Cream-Pied (DTF (Dirty. Tough. Female.) Book 2)

by Kat Addams

  “Okay. Thanks, Weston. And I’ll see you for this serious conversation you’re wanting to have soon. Whatever that is all about.”

  Is he going to offer me a job?

  Does he want to date me?

  Does he want to pay me for something else?

  Does he want to just be friends and not talk anymore and this is his good-bye?

  Does he need an opinion on trimming Dan back?

  It’s probably Dan. That would be just like him.

  Damn it, Weston Banks. This isn’t me at all. It’s that damn uncut cock!

  “Nothing you’d expect. Trust me. But no worries. I’ll see you soon. Get you something nice with that cash too. Don’t put it all on a bill. You deserve the best of the best, ex–fake fiancée.” He laughed.

  “Thanks, ex–fake husband. See you soon.”

  I hung up the phone and slid it into my back pocket before opening the door to the crafts room. The girls scattered back into their seats.

  “Ms. Vinco is a freak! Talking ’bout those jerking-off fantasies!” Rachel laughed.

  “I knew it! I knew it!” Trish rocked back and forth in her seat, her gigantic belly jiggling with every laugh.

  “Well, you all wanted real talk. Welcome to the real world. Life is full of mess and pleasure. Now, get back to your beads because I need to head out.” I gathered my things to go.

  “Ms. Vinco, just so you know, you’re smiling. Whoever you were talking to done made you do a one-eighty. You have some big, goofy grin on your face like you were the one who just did the jerking off.” Trish slipped her bracelet on her wrist and snapped it back.

  I reached up, touching my lips as if I needed to confirm with my hand that I was wearing a smile.

  “It’s a messy life, kids. The truth is, I still haven’t figured it out, and you won’t either. The best thing you can do is say a prayer and keep going. Never stop. You’ll get to where you need to go eventually.” I twisted the ring around on my finger and wished I’d had a mother who had told me those words when I was their age.

  TWELVE

  Weston

  Ma slammed the door of the P-wagon shut. “This doesn’t look like a strip club. Where are all the neon signs? Why isn’t the building painted pink or purple or something? This place just looks like a post office.”

  “Ma! Stop! I’m having a hard enough time, dragging you in here. It’s just weird!” I groaned.

  “Son, you’ve gotta go get the girl. Sometimes, we have to do things we don’t want to do. Like bring your parents to a titty bar. Ain’t that right, Westy?” Ma laughed.

  “Ma! Don’t say that word! Gross! I don’t know if I can do this. Can we please go back to the Ma who makes cow patties and doesn’t swear?” I stopped outside the door of The Steamy Clam.

  “When did I swear? And there’s a new pile of cow patties on the counter at home! I’m still the same Ma. Just because I had a life before you doesn’t mean I’m not the same mom. Now, you just really know more about me as Jean. Don’t get your panties in a wad over it. Grow a pair, and let’s go,” she said, pulling me into the club.

  “Better listen to her. If anyone knows how to drop it like it’s hot, it’s this piece right here,” Dad said, slapping Ma’s ass.

  I bit my tongue, still unsure of this new woman who was my ma but not my ma. I was as confused as ever, but my dad had a new pep in his step. He didn’t seem to be affected at all by this sudden change in his wife. I watched them as they giggled like teenagers, hobbling toward the entrance.

  This must be what it means when people say you have to rekindle a marriage. Just remind them who they were before life happened, I mused, proud of myself for thinking of something Nikki would probably say. I filed that in the back of my mind, eager to share with her how woke I was becoming.

  I nodded, giving myself a mental high five, and shuffled my feet through the door.

  “Your usual table, Mr. Banks?” The hostess raised her eyebrows and darted her eyes back and forth between Ma and me.

  “Yes, thanks.” My face flushed hot, but luckily, the club was too damn dark to see anything. I jerked my head to the side, motioning for my parents to follow her.

  “Just how many times have you come here? I guess you are your father’s son. He showed up at every one of my shows. Stuffed me full of money. I hope you pay Nikki well when she gets up there!” Ma patted my dad on the butt.

  “I sure did. Tipped her well. No one could dance like your ma. She could put her back into it.” Dad nodded.

  I cringed. “I never really paid her. I just watched from the back.”

  “Weston Banks! I raised a gentleman! What’s wrong with you?” Ma said as we all settled into the dark corner table.

  “I don’t know. I guess I was too shy. She’s out of my league.”

  “Don’t ever say that. My son isn’t out of anyone’s league. You are a catch, and don’t you forget it! Nikki is amazing, and so are you. That’s why you’re going to get her back and wife her up and have them grandbabies of mine.”

  “She doesn’t want kids!” I gritted my teeth.

  “I know; I know. I’ll never stop suggesting though.”

  An older waitress came by to take our order.

  “Whiskey. Straight. Thanks,” I said, wringing my hands under the table before wiping the sweat off of my palms on my blue jeans.

  “Sweet tea for us.” Ma smiled at the older woman.

  “Jean? As in Dragon Lady Jean?” the waitress asked, squinting her eyes.

  “Oh, well, I haven’t heard that in a long time. Do I know you?” Ma sat upright and peered over her shoulder before returning the gaze of the waitress.

  “Peggy. Peggy Pony. We danced together ages ago.” The waitress looked at me and winked.

  “Oh. My. Lord! Peggy!” Ma said, hopping up and throwing her arms around Peggy.

  “I knew it was you! You are still as striking as ever! What brings you here? Westy want to invest in the club? Lord knows, we need it. Our owners are letting this place die out. Girls are quitting left and right. Management is the pits.” Peggy shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head toward a corner table full of men in cheap suits.

  “I had no idea! That is terrible! No, we are here tonight to support our future daughter-in-law, Nikki.”

  “She’s not your future daughter-in-law, Ma,” I said.

  “No, not yet she isn’t. But my sweet son here is going to marry her one day. I just know it.” Ma shook her head, silencing me.

  “Are we talking about Nikki as in Crystal Cream Pie?” Peggy asked, shifting her feet.

  She looked old enough to be retired, but instead, she was carrying around a heavy waitressing tray and running back and forth on her feet all night. I’d seen her working here before plenty of times. She was my favorite waitress. I’d never known she’d danced with my mother. A shiver ran up my spine, settling into my chattering teeth.

  “Yes, Crystal Cream Pie,” I said through a clenched jaw.

  My dad sat next to me, slapping his knee and laughing. “Wow, just wow. Cream Pie! Kids these days!”

  “She’s a spitfire, that one. Better watch out. She’ll cream your piehole if you get on her bad side. Runs around with the local girl gang, DTF. Amazing group of ladies. Reminds me of us back in our day, Jean. The good old days.” Peggy sighed and shook her head. “I’ll be right back with your drink order. I think Nikki comes on next.”

  “Dragon Lady?” I asked as soon as Peggy left the table. “I don’t even want to know. I can’t believe I’m doing this.” I tapped my foot to the rhythm of the woman gyrating onstage as the thought of those big dragon dildos I’d found as a child while meddling in my mother’s closet came back into memory. I held back from gagging.

  “Would have rather been called something not so mean-sounding, but I had this skit, and it stuck. Do they still do that—skits?” Ma leaned her elbows on the table and watched every move the stripper onstage made.

  Dad was entranced as well.


  “Watch and see,” I said, nodding toward Nikki, who stood at the side of the stage with a cart full of cream pies.

  “Oh, we are watching, all right!” My dad leaned forward, clasping his hands together.

  Nikki peered around the corner, looking directly at us, her eyes full with a look I’d never seen on her before. Nikki, the badass, was scared.

  “Maybe we should have told her we were coming to support her. The poor thing looks like she is about to faint. Here, give me some money, Westy! I’ll let her know it’s okay.” Ma held out her hand while my dad stuffed it full of twenties.

  “Here, we’ll split it. Let’s go down to the stage. You can’t let her perform like that. I don’t think she’s going to make it onstage. Come on.” Ma tugged my dad out of his seat and toward the stage.

  I followed slowly behind.

  The announcer came over the loudspeaker and announced Crystal Cream Pie twice before Nikki snapped out of her trance and pushed her cart to the center of the stage. The audience cheered as my parents and I elbowed our way to the front. Several men stood on the side of the stage, licking their lips and catcalling her. I clenched my money in my fist and put on my game face. I was here to win over this amazing stripper, and I had my parents and my money to back me up. Nikki would be mine again, except for real this time. I hoped.

  Nikki looked back and forth from me to my mother to my dad and then back to me.

  “Hey there, sexy lady! Show us what ya got!” Ma called, waving a fistful of cash in the air.

  Nikki looked to me for an answer, but I only waved my cash in the air, too, and cringed. I had no idea what to say to her. There was no explanation for this awkwardness. All I could do was encourage her to do her own thing. The lights lowered, and the music began. Nikki puffed up her chest, shot me her bedroom eyes, and went to work.

  “Good heavens!” my dad said, clutching his chest as Nikki began to strip off her bra.

  Gold-glittered pasties covered her nipples, reflecting light off of her chest. She sparkled like a disco ball.

  Nikki sauntered over to her pie cart and dipped her finger in the cream before slowly sucking it off. She dipped her finger in it again and grinned, tracing the whipped cream around her chest before taking two whole pies and slamming them into her breasts. The whipped cream dripped down her body, making a mess all around her. She dropped to the floor and slid around in it before walking on her knees over toward a group of men. She pulled one by the back of the hair and shoved his face between her tits, shaking them.

  Ma nudged me into the stage. “Get your ass up there, boy, and show her the money! That should be Dan covered in her cream pie!”

  I wasn’t sure if I was jealous, turned on, embarrassed, or just downright confused. If I could roll myself up into an emotional burrito, that would be my filling—a mixture of what the fuck.

  Nikki laughed as my ma pointed to me.

  “Here! Here!” she shouted.

  Nikki grabbed another pie—a fresh one, just for me—and rubbed it all over her chest and stomach. I noticed her take a deep breath before she made her way to the front of the three of us. I couldn’t even look at my parents in the eyes, but I did see my dad’s palm out of the corner of my eye. He held his money out and pushed it off with his other hand. My dad was making it rain on my ex–fake fiancée.

  “For goodness’ sake,” I cried right as Nikki knelt and shoved my face between her boobs.

  My dick twitched in my pants.

  Oh no. I’ve got to get out of here. This is the weirdest shit ever. Am I horny? Am I humiliated? Am I dying? I nodded my head to myself on all three accounts.

  Nikki leaned over and twitched my ma’s nose, making her life. Ma took her twenties and reached over, securely putting them into Nikki’s thong and softly patting her butt as if saying, There, there.

  Nikki shook her head and mouthed, Thank you, before returning to the pole and finishing her dance.

  She gyrated around the stage in her best performance I’d ever seen. Before her gig was up, the stage was littered with money, and probably half of it was mine.

  My dad whistled loud as the music came to a stop. “Son,” he said, turning toward me, “that right there is your ma forty years ago. Marry her. She’ll make you the happiest man alive.”

  I nodded, knowing he was right. My life had been turned upside down these past few weeks, but being with Nikki was the only thing that had truly felt right and made sense. We walked back to the table where I dabbed at Dan with a napkin. Ma snatched it out of my hand, wetting it with her spit before smudging it on my face.

  “Ma! Gross. Come on now. I got it!” I snatched the napkin back, sitting down into my chair and cleaning myself off.

  “So, this is the most awkward family reunion I’ve ever experienced. Anyone care to tell me what’s going on here?” Nikki wore a towel wrapped around her, but she was still covered in cream.

  “You were amazing up there!” Ma said, throwing her arms around Nikki. “You know, back in my day, I could make that little move you did there at the end too! When your butt pops up and you do that grind thing! Can’t do it now, course, as my hips are bad, but, ah, those were the good old days.”

  Nikki’s eyes grew wide. “I’m sorry, what?” she said, leaning down to hear better over the music that had started back up.

  “My mom was a stripper. She met my dad at a strip club. She’s finally feeling like her sons are old enough to where she can stop playing mom and be herself. Lucky me. Yay!” I groaned, closing my eyes and trying to make myself disappear.

  “Wait a minute. Ma? Were you a stripper? But …” Nikki pulled up a chair and motioned for us all to sit.

  “Dragon Lady is what they used to call me.” Ma pressed her lips together and nodded. “And no, I didn’t do it for money. I did it because I liked it. But when businesses picked up, unfortunately, people didn’t like to mix this lifestyle with that one. So, I had to put that part of myself away and focus on career and family. I know it’s still like that now, but imagine forty years ago! I lost some good friends when they found out who I was. Thankfully, my parents never knew, but I wished I’d had the type who would support me in my choices. I didn’t. So, now, I’m here, supporting my future daughter-in-law. To hell with what people think. Don’t put yourself away as I did. You’ll only gain resentment.”

  Nikki’s eyes glistened. “This is most definitely not what I expected tonight. I did a terrible thing. I lied to you about who I was. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for what I did.”

  Nikki looked at me, but I quickly shook my head, hoping she understood that I didn’t tell them the full story of how we were fake engaged.

  “Yes, I’m sorry, too, that we kept her profession a secret from you two. And we made her out to be something she was not,” I said, staring at Nikki in hopes that she would understand I was covering for our bigger lie that didn’t need to come out.

  We’d both learned our lesson on that, so there was no sense in hurting my parents even more.

  “I should have been forthcoming with my work. And I shouldn’t have told you guys I wanted to be some ’50s-style homemaker with a bunch of babies. My kids are at the cottage, where I volunteer, and I am perfectly happy with them. I can’t stay home and bake cookies and shit. It’s not who I am.” Nikki shrugged her shoulders.

  “I know it’s not. I wouldn’t want you to be anything you aren’t. That is a long life lesson I learned and the best piece of advice I can give you. Be yourself. Now, on the topic of kids, maybe, one day, you’ll change your mind. Maybe not. But you have a good head on your shoulders for my boy here, and nothing is stopping you from becoming one of us. Everything is all right.” Ma smiled and patted Nikki’s hand.

  Nikki’s eyes met mine, but I shook my head, still not wanting to spill those beans.

  “I look forward to rebuilding the relationship we had, Weston.” Nikki scooted her chair closer to mine. “Let’s try this again. The right way,” she whispered. “If that is what
you want.”

  “All I’ve ever wanted is you! This whole time. I don’t care about your job or if you want kids or not. All I care about is you.” I kissed the tip of her nose.

  “Thank you all for the support. I’m going to get cleaned up. I’ll be back out in a bit. Maybe you can tell me more about this Dragon Lady persona. I’d love to hear all about her,” Nikki said, rising from the table.

  “She’s a fierce one. Just like you, darlin’,” Ma called out as Nikki laughed and disappeared back behind the stage.

  I had stayed up all night, at a strip club, with my parents and the woman I wanted to not-fake marry, but real marry one day. My mom had told Nikki everything about her past life. I’d never seen her open up like this before, and after watching her light up and talk about the person—or stripper—she used to be, I wasn’t uncomfortable anymore. I had gained a newfound respect for my mother.

  It wasn’t that my childhood had been one big, terrible lie. I realized what my mom had given up to raise my brother and me in the wholesome family lifestyle she created. Not that she didn’t like to play that role. She made sure I knew that. She told us she loved every bit of motherhood and still did. But she had lost a part of herself during it all. She had said the sweet but ballsy Crystal Cream Pie had walked into her life and reminded her that she was Jean—Dragon Lady Jean.

  She hadn’t known why she was so irritable lately. She said she had been exhausted, burned out, annoyed, and even a bit depressed at this stage in life. She had chalked it up to menopause, not the resentment she carried for putting herself away. After her outburst in the kitchen that day of the party, she realized she was tired of playing hostess and staying in the shadows when she had once been in the spotlight. She missed it. Admitting who she had once been and relaxing a bit back into her role as Jean had been a sigh of relief.

  “Here’s some dad wisdom for you, Weston. Always support your wife, no matter what. Pay attention to her. I guess I didn’t realize all your ma had suppressed. And I’m sorry about that, Jean. I was too selfish, I guess,” my dad said, slumping in his seat. “I was so busy with Westworld that I forgot just how feisty and fun you were. Now that the girl I married is back, I’ll never let that part of you burn out again! I’m having way too much hot sex for that!”