I laughed. She made sense. I was overthinking things as usual. “You’re right, I’m just hopeless at this kind of thing,” I sighed and swirled my mug of coffee. “The kiss was amazing. Like the kind of shit that swept me off my feet. I had butterflies. And ya know, was super turned on to boot.”
“You are one lucky son of a gun,” she announced. “Creed will literally kill you when he finds out.”
I grinned. Creed really would lose his shit. He’d made it no secret that he’d give his left nut for a night with him. “Don’t tell him. Not yet,” I told Aria. “I need time to figure out what all this means.”
“Of course, babe. My lips are sealed. On the condition that you tell me everything that happens from this point forward. And no skimping on the details, too. I wanna know everything!” she shook her head. “Where the hell is my hunky tattooed prince? This is totally not fair. Although, if anyone deserves some fun, it’s definitely you. I can’t even remember the last time you hooked up with someone. Was it Dion?”
“It was. He’s engaged you know? I saw it on his Instagram,” I said. I’d dated Dion for a few weeks, which was the longest I’d given anyone my time since Caden. It had ended disastrously. Dion kept asking for more and I kept telling him I couldn’t do it. Finally, he walked away and we weren’t exactly on speaking terms. I thought he was another Caden but it wasn’t long after we split that he had a new boyfriend. He told me he wanted something serious and I just thought that was something he said to try and get me wrapped around his finger. Apparently it wasn’t because after only a few months with his new boyfriend, he proposed to him. My phone pinged on the table beside me and my eyes traced the message that appeared on my phone. It was Brooks. “Oh my god. He just messaged me.”
“Who? Dion?” Aria scrunched her face up.
“No. Brooks.” I stared at my phone, nervous to open the message up. There was a very real chance I wasn’t going to see the message I wanted. For all I could predict, Brooks might be messaging to say he wanted nothing more to do with me and to take down his portraits at the gallery. “What do I do?”
“You open it, you idiot,” Aria rolled her eyes. “Or I’ll do it for you.” She snatched my phone and held it away from me.
“No!” I yelled at her. Sometimes we fought like siblings. She was always trying to get me to be more daring. Always trying to bring me out of my shell. “I’ll open it, give it here.”
Aria handed the phone back to me and I opened the message. “Well? What does it say?” she asked, looking as nervous as I felt.
“That he wants to have dinner with me tomorrow night.”
8 Brooks
I sat in the visitation booth waiting for my brother. When I saw Jay being escorted by a corrections officer over to our booth, I almost wanted to cry. Both because I was happy to see him and because it hurt to see him here like this. My whole life, I’d been his proud older brother. I had protected him when he was picked on at school. I’d made sure no one ever gave him shit. When our parents had split up, I’d told him it wasn’t our fault. I’d tried to shield him from our father’s second life. From what it meant to be born a Hogan. The problem was, Jay had a lot of hurt and anger and the only thing he knew to do with it was to follow in our father’s footsteps.
“Nice to see you, big bro,” Jay said, sitting across from me. Every time I’d come to see him since he got here, he looked older. They didn’t tell you things like that about prison. That you’d age faster than outside. That the constant fear and anxiety of being in a place like that would eat away at you. Jay hid it all so well but I knew. I knew him better than anyone.
“Hey Jaybird,” I said, using his old nick name. Once upon a time he’d been the kid who wouldn’t shut up. He was stoic and quiet now. He was different to the boy he once was. “How are things going in here?”
“Alright, thanks to you,” he said, his expression softening. For a brief second, the mask fell and I saw the little boy he used to be. “They aren’t giving you any shit are they?”
“Not really. Just scaring Marlena. She doesn’t know what it’s about though. I think she’s afraid to ask. I’ve told Pyro to stop coming to the shop. To meet at my place instead but him and the others insist on showing up whenever they please. Fear tactics I guess,” I shrugged.
“Shit. I’ll talk to Benny,” Jay said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know they’d do that. Tell Marlena I’m sorry too.”
I frowned at him. The last thing I wanted to do was pass on messages from Jay to Marlena. She was already pissed enough that the guy had got himself locked up. She wouldn’t admit it to me, but it had broken her heart. We both had hoped Jay would leave his life of crime behind. I think Marlena had really thought her and Jay would finally make a go of things. After years of being off and on, Sacred Skin was supposed to be a clean slate for all of us.
“You know I’m not going to do that,” I said. “Marlena seems to finally be in a good place and I’m not going to potentially ruin that. Mom says hi by the way.”
In the eight months Jay had been behind bars, our mother had refused to even mention his name. When anyone else brought Jay up, she’d leave the room. She seemed to have come around the last time I saw her though because she actually started to ask about Jay and how he was doing. I wasn’t going to tell her that he was doing fine because I was paying off gang members to protect him. If she knew he was affiliated with the same crowd our father had been, I was afraid she’d have a complete breakdown. It was hard enough learning that the man you’d been married to for twenty years was actually a money launderer for the Outlaw Angels - and using your flower shop to do carry out his business. As far as our mother knew, Jay had gotten mixed up in drugs and in a weak moment robbed an auto shop. The truth was, Jay wasn’t in to drugs at all and never had been, which I didn’t know was better or worse. He was hired to send a message to the owner of the place that the Outlaw Angels wanted their cut since he was working on their turf.
“You’re kidding. Eleanor really said that?” Jay looked surprised.
“Yes, she really did. Which is a good thing. And don’t call her Eleanor, you know she prefers mom,” I sighed and paused for a while. Neither Jay or I said anything, just looked at each other. I studied his face. “I’m glad you’re doing okay. Just another four months, bro. I’ve still got that spot for you at the shop. It’ll be just like we planned. Just keep thinking about it.”
Jay looked away from me. He looked almost choked up. He was tough, I knew that, but being behind bars could get to even the toughest of people. I knew Jay wanted to be out and with loved ones. Working at Sacred Skin just like we’d planned. He had so much talent I wished he’d channel it into what was good for him. Jay reached into the pocket of his orange jumpsuit and pulled out a folded piece of paper that was torn at the edges.
“I’ve been trying to work on my art,” he unfolded the paper and slid it under the window between us. It was a sketch of an angel that looked remarkably like Marlena. “I know what you’re thinking man, but let’s not go there.” He grinned.
“Yeah, that definitely doesn’t look like anyone we know,” I said sarcastically. “It’s good, man,” I smiled as I examined the detail of the drawing. Jay would make a damn fine tattoo artist one day. If he could stay out of trouble long enough to get through his apprenticeship.
“And what’s going on in your life since I last saw you?” Jay asked. I knew he wanted to know as much as possible. Gossip from the outside world was what kept an inmate going. I couldn’t tell him about Leo though, not yet. I didn’t think he’d judge me but he’d definitely be shocked. It was a pretty big thing to hide from your family for twenty-eight years.
“I think I might have met someone,” I told him. I would at least give him that. I was both nervous and excited for my dinner date with Leo tonight and I wished I could tell someone. If only I wasn’t so crippled by the fear of coming out. I just wasn’t ready yet.
Jay let out a small holler, holding his fist to his mouth.
“For real? That’s awesome, man.” Jay knew if I was bringing up a girl, it was a big deal. Even if he didn’t know that it was actually Leo.
“Yeah. I’m looking forward to seeing where things go. I’m actually meeting them for dinner tonight,” I couldn’t help smiling. Ever since that fucking kiss at the gay bar, I’d been walking on the goddamn sunshine. I hadn’t felt this invigorated since I opened up Sacred Skin a year ago.
“You deserve a nice girl,” Jay said. “Make sure she treats you right. I know you, bro. You look like you’d break a man’s skull but you’re just a big ol’ teddy bear.”
I laughed. Yep. That was me in a nutshell.
9 Leo
I met Brooks at Sacred Skin just around seven. When I got there he was at his desk, working on some designs. He stood up as soon as he saw me, grabbing his leather jacket from the back of his chair and walking over to me with what looked to be an uncontrollable smile. My mouth did the same thing as much as my head was screaming act cool, Leo.
“Hey,” he said, hovering in front of me. It would only take a step and a press to my toes before our mouths would be at the same height. Obviously that wasn’t going to happen but a boy could dream. The awkwardness of deciding what would be an appropriate greeting loomed between us.
“Hey,” I replied. Brooks lifted his large arms and pulled me in for a quick hug which was a relief. It was short but he held me close just long enough that I could feel the hardness of his body and inhale his natural scent mixed with a rich masculine cologne. I didn’t want to break away from him but we hadn’t established our boundaries yet. For all I knew, Brooks hugged me because he didn’t know how else to greet the guy he’d tongue fucked just a few days ago. I hoped it was because he craved the same closeness I did.
“You ready? I’m starving. It’s been a hell of a day,” Brooks said as he threw his jacket on his body. He opened the door out onto the street and I followed him outside before he pulled out a set of keys and locked up.
Brooks did look like he’d had a rough day. When I got a proper look at him, his face was almost kind of solemn. Ignoring his question about food I asked him what was up as we walked down the main street. I had no idea where Brooks was taking me but I figured I’d just follow him along. It was already dark out and the evening air was cool as it brushed against my cheeks causing them to tingle.
“Went to visit my brother,” Brooks told me. “He’s going through a tough time. It’s hard seeing him like that.”
“Oh. I didn’t know you had a brother. Well, why would I?” I laughed nervously. “I mean, we haven’t talked too much about our families… does he live around here?”
“He’s over in the next town. Works on a farm over there,” Brooks said. As though he wanted to get off the topic fast, he changed it. “You like Mexican food? There’s a great place just down the road from here.”
“I like all food,” I admitted, grinning at him. Brooks smiled back at me, still walking side by side. “I know I look like I don’t eat, but I’ll probably surprise you.”
“Good,” Brooks said. “Food is one of the best things in life. They do the best pork carnitas you’ll ever have at this place.”
There Brooks went again, knowing exactly how to weasel his way into my heart. Food. We arrived at the Mexican restaurant. At a glance, it looked like some hole in the wall type place but as we entered the gate and walked through to a courtyard area, it was full of life and color. The waiter seemed to know who Brooks was because he greeted him by name and showed us to a cozy table underneath a sea of hanging twinkle lights. It was romantic without trying to be. Enough that it felt almost like a date but we could appear to others like we were just two friends grabbing dinner together. The waiter gave us menus to look over but Brooks didn’t seem to bother looking at his. I scanned through the menu, feeling the heat of his gaze on me.
“I’m guessing you come here a lot,” I said, glancing over the menu that seemed to be a million items long.
“It’s just down the road from the shop, so yeah. Marlena, Frankie and I come here a couple of nights a week,” he said. The friendly waiter brought us over a starter of fresh tortilla chips and salsa. “You have any idea what you want?”
“Why don’t you order for me?” I told him. “I’m overwhelmed.” I grabbed a chip and scooped up a hunk of salsa before putting the whole thing in my mouth. Brooks watched me, looking thoroughly amused.
“Alright,” he said, rattling off a bunch of dishes to the waiter and finishing by asking for a pitcher of margaritas. I remembered the last time we’d drunk tequila together and wondered if it would lead to the same result. As if Brooks could read my mind, he started talking. “This is new for me,” he said. “Not just the whole gay thing. Going on a date.”
I smiled. So this was a date. It felt like one so far but I didn’t want to be presumptuous. “If I’m being honest, the whole going on a date thing is new for me too.”
Brooks eyes widened. “I find that hard to believe. Look at you. I bet you have guys lined up waiting to take you out.”
I scoffed. It was far from true, but a sweet thing to say nonetheless. “Not exactly. I’m pretty hopeless when it comes to relationships.” I shrugged. No way was I going to tell him about my seriously screwed up track record with men. He’d figure it out soon enough anyway.
The waiter brought over the margaritas and poured us each a glass from the pitcher. I quickly grabbed my glass and took a gulp. The tequila was strong. The conversation had turned serious so fast and I needed a bit of liquid courage to get me through it. Talking wasn’t easy for me. Especially not to someone I didn’t know that well. Then again, Brooks had already seen a crack in my facade. He knew about my scars which was further than a lot of people had gotten with me. It was safe to assume he knew there was a darkness inside me.
“How so?” Brooks looked curious.
Damn. This was definitely not a conversation I wanted to get into with Brooks on our first date. Telling him that I’d only ever had one serious boyfriend who turned out to a total cheating dirtbag. That my fear of committing to a relationship was so strong that I bailed as soon as the conversation came up, or even worse, I started to really like someone. Except, I might have already been too late on that last one with Brooks.
“I guess things have just never really worked out for me,” I said, keeping it vague. I was so used to failing that I started to regret even agreeing to meet Brooks tonight. Like the rest of the guys I’d dated, soon he’d realize my issues were way too complicated to waste time on. As much as I wanted to believe Brooks was different. That I could feel he was. It was hard with my track record to expect things to change. I was twenty-four. I was old enough that if it was going to happen for me, it would have by now.
“I guess I’m kind of the same,” Brooks said. It was his turn to take a large sip of his margarita. “I’ve had girlfriends but nothing really serious. I put all that down to my career. I work a lot and when I’m not at the shop, I’m working on designs. But I’ve also wondered if maybe I just haven’t met the right person yet.” His silver eyes moved from his drink to meet mine. They were full of hope. Like he was thinking maybe I was that right person for him. My heart swelled.
“And boyfriends? I know you said at the bar that you’d never been with a guy but had you ever thought about it before?” It was the question I had been dying to ask so I thought I may as well come out with it. I’d known I was gay practically my whole life but I knew that sexuality was fluid. It was hard to understand how Brooks had gone his whole life so far without knowing he’d been into guys, it had to have been there before in some shape or form.
“I think a part of me always knew,” Brooks admitted. “I’d had these crushes in school. Nothing I ever acted on but it was agonizing at times. I never felt brave enough to really let my mind even go there. My parents weren’t exactly the most open-minded people. I’m sure my mom would try and get used to it but I used to care so much what they thought. My dad,” Brooks l
aughed in a pained way. “My dad would have probably beat my ass if he found out I had a crush on another guy.”
I wanted to slide my hand across the table and hold his. Wanted him to know that I was here for him. That he wasn’t alone in the way he felt. It must have been hard. My mother had known I was gay since I was a kid, she’d let me be whoever I was. It was why we were so close to each other. She had done everything to protect me from the world. It wasn’t until I was old enough to know better that I realized other people didn’t feel the same. That there were other kids I knew whose families would disown them if they found out the truth.
“I’m sorry,” I told him. “That must have been hard. And I get that it still is. I promise that we can take our time navigating… whatever this is. I don’t want to rush you, Brooks. I’m happy to just be your friend.” That was the truth. I’d come to learn that Brooks was an amazing person and if I couldn’t have him as more than a friend, I’d eventually get over it. He needed someone who knew what he was experiencing and could show him his newly discovered side. Besides, friends meant no one got hurt. No disappointment. No expectations.
“I appreciate that,” Brooks smiled. “But if I’m being honest with you, Leo. I don’t want to be just friends. I feel really… drawn to you. Even now, it’s like I’ve known you my whole life.” He shook his head. “I probably sound insane and I’m gonna scare you off but it’s the truth. I think I knew it the first time I laid eyes on you. I just had this feeling like you’d come into my life for a reason.”
My whole body shook. It was the kind of thing everyone wished their crush would say to them. If I had wanted to reach out and hold his hand a minute ago, now I wanted to reach across the goddamn table, pull him into me and smash my lips against his. This was insane. Before I could say anything though, the waiter arrived at our table carrying a platter of the various dishes Brooks had ordered. Brooks cleared his throat and sat back like he was in disbelief of what he’d just told me.
Sacred Skin Page 5
