The Nexis Secret

by Barbara Hartzler

  And that really burned me up. I dug my hands into my jean pockets. “You don’t understand what it was like, Mom. He drove all the way to Montrose, then followed me into the city. If my friends hadn’t been there, who knows what would’ve happened?”

  “He only approached you when your friends were around. Maybe it’s not as bad as you think it was.” The coolness in her voice killed me, so nonchalant, so unaffected by what I’d just told her.

  The anger-bomb exploded inside me, bits of fury hurtling everywhere until I practically screamed at her. “You didn’t hear a word I said, did you? You just don’t get it.”

  I wadded up my napkin, chucking it at my plate. With that, I made a mad dash down the hall.

  “Lucy, come back.” Her voice faded the closer I got to my room.

  “I’m not hungry.” I slammed the door behind me. So much for trying to make nice. I punched my fists into the pillow, willing myself not to cry. She wasn’t worth it.

  Maybe I could try to show a little forgiveness. My dad had managed it somehow, and if James were here he’d probably tell me to get over myself. She was still my mother, after all.

  Just then my phone buzzed. “Thank God.”

  Shanda’s number appeared, another person who’d tell me to get over myself. Funny how she texted at the exact moment I needed her. Though I highly doubted she’d be as hip to the forgiveness part.

  Chapter 27

  The soothing aroma of turkey drifted to my nostrils, curling tendrils of comfort around my foggy morning brain. Bright light burned from my bedroom window, dimming as I rubbed my eyes. Thanksgiving morning smells were still the same, warm and heavenly as always.

  Maybe I’d been too harsh with Mom last night. Even Shanda had said as much. Maybe she really had missed me, was only watching out for me. I’d just have to make it clear that I had to stay in New York, and Jake was the reason—not her. That should do it, right? At any rate, she’d have to notice a new measure of maturity, and maybe even thank Montrose for it.

  I snuggled my fleece pullover on top of my Montrose t-shirt. If only it were Bryan’s bomber jacket, I’d be in heaven.

  After I wrestled the tangles out of my hair, I barefooted it to the kitchen. Mom hovered over the stove in Grandma’s frayed apron, looking more domestic than ever. I wrapped my arms around her waist.

  “Morning, Mom. Sorry about last night, I shouldn’t have been so rude. You forgive me?”

  “Of course, honey.” She patted my hands and handed me the wooden spoon. “Why don’t you stir the gravy for awhile? Mom could use a break.”

  “You got it.” I took the spoon from her and dunked it in the bubbling liquid. Bits of unidentified meat floated up as I stirred. “This doesn’t exactly resemble gravy.”

  She smoothed her palm down my hair. “Well not right now. I’ve only just started it. It’ll be perfect in a few hours.”

  “If you say so.” I craned my neck to face her. “About Montrose, it’s not that I prefer being there over being home. It’s just a place that’s free of Jake. And Becca. A place where I can start over.”

  Her fingers winged across the bumps of my scar. “I think we can all agree, you deserve a fresh start.”

  “That’s for sure. Then you understand?” A crick formed in my neck, but I had to see her face, read her expression.

  “Completely.” Her eyes smiled at me, a surge of warmth swarming into my body. “Let’s not worry about this now. Let’s have a nice Thanksgiving dinner.”

  “That sounds great.” I smiled back at her, for real this time.

  For the next few hours we worked on all the Thanksgiving staples; boiling potatoes, mixing pie dough, sieving gravy. My favorite was throwing together the green bean casserole, mostly because Mom hated the less-than-fancy dish and everyone else loved it.

  Before I knew it, mid-afternoon rolled around. I wiped my hands on the frilly apron Mom let me wear. “Maybe I should go freshen up.”

  “Good idea.” She poured the pot of potatoes into the colander. “Why don’t you tell Paige to come set the table?”

  “No problem.” I untied the apron and hung it on the hook next to the hallway.

  Suddenly the front door whooshed open, sunlight streaming its rays around a tall silhouette. For a second it almost looked like James, or could it be Bryan? My heart stuttered at each possibility.

  Instead, Jake’s frame filled the doorway, that obnoxiously cocky smile spread across his face. My heart sank as I steeled my fingers into fists at my side.

  “Who invited you?” It could only be one person. I turned to my mother, the traitor. “How could you? After the accident, after I told you how I felt?”

  “Honey.” She rushed to my side, clasping my hand in hers. “It’s not what you think. He just wants to apologize for what he did. As your mother, I think you deserve that as part of your fresh start. It’ll help you move forward.”

  Fire practically flared from my nostrils. “If you want to listen to his pathetic excuse for an apology, do it on your own time. As for me, I never want to see that jerk again.” I sprinted down the hall to my room and slammed the door.

  Anger crackled through me with nervous energy until I couldn’t sit still for a second. I fished out my cell phone out and sent the horrible truth to Shanda. Mom invited Jake to Thanksgiving dinner. What a sick joke. I have to get out of here NOW.

  On a whim, I added Bryan to the message before I sent it. Minutes later, my phone still lay silent. Of course, they had happy Thanksgiving plans. I curled and uncurled my fingers, electric fury zapping up and down my whole body. I couldn’t take it any more.

  I rushed to my closet, throwing in anything that could fit into my suitcase. Then a firm knock rapped on the door.

  “Can I come in?” Dad’s voice rumbled through the wood.

  “Fine.” I kicked the suitcase into the recesses of my closet.

  He opened the door, his stubbled face full of worry. “I’m sorry, Lucy. I had no idea she’d invited him. I’m sure she just wants you to hear him out, but this probably isn’t the right time or place for that. I’m not here to excuse her actions. So I’ve decided that we’ll do whatever you want. If you want to send him away, I’ll tell him to leave.”

  The fire inside died a little at that broken look on his face, like a wounded St. Bernard. “All I wanted was to have a nice dinner. I’m not sure what to do.”

  His mouth curved up an inch. “You say the word, and he’s gone. No questions asked.”

  I swallowed the lump of dread rising in my throat. “Maybe it’s time to be a big girl and face him. At least you’ll be here. What’s the worst that could happen?” Famous last words.

  “That’s my brave girl.” He wrapped me up in a bear hug and kissed the top of my head. “Now put on something nice. You know how Mom feels about Thanksgiving.”

  “I know.” I rolled my eyes behind his back. “I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

  Dad ruffled my hair and gently closed the door behind him.

  I rushed to my closet, pawing through my clothes. A hideous gold knit sweater from Mom’s favorite old lady store stuck out like a sore thumb. I yanked it over my head, then slapped on a headband and some pearls.

  If she wanted nice, I could play nice. I didn’t even recognize myself in the mirror. Perfect. I cleaned up like a fresh-faced version of Mom’s forty-something sweater-set friends.

  * * *

  With a flourish I flounced down the hall, smoothing down my stick-straight hair and adjusting my pearls. An evil idea crossed my mind that I should spritz on some of grandma’s perfume, but I swatted the annoying thought away like a true debutante. I breezed into the dining room, plastering a smile all over face.

  “Dinner almost ready, Mommy, dearest?” The added Donna Reed sweetness did the trick.

  Mom dropped the spoon in the gravy with a splash.

  “You look lovely, as always, Lucy.” Jake’s tone was almost as fake as mine.

  “Thank you, Jacob.” I chirp
ed at him, but I didn’t even give him a second glance. Instead I pranced into the kitchen and pulled out the potato masher. “With or without lumps, Mother?”

  “Whatever you want, sweetheart.” Mom’s smile faded as she watched me mash and mash the spuds with a pounding intensity. “That’s enough, darling.”

  “All ready to serve then, I think.” I ground my molars together as if I could crush her misguided plans with sheer will. “Shall we eat?”

  “Of course. Good, everyone’s all here.” Mom dumped the potatoes into a crystal bowl, scurrying to the dining room table as if she could escape the Donna Reed me.

  Right on her heels, I slid into the chair between Paige and Grandma, leaving Grandpa segregated on the same side as Jake.

  “How perfect is this?” Even the gender bias played into my hands. Yes, the 1950s were still alive and well-preserved in the McAllen household.

  “Shall I say grace?” Dad coughed, hiding any semblance of a smile behind folded hands. “Dear Lord, we thank you for the wonderful gifts you have given us. Please help us to always be thankful for your blessings, and to remember you in all we do.”

  “Amen,” I said, louder than the rest of my family. “Please pass the potatoes, Grandma.”

  She nodded her sage nod at me. “You’re very chipper today, Lucy. That boarding school must be doing wonders for you.”

  “I’ll say. It’s the best place I’ve been in years.” I nodded back, thumping a pile of mashed potatoes onto the gold-trimmed china.

  Mom cringed at the end of the table but just spooned more stuffing on her plate.

  Jake cleared his throat, his beady little eyes swinging around the table. “I’m sure you are all wondering what I’m doing here.”

  “I for one couldn’t care less what you have to say.” Paige’s angry words silenced the rest of the table. She just shrugged. “What? I made the mistake of trusting this guy once already, and he followed Lucy all over New York City. I won’t believe anything he says, ever again.”

  “Thank you, sis.” I squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back.

  “That’s one of the things I wanted to apologize about.” Jake put down his fork. “I should’ve never gone to New York. I just had this intense desire to see you. When I saw you with your new boyfriend I got jealous and just snapped. I’m sorry I did that. I guess I understand now why you ran into a tree.”

  “What?” I slammed my fists against the table. The silver and china clinked with a satisfying shudder. “Running into that tree was an accident. I didn’t stalk you across five states.”

  “So it’s true then?” His spaniel brown eyes laid into me, as if that begging-pup act still worked. “You really do have a new boyfriend?”

  I narrowed my eyes into a laser beam aimed straight at Mom, the heat sizzling from my hands to my face. “How could you tell him that? It’s none of his business.”

  Her face crumpled. “I just wanted him to know you’d moved on, that you’re over him.”

  “Of course I’m over him, whether or not I have a boyfriend.” If this were a cartoon, steam would hiss from my ears. “Why are you talking to him in the first place, inviting him to dinner? It doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Child, calm down. Here, have some of your favorite dish.” Grandma patted my hand and stuck a spoon between my fingers.

  “You’re right.” I couldn’t stand that she and Grandpa were here, watching me totally lose it. I shoveled in spoonfuls of green bean casserole.

  “Does that mean you don’t have a boyfriend?” His eyes bored into my forehead until I couldn’t glare at him any more. “Do you think you could ever forgive me, or even think about taking me back? Because I still love you, Luce. I’d do anything to get you back.”

  I just glanced at Mom and shook my head. “Do you get it now?”

  She bobbed her head, as if that were enough of an apology.

  “I think you better leave, son.” Dad rose from his chair, thumping a hand on Jake’s shoulder. My heart soared right into outer space as he herded Jake to the door. My hero.

  “Goodbye, Lucy.” Jake’s body slumped in the doorway. “I hope you have a good Thanksgiving.”

  I didn’t move. I just watched him leave. “Thanks, Dad, Grandma, Sis.” I nodded at them.

  For the next ten minutes we ate silently until I finished my plate. “Great food, Mom. May I be excused?”

  “Yes.” She whispered the word, as if she couldn’t afford to waste any more air.

  I trudged down the hall to my room and stared at my cell phone. Two messages, one from Shanda that read, Bummer holiday drama. Wish you could come back early and stay with me, but Dad’s drumming up some Caribbean biznez.

  The other message was from Bryan. That’s messed up. If you need me, I’ll drive to Indiana and pick you up in 9 hours. Just say the word.

  At least that was something to cartwheel about. I read the message again, slowly savoring each word. That text was a lifeline, buoying me up and out of the nightmare I was stuck in.

  I texted him back. That’s sweet, but I’ll stick it out. As long as you’re still picking me up at the airport Sunday.

  Two seconds later my phone buzzed. I’m there.

  My toes tingled. I clutched the phone to my heart and rolled over on my bed, staring at those two words until I drifted off to sleep.

  * * *

  Sunday, the blessed day was finally here. Bryan would be at LaGuardia to pick me up, hold my hand, maybe even kiss me or some other silly nonsense.

  I dragged my suitcase off the walkway, heading for the pickup zone. At the front door, my face reflected back at me off the glass, almost like a ghost. I smoothed down my hair and suddenly Bryan’s frame filled the window. A heart-melting sight. The translucent picture of us together looked too good to be true.

  Against the deepening navy sky, his face lit up like the golden butterflies. They buzzed in the pit of my stomach as he opened the car door and took my hand. It slid into his perfectly, like a dream.

  “You look great.” His eyes roamed my face. How I had missed this.

  My knees went wobbly, those baby-blues clouding up my brain, until the one question I’d avoided for weeks barreled its way back. Why can’t we be together?

  “I’m sorry you had a bad Thanksgiving.” His soft tone evaporated my feeble attempt to formulate words. “About the lab, I don’t know what I was thinking. I just want to find a way to stop Nexis, so they can’t hurt you any more. You mean so much to me.”

  Rough fingers brushed my cheeks.

  At those words, my insides leapt. All I had ever wanted was someone to protect me, especially as my family crumbled around me. Yet, something held me back, like a checkpoint in my spirit. And I knew it wasn’t the right time, for me or for him. Just knowing I meant something to him—more than “like,” more than friends—it was enough for now. It had to be.

  “Thank you for that. I’m sorry I gave you the silent treatment for so long.”

  “Good, we’ve got that settled.” The way his face lit up, how his lips curved and his eyes sparkled—with one look, he said it all. “Let’s get going.”

  He dropped my hand and lugged my suitcase to his trunk, my cheeks tingling with cold.

  I slid into the Corolla, winking at Betty Boop. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere this time.”

  “That’s what she likes to hear.” He hopped in, turned the key, and the engine sputtered to life. “Should I even ask about what happened?”

  “It was horrible.” I shrugged, secretly wishing he’d wrap his arms around me and tell me everything would be okay. In my dreams. “My dad was sweet as ever, I even made up with my sister. But my mom is just getting out of control.”

  “Do you think it’s got something to do with Nexis?” The brakes squealed as he screeched to a stop at the light.

  “I don’t know, maybe. I just don’t know why she had to bring Jake into it.” I dared to peek over at him. That furrowed eyebrow thing, a faint trace of stubble, a wh
iff of his soap, and I was a goner. But I couldn’t fall apart now. I had to pull myself together, focus on the task at hand, otherwise he’d figure me out for sure. “I always assumed Dad was the one pushing Nexis on me. But that’s not true. He told me he doesn’t care about any of it. So it has to be all her.”

  “What does she want to do, force you to join Nexis?” Cars whizzed past his puttering Toyota, but he didn’t even notice.

  “She tried that already, and it only made me want to rebel more. Now it seems like it’s about punishing me for not joining.” All my muscles tensed, even my throat clogged up. “She even threatened to yank me out of Montrose.”

  “Honey.” He reached across the gearshift and grabbed my hand. “Don’t worry about that until—if—it happens. We’ll get you a scholarship, or appeal to your Dad. I won’t let you go back to your old school. Not with that deranged ex of yours running around.” His rough fingers danced across my forehand, shooting firefly tingles up my arm.

  “Thanks. I hope it doesn’t come to that. It’s just that Mom and I both have tempers, we’re both stubborn, and we both hate apologizing.”

  “Tell me about it.” He lifted his hand, leaving mine cold. “Sorry, wrong thing to say. My mom would tell me I’m being passive-aggressive. How’s that for honesty?”

  “Better, I guess.” I forced a smile at him, but his hand didn’t return. “I guess I’ll just try to get through the next month.”

  “Speaking of the next month, I have something to run by you.” He veered toward the Riverdale exit. “Since you gave me the silent treatment the last few weeks, Nexis has left us alone. Maybe we should make a pact, you know, to cool it for awhile.”

  His cold tone blasted shivers down my arms, banishing the fireflies. I rubbed my arms, but the numbness crept in. “You mean like some kind of distance pact? As in stay away from each other in public or something?”

  “I mean no contact, at least until I figure out what their next move is.” His jawline hardened as he pulled into the parking lot.