The Forgotten Wife
Page 25
She paused again and let the tears come. No good came from suppressing her feelings. She watched the family as they said their goodbyes to their father and husband. The mother kissed her fingertips and pressed them against the brass plaque. The taller of her sons put an arm around her and did the same.
‘I’m surrounded by babies these days. Lara and Matt have asked me to be godmother for baby Joy. I was worried it was out of sympathy, but Matt said he wanted to thank me for looking after Lara the day she went into labour. She’s a beautiful little baby. Makes me want one of my own. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.’
Lara had finally brought baby Joy home, three weeks after she was born. After they were settled into a routine, Shelley had kept her promise and explained to Lara what she wanted. And now she wanted to tell Greg too.
‘When Lara first asked me what I wanted, all I could think of was you. And it’s still true. The thing I want most in the whole world is to have you back. I want you sitting in your chair, moaning about the England cricket team, planning where we are going to go for dinner. To have you beside me in bed tonight so that I can put my cold feet on your legs. To ask you what I should do about work or holidays or which electric company we can switch to. But I can’t.’
Her voice cracked. That was when she felt his absence the most: when she had to make a big decision or wanted to talk through her options. Now she had to rely on herself and her own intuition; it was difficult to get used to.
‘Lara gave me this book, Make Way for Joy. It’s how we got started clearing out that room. But it wasn’t just the room that was full of things I needed to get rid of. I’d pushed something else down and not faced it. I tried pretending it wasn’t real.’
She closed her eyes for a few moments. When she opened them again, the mother and her sons had been joined by other members of their family. One of the younger children was holding a small kite which was flapping in the air. That was how she felt, like a kite that had had its string cut. There was nothing anchoring her anymore, nothing holding her to the earth. It was scary and strange but she also felt free.
‘I’ve had to be honest with myself. There was so much about our marriage that was wonderful, but I had to make sacrifices too. Some big sacrifices. And, the thing is, now you aren’t here, I can admit that there is something else I want. I want a family, Greg. I want a baby.’
Saying the words out loud was liberating. She should have said them a long time ago, when they might have changed things. ‘I love you, Greg. I love you and miss you so very much. But I wish things had been different. I wish that I had been different.’
Losing Greg had been the worst thing that had ever happened to her. Over the last year she had hidden herself away and tried to keep going, but she couldn’t do that anymore. She didn’t want to do that anymore. It was time to start living her life, her way. And though it made her feel guilty to think it, that meant she might be a mother after all.
It’s never too late, the woman on the train had said. Shelley was only thirty-three. Steve’s face flashed up in her mind. After telling Lara about their conversation, she’d grudgingly admitted that she did find him attractive. Whatever did, or didn’t, happen between the two of them, it was possible that she might be ready for another relationship someday. Even if she wasn’t, though, there were other ways she could have the family she wanted so very much.
At the entrance to the Garden of Remembrance, Lara stood waiting for her with Joy in her pram. Losing Greg had been devastating. His loss had opened up a gaping hole that she’d thought could never be filled. She had been so frightened of facing the void he’d left because she was scared she might fall in and never climb out. But she wouldn’t fall, because her wonderful new friend wouldn’t let her.
‘I hope you understand, Greg. I do love you and miss you so very much. I’m going to go now. I’ll be back soon.’
Just as she had seen the older lady do, Shelley touched her fingers to her lips and then pressed them to the brass plaque with Greg’s name.
Epilogue
Clear carpet, half-empty wardrobes and a new cot which had taken nearly an hour to put together. Shelley had been left with two extra screws, but it seemed sturdy enough for her small house guest. Dee and Jamie were spending the night in a hotel for their wedding anniversary and baby Jacob was coming to stay with Auntie Shelley.
On the bedside table, a black-and-white photograph: Greg and her on that first weekend away in Southwold. She ran a finger around the edge of the frame. It still hurt to look at his smiling face but she needed to do it. She kissed the photograph and put it back.
She’d been for a drink with Steve, too. It had been purely platonic – they’d stayed in touch after the local office had closed – but it had been nice. Maybe she would try a proper date in the near future. Also on the table were the leaflets she had been reading: fostering, adoption, respite care. There had been a fostering open evening in Guildford last weekend, and she had gone along to find out what was involved. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for that yet, but it was a definite possibility.
Underneath the leaflets was a now-familiar smiling face. Make Way for Joy. It felt a lifetime ago since Lara had pressed this book onto her and they’d begun the clear-out of this room. Of her mind. Her soul.
In the last few months, she had been able to talk about Greg several times without crying and had even laughed with Dee about the time he’d made a fool of himself during charades one Christmas. It was still painful to think about him but it wasn’t unbearable. She was getting there. She wasn’t hiding anymore.
It wouldn’t be easy, but it was time to start the next chapter. She’d made way for joy.
If you loved The Forgotten Wife, don't miss Emma's powerful and heartbreaking novel The Silent Daughter.
My Silent Daughter
Buy here.
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Your daughter will not speak… But can she teach you how to live?
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Ever since Ruby was tiny, she has been unique. Her smiles are magically rare, and she likes things done in a very particular way – her blocks are always colour-coded, and her toy animals stand in regimented lines. She’s also the daughter of Sara’s dreams – even on days when being a mother to a three-year-old is exhausting.
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Not everyone understands Ruby like Sara does though. Not Sara’s husband Mike, and certainly not her disapproving mother-in-law, Barbara. So when circumstances force their family to move in with Barbara, Sara knows it’s going to make motherhood even harder.
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Then Ruby’s pre-school suggest that her behaviour and refusal to speak might be the first signs of a bigger issue, in the same week that Mike walks out on them. And Sara’s world is blown apart.
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Facing life as a single parent and trying to work out Ruby’s needs is more than Sara can face alone. There’s only one person she can turn to for help – Barbara.
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But Barbara knows something Sara doesn’t. She knows what can go wrong if you don’t look after your children right… And she’s determined not to let Sara make the same mistakes she did.
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A powerful emotional page-turner about motherhood, friendship and family. Guaranteed to take your breath away. Perfect for fans of Diane Chamberlain, Jodi Picoult and Jojo Moyes.
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Most people have experienced loss in their lives, and sometimes, the people who are there for you most are the ones you least expect. Bereavement hits people in different ways, and Shelley’s approach – to push it down and not think about it – is not uncommon. For years after losing my dad, I couldn’t listen to his beloved Beatles songs because it was just too painful. I believe wholeheartedly in the power of friendship and am extremely fortunate to have wonderful girlfriends who get me through any bad times. In The Forgotten Wife, I wanted to explore the idea of two broken women helping one another to heal. Giving them the space to do that in this novel comes via the fictitious book Make Way for Joy which was itself inspired by books like Marie Kondo’s The Life Changing Magic of Tidying, Hinch Yourself Happy by Mrs Hinch, and The Year of Less by Cait Flanders – all of which I know have changed the lives of many of their readers.
If you have enjoyed The Forgotten Wife, please help me to reach other readers by writing a quick review. I’d also love to hear what you thought of it. Reviews make a huge difference in helping other people find my book and I am grateful for every single one.
I also love hearing from my readers. Come and join me on my Facebook page Motherhood for Slackers. You can also find me on Twitter or my website.
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One Way Ticket to Paris
When I was a kid and I’d lost something, my dad always said ‘Go back to the place you last had it’. The problem is that what I’ve lost is… me.
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Kate is a married mother of two. But she is running away from her entire life – to the last place she truly remembers feeling like herself: Paris.
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It’s a one-way ticket. She knows she can’t truly leave everything behind. But for once she needs to live, rather than just to exist…
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Kate’s journey takes her to see her best friend Shannon, who’s living in Paris and hiding a life-changing secret of her own. And along the way she meets Laura – a colleague of Shannon’s – who’s desperate for marriage and children… in fact, exactly the things that Kate has left behind.
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All three women are feeling lost. But can they find themselves in Paris? Or are they just hiding from what the future holds for them?
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An inspiring, feel-good tale of friendship, love, and what happens when running away is the only way you can find your way home. Perfect for fans of Sophie Kinsella, Jane Green and Marian Keyes.
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Happily Never After
A hilarious, romantic love story about mothers, daughters and how on earth to find Prince Charming, for fans of Sophie Kinsella, Marian Keyes and The Gilmore Girls.
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Rory closed her eyes. Think with your head. Your heart can’t be trusted. Life is not a fairytale…
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Rory doesn’t believe in love. She’s got far too many real problems to deal with.
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She’s just bought a tumbledown house. Her mother is generally behaving like a wicked witch, insisting on calling her Aurora, and generally interfering in her (admittedly pitiful lack of) love life. And her 16-year-old daughter has finally grown out of Disney princesses and discovered dating…
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But Rory’s adamant that she doesn’t need saving. In fact, the only thing she’s wishing on a star for is a bit of practical help. However, when she meets a builder whose name is John Prince and who seems to be in the habit of rescuing her (right down to finding her lost shoe one evening) she might have to face a truth as uncomfortable as hobbling home barefoot – that maybe there’s something enchanted in the air.
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Her mother, daughter and friends are convinced her prince has come, but Rory just wishes everyone could let it go. Especially when she hears a story that makes her question whether he is really the hero everyone thinks he is…
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The Undercover Mother
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Jenny has too much on her plate: literally – she’s only expecting one child but she’s eating for at least three. Not to mention trying to juggle her nightmare boss, a know-it-all sister, and an infuriatingly laid-back husband.
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She used to be known for her ‘Single Girl About Town’ column. But when her boss gives her job to a younger colleague, Jenny panics and proposes she blogs instead about being a clueless new mum. Surely people will find her new friendship group fascinating? (Even if the only thing they seem to have in common is that they all had sex around the same time 9 months ago…)
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And if her readers aren’t quite hooked yet, maybe Jenny will just have to be more liberal with the truth. After all, none of the other mums will read it… will they?
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The Undercover Mother is a hilarious parenting page-turner that will make you laugh, cry and want to crack open the gin. Perfect for fans of Why Mummy Drinks and The Bad Mother’s Diary.
Acknowledgements
Thank you to my very clever publisher Isobel Akenhead for her fantastic editing skills. Also, to Kim Nash for going above and beyond in PR, author care and general all-round fantasticness, and to everyone at Bookouture who has worked on this novel including Deandra Lupu for insightful copy editing, proofreaders, cover designers and the marketing team. I feel so lucky to be working with you all. Another shout-out to the growing family of Bookouture authors who are the most supportive, funny and wonderful people to hang out with: online and off.
A huge debt of gratitude goes to my friend Jane Hunt for sharing her experiences of losing her wonderful husband Mark at such a young age. This story is very different from yours, but your generosity and honesty have helped so much and I hope I have done well with everything you told me.
Thanks to my lovely friend/dance partner/caravan buddy Nina Barnard for talking me through the corporate travel industry. Thank you to Sarah Martin for letting me steal some of your hilarious conversations with your clothes, and to Yasmin Youssaf for advising me on the yoga scene, which unfortunately didn’t survive the edit – I will use it elsewhere!
Anyone who follows me online will know that I have a group of girlfriends who buy me the most amazing publication day gifts. What you may not know is how supportive and wonderful they are, and how they have believed in me from the beginning. Thank you to Louise Hoskins, Theresa Allen, Ashlie Hughes, Kerry Enever, Tracy Harper, Hayley Lill, Anita Hole and the ‘Queen of Gifts’ Felicity Squire. I love you all.
Thanks to William and Scarlett for playing Pokémon for about eight hours straight so that I could finish my edits, and to my mum for reminding me to speak slowly at my book launch. Even though I am forty-six.
And to Dan. For everything else.
Published by Bookouture in 2020
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