by David Parker
You may be anxious to end your procrastinating ways, but please remember to go easy on yourself. It’s of crucial importance to know that change comes gradually, and to remember that procrastination’s enemy is patience. To attempt one swift try at changing what has likely been nearly a lifelong habit will almost certainly have very poor results, along with a good deal of negative self-talk along the lines of “I knew I couldn’t do it!” Changing one’s behavior involves a process: one of learning, trying, relearning, and retrying. Take my advice: “slow down and start enjoying the scenery.” Aim for a long-lasting difference in your life.
18. Many Procrastinators Suffer from “All-Or-Nothing Thinking”
When a habitual procrastinator faces a task, he often looks at it as though he was starting a journey across a vast expanse without the aid of a map. Like someone who only knows their starting point (his undone task) and final destination (completion of his task), he may feel overwhelmed because while he has an idea of what he wants to accomplish, he doesn’t know which route to take.
Faced with a formidable challenge, he may search for a starting point, but he finds that all he’s capable of telling himself is, “C’mon, do it! Let’s go! Try!” This is a good strategy if you’re sitting in the bleachers at a sporting event and you’re cheering your team on—but when you direct that same energy toward yourself and don’t take action, that energy does nothing except to build up upon itself. Eventually, it returns to you in feelings of frustration, resentment, and shame. Feeling lost in a sea of emotions, the procrastinator stops all action: “Why try? I just can’t do it!”
If someone goes through this often enough, he may wind up doing only those tasks that require the least amount of effort, or things that can be completed in only one attempt. This helps explain why many habitual procrastinators find themselves puzzled when tasks that formerly took a reasonable amount of time and energy to complete, like paying bills or balancing the checkbook, are now emotionally draining. The reason for this is, as the habit of procrastination becomes stronger, the habitual procrastinator’s self-confidence grows weaker. Left unchecked, this can grow to the extent where, if a task can’t be completed in one attempt, the procrastinator then feels that there’s no point in even trying.
19. Habitual Procrastinators Set Vague and Unreasonable Goals
Planning and preparation are two key areas where habitual procrastinators occasionally drop the ball. Many procrastinators complain they don’t have enough time to plan, but this is usually due to the last-minute nature of their lives. Concerned by the possibility of encountering a negative outcome, they find that the act of planning provokes anxiety within themselves, because with planning comes responsibility for the outcome of the task. An additional concern encountered while planning is that if the wrong strategy were chosen, it might confirm one of a procrastinator’s worst fears, that he’s “incapable.” It’s for this reason that many procrastinators try to wing it, or “do” without planning.
Although a procrastinator may gain a sense of freedom from winging it, underlying this freedom is the fear that if his plans backfire, they could wind up working against him. To prevent this, he sets vague and unrealistic goals that by their very nature do not include clearly defined strategies. Much like the example in the previous section of taking a road trip without a map or any other type of navigational aid, when you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
20. Habitual Procrastinators Have Difficulty Planning Out Their Tasks in a Logical Manner and Then Following That Path Until the Task’s Completion
In the previous section, we saw how habitual procrastinators set vague and unreasonable goals for themselves, and that many of them don’t like the hassle of plans, hoping instead to wing it and be done with it. As a habitual procrastinator, I too acted in this way, because I had linked the concept of “planning” to “the burden of responsibility.” I believed that if I made plans and something went wrong, that I would be held responsible for the outcome; and responsibility wasn’t something that I was too keen in taking on. Today, I can see that this was simply a cover-up for the lack of a crucial skill on my part, that of logical planning. Without knowing how to logically plan things, although I occasionally accomplished some tasks, I usually did them in an inefficient way.
That’s not to say I never planned out a task, there were many times when I did; however, although I may have conceived of the steps needed to complete a task, more often than not I would divert from those plans. The usual cause for my detours was because, sometime after starting out on the task, I would discover that one or two of the steps were either boring or were terribly complicated. Then, instead of sticking to the plan or devising some new steps, I would jump ahead to a step that seemed more appealing.
Of course, I’d eventually need to go back to whichever boring steps I had skipped, which I’d attempt to rush through as quickly as I could. Unfortunately, this strategy worked against me, because the steps I had put off were the ones that required a bit of extra effort. Instead of giving them the time they needed, I rushed through them, which is not exactly a good strategy for accomplishment. Afterwards, I was left with an unpleasant memory of how I had gone about dealing with that task, mostly because of how I had mishandled those difficult steps. So, even if things had gone relatively well up until the point where I went off-course, my most recent memory of the experience was of feeling overwhelmed, which wasn’t the best motivation for my future tasks.
Today, logical planning is a regular part of the preparations that I undertake before acting on a task. In addition, I now know that part of the reason behind my not wanting to deal with steps that were complicated or tedious was because my own impatience often got the better of me.
21. Many Procrastinators Feel Frustrated When They Return to an Abandoned Task
In the last few sections of this chapter, we’ve looked at some of the negative thinking patterns many procrastinators have. When these patterns work in conjunction with each other, procrastination can become a habit that can eventually grow to the point where the procrastinator sees himself as less than an adult, while at the same time, his tasks seem almost to overshadow him, as though they’ve become larger than life. With all this in our way, it might seem impossible for us to accomplish any of the older tasks that we had long abandoned; however, there are some conditions when we will deal with them, such as when we’ll pay our electric bill to avoid having the lights shut off.
When a habitual procrastinator puts off a task, it’s often because he has told himself, “I can’t do it,” and the more he thinks that, the more he believes it. Just as the more often you do something, the more likely it is to become a habit, the more often that you put a task aside, the less likely it is that you will want to deal with it. If this continues, it becomes easier and easier to keep on not dealing with it, than to otherwise face it. For this reason, returning to a task can easily escalate into a conflicting ordeal, because the tasks that we allow to linger can often begin to take on a power of their own. In other words, the longer that we put off a task, and the more false starts we attempt, the more internal resistance we’ll feel towards that task. Electrical engineers have a special name for internal resistance—they call it “reluctance,” which, coincidentally, fits habitual procrastinators to a tee.
22. Many Feel Impatient and Frustrated for Much of the Time
If any single characteristic or trait of habitual procrastination has led to feelings of frustration and bewilderment, impatience is it, because it causes its sufferers to feel as if “there’s never enough time to get things done.” While one might believe that this phenomenon is caused by today’s faster pace of life, over two hundred years ago the British poet Edward Young wrote, “Procrastination is the thief of time.”
Impatience led me to believe that no result would be good enough, and that the results of anything I did would always be second-rate. At the same time, I also believed that by doing nothing I was protesting my situation, like a lone wolf of sorts, fighti
ng authority and responsibility. However, the truth is that I was only prolonging my own agony.
23. Procrastinators Often Report That They Don’t Feel Satisfied Upon a Task’s Completion
As previously mentioned, even the worst procrastinator occasionally completes a task, if only because he’s been forced into action by the potential consequences of the situation. With little serving as motivation except the threat of penalty following completion of a task, how does the procrastinator feel, and what does he tell himself? Does he grasp the bathroom sink with both hands and say to his own reflection in the mirror, “You did it! I always knew you could!” Or does he try to avoid his reflection, and if so, what do you think he tells himself then?
One of the peculiarities of habitual procrastination is the “I just can’t win” factor. After all, if you believe that most every task will be fraught with agony and will produce dismal results, then why even try? Why is it that habitual procrastinators often feel this way? One possible reason is that we have developed an unreasonable expectation that we should feel satisfied and content for most, if not all, of the time. Boredom and struggle do not fit in with an otherwise idyllic and carefree life. However, while we would all like to bask in the warm glow of feeling satisfied for most of the time, if we make this a pre-condition or expectation, we run the risk of occasionally being let down by a certain force, most commonly known as: reality.
So, the only way that anyone can remain in such a false reality is by steadfastly refusing to deal with the unpleasant or difficult tasks that come our way. If we continually avoid our tasks because we’ve lost our sense of accomplishment, then it’s only natural that when we’re faced with a new task, instead of dealing with it, we’ll most likely procrastinate.
24. Left Unresolved, Procrastination Usually Gets Worse With Time
Similar to other disorders that can grow in scope with the passage of time, such as phobias and addictions, procrastination can also intrude into one’s life, sometimes in unexpected ways. For example, “routine housekeeping” begins to lose meaning when the word “routine” is used less and less in actual practice. Over time, the procrastinator may become so disconnected from routine tasks, that little if anything gets done on a scheduled or “routine” basis. Household cleaning that might have been done regularly in the past falls by the wayside, and now gets done only on an as-needed basis, if it’s done at all. Over time, the procrastinator finds himself overwhelmed by all the tasks that require his attention, and he copes in the only manner he knows—he takes on his problems on a “crisis-by-crisis” basis, often as a result of external deadlines or from the prospect of uncomfortable, if not unbearable consequences.
As the habitual procrastinator withdraws further from “routine” activities, he may develop additional measures that will assist in keeping him in the land of non-“do”-ers. For example: Henry only cleans his apartment when it’s absolutely necessary to do so, like when guests are visiting. Afterwards, Henry not only allows his apartment to become messy again, but he decides that having visitors over isn’t really worth all the effort that cleaning takes. In addition, deciding to stop having people over eliminates the chore and responsibility of regular housekeeping. Unfortunately for Henry, he then pays for this decision by becoming somewhat of a hermit.
Even worse, Henry’s single, and he’s not only lonely, he occasionally wonders if he were to start dating again, how he could ever invite a woman over. Perhaps she might not return after a first visit. Suppose she made a comment or even laughed at the sight of his place. Finding the thought of being laughed at by a love interest unbearable, Henry tries to forget about dating by trying to convince himself that he’s too old, and that he’s missed the boat. If all that weren’t bad enough, Henry’s also concerned that if a pipe were to burst in his apartment, would the plumber report him to his landlord?
At this point, with what appear to be too many tasks to accomplish, and, believing that he doesn’t have enough time to do a good enough job on each of them to justify taking action, Henry finds himself hopelessly stuck. Even if Henry wanted to give himself a fresh start, it’s likely that he doesn’t know how to arrange going about his tasks in an orderly fashion; and because of this, Henry’s become accustomed to acting impulsively. Not coincidentally, his results are often less than desirable. Then, after Henry completes a task by cutting corners, he berates himself with negative self-talk, sometimes even calling himself “stupid,” which lowers his already plummeting self-worth and self-esteem. However, Henry isn’t “stupid”; he’s simply fallen into a mental pit because he doesn’t know any other way of life.
Henry only knows leaving home for work each day and coming straight back to what he jokingly refers to as “The National Junk Preserve.” Instead of working on his tasks the moment that he returns home from work, he turns his television on to distract himself from the squalor and loneliness that he finds himself in. In short, Henry feels helpless and hopeless.
25. As Procrastination Grows Stronger—The Procrastinator Feels Weaker!
Here’s a riddle: “How many sides does a barrel have?” The answer is two: an outside, and an inside. Now, here’s another riddle: “How many sides does a habitual procrastinator have?” The answer is the same, two—but in this case they consist of the outer-selves that we display to the world, and our inner-selves which we hide from view.
There are times when we can surprise ourselves with our ability to conceal our inner-self. One such time for me was when I went to job interviews, where the name of the game was to look eager for work. That was quite an accomplishment indeed, for if only the interviewer could have seen my quivering insides. In search of an administrative position, one of the attributes listed on my résumé was “neat and organized.” Luckily for me a home inspection wasn’t part of the interview process—for if one were required, I would never have gotten the job.
However, little did I know at the time, that the condition of my apartment actually did have an affect on how I did on job interviews, because I constantly carried the burden of feeling like an ineffective adult—and the worse my apartment was, the weaker I felt. So, while singing my outer-self’s praises to the interviewer, I’m sure my body language gave away my inner-self’s conflict.
Did you see yourself reflected in any of The 25 Aspects of Procrastination? If so, did you check off a few items on the list, but found later on that you identified with more of them? For many habitual procrastinators, the following narrative seems to practically sum up our condition:
“I should pay those bills, now …
“But I still don’t want to …
“I have a little time before they’re due …
“I know I should pay them …
“But I just don’t feel like it right now …
“I don’t know why on earth I’m like this …
“No one else I know does this …
“What’s wrong with me?”
Habitual procrastination causes its sufferers to feel like they’re less than other persons, and it makes them feel sad, aimless, and unfulfilled in their lives. They also feel impatient and frustrated much of the time, as though “there isn’t enough time” and “they’ll never be enough time” to do all the things that they need to do, yet simultaneously, don’t want to deal with. Feeling helpless and hopeless for much of the time, is it any surprise if habitual procrastinators complain that they sometimes feel depressed?
Chapter Five
Procrastination and Depression
IN THE LAST CHAPTER WE saw that when habitual procrastination is allowed to grow unchecked, it can overtake its victims. As a result of an ever-mounting number of undone tasks, the procrastinator may feel guilty for his self-inflicted predicaments, and overwhelmed by his emotions, which can combine to the point where he feels helpless and hopeless. When someone finds himself in this situation, it’s almost certain that he will feel miserable.
One procrastinator remarked that he knew he’d crossed the lin
e one morning when his inaction had progressed to the point where he found himself unable to leave home for work. Here’s how he described that event:
“I disliked doing the laundry, who doesn’t? I mean, can you name one person that actually likes doing laundry? Not just because it’s boring, but because it just feels like a complete waste of time. I’d rather be doing other things, anything else, but the laundry.
“I got to the point where I would only do the wash when I saw that I was beginning to run out of clean clothes.
“Then one day, I had no clean underwear, absolutely none. I wound up bent over my hamper picking through everything, trying to find the cleanest-looking dirty item. Finding one, I gave it a good couple of shakes to air it out. I don’t know if anyone at work noticed anything peculiar that day, but I was disgusted with myself.”
Although the butt of jokes from time immemorial, the life of a long-term procrastinator is filled with self-disgust and suffering over lost opportunities. Although I am not a medical doctor, I have lived the life of a long-term habitual procrastinator and from what I’ve discovered in bringing this book to fruition—I think it’s fair to say, “Show me a habitual procrastinator, and I’ll show you a person who probably suffers from depression.”
Which Came First—Procrastination or Depression?
Imagine a person who only takes care of his responsibilities when he’s forced to. Although he has sufficient funds in his checking account, he doesn’t pay his bills until further delay would mean incurring financial penalties, the loss of his electricity, telephone, or cable television, and the possibility that his credit rating could be affected. Try to picture this person in your mind. How would he describe himself to someone else? Do you think he would call himself a “take-charge” individual? Do you think he would be in good spirits, or might he feel low? What would he look like? Would he look cheerful and in control, or might he cast his head down—as though perpetually gazing at his shoes?
