings for her. Staying in Splendor was a big step for Dax, but did it have anything to do with her? Or was it based solely on an obligation to his brother?

  “Yes, he is pleased.”

  “Why are you staying? What changed your mind?” Tell me you’re staying because of me, Rachel prayed.

  He wanted to say the words, tell her he realized how much he loved her, but they lodged in his throat. “I finally accepted the ranch held too much potential to walk away. Luke’s set on staying and, well…I couldn’t turn my back on him.”

  “I see.” She’d hoped for more, but accepted he couldn’t say what he didn’t feel. Love wasn’t something you could force on another and it was her curse she felt it for Dax.

  They lapsed into a tense, uncomfortable silence, neither knowing what else to say. She needed Dax to profess his feelings, if he held any for her.

  “Are you two finished?” Suzanne walked up, shifting her gaze from one to the other. She could see something sparked between them and thought it best to keep quiet.

  Dax handed Suzanne some bills before pulling out Rachel’s chair. She could feel the friction build between them. He held out his arm and she wrapped a hand around it.

  “Thank you, Dax. I had a nice time.” Her voice sounded hollow, yet she meant every word.

  “Did you? Or would supper with Gabe or Luke have been just as entertaining?”

  She tore her hand from his arm and stepped back, fisting her hands and placing them on her hips, her eyes sparking with anger. “What do you mean?”

  He didn’t back down. His jaw worked at the same time his chest tightened. He needed to get himself under control, make sense of the fury which threatened to overtake him. He had no experience in this, didn’t know what to say. He’d never been in love before and had no idea what she expected from him.

  “I mean, you appear to enjoy your evenings with any man, except me, who escorts you to supper.”

  “If that’s what you think—”

  “It is.”

  She let her arms drop and searched for calm. Rachel had always been even tempered, rarely letting anything or anyone get to her. Even in the army hospital, with cannons thundering around them and guns blasting, rocking the tables where they worked, she’d been steady. Everything changed when Dax entered her life. She’d been on edge, fighting for control from almost the first time they’d met. Now he stood before her, making statements which made no sense.

  “Fine. I see no reason for us to spend any more time together.” She turned toward the clinic, lifting her skirt so as not to trip, and stomped down the boardwalk. She made it to her front door when an arm reached in front her, blocking the entrance to the house.

  Dax stood next to her, his face impassive. “I apologize if I offended you. It was not my intention.”

  “What was your intention?” She turned toward him. He could see the confusion in her eyes. He felt the same—confused and conflicted. The evening had turned out nothing like he’d hoped.

  “My intention was to spend an evening with you and share my news, hoping you’d be pleased with the decision.”

  “I am pleased.” She took a step back, his nearness almost overwhelming. “You’re a good man, honest and caring. Perhaps you’ll find peace in Splendor.”

  “I hope so.” His voice sounded hollow and distant. He bent down to place a kiss on her cheek. “Goodnight, Rachel.”

  “Goodnight, Dax.”

  Rachel sat on her bed, rereading both of the telegrams she’d received in response to her advertisement. Mr. Griggs at the telegraph office had sent her information to Denver, Independence, Kansas City, and Big Pine with a request to pass it along to the local newspaper. One had been sent by a widower in his thirties with a ranch near Denver. The other from a businessman in Kansas City. He didn’t give his age or if he’d been married. Neither mentioned children. Both indicated they’d be sending a letter with more information.

  She set them aside and crawled under the covers, wondering if she’d made a mistake in being so bold. She knew of no other woman who’d ever resorted to placing an advertisement for a husband. Men did it, searching for wives by placing ads in eastern newspapers. Although the number of women traveling west had increased, there still seemed to be a notable shortage of women available for marriage.

  She thought it’d be easier to meet someone suitable who already lived out west and knew the challenges. After all, she did expect him to be the main supporter for a family.

  She buried her face in her hands and felt a growing sense of unease. Mr. Griggs had assured her he’d keep the contents of her telegram and any responses private, yet she felt a tinge of doubt. For a moment, she wished she could go back in time and pull her scribbled note from Griggs’ hand. How humiliated she’d be if someone knew what she’d done. She didn’t need her uncle or anyone else in Splendor to discover her decision to identify a suitable man.

  Although the days had warmed, the nights still felt chilly, and she pulled a blanket up under her chin. She thought again of the two responses and wondered if either of these men were anywhere near as handsome as Dax. It didn’t matter. She wasn’t doing this to find a replacement for the man she loved. She knew it wouldn’t happen. Her reasons were quite sensible, not at all associated with seeking love. She couldn’t have the man she wanted, so she’d find someone who could accept her for the woman she was—hardworking, honest, kind, and with a desire to have a family before she got too old. She’d get over Dax and never look back.

  He could take his ranch and, well…jump down a deep, dark hole.

  ~~~~~