Love Shouldn't Hurt

by Dixie Lynn Dwyer

  “I think I drank a little too much.”

  “Nooo,” they teased, and Brian pressed up against her back, then slid his palm along her ribs and cupped her breast.

  She tightened up. “Brian.”

  He shook his head. “You were incredible tonight. Had everyone laughing. You looked fucking happy, baby. So different from yesterday when we first saw you and you seemed sad,” he added, and then kissed her neck. Smack between the two of them, she felt overwhelmed with emotions. She was attracted to them, enjoyed their company, their good looks, but sex with them would change things. Would confirm her decision she was done with the Dortry men, because she wouldn’t cheat on Brian and Anderson. Couldn’t cheat on the Dortry men before breaking things off first. They were so close to her.

  “Hey, there you go again, drifting off and looking upset,” Anderson said, and cupped her jaw and chin.

  She pulled back and they released her. She felt the loss and then exhaled. “We should call it a night.”

  “Invite us to stay, Harper,” Anderson said to her, and pulled her back into his arms.

  Brian caressed her back and shoulder, squeezed it, and whispered into her ear. “You’re safe with us. It would be incredible,” Brian said.

  “Or a huge mistake that would make things weird between us.”

  “Never weird. The attraction is there. We feel it and so do you.”

  “That isn’t the problem, Anderson,” she said, and tried pushing from between them.

  “Well, what is the problem? You aren’t with anyone. You don’t even date. You can’t still be a virgin,” he said to her, and winked.

  “Very funny, and no I’m not, but there’s some things I’m dealing with right now.”

  “What things?” Brian asked. She debated about telling them.

  “Okay, who is he?” Anderson asked.

  “What do you mean who is he? Shit, are you seeing someone? Sleeping with someone?” Brian asked.

  She pushed from between them, and ran her fingers through her hair. “It’s complicated.”

  “What the fuck does that mean?” he asked.

  “It means that I don’t know what I want to do. It’s a complicated relationship, and there really isn’t a commitment like what I really want and need in my life, but there are feelings and things to consider.”

  “He’s using you for sex?” Anderson asked, and she felt the strike to her heart.

  She turned away and went to the kitchen to grab a water bottle. Before she even opened it and took a sip, Anderson pulled her into his arms and kissed her, hard on the mouth. She tried letting go. Tried getting the others out of her head, but she couldn’t. She loved them too damn much. She pushed against Anderson’s chest and he was breathing heavily as he lifted his lips from hers.

  “I can’t, Anderson. It wouldn’t be fair to everyone involved.”

  “Fair? Is it fair this dick is dragging you along, taking from this sexy body when he wants, when it’s convenient for him? What about you and what you deserve, Harper? We’re good men, we would commit to you and only you.” He grabbed her upper arms and shoulders and looked down into her eyes. The tears fell, and he was breathing through his nostrils. He closed his eyes and then exhaled. “You fucking love him and he’s using you? Asshole,” he stated, and then pulled her into his arms and hugged her.

  Brian approached and rubbed her back. “Is he worth this? Worth waiting on? Wasting your time on? How fucking long has this shit been going on? Has he been leading you on?” Brian asked.

  She felt like shit and didn’t want to admit to two years or to there being more than one man. “Come on, how fucking long?” Brian pushed.

  “Two years.”

  Their eyes widened.

  “He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t want to commit to you, maybe he’s even been unfaithful to you, and you still stand here and think he’s worth it? That he’s better than us and what we have to offer?” Anderson asked.

  “Anderson, that isn’t fair and you know it. You just showed up out of nowhere. I haven’t seen you in nearly three years. I said it was complicated and that I’m trying to figure things out.”

  “So you’re thinking of breaking up with him?” Brian asked.

  “Yes.”

  “When?” Anderson pushed.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, maybe this will help.” Anderson pulled her close and began to kiss her again. He pressed his tongue into her mouth and explored her body with his hands. As he turned her, Brian joined in, caressing along her thighs and under her skirt, and was about to slide them into her panties and right to her cunt, but she couldn’t allow that. She pressed his hands away and pulled back.

  “Oh God, slow down. I can’t do this. It would be like cheating.” Anderson slammed his hand so hard down on her counter that she jumped.

  “This is fucking bullshit. We want you, are ready to commit to you, and this dick isn’t. He’s fucking you, Harper. Using your body to pleasure himself and then he moves on and is probably cheating on you. You deserve better than to be the man’s whore.”

  She gasped and he headed out of the kitchen and Brian followed, staring at her like she was trash. As he slammed the door closed, she ran toward it and banged her hand on it and cried. She locked it up, including the dead bolt on the door, and then fell to the rug and cried. She was so damn stupid. Her life was a mess.

  Broaden couldn’t watch. The two men were seducing her, kissing her, feeling her up and he was fucking watching through the window. They didn’t see him, how could they in the darkness or with a woman as sexy and beautiful as Harper in their arms? He turned away and started to head toward his truck when he heard something slam and ran back toward the window and saw the two men exiting. Then he saw Harper slide to the rug and cry.

  She sobbed and then slowly got up, turned off the lights, and headed into the bedroom. He made his way to the back door and began to knock on it. As the light in the small mud room turned on, he saw her expression go from shock to anger. She unlocked the door, holding the robe against her body.

  “What do you want?”

  “Who were the two fucking guys?” he asked, and made his way inside. She looked past him as if expecting the others. He was surprised they weren’t here yet.

  “What two guys?” she asked, lamely. He raised one of his eyebrows up at her.

  She exhaled, crossed her arms in front of her chest and stared up at him. “None of your business, Broaden.”

  He was breathing through his nostrils. The jealous, hurt feelings were worse than he expected. Sure, when he thought about the possibility of her cheating on them he was upset, angry, but to actually see two men kissing her, touching her—

  He reached out and grabbed her by the knot in the tie on her robe. She gasped and held onto his forearms as he pressed her closer to the wall. “How long, and how serious are you about them?” he asked, his breath catching in his chest. When he saw tears roll down her cheeks, he squinted, unsure of what was going on here.

  “This isn’t fair. I can’t go on like this. I can’t go on feeling pain. Love isn’t supposed to hurt, damn you!” She screamed at him and pounded on his chest. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her with her arms against her sides so she would stop hitting him. He kissed her neck, and whispered into her ear. “I don’t want to hurt you. That’s the last damn thing I want to do to you.”

  He kept kissing her skin, inhaling against her neck. He ignored the scent of the men’s cologne and forced himself to remember that she was here with him. That those two men, closer to her age, didn’t stay.

  The door pushed open and there stood Lextin, Snipe, and Ferrion. “Where the fuck are the men? Did you fucking kill them?” Ferrion asked in a rage. He shook his head and Harper tried to push Broaden away to put space between them, but he wouldn’t let her. He gripped her hair and neck, keeping an arm wrapped around her waist. Her robe was opening up, her sexy, full breasts partially exposed.

  “You belon
g to me, to my brothers, not to anyone else.”

  She cried and shook her head. “I don’t belong to you. I’ve never belonged to you and the four of you know it. You don’t want a commitment, to be guardians, or husbands, you want a whore, and I’m done being that.”

  “No. No, you’ve never been a whore to us. You’re home to us. You’re everything to us.” Lextin chimed in and stepped closer. He caressed her cheek. Tears rolled from her gorgeous blue eyes and Broaden’s heart ached for hurting her so badly.

  “Don’t lie to me. I knew what this was from the beginning. What my orders were,” she snapped at him, and then glared at Ferrion.

  “Orders?” Ferrion asked and he stepped closer. Snipe had his arms crossed in front of his chest and he was seething with anger, with insult and hurt. Broaden knew they would all be hurt learning she cheated on them. They forced her to do this. They pushed her to this point because they didn’t give her enough.

  Ferrion gave Broaden a look, and a nod of his head to get out of the way. Ferrion slid his arm to her hip and pulled her close. He cupped Harper’s cheek and neck. She looked away with her eyes, closing them, and he gave her a shake.

  “Look at me, Harper. Look at me now,” he demanded, and she did.

  She opened those glossy blue eyes and held his gaze, her lip quivered, and from here, Broaden could see her shaking. Was it with anger, hatred toward them, or fear? They would never hurt her, physically, but obviously she was hurting emotionally.

  “These men, the ones you were with tonight, you want them instead of us?” he asked. She snorted and then narrowed her eyes at him.

  “Who are they? How long have you been seeing them?” he asked.

  “What time is it?” she snapped at him.

  Broaden felt confused.

  “What does that fucking mean? Are you fucking them, sleeping with them? How long have you been cheating on us?” Snipe barked.

  She shook her head. “You’re an idiot. You’re four stupid, egotistical morons. My God, I’ve given up everything to be your secret lover. Your woman to come home to as you like to call it. In the middle of the night, when darkness falls, I wait, day after day, month after month, two damn years for you to surprise me, make love to me, hold me in your arms, feel your lips against my skin, and then you disappear. Not a word, not a time frame, and yet I wait. I obey.” She raised her voice and pointed to her chest, and shoved from Ferrion’s arms. She started to walk away.

  “Who are they?” Snipe yelled at her.

  “You want to know who they are? Old friends of the family. Of my four brothers. Military men like you, but the difference is that when they look at me, they only want me. Recently retired, ready to settle down and make a commitment to me.”

  “And you want that? Want them?” Lextin asked.

  She snorted, and more tears fell. She wiped them with the back of her arm. “Are they here in my bed? Did I let them stay, let them into my body, the body that only you four men have ever taken from?” She raised her voice again.

  “What?” Ferrion asked. Broaden felt the punch to his stomach. She was a virgin and didn’t even tell them. They were the only men she ever had sex with?

  “Yeah big guy, guess what? I was a virgin when we made love the first time. When the four of you took me one after the next, and there hasn’t been anyone else. But I’ll tell you something, I’m not doing this”—she waved her hand in front of them as if encasing the situation with them with her hand—“anymore. I’m done feeling like used goods, like I’m good for nothing but to ease those aches you have from not being able to have sex when you’re off on a mission. I deserve more. I don’t want to feel the pain anymore,” she said, and when she went to turn, Ferrion lifted her up into his arms and hugged her to him. He turned and looked at them.

  “Ours,” Ferrion whispered. They all nodded their heads in agreement that they wanted more, wanted everything with her, and that the idea of her being with any other men was not acceptable or allowed. They marked her their woman. She was only with them. Holy fuck.

  Ferrion brought her into the bedroom and laid her on the bed. He immediately wedged his body between her legs and encased her with his forearms so she couldn’t move. He stared into her eyes, her gorgeous, youthful face and he felt like he didn’t deserve her, yet he couldn’t let her go. Couldn’t deny what they were all feeling for her and have been fighting because of their work. He glanced at her breasts, full, plump, blotchy from her crying. “One more time, huh? One more fuc—"

  He pressed his mouth to hers before she could say the words, the hurtful things seething from her lips. When he figured she got his message, he pulled from her mouth. “Never say that. We’ve never just fucked you, Harper. We’ve made love to you, deepened our connection, and held onto the power you have over us to get us through every damn mission to get back to you. To this body, to these arms, to these scents that surround you and ease our minds when we can’t have you with us. I understand that’s it’s been hard.”

  She hissed on exhale in annoyance.

  “Harper, the only reason why we can’t make the commitment you want is because of the job. Our military careers don’t allow it.”

  “Oh yeah, then how come other men do it? How come friends in town who are mercenaries, which I know I’m not really supposed to know that, how come they do it? They come back, they’re committed, they’re raising families.”

  “You want children with us?” Snipe asked, sounding just as shocked as Ferrion felt.

  “This will probably scare the shit out of you and make you run for that door, but I’m in love with the four of you. I can’t stand it when you leave, and when you appear, in the middle of the night, like I’m part of a mission, a secret operation no one can know about, it hurts,” she said and her voice cracked.

  “We’ve been assholes,” Lextin said, and took a seat on the bed.

  She glanced at him, eyeing him over. “No argument there.”

  Broaden chuckled.

  “That’s why you were with those men tonight? They promised you a commitment, to settle down, start a family?” Ferrion asked, and stroked her jaw.

  “I considered it. I’ve known Anderson and Brian for years. We were all out tonight enjoying good times, not hiding anything just being happy. I don’t know happiness with you guys.” Her voice cracked and she sniffled as a tear fell.

  “That isn’t true. You’re happy when we’re together, when we’re making love, when we’re caressing your skin. You’re happy giving me that rock right there,” he said, and glanced toward the side table by the bed.

  “And sad, when you take it when you leave me for God knows how long. Do you have any idea what it’s like to not know when your lovers are going to show up? You’re the only men I’ve been with. You’ve made it clear, Ferrion, that you can’t give more. Tonight, I searched for more. I let go a little and attempted to explore my options.”

  “And you allowed them to kiss you, to feel you up in the fucking kitchen,” Broaden said and he was pissed off. So was Ferrion.

  “Then you saw me push them away and stop it from going further. Saw them get angry and leave because I wouldn’t let them stay the night with me in bed. In this bed where I’ve made love to each of you and no one else,” she said to him straight-faced.

  Ferrion gripped her jaw and chin. “And you won’t ever make love to anyone else but us in this bed, and in ours at our place,” Ferrion told her, and then pressed his lips to hers and kissed her.