Finding Mother

by Allen, Anne

  She knew before she opened it what she would find. A dazzling diamond and emerald engagement ring. Given to Eve by Philip only weeks before he was killed.

  Advocate Lowe left soon afterwards, in a hurry to get to a session in court. Adrian, who’d been waiting in the kitchen, said that he’d bring them coffee shortly if they’d like to sit outside.

  Hélène, who’d made no comment about the ring, now turned to Nicole asking, ‘Is there something you know that I don’t? I’ve never seen that ring before and I’m certain Mother never wore it. But you didn’t look surprised when you opened the box.’

  Nicole recalled what she’d read in Eve’s diaries.

  1st March 1945“So excited! Philip…meet him in London…next week…on leave. Stay…family’s town house…parents…here…Hall…local…'do'. Oh…hardly contain myself. Be the first time…night together…sure we’ll…do ‘it’. We’ve come so close…he’s always held back…disturbed…no…privacy. Taking…me…dinner… somewhere posh…my green velvet skirt. So happy…not since Lady Helen died…so sad…miss her.”

  10th March 1945“We’re engaged! He proposed…diamond and…emerald…ring…his…grandmother…left…him… jewellery…money…Philip gave it all to me…in case…but he’ll be home soon…all know war…over. We…made love…wonderful! I love him so much…can’t wait…marry.”

  And then…

  21st April 1945 “Telegram…Sir Michael…Philip killed…think I’m pregnant…”

  Nicole felt relieved when Adrian arrived with the coffee. They were all going to need it.

  ‘Yes, I do know something…’

  chapter 41

  Hélène felt numb. Her father was not her father? The man she’d loved and who had loved her so dearly. At least it explained why she didn’t look like him, she thought, reeling from this extra blow. Questions began to surface in her mind.

  ‘So, did my father…I mean Reg, know my mother was pregnant when he married her?’

  ‘Yes, he did. Grandmother continued to write a diary after she returned to Guernsey and she says she told him she was newly widowed, which was almost true, and pregnant. Apparently Reg had always loved Eve and was happy to marry her anyway. They…married quite quickly, before you were born. It was such a common story during the war that no-one would have questioned it. And…um,’ Nicole paused, ‘your mother was very wealthy.’

  ‘Wealthy! But how…’ Hélène nearly choked on her coffee. How could a poor Land Girl end up wealthy?

  ‘It seems that Philip’s grandmother, who died a few months before, left him some money and a set of jewellery, including the engagement ring he gave Grandmother. She wanted him to pass the jewellery to his wife, knowing he planned to propose to Eve, and the money was to help them set up home together. Lady Helen was very fond of Philip and she and Eve had become close.’

  ‘Lady Helen? So that’s why…’ her mind struggled to take in this new side to her mother. She’d lived a life that she, her daughter, had known nothing about. If Philip had lived she would have been a lady, with a grand house and possibly a title. And would never have returned to Guernsey.

  ‘So, how did Mother have the money and jewels? They weren’t married.’

  ‘No, but Philip was about to return to duty and knew he’d be risking his life again. So he gave everything to Eve as he wanted her to have some security if he didn’t return. They…they planned to marry on his next leave but…’

  Hélène nodded. Philip sounded such a lovely man and he must have died not knowing he was to become a father. How sad! She looked up and caught Adrian looking at her so tenderly that a sob escaped from her as he folded her in his arms.

  For a moment she lay still in that safe place, feeling loved and protected. Sorrow for her mother and the love and life she’d so tragically lost filled her heart, washing away the initial hurt that she’d been lied to all her life. It dawned on her that Reg must have colluded in the lie, wanting the world to know that she was his daughter. She knew that her parents had later lost a baby boy and could only imagine what this had meant to Reg.

  Hélène gently pulled back from Adrian and faced Nicole.

  ‘So would I be right in assuming that the money and jewels paid for La Folie?’

  Nicole nodded.

  ‘Yes. Apparently Grandmother sold most of the jewellery in England before she returned in May, after the Liberation. She kept the engagement ring and I think she’d planned to give it to you one day, on your own engagement perhaps, but you surprised her.’ Nicole picked up the box. ‘I think you should have it, it was your grandmother’s.’

  Hélène smiled and pushed it back to Nicole.

  ‘No, Mother left it to you for a reason. It can be your engagement ring; remember Lady Helen was your great-grandmother. And I hope it won’t be long before you wear it.’ She patted her daughter’s hand, happy that her mother had been so generous towards Nicole. After all, she was a descendant of her mother’s beloved Philip. A thought struck her.

  ‘Did my mother find out what happened to the Andrews family?’

  ‘She didn’t keep in touch, not even telling them about her pregnancy. I think she felt they would have disowned her, but we’ll never know. There was a younger brother, Richard, who would have inherited the estate, but he was away fighting in the Far East at the end of the war.’ Nicole shrugged. ‘He may have been killed, Eve didn’t stay to find out. She wanted to get back here, away from the memories.’

  Adrian looked thoughtful.

  ‘So, it’s possible that you and Hélène are the only living descendants.’

  ‘Yes, but not legal heirs! I don’t think we stand to inherit a large country estate, even assuming it hasn’t been converted into flats or something equally horrific.’

  For a moment they sat in silence, thoughts of an alternative past – and future – playing through their minds.

  ‘Would you like to read the diaries for yourself, Hélène? I’d be happy to fetch them.’

  ‘Please. I’d like to learn more about Mother. I feel as if I hardly knew her at all.’ Hélène sighed.

  Nicole returned a few minutes later and, as she was handing the books to Hélène, she dropped one. Picking it up, she realised that it was the last diary with only a few entries at the front and the fall had dislodged a piece of paper stuck in the back. Turning it over she saw it was a photo and she handed it to Hélène.

  ‘I think this may be your…your father. And my…grandfather.’

  Hélène gazed at the picture of a young, handsome man in RAF uniform, with his arm around a young woman, sitting at a table in a club or restaurant. They were raising champagne glasses as if in a toast and smiling broadly at the camera. Clearly visible on the woman’s left hand was a large engagement ring. The same as the one now on the table in front of her. Hélène gasped.

  ‘It’s their engagement photo! Oh, they look so happy. And Philip…my father looks lovely.’ She passed it to Nicole.

  ‘I hadn’t seen this in the back. Mm, isn’t he a dish? I can see why Grandmother fell for him. And she’s very pretty, they make such a great couple.’ She looked up at Hélène, adding ‘I can see who you take after now. The shape of the eyes, the head…’

  Adrian peered over their shoulders.

  ‘Yep. It’s something you both share. Pity we can’t see the colour of his eyes.’

  ‘I do wish Mother was still alive. There’s so much I’d like to ask her, I wish she’d told me the truth years ago.’ Hélène felt the pain of her loss welling up and tears leaked through her eyes. Adrian suggested that she go and lie down and lifted her up, guiding her upstairs. The shocks of the past two days were proving too much to bear.

  Nicole left a message with Ben to ask if she could see him that evening and, if possible, stay the night. The emotional rollercoaster that had floored Hélène was affecting her too, leaving her in need of some moral support. With Adrian there for her mother, she felt able to disappear for a while.
Ben replied that he’d be happy to see her and suggested she drive round about six. Relieved, she spent a quiet afternoon in the garden, a book offering her some much needed escapism. After a quick change and packing an overnight bag, she said her goodbyes before driving off to Town.

  Nicole almost threw herself into Ben’s waiting arms and he had to hold on tight to keep them both from falling.

  ‘Hey! Have you missed me that much?’ he joked.

  Reluctant to let go, she pulled back enough to say, ‘Of course. It’s been all of twenty- four hours! Please kiss me.’

  Only too happy to oblige Ben kissed her with a passion equal to her own and she felt her body respond. ‘Let’s go upstairs,’ she whispered, not wanting to wait any longer. They ran up to the bedroom, pulling their clothes off with abandon. By the time they fell on the bed there wasn’t a stitch on either of them, allowing Nicole to feel the heat of Ben’s skin against her own. He kissed her breasts, her back arching towards him and his fingers trailed slowly down her stomach towards her thighs. She gasped, ‘Please, now!’ Ben thrust into her, slowly at first, then faster until they could hold back no more, their bodies shuddering with release.

  ‘Mmm, that was sooo good! I really needed that.’ She rolled towards him, flinging her arm over his chest.

  Ben held her tight, stroking her hair off her face.

  ‘I’m glad I could oblige,’ he murmured. ‘So, what’s been happening to bring out the sex-fiend in you?’

  She grinned. ‘Hardly that! But so much has happened today…’

  As they lay entwined in each other’s arms, Nicole filled him in with the events of the day, from the reading of the will to the spilling of the truth regarding Hélène’s real father.

  Ben lay so quietly that she thought he must have fallen asleep. She nudged him.

  ‘I am awake, I’m just coming to terms with it. And the fact that as you’re now quite a wealthy young woman, I could be seen as a gold-digger. Or whatever it is men are called if they date wealthy women.’

  She giggled.

  ‘Gigolo? You’d make a very good one, based on my, er, experience.’ She sat up, propping herself on one arm while stroking his chest with the other. ‘Seriously, though, who said anything about being wealthy? Half a house and a ring wouldn’t be worth that much, surely?’

  ‘Depends on the house. Your grandmother once mentioned that they’d had La Folie rated as Open Market back in the days when there was a choice, realising what a prime spot it was for wealthy incomers. With very few cliff top houses in Guernsey there’s a premium on anything that comes on the market. I’d guess you’re talking about four million for the house as it is now although – ’

  ‘Four million! But…but that would mean about two million for me,’ she cried, shocked.

  ‘Yep. Sure would. Worth a hell of a lot more if it’s modernised, but that’s up to whoever buys it. A lot of wealthy people like moving here for tax reasons, just like Jersey. But we don’t insist they have a huge income like you crapauds do.’ He ducked as Nicole aimed a mock blow at his chin.

  ‘Well, if you’re right I can’t accept. It’s too much and should go to Hélène,’ she said, biting her lips.

  ‘Don’t be silly, from what you said Hélène was very happy for you to inherit your half. I’m sure she’s well aware of the house’s potential value and she’s not short of a bob or two, is she? Adrian’s quite comfortable and they’ll have more than enough to see them through retirement. And it might take ages to sell so you don’t have to panic now.’

  Nicole didn’t know what to think. So much had happened. And there was the ring…

  ‘Oh, I must show you the ring, it’s beautiful.’ Reaching into her bag, she pulled out the little box and opened it.

  ‘Wow! That’s some ring. No wonder your grandmother hung onto it. Try it on,’ he said, slipping it on her ring finger.

  She looked at the ring sparkling on her finger and had to agree, it was gorgeous. A beautifully cut emerald, surrounded by diamonds in a traditional gold setting. It was clearly old and of the highest quality. For a moment she thought of her grandmother and how she must have felt when Philip presented it to her. A wave of sadness washed over her and she quickly pulled the ring off and replaced it in the box.

  ‘You know, one of the saddest things is that Philip was my grandfather so part of me comes from him and his family, not the Ferbraches. There could be a whole other family out there that I’m connected to. And I’ll never meet.’ She looked up at him. ‘And as he and Grandmother weren’t married it’s almost like history repeating itself; Hélène and Adrian weren’t married either.’

  ‘Mmm, you’re right. But you’d not met Reg, so you’re no worse off. Not really. And for all we know, the Andrews family may have died out. It happens. And you still found your parents, didn’t you? That’s the main thing.’

  ‘I guess.’

  Stroking her face, Ben said, ‘Shall we go out for dinner? I think you need cheering up.’

  She smiled her thanks before heading to the shower.

  The next few days leading up to the funeral passed quickly. There was little for anyone to do since the funeral directors organised everything. Hélène and Adrian decided to stay on at La Folie until after the funeral and would then move to his house as originally planned. Nicole wasn’t sure she really wanted to live on her own in the house, but felt she didn’t have much choice. Advocate Lowe instructed various estate agents to value the house for probate and eventual sale. Ben was proved right – the valuation came in at around 4million. Nicole tried to refuse her share, but Hélène wouldn’t hear of it.

  ‘As a family we owe it to you, Nicole. Your parents brought you up at some cost, so I got off lightly. Call it pay-back time.’

  Nicole couldn’t argue with that and accepted that, once the house was sold, she’d be secure for life. It didn’t affect her decision to work, she was looking forward to her new job next month, but it meant that if, one day, she wanted children, then she’d be able to take time out. She couldn’t see herself ever being a full-time mother like Mary, but it felt good to know she could be at home during the child’s early years.

  Ben continued to be a loving support and she stayed over several times before the funeral. The benefit was two-fold; time for her and Ben to be together and for Hélène and Adrian to start settling into married life.

  Tuesday dawned a little cooler than of late, though still sunny. Hélène, hating black, chose a navy suit she’d hardly worn, buying a matching hat with a short veil. She knew her mother would approve, she’d never liked black either.

  Nicole came downstairs wearing a knee-length purple dress and black shoes. Hélène endorsed her choice; elegant and unfussy, she thought. They shared a quick breakfast with Adrian in the kitchen and they’d barely cleared away when the cortege arrived.

  As she stood on the doorstep, Hélène felt tears threaten at the sight of her mother’s coffin in the hearse. Her simple wreath of white and pink roses from their garden adorned the casket, together with Nicole’s wreath, a small heart of red roses. Hélène had visited her mother in the Chapel of Rest but couldn’t relate the wax-like figure dressed in the blue suit she wore for the wedding with the feisty, sharp-tongued woman she’d known all her life. Feeling strongly that her mother’s spirit had winged its way days earlier, all that was left was to pay respect to the shell, the body, as it was laid to rest with that of her husband, Reg.

  Hélène gripped Adrian’s hand as the three of them were ushered into the mourner’s limousine and the last journey began. A phrase of Sir Walter Scott’s played in her mind: “Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive!” Oh, Mother, if only we could put back the clock…

  chapter 42

  The small group of mourners mingled in the garden, bearing glasses of sherry and plates of nibbles. Voices were hushed amongst the dark-clad men and women of a certain age. Nicole felt herself to be the oddity, a mere youngs
ter among those who’d known her grandmother for years. Ben, mobbed by such a group, lifted his head and flashed her a quick smile. Her heart lifted at the thought that he was there for her, keeping her strong during this awful time. The funeral had brought home to her the finality of her grandmother’s death. The lowering of the coffin into the freshly dug grave brooked no going back. With a sigh, she turned to look at Hélène, pale against the navy dress and veil, clinging onto a stalwart Adrian.

  Gazing at her natural parents, she felt as if she’d known them forever and not just a few months. So different to Mary and Ian, but she loved all four of them. She considered herself truly blessed to have four wonderful parents when most people have to settle for two, at best. Lost in her reverie she didn’t notice Molly and Peter approach, offering their condolences.

  ‘We’re both so sorry for your loss, Nicole. You’d only just got to know her, too. But hopefully you’ll have good memories of your time together,’ Molly said, lightly touching Nicole’s arm.

  They chatted for a few moments before Nicole was called to be introduced to another old friend of Eve’s. Within an hour the mourners began to drift away, leaving the little family in peace with their thoughts and memories.

  A few days later Hélène and Adrian were ready to move to his home in St Peters. Hélène had given in her notice at school, finishing at half-term. She’d been allowed compassionate leave for a week and this gave her and Nicole time to sort out a few things. They checked the items in the attic and sorted what was to be kept and what was either to be given or thrown away. They had both kept mementoes of Eve and Hélène held onto things belonging to Reg. Neither Hélène nor Nicole cared for the dark, heavy furniture in the house and agreed it could all be sold. As they sorted through Eve’s clothes and personal possessions Hélène insisted Nicole keep a couple of pretty small vases as keepsakes. The clothes were going off to the charity shops. An unhappy but necessary task, they were both relieved when, finally, the last bin bag was filled. Adrian ferried car loads of Hélène’s things to St Peters.