The More You Do The Better You Feel

by David Parker

  While my conscious mind was being flooded with those warm and reassuring feelings, I felt that all was right in my world. Occasionally, the thought of a task I didn’t want to deal with would distract me for a moment, which made me feel anxious. Luckily, all I needed to do was flick my fingertip on my remote control, and a new distraction would appear on the television screen. Given the power that floating gives us to subdue anxiety, probably faster than any pill known to man, how would you compare the act of floating to the act of say, balancing your checkbook? Which activity would you prefer to engage in?

  For a habitual procrastinator like myself, floating was undeniably appealing. Because of the power it had to distract me, over time, floating changed me; it made me far less likely to sit down and deal with any task that seemed less appealing than most of my diversions. In essence, floating had the effect of conditioning my mind’s willpower to wither and fade away. I can recall how, when I was a high school student, I could concentrate for long stretches of time at math and science, subjects that occupied the intellectual resources of my mind; however, due to my prolonged floating as an adult, I’ve lost some of those abilities. My condition reached the point where merely the thought of sitting down to some tasks became nearly impossible unless they were directly linked to dire and unacceptable consequences. For example, the only way I could sit down to balance my checkbook was if I were concerned that the bank might have made an error, and if I didn’t reconcile my checkbook, I would have to forfeit the loss.

  Going along hand in hand with the mental effects of floating are its physical effects. Because diversions command our attention, we are apt to lose track of time while engaged in them. We may stay up far too late watching television and then wake up late the next morning, or suffer from low energy because we haven’t had a full night’s sleep. As a result, we might stumble in late to work the next day, hoping no one notices our lethargy.

  With All That Against Us, How Then Do We Change?

  Habitual procrastinators often experience profound difficulty in seeing the good in accomplishing a task because some of its aspects may overwhelm them. They may perceive of a task as being boring or simply less interesting than a pleasant diversion might offer them. Procrastinators may also experience frustration at a task that proves to be somewhat complicated because they haven’t dealt with that sort of task in a long while. We could say their mental muscles were out of shape due to lack of use.

  Habitual procrastinators look at their tasks as though they are standing at the foot of a mountain, craning their necks, and fixing their sight upon its crest. “How could anyone climb that? Impossible!” Thus, we tend to judge our challenges and then give up before even making an attempt at them. If we do that for long enough, we not only lose the ability to deal with our tasks, we also lose our ability to view them objectively and to see the positive payoffs that would come from successfully dealing with them. In other words, we lose our perspective.

  The typical person who is not a procrastinator deals with his tasks, first and foremost, because his tasks need to be done. His mental muscles are strong because he uses them a lot, and for different sorts of tasks. He also tends to use time, rather than allowing time to slip away unused.

  In contrast, when we allow time to pass by floating, we not only get lost within one of our distractions—we also weaken our mental muscles. Given that we are so incredibly comfortable when we float, it might be helpful to begin thinking of our diversions as insecurity blankets. We need to begin developing the will to change our long-held ways and beliefs about our tasks, and a good way to start this process is by learning to see the good in our tasks. In that way, we can work toward regaining the perspective we thought we had altogether lost.

  Chapter Eight

  Developing the Willingness to Change

  THE PURPOSE OF THIS CHAPTER is to lay a foundation for the concepts, ideas, and suggestions that will come later on.

  Typical Sunday Afternoons and Typical Monday Mornings

  During the very early days of writing this book, my then-girlfriend would visit my place on weekends. This, despite the fact that I had made a simple promise to myself, that I would take care of household chores and work on this book on weekends. However, once the weekend rolled around, I felt that Saturdays and Sundays were for relaxing, so I relaxed. Late Sunday afternoon, after she’d gone, it was too late to do little more than watch television and go to sleep. Then, when Monday morning arrived, I not only awakened to an unkempt apartment and an unfinished manuscript, but to a full-blown panic attack as well.

  My heart raced like a team of wild horses galloping through a field, and it felt like the end of the world was upon me. Previously, I had tried to fight those panic attacks by staying in bed, steadfastly determined not to let them ruin my morning, but I could never get any sort of rest after suffering one.

  Those panic attacks came each and every Monday morning, except for three-day weekends, when of course, they’d arrive on Tuesday instead! What puzzled me most about them was why they arrived only after I had had a nice and relaxing weekend. They didn’t seem related to my job, because I genuinely liked the office where I worked at the time, so it had to be something else. What could it be?

  The Cycle of Procrastination That Led to Panic Attacks

  Those panic attacks always occurred following relaxing weekends because instead of using the time to deal with responsibilities, I instead spent the weekend relaxing. We could say, I went through a cycle of procrastination. Here’s how the cycle ran its course:

  Timeframe of the Cycle What Happened

  During the workweek.

  I made a promise with myself to take care of household chores and to work on my book on the weekend.

  The weekend arrived.

  I focused on rest and relaxation.

  Sunday evening arrived.

  I was too tired to do much of anything.

  Monday morning arrived.

  I had a terrible panic attack.

  While those panic attacks came and went with each and every weekend, sadly, I couldn’t come up with a reason for them. In fact, if you’d told me that scientists had discovered that people who suffer panic attacks each and every Monday morning also suffered from overexposure to gamma radiation from outer space, I probably would have searched for a clinic where I could get tested for it. Comical as that may sound, I would have gladly looked into almost anything that may have had the power to eliminate my own responsibility for setting up that cycle of procrastination; not to mention those feelings of depression, panic, and sad misfortune that came with it.

  After twenty or thirty minutes I’d slowly muster the courage to get out of bed. Feet finally on the floor, I’d get up and look around at the disorganized mess that was my apartment. Sadly, it was the same mess I had promised myself to organize and clean up the week before, as well as the week before that. Then, I remembered that promise I’d made to myself: “This weekend, clean up the apartment, and work on the book.” Yet all I had done the entire weekend was to have hung out with my girlfriend, watched television, and ate. Still, I pondered, “Why do I get these panic attacks?”

  There’s an old saying that goes, “If you keep doing what you’ve been doing, you’ll probably keep getting, what you’ve been getting.” There’s a great deal of truth in that saying. Whether or not you suffer from panic attacks, chances are pretty good that you’re reading this book because you yourself are a habitual procrastinator. If that’s the case, you’re probably looking for a good starting point: a place from which to begin changing from a procrastinator—and into a “do”-er. That said, right now is a great time to start that change, and that change begins with willingness.

  Developing the Willingness to Change

  Today, I view those Monday morning panic attacks that I formerly suffered from in a different light. Because today, I know and understand that if I decided to place my hand above a stove’s flame, I’d expect to feel intense pain. That’s a pretty good
reason not to put my hand above a flame, and so far, it’s worked for me—and probably for you as well. As we all know, physical pain is just one of the many self-defense systems we’ve been equipped with by nature.

  That intense pain not only prevents us from continuing a hazardous activity that we’ve engaged in, it also serves to protect us in the future by preventing us from engaging in it again. In much the same way, I now recognize that the sort of physical pain that I’d expect to feel after placing my hand over a flame, is eerily similar to the mental anguish that comes from panic attacks and depression. In short, they’re all self-defense warnings that my mind sends to alert me when I’m doing something wrong. And should I choose to engage in any of those activities, I’ll more than likely pay a price for that decision, or indecision, as the case may be.

  We could say that when I went against my own advice, by not taking care of the tasks I had promised myself to pay attention to, I often suffered negative consequences as a result. This is something of a unique phenomenon in human nature, because while non-procrastinators occasionally suffer the consequences that result from the actions they’ve taken and then regretted, habitual procrastinators seem mostly to suffer consequences as the result of the things they haven’t dealt with. Put another way, it’s our lack of willingness to deal with our tasks, which in turn, can cause the feelings of havoc and loss of control that often leave us feeling bewildered.

  I recall the day I spoke with one particular procrastinator who suffered from depression. After discovering that I was working on a self-help book, he exclaimed, “I have a bookcase that’s completely filled with self-help books. I own a copy of every self-help book that’s out there. I haven’t really read them, but I’ve got all of them!” Remember: No self-help book alone can change someone’s ways unless the reader is willing to be transformed.

  Move a Muscle, Change a Thought

  Your history as a procrastinator isn’t as important as the direction you decide to follow. If you’ve fallen into the trap of habitual procrastination, there’s a good likelihood that you’ve learned to rely on cues from your nervous system to alert you on when to take action. If that sounds like your system, then right now might be a good time to a discover new way of going about your tasks.

  After mentioning my concerns about those Monday morning panic attacks to a friend, he told me about a saying that his mother would recite to him when he was a young child: “Move a muscle, change a thought.” I gave his suggestion a try, and I found that if I forced myself to get out of bed, my panic attacks had much less of a grip on me. I’m not saying that the decision to leave bed was easy. It wasn’t, especially at first. There was a big part of me that wanted to stay wrapped in those warm bed sheets. And there were a few times when I had to practically throw myself out of bed and stop myself from hopping back in it.

  Sometimes, I would do a little housecleaning, just to give myself something to do, just to keep myself moving. It didn’t matter what I did. Whether I dampened a sponge and dusted, or aligned the spines of some books sitting on a shelf, that saying of my friend’s mother was true—the act of physically moving about helped my mind awaken out of dreamland and to greet the light of day. In short, willingness was what it took for me to fight back against the panic attacks that had previously disabled me.

  There’s a big difference between helplessly riding out a panic attack and not allowing one to hold you back, and the same is true with procrastination. While you might not like your procrastinating ways, there could be those times when you just can’t seem to stop yourself from engaging in it. If there are times when you find yourself in a similar situation with procrastination as I did with panic attacks, remember that just as I successfully fought against those panic attacks, I also successfully battled against habitual procrastination. They were both defeated as a result of the willingness that I learned to develop.

  While willingness helped loosen the hold that habitual procrastination had on me, there were other factors that contributed greatly to my developing it in the first place. Remember that feelings journal that I began writing while in London? Well, it was in that journal that I found some of the contributing factors for my procrastination. Let’s explore some of them.

  Chapter Nine

  The Golden Rules of Overcoming Habitual Procrastination

  IN THIS CHAPTER, YOU’LL LEARN what I call “The Golden Rules of Overcoming Habitual Procrastination.” They developed out of my assessment of some of the basic areas of my life that had led me to using procrastination as a way of dealing with my tasks and responsibilities. Read through them and see how many of them apply to you.

  Always Keep the Promises That You Make With Yourself

  While I had wondered what kicked off those cycles that culminated in panic attacks on Monday mornings, I found that the answers were really quite simple. And, as you may recall, the word “simple” made a small but important appearance in the previous chapter when I wrote, “I had made a simple promise to myself, that I would take care of household chores and work on this book on weekends. However, once the weekend rolled around, I felt that Saturdays and Sundays were for relaxing, so I relaxed.”

  Many procrastinators spend a good deal of their free time looking back and asking themselves, “Why didn’t I do what I needed to do, when I had the time?” This is akin to driving a car in reverse while using the rear-view mirror for guidance; while it can be done, it’s hardly worth the effort.

  For we procrastinators, our troubles often start the moment we say to ourselves, “I need to do __________.” After that sort of self-statement, we almost automatically think of a convenient, yet oddly vague time for getting around to it. Of course, when that time comes, we then do something else, or somehow convince ourselves that we’ve nothing else to do—in which case, we either sleep, channel surf, or help the elderly couple next door rearrange the canned goods in their pantry.

  The first key to overcoming procrastination is to learn to listen to the things you tell yourself, especially when that internal message concerns a previously uncompleted task. If you make a promise to yourself to do something, I’m going to ask you to think about holding yourself accountable, because if you fail to keep the promises that you make with yourself, you’ll continue to face difficulty trusting yourself to do what’s needed when action is necessary. Please note that this is not an attempt to instantly transform you into a “do”-er; but rather, it’s a starting-off point.

  It’s interesting to point out that when a non-procrastinator makes a promise with himself, he will usually deliver on it unless an extenuating reason arises and becomes a legitimate and time-pressing priority over the task that he was going to deal with. Remember that willingness alone is your biggest asset at this stage of the game, and you can make a good start at overcoming your habitual procrastination by always being willing to keep the promises that you make with yourself.

  Let’s now shed light on some of the other basic areas of life from where procrastination can find a toehold.

  Try Not to “Compare and Despair”

  While many procrastinators mention that housework is a major chore that never seems to get done, what really seems to bother them is that cleaning seemed to be a whole lot easier when they were younger. Take Ted, for instance, who says, “When I was a kid, cleaning up my room was a snap! One, two, three, done! So, why does housecleaning feel like such a horrendous ordeal today?” Ted’s committing one of the prime offenses that many other procrastinators make: he’s comparing his distant past to his life today.

  While we all have the tendency to compare our present-day lives to our past, or to other persons’ lives, the result of this is often a distorted outlook, and one that can take an emotional toll on us. For example, imagine that you’ve just noticed people who are dressed to the nines, and they’re hopping into a dreamy sports car. If you were having a difficult day, you might say to yourself, “Gee, when did I miss the boat? How come I don’t have a car like that?” Does tha
t kind of internal self-talk make you feel better about yourself, or worse?

  On the other hand, if you saw a homeless person sitting by the side of building holding a worn paper cup, you might give him some spare change, but would you think to yourself, “Well, I might be having a bad day, but compared to him, I’m not doing that badly.” Not too many of us would, because when procrastinators compare themselves to others, we only tend to do so when we’re putting ourselves down.

  In addition, when Ted makes comparisons to how things were when he was a boy, he embarks upon a momentary voyage to a time that no longer exists. While memories most certainly have a proper place in our minds, when Ted remembers as a response to a need (in this case, to cleaning his place), his memorializing becomes fantasizing, which is another substitute activity that procrastinators engage in to avoid their tasks. Sure, housecleaning was easier for Ted when he was a kid, but then, shouldn’t it have been? After all, how does his present-day life compare to his life back then? Did he have his own place? No, he just had a bedroom in his parents’ home. Did he have to vacuum or mop all the floors, including the bathroom, as he does now? No, again. Ted needs to remind himself that back when he was a boy, all he really needed to do was make his bed, neatly put away his clothes and toys, and perhaps arrange his schoolbooks for the next day. There really isn’t much of an actual connection between the situations, yet Ted persists in creating one, and to his own detriment. As a grown man, Ted’s life is complicated, just as much as almost any adult’s life is. His chronic comparisons don’t help his habitual procrastinating at all.