“We’re going out!” Aria announced. “We have to. Tonight is for celebrating!”
“What? I’m tired,” I complained, still shocked that Brooks was there. I had thought he was long gone and I’d reluctantly accepted that. Now it seemed that he’d never left the gallery.
“Nonsense,” Creed said. “Tonight was your first exhibition. We’ve all had a bit to drink. We wanna go dancing!” He twirled around the room.
“Brooks is in,” Aria said. “Right, Brooks?” She grinned at me.
Oh God. What exactly had been happening? What had I missed? I looked at Brooks nervously.
“If Leo’s in, then I am,” Brooks grinned. He had a can of beer in hand and looked the he was enjoying himself. How could I say no, now?
“Okay, okay. I’m in. Let’s hit the town,” I said, reaching for a bottle of wine. I was going to need a bit more of that if I wanted to get through the rest of the night.
6 Brooks
My cool and calm demeanor was a total front. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. Bars weren’t really my thing and when I walked into the obnoxiously loud bar with Leo and his friends surrounding me, I’d never felt more out of place. When I saw shirtless men dancing on a stage and kissing each other, I felt even more rocked. I shouldn’t have been surprised that we were going to end up at a gay bar. It was just that it happened to be the first time I’d been at one and my plan was to slowly dip my toes into the whole bisexual thing, not throw myself in the deep end.
Creed, Aria and a couple of the others ran straight for the dance floor, swinging their elegant bodies to the loud pop music blaring from the speakers. Leo looked at me apologetically. I tried to look like I was relaxed. Like this was no big deal and not an overwhelmingly confronting situation to be in.
“Can I get you a drink?” I asked him as we both naturally gravitated towards the large bar that took up one whole side of the dance floor. My eyes moved over the various bottles of spirits. “A celebratory shot perhaps?”
I turned to Leo who was standing next to me and eyeing up the bottles just as I had a second ago. “Sure,” he agreed.
“Can I get two shots of tequila, a beer and a red wine?” I looked to Leo to make sure I was correct. I’d seen him drinking wine earlier in the evening. He nodded.
The bartender grinned at me, his face full of metal glimmering under the flashing lights. “Sure thing, babe.”
A guy calling me babe was definitely a new experience. I drummed my fingers against the bar and looked around nervously. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the same two shirtless guys who were dancing on stage when we walked in. Now, they were making out with each other, a sheen of sweat shimmering on their half-naked bodies. My pulse thumped in my ear to the beat of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way. Fuck. Leo caught me looking and laughed but he didn’t say anything. The bartender lined up our shots, a wedge of lime on top of each glass and a small dish of salt between us. Tequila probably wasn’t the best idea but coming to the bar with Leo and his friends probably wasn’t either.
I licked the edge of my hand and sprinkled salt on it. “Cheers,” I said, raising my shot glass to Leo. His spectacular blue eyes looked into mine with what seemed like a flash of longing before he licked the salt off his hand. Watching his tongue made me lick my lips with longing.
“Cheers,” Leo replied, before pressing the glass to his lips. At the same time, I salted my mouth and shot my own glass. The tequila burned my throat as I felt the alcohol enter my body and immediately cause me to shudder. Leo’s eyes went wide and he grabbed the lime, biting on the sour fruit. “You wanna go somewhere more quiet?” he shouted over the music.
I nodded, thankful that he wasn’t wanting to get out on the dance floor like the rest of his friends. Inside the bar was fun but I was only a couple of beers deep and I would need a few more tequila shots before anyone could get me dancing. Even Leo. Leo seemed to know his way around the bar which I guessed wasn’t surprising. He led me through the sea of sweaty bodies dancing and I trailed closely behind. When we got to the end of the bar, Leo pushed open a door to a patio area. It was still busy but the sound of the dance music was muffled and we were lucky enough to find a small empty table just big enough for the two of us.
“I’m sorry you got dragged out tonight. Aria and Creed can be very persuasive,” Leo said. He looked uncomfortable. In a way, he always did but this was different. Maybe I’d misread the signals. Maybe Leo didn’t want me to be here tonight. Maybe he only came along out of politeness or duty or some other reason. Leo did seem like the kind of person who had a hard time saying no. He was sweet and eager to please. But that wasn’t a bad thing. It was what I liked about him. Only, I never wanted him to feel like he had to do that for me.
“You know, you don’t need to apologize for everything,” I said. “I am an adult. If I don’t want to do something, I won’t do it. I wanted to come out tonight. To spend more time with you.”
The light above Leo highlighted the silvery undertone of his pale skin. He looked different tonight than the other times I’d seen him. Usually, he wore loose clothing. Artsy stuff. It looked cool and hip but I could tell he was wearing it to hide. Tonight, he was wearing a grey suit. It fitted him well, making him look even more like an androgynous model. I was sure he could be in fashion magazines. He had the most beautiful face. He looked both young and at the same time ageless, like he’d graced the earth since the beginning of time. There was almost this halo that glowed around him. He looked so fucking sweet that I often wondered if he tasted that way too. Like cherry pie or honeycomb.
“You’re right,” Leo said. “It’s a bad habit. I guess I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. My friends can be very…”
“Intense?” I cut him off before he could find the world and Leo chuckled.
“Yeah, that’s a good word to describe them.”
“To be honest, I think they’re great. They really care about you which is nice. And they’re fun. They’re interesting. I’ve never met people like them before,” I told him. It was the truth. They were all so real. So unashamedly themselves. In a way, I envied them.
“Yeah, they are great,” Leo agreed. “I do feel lucky to have them in my life.” He said it in such a way that I wondered if Leo hadn’t had many people who cared about him.
“Hey Leo, you got a light?” A woman with a mane of black curls walked up to our table, a blonde woman trailing closely behind her protectively. The blonde woman kissed her neck.
“No, sorry,” Leo replied. “You know I don’t smoke.” It was as though Leo knew everyone in the bar. They were a community. All regulars from what it seemed like. A mix of different people. The woman made a sound of upset as she turned away from the table, her partner following behind her. Leo turned his attention back to me and shrugged.
“Can I tell you something? You have to promise not to laugh or act shocked,” I said, looking Leo square in the face.
“Of course,” he said.
“I’ve never actually been to a gay bar before,” I admitted, feeling slightly embarrassed.
Leo smiled, his teeth flashing at me. “Why would you have, though? Straight dudes don’t usually hang out in gay bars,” Leo remarked.
I took a swig of my beer but instead of just a small mouthful, I downed half the bottle. I moved my stool to Leo’s side so we were closer. I didn’t want to risk anyone hearing what we were talking about. “The thing is. I don’t know if I’m straight,” I admitted to him. It was a relief to finally say it out loud.
Leo’s eyes went wide at my admission. “Oh. I thought,” Leo tilted his head like he was thinking really hard about what to say next. “So, you don’t know as in… you’ve never been with a guy before, or?”
I leaned in closer to him. “Never,” I told him. “But ever since I met you… I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”
I wanted to tell him that he had caused all these dormant feelings in me to stir. That he had aroused a part of mys
elf that I had always desperately tried to ignore. I wanted to tell him that I was drawn to him. That I couldn’t shake him from my goddamn head. I wanted to kiss him. To truly know if all this wasn’t just a major mind fuck that I needed to get out my system and be done with. It wasn’t though. I knew a kiss would only draw me deeper into Leo’s world. Leo stared at me with this blank expression.
“I don’t — Sorry, I’m not really sure,” Leo’s voice was full of doubt. I thought I had made it clear enough but maybe he wanted the guy he’d thought was straight all this time to really come out and say what he was thinking.
“Leo,” I looked him straight in the eyes, studying them. “I’m attracted to you.” As soon as the words came out of my mouth, Leo’s eyes averted mine. He looked half scared, half flattered, and when his eyes finally met mine again, completely aroused.
“Me?” his voice trembled. “You’re attracted to me?”
I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the fact that I had so much frustration pent up inside. All of a sudden though, I knew that tonight had to be the night I made my move, I just wasn’t strong enough to keep resisting. I had to confess to Leo that I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.
“Oh, yes,” I said, leaning in closer. “Very much so.”
Even in the darkness, I could see the blush creep up Leo’s neck and rosy his cheeks. His eyes darted between me and his glass of wine. His tongue swiping at his plump lips in anticipation. I knew this was the right moment. Everything tonight had been leading up to this. I reached out and touched Leo’s hand, getting him to look at me. I leaned in closer and Leo’s eyes closed. I wish I could have taken a photo of him right then. He looked so perfectly vulnerable. His angelic face submitting to the kiss I was about to embrace him with. The flesh of his neck did things to my body. I wanted to kiss him there too. Everywhere. I leaned in and pressed my mouth to his. At first, it was gentle, just enough to test the waters but it soon become hungry. Leo surprised me by matching my own intensity. Our tongues explored each other’s. The kiss was so intense, I could feel it in my bones. In my marrow. It was unlike any other kiss I’d experienced. It was tender and passionate. It was perfect. When we finally pulled apart for air, Leo’s face dropped and a smile took over. He looked pleased with himself.
“I was right,” I gasped.
“About what?” Leo was still smiling as he looked at me.
“That you taste as sweet as you look.”
7 Leo
Kissing Brooks had been all I’d been able to think about since it had happened last night. If I had ever had expectations; which were based purely on ridiculous fantasy scenarios, they had been over exceeded. Brooks kissed with the kind of hunger you wanted to be possessed by. He was in control; dominant, yet gentle. He quite literally took by breath away and now, as I lay in bed the next morning, all I could think about was his fucking mouth on mine and whatever the hell it all meant. I was a goner. Which went against everything I should have known. Everything about my feelings for Brooks rocked me. I was terrified of where things would go now.
I heard the familiar sound of Aria’s footsteps coming down the hallway before she stopped outside my room and knocked. “Come in,” I called out from my bed where I was still sleepily basking in the post-kiss euphoria.
She pushed the door to my bedroom open. “I bought coffee and bagels,” she said, sheepishly peering at me.
“My oh my, what are you trying to suck up about, huh?” I asked, rolling to the edge of the bed and pressing to my feet. I felt surprisingly fresh despite only having a few hours of sleep. My stomach rumbled at the sound of bagels though. I was starving.
“I was drunk,” Aria said. “And I know I pushed you onto Brooks and ugh. I’m so embarrassed.” She screwed up her face in frustration. “I’m a complete idiot. Tell me I’m a complete idiot.”
I laughed and grabbed a T-shirt from a pile on the floor, slipping it over my head. “Yeah. You were a total idiot,” I lied. I wasn’t going to give it up that easily. If Brooks hadn’t been attracted to me and she’d pulled the same act, I might actually be mad at her right now. I followed her to the kitchen where she’d put on a spread of bagels with various toppings. My hand reached for a cream cheese and salmon one and I quickly shoved it in my mouth.
“Was it really that bad?” Aria sipped her coffee. “I dunno, Leo. I was seriously picking up on some into-you vibes from Brooks. Why did he stay all night at the gallery? And come to the bar with us after? His face lit up every time anyone mentioned your name. I could have sworn he liked you.”
I scraped my finger through a clump of cream cheese and licked it. It was great seeing Aria squirm. I was used to her getting up in my business but sometimes she did take things too far. She watched me, waiting patiently for me to say something that let her off the hook.
“What if I told you that you were right?” I said slowly, my eyes moving from my bagel to her as I spoke.
Aria looked like she was about to hit me. “What do you mean? What am I right about?”
I took another bite of my bagel. Oh man. I could see Aria seething as she watched me. It was too good. I swallowed my mouthful and took a sip of coffee.
“I really hate you. You know that, right?” she glared at me. “I’ve been stressing all morning that you were going to be mad pissed at me.”
I laughed. “Okay. I’m sorry,” I did feel a little bad now. “After we got to the bar, Brooks and I went outside to get away from the music and talk. It was all very casual, we were just two guys hanging out. Until it came up in conversation that he’d never been to a gay bar before.”
“No surprises there, the guy reeks of fragile masculinity,” she rolled her eyes. “So, then what? What happened?”
It was my turn to glare at Aria. “He does not!” I defended Brooks. He was anything but the macho stereotype Aria was trying to match him to. “Take that back.”
“Ooh. Touchy subject. Okay, I take it back. I was just kidding, anyway. The dude was surprisingly cool. Everyone liked him. Creed especially. I think he has a crush. That guy is obsessed with straight-bait,” she laughed.
“He might be about as straight as a piece of spaghetti,” I said, an evil smirk on my face. God. This was good. I had kissed the kind of man I’d only ever had fantasies about. The man I thought was straight and way out of the realms of possibility. It was a lot to take in. I was glad to finally be saying it out loud to someone else. “He kissed me.”
“He… what?” coffee erupted out of Aria’s mouth and she quickly reached for a napkin to mop up the brown mess she’d made on the kitchen table.
“It was totally out of the blue. We were talking about the club and I made a comment about him being straight. He said maybe he wasn’t and I was like…”
“Oh my god! Oh my god!” Aria shrieked. “I knew it! He’s totally as in to you as you’re into him! This is great.”
I smiled but there were other things on my mind. I had only ever had one relationship. Caden had been my first love - whatever that really meant. It was hard to know given that everything we had, had been a lie. Just like all the men who’d made promises to my mom. Caden had sweet talked his way into my heart when I needed someone the most. For a moment, he’d made me forget about the pain of losing my mom. I thought he was an angel, sent to me to help mend my broken heart. He said all the right things, made all the promises I needed. Then he ripped everything away from me in an instant. I found out he’d been seeing other people and when I’d been hurt by it, he left me. It was exactly what my mother had warned me about and I swore after that I wouldn’t do it again. I wouldn’t give my heart away to anyone. It just wasn’t worth it.
When I met Aria and Creed in art school, I was still a mess. Still deep in a depression. But piece by piece knowing them helped mend me a little. I could do friendships. I just couldn’t do anything else. Now, everything romantic encounter had fizzled out before it properly began. I couldn’t take things to the next level. The idea alone made me
nauseous. I couldn’t experience that pain again.
“I really like him,” I admitted to Aria. “Like… Really, really like him.”
“That’s good,” she said, trying to be encouraging. Aria knew me better than anyone, though. She knew that things weren’t that black and white with me. “But there’s a but isn’t there?”
I sighed. “Oh, well, only that the first guy I’ve actually felt anything for in years happens to be a guy who’s only just realizing he’s into dudes. And what if it turns out he’s not? That he experiments with me and realizes he’s not as bisexual as he thought. Hell, what if the kiss last night has already changed his mind?” I was starting to panic. My breath quickened. “I don’t think I could handle that, Aria. Not with him. Not with Brooks. And then there’s the other possibility. That he wants something from me and I can’t keep myself away. That he’s going to be another Caden,” I had only known him a short time but already I felt so connected. There was just something about him. I knew it was a cliché thing to say but it was the truth. Brooks made me feel like I was coming home. I was comfortable around him and that was rare. I wanted to know him. I wanted him to know me. It scared the hell out of me. Aria and Evania were the only people that knew about Caden and what he’d done to me. They sympathized but I knew they struggled to see why it affected me so much, even know.
“Dude. Take it one day at a time,” Aria said, preaching her wisdom. “It was just a kiss. A kiss with a really hot dude. But still, it was just a kiss. And a kiss I want details about. Quit holding out on me, Leo.”
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