by A. J. Downey
I wondered if I would see them today. They didn’t always do the Christmas stuff with the club anymore. It depended on how close to the surface the emotions were riding. Rush had been right there, alongside Sage, when his twin had taken his own life.
I couldn’t imagine watching someone I loved die like that. I wasn’t there. None of the kids were, thankfully.
“You look thoughtful.” I startled slightly and stopped my sightless staring at the white-swept landscape passing by outside my window. I turned forward and smiled at Uncle Disney who had spoken. He’d thrown an arm around the back of the seat, twisting so he could look at me and Dante.
“Just a lot on my mind,” I said smiling.
“You’re too young for that,” Aaron said, smiling too, with affection.
“Yeah, insert yet another comment about her being some kind of an old soul,” Dante muttered, rolling his eyes.
I felt my smile leave and frowned but didn’t say anything. Dante was having a rough day, after all. I didn’t have to worry about it, because Disney stepped in.
“Just because you’re having a shitty day, doesn’t mean you should take it out on your sister, bro.”
“In case you hadn’t noticed,” Aaron added, “she’s been going pretty easy on you all things considered.”
Dante scowled, likely feeling like the whole world was against him, turning back to the window to glare outside it.
I shot a look of gratitude to my uncles and the rest of the ride was talk between my mom, dad, Disney and Aaron. None of the subjects I found particularly interesting, so I kept silent rather than chiming in.
I wished I could read, but that was a recipe for disaster. I didn’t want to get car sick.
It was a relief getting to the tree farm, the club taking up the vast majority of the parking lot. I took in a great, cleansing breath of the cold, winter air as soon as I got out of my dad’s truck and I sighed out, happy.
“Alright! Listen up!” Dray called out, and we all gathered around.
“Club trees first! Then you all can split off and find your own! We’ll draw lots among the kids sixteen and younger on who gets to pick the club trees, so kids – get over here.”
Dray held out match sticks. Whoever drew the burned one got to choose. We’d done it this way every year since us kids were old enough to choose. This year, it looked like it was down to Eldritch and Miracle.
“Nah, I’m good. Let Miracle pick,” he said grinning.
“Really?” Miracle literally jumped for joy when Eldritch nodded and she went over and grabbed his hand.
“Come with me! Come with me!” she cried. Laughing, he let her tow him in among the trees while all of us awe’d at them.
A gloved hand slipped into mine and I looked up into Sage’s liquid brown eyes.
“Hi,” I said softly.
“Hey,” he murmured. “Help me find an ugly tree for my club room this year?” he asked.
“What, like a Charlie Brown tree?” I asked, smiling ruefully.
“Yeah,” he said somberly and dipped his head in a nod.
“I’d love to, you know, as soon as the club trees are acquired and I help my family find ours. Come with me for those?” I asked, shaking his hand a little in mine. He gave me a nod, his expression so very serious and I felt my whole face light up.
This was big. Him not hiding me…
Really big.
11
Eden…
I felt Sage steel himself a little when he and I walked up to my mom and dad, and a little way away but still inside the family bubble – Dante. I was kind of surprised when he didn’t get a dark look or a what the fuck from my dad at our joined hands.
“What’s up?” my mom asked and I practically beamed.
“Smoke wants me to help him pick a Charlie Brown tree for his club room when we’re done picking ours.”
“Oh, yeah?” My dad nodded and said, “Good deal.”
“This one! This one!” Miracle’s little voice called out and Dray moved off with Everett and Stephen through the snow, Trigger and Reaver following them like shadows. Reaver, of course, holding onto the sharp things ready to get to cutting.
We all moved as one, the rest of us, ringing the tree as Reaver got down in the snow and started sawing through the base. She’d picked a good one, tall and strong, branches full with no bald spots.
“Nice.” My dad nodded, looking over the tree with approval.
“Very nice,” my mom agreed.
“I got it.” Disney and Noah stepped in to hold the tree up as it came off its base.
“Gonna make a nice walking stick next year, huh, Uncle Rush?” Chandler asked and Rush nodded. I was so happy to see him here, Bailey hugging his arm.
“Sure is, buddy.”
Archer put his hand on his son’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze, his other hand in Melody’s.
“Those sticks of yours are lookin’ better and better each time,” he praised Chandler.
“Was thinking about taking ‘em to one of the Renaissance fairs in the summer,” Rush said. “Start selling ‘em.” I smiled at Chandler’s enthusiastic nod. He’d picked up Rush’s love of woodworking when he hit twelve or thirteen and had stuck with it, only adding a new twist.
He’d also gotten a love of crystals and geology and had been learning at Mali’s knee. A proud pagan, Chandler was definitely finding his own way and had been encouraged to break the mold every step of the way.
Miracle flitted off among the trees to find a good one for the media room. The media room’s tree was for the kids to decorate, the main club room was for the old ladies and now, some of us older teens while the men hung Christmas lights on the outside of the club, turning things into a winter wonderland in the compound.
We found a second club tree, were given the go-ahead to find our family trees and moved off through the snow for Mom to choose ours. She always got to pick at Dad’s insistence and she loved it so much. Of course, she always asked mine and Dante’s opinion.
“What do you think of this one?” she asked.
“I like it,” I said.
“It’s whatever,” Dante said moodily, which earned a scathing look from our dad, but it was my dad to actually kind of shoot it down.
“It’s beautiful, babe, but it’s also too tall. We need a seven-footer and this is like nine.”
“Aw.” She pouted slightly and said, “Okay, lead the way.” My dad took her hand and took her over closer to the trees of the right height.
I made to follow, but Sage hung back, tugging on my hand. I turned around, and he reeled me in closer, putting his arms around me, expression unreadable.
“What is it?” I asked softly. “What’s wrong?”
He gave me a crooked smile that made my panties turn to smoke and said, “I haven’t gotten my kiss today. That’s what’s wrong.”
He lowered his mouth to mine and stole a kiss. I kissed him back, eyes drifting shut, body pressed to his, the layers of our clothes feeling like they were keeping us too far apart. He drew back and caressed my cheek and smiled, the edge of sadness to it dissipating the more he looked at me.
“I don’t know what I’m doing here, Eedee. I don’t. What I do know, is that when I touch you like this, when I kiss you, I feel better. I can’t decide if that’s fair to you or not—”
“It’s fair,” I said cutting him off and fixing him with a grave look. “It’s more than fair. I get it, I really do. I don’t know what this is, but I’ll take it for what it is,” I said gently.
He put his arms around me and held me close, pressing a kiss to the top of my hair and holding onto me like a man being swept away, grabbing onto the only solid object to anchor him and I vowed that no matter what, I would be that for him. I would be the type of strong he required. I opened my eyes to see Harmony slip between trees, smiling at me. I smiled back and knew without a doubt, that even though she and Dante felt like Smoke had narced them out, that she would keep Smoke’s secret. Except I didn
’t think Smoke was trying to keep us a secret at all… not when he took me by the hand and led me into the rows of trees after my parents. Not when he stood by with me, pulling me back against his chest, hands on my waist as my mother deliberated and discussed – always looking for the perfect tree.
It was perfect, all of it, the whole day. To me anyway.
Perfect beyond words.
12
Sage…
“I got it.” I got down on my belly in the snow and helped Rev with the tree. He gave me a strange sort of look and I met his eyes and gave him a nod, trying to communicate without words that I was here for it. For Eden. He didn’t say anything. I mean, as close and intimate as it was down here under the tree with its fragrant needles, it wasn’t soundproof and Eedee, Red, and Dante were all right there.
“Thanks.” Rev grunted, and called out, “Dante, grab it!” as he sawed through the last bit and the tree leaned. It was caught and Rev and I crawled out from under it.
“You get the heavy end,” he told me. “Let’s get it to the register and you can go with Eedee to get your Charlie Brown tree.”
I nodded and Eden and her mom fell into step behind us. Rev took the front; Dante took the center, and I had a hand wrapped around the butt of the tree as we tramped through the snow, up the aisle toward the registers and the like. Eden appeared at my hip as soon as the tree was down, waiting to be put through the machine to bind its branches and Rev turned to us.
“See you two back at the truck.”
“Thanks, Dad,” she murmured.
“Don’t take too long, eh?”
“We won’t,” I promised.
I took her hand and led her off in the direction of the farm that held the spindly and pathetic trees.
She didn’t speak, and neither did I. For the first time, I was nervous in her presence and I stopped by a tree about four and a half feet tall with maybe three branches.
“This one?” she asked, laughing.
“I was hoping you would choose.”
She laughed and cocked her head, eyeing me curiously.
“Okay, um…” She led me further into all the trees and I stopped, swearing.
“I forgot a saw,” I said.
“I got you,” Slice said coming over with one. “What’re you doing?”
“A tree, for my club room.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“You good Eedee?” he asked, and she smiled, nodding happily as I took the saw from him. “Okay, I’ll leave you to it. Catch you back at the truck.”
“If it’s cool with Rev, I wouldn’t mind riding back with them.”
“Sure, man. I’ll check for you. If we aren’t at the parking lot, you know your answer.”
“Good deal.”
Slice winked one of his bright blue eyes at Eedee behind me and turned and fucked off, leaving me alone with her once more. I turned around, and she sighed, looking me over with fondness, holding out her hands to me which I took.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked me.
“Talk about what?” I asked.
“Your nightmare last night?” I shook my head.
“No, not really,” I said defensively.
“Okay,” she murmured softly. “What would you like to talk about?”
“I want to know what you want for Christmas,” I said, figuring that was a safe topic.
She smiled and bowed her head for a moment and said, “I am terrible to buy gifts for. I never know what I want.”
“What do you like?” I asked.
“Um, I love to read. I like tea, and there’s honestly nothing better than curling up by the window with a hot cup of tea and a new book while the snow falls outside…” She paused and smiled and asked me, “What about you? What do you like?”
I grinned kind of ruefully and thought to myself sex, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud or pressure her in any way. That wasn’t what this was… at least, I didn’t think so. If anything, I was still trying to warm up to the idea of Eedee and me naked at some point. I mean, I’d watched her grow up, sort of, and I had some mixed feelings about it all.
“I like to ride,” I said, which was true. I think that was true of all of us, though. “I like to fix things. I mean, it’s what I do.” Which was true – I worked with a local contractor doing remodel jobs for the predator class around these parts. Read rich people.
“Okay,” she said slowly. “What else?”
“Big into movies more than books, like to hunt and fish. I also like to grow things.”
“What like a garden?”
“Yeah, is that weird?” I asked. She smiled at me and shook her head.
“It’s not weird at all, you like what you like. What do you like to grow?” she asked, stopping at another tree that was just as pathetic as the last one.
“Oh, now that’s pitiful,” I declared, looking it over.
“Yeah, it’s really bad,” she agreed, laughing.
“It’s coming home with me,” I declared and got down on the ground to saw it. “And to answer your question, I like to grow both flowers and food. I want to learn how to preserve it, you know?”
“I know how,” she said. “My mom and I can things every year.”
“Yeah?” I asked as she grabbed the sad little bent tree between its three or four branches near the top to stabilize it.
“Yeah, pickles and jams, mostly. Fresh salsa. Some tomato sauce for spaghetti… my grandma had a huge garden. We used to help her every summer.”
“Need a big kitchen,” I said.
“Not too big, surprisingly. I mean, counter space can be augmented to a degree. We did most of it at her dining room table. I have some books.”
I laughed. “Heh, I’d probably have better luck looking up videos on YouTube.”
I glanced up, and she smiled down at me amused.
“Got it?” I asked.
“Got it,” she assured me and I got to my feet, dusting myself off.
I took the tree and handed her the saw so I would have at least one hand free for one of her’s.
That little damn tree cost me sixty damn bucks.
When we got to the parking lot, Reave, Slice, and Hayden were gone, and Rev looked over his shoulder at us as he finished tying down a second tree to the roof of his Expedition.
“That’s what you got?” he asked, and I nodded.
He shook his head and said, “Well, get it up here,” and that was that. I held Eedee’s hand the entire ride back to the club, staring with her out the window.
13
Eden…
I ended up with Mom and Auntie Everett in the main club room, decorating the grown-up’s tree. Several of the guys brought in boxes of decorations from out in the storage bay of the garage, and Sunshine and Doll were ready to receive them. I was busily directing Archer and Dray to get the tree straight along with Aunt Evy, when Sage slipped up to my elbow and put a mug of hot chocolate into my chilly hands.
“Going out back to help,” he said, lips pressed to my temple above my ear as I blushed wildly as Aunt Evy and my mom stared. My mom had a proud smile on her face, something that was mixed with relief while Evy just looked dumbfounded.
“When did that happen?” she demanded, staring at Sage’s retreating back. I sipped from the mug in my hands and shrugged, feeling like I had high spots of color on my cheeks like an old-fashioned country rag doll – the kind with the bright red yarn for hair.
“All I have to say is it’s about time he figured it out,” my mother said and I almost had hot cocoa come out of my nose.
“Will you quit doin’ the gossip bit up there and tell me if I got this damn thing straight?” Archer demanded darkly.
“A little to the left,” I said, and he made an exasperated noise.
“Your other left,” Evy corrected him and he ground out a sharp, “Goddamnit!” We all tried not to laugh. Archer had the kind of temper he would up and leave us on our own to fix it.
“Looks good,” Mali said from behind me, and I turned. She held up ropes of neatly coiled Christmas lights and said, “These ones work.”
“Yay!” my mom squealed and Melody brought out some more from a box by an outlet and plugged them in.
Hayley stood with her, making a face and swearing as one didn’t light, and Melody passed it to her following it up with the white-sectioned box of replacement bulbs.
“Here you go, Eedee, grab that chair and start at the top.” Everett handed me an end to one of the strands of lights, the one with the female plug so that the star would have something to plug into.
I drank down some more of my cocoa, set it aside, and got up onto the chair and got to work.
We used mostly white lights and a few strands of red in like a two-to-one ratio. The tree out here was always decorated in the club’s colors, the ornament bulbs red, black, and silver with these super neat, red, black, and silver glass motorcycle ornaments we’d found and bought out like the whole town one year.
The guys were outside on the roof clearing snow and hanging lights outside, turning the ominous iron gates surrounding the property into something more child friendly with lights along the top and by hanging large candy canes on the gates.
Music was put on by Data, flooding the club with Jingle Bell Rock as we laughed and decorated. It was an all-day thing. Then, usually, for those of us that stayed, more Twisted Christmas movies. Whoever was left went home the next morning after brunch.
I didn’t plan on staying tonight, but if Sage asked… I mean, Dante could get a ride home with Mom and Dad.
The pit of my stomach dropped out when I thought about Dad and how protective he could be. I mean, shit… poor Dante. I still hadn’t gotten to talk to him or find out how bad it’d been.
“Hey, Mom?” My mother looked up at me.
“Yeah?”
I kneeled down and asked, “Is Dante okay?”
She sighed and nodded tiredly. “Embarrassed,” she said, “but okay. Your father definitely didn’t make matters any better, but once he got some of the finer… details, he eased up.”
