Searching for Someday

by Jennifer Probst

  He pressed his forehead to hers like she did so many times with Robert. The intimacy and tenderness of the gesture startled her. "Because I want more. And you're not ready for that tonight. I needed to show you what we can be together in bed, but you have to come to me, Kate. I have to know you want it just as bad as I do. And I don't want you calling foul play in the morning when you can hide behind alcohol, or exhaustion, or my dominance."

  She managed to find her voice, but the words came out a bit slurred. "I make no excuses for my choices, counselor. Get over yourself."

  He chuckled and took her mouth in a quick, bruising kiss. "I like the way you make counselor sound like a dirty word. I may make you beg with my title rather than my name. Would be an interesting battle."

  The idea of the sensual challenge racked a delicate shudder, but she managed to sneer "Like that will ever happen."

  "Oh, it will."

  "Are you offering one night together? A relationship? What do you think this can be?"

  He cupped her chin. "They're just silly terms to try to make sense out of human emotions that are uncontrollable. Affair, relationship, one-night stand. Pick a tag that makes you happy. But soon, Kate. I don't think I can wait much longer."

  He didn't give her a chance to respond. Just eased her gently back to her feet, and walked out of the living room without a glance back.

  nine

  KATE ORDERED ANOTHER cafe mocha and kept a close eye on the corner table. The eclectic cafe was a popular place to meet friends and potential mates, and perfect for Jane's first two official dates. Adele crooned from the speakers, and the scents of coconut and chocolate drifted around her in puffs of steam. The battered oak coffee bar and mismatched tables cluttered the small space but gave it a cozy feel. It was known for its bakery goodies, and patrons feasted on buttery scones and decadent cupcakes and sipped a variety of brews, from holistic and organic, to calorie-induced sweet shakes to court cavities and false energy. Decorated in bright yellows and greens, the cafe was where local artists displayed their works on canvas to sell, so Kate's vision always blurred a bit from the vivid and odd collection of colors. Still, it was another part of the reason she wanted to settle in Verily. There were no outsiders here, because everyone belonged. She'd spent most of her life trying to hide and not speak, terrified of being laughed at and feeling completely isolated from the human race for too many years. Verily wrapped her in acceptance and forced her to mingle with all types of people. She'd grown so much here and was now completely happy with herself, who she was, and where she was going.

  Well. Kind of.

  The image of Slade flickered past her vision. Damn him. One full week since their episode, and he took her lead with a politeness that pissed her off. He was right to leave. When she woke in the morning, she blamed the kiss and her temporary physical weakness on a bunch of factors. If they'd spent the night together, she would've regretted her actions and probably blamed him out of her own crippling guilt.

  Kate glanced down at her chic black-and-rhinestone watch. He'd be getting ready for his date with Hannah. She decided to put the incident behind them. After all, they'd both been curious, especially with the strange connection they shared. Kate figured she'd reschedule his date with Hannah and get him back on track. Of course, when she contacted him, all crisp and businesslike, he'd readily agreed and refused to even mention Saturday night. Like he'd never wrung an orgasm from her body, or whispered naughty things in her ear, or kissed her like he was starving and she was the only thing standing behind survival and death.

  Over it. She was so over it.

  She sipped the chocolaty brew and motioned over to Kennedy when she finally strode through the door. "Hey, babe. How's our girl doing?" Ken gave a subtle glance in Jane's direction. Slade's sister now sat with a bit more confidence, her gestures less jerky and nervous after the weeks of training under Ken's and Arilyn's hands.

  "I'm so proud of her," Kate said. "She seems to be more secure within herself."

  Ken shrugged out of her leather jacket, slid onto the stool, and ordered an espresso. "It was a brilliant move to pick out only two dates for her. She'd never be comfortable with a mixer, and she needs one-to-one contact."

  "Yes, dinner would be too intense. I want her to have fun, not scare her the first round. Brian and Tim are the right choices."

  "Is Tim next?"

  "Yes, she has a few more minutes with Brian, a break, and then Tim. This way she'll get a better idea which man she's more attracted to."

  "Hmm, well, I knew looks weren't her problem anyway. Funny, I think she's more beautiful than the obvious choices because of her simplicity. Her bone structure and skin are amazing. Another reason I love a good makeover. It proves over and over there's nothing wrong with us, just the choices we make to flatter what we own." A darkness flashed in her friend's eyes, then quickly disappeared.

  Kate reached out and squeezed her hand. "You were always beautiful, Ken. Inside and out. Anyone who told you different is an asshole."

  Ken laughed. "You're good for my ego, babe. Right back atcha."

  "Thanks. Hmm, good body language between them. This may warrant another date. Without us as chaperones."

  "Or you can just give them a quick touch and see if they're meant to be." Kennedy grinned. "You may call it cheating. I call it good business."

  Uneasiness slithered in her gut. She tapped the edge of her cup in a random rhythm. No way was she about to confess her temporary loss of her gift that Kinnections was based on. It would only freak her friends out, and be harder for her to ignore the looming knowledge something was definitely off. Other than the explosion with Slade, she couldn't seem to even scare up a tingle, whether she was near a couple who was married or dating. Sweat prickled her brow, but she kept her tone light. "Sorry, no breaking the rules. If Kinnections is going to be a solid success, we base it on scientific research, hard work, and instincts. Not some magic witch spell I inherited."

  "Fine. Just trying to speed things along. Speaking of Kinnections, how's it going with Slade? Are he and Hannah an item yet?"

  Her fingers squeezed around the handle as a shot of rage licked her veins at the thought of Slade with Hannah. Kate cleared her throat. "Not yet. They had to cancel their date last weekend, but they're seeing each other tonight." She refused to blurt out the truth regarding their impromptu date and resulting kiss. At least, not yet. Her friends seemed to own an innate talent to pry every secret from her grasp, so it was just a matter of delay.

  "Interesting. Why don't you seem excited about the possibility of matching him?"

  She narrowed her gaze at her friend's obvious glee. "Don't start, Ken. I don't need any misinformed matchmaker forcing us together for good intentions. I'm attracted to him, but it's strictly physical. Emotionally, I know he's all wrong for me, and I'm grown-up enough to recognize the limitations and move past them. I want a soul mate, not a temporary bedmate."

  Kennedy clucked her tongue. "Pity. I'd take him as a bedmate any night. What'd your mom say about the touch thing between you guys?"

  Kate prayed for forgiveness. Not lying to her best friend was one of her own personal ten commandments. "She didn't seem concerned. No worries."

  "Good. Did you get me some good pot? Your mom has the best."

  She rolled her eyes and laughed. "No. Now don't mention drugs, Jane's coming." They watched as Brian rose from the table, put his arms around Jane, and gave her a quick, intimate hug good-bye. Kate studied their interaction, noting the close body language, the open facial expressions, and the relaxed muscles. A solid match, one best suited for a more intimate date to see if a physical attraction could grow. Jane looked so different from the last time she had seen her. The ill-fitting clothes had been replaced by a pair of snug jeans, high-heeled boots, and a rich gold sweater that brightened up her face. Comfortable but fresh. Her normally curly hair had been tamed to fall into luscious waves and flirted with a pair of gold hoop earrings. Stained red lips was her only makeup, br
inging a man's gaze to her mouth. The old glasses had been thrown away for a pair of trendy Coach tortoiseshells, giving her the sexy librarian look men died for. Brian whispered something in her ear, and Jane laughed, then turned and strode toward the coffee bar.

  They waited until Brian was safely down the street and away from view.

  Ken grinned like a proud mama bear. "Girlfriend, you rocked that date. Tell us everything."

  Kate nudged her. "Anything you feel comfortable telling," she corrected. "Did us being here help or hinder the date?"

  Jane's normally serious face broke into a smile. "Helped. I hope it wasn't dumb to ask you to be here. I hated to think Brian thought I couldn't handle a simple date by myself, but I just wanted to know you were here in the room. Some crazy reverse sort of Cyrano, but just silent."

  Kate patted her arm. "No, many of our clients ask us to stay. And it's not dumb. The key is to make sure you're comfortable and relaxed in the environment so you can let go and really see if you have something together. Did you like him?"

  Red bloomed over her cheeks. "Yes. We had a lot in common. He met my eyes when we spoke, and he seemed interested in my career and research."

  "We thought since he taught poetry you both would have an immediate conversation topic. We still have a few minutes before Tim gets here. Here, I ordered some biscotti--let's share."

  Kate bit into the honey-almond cookie, enjoying the crusty texture contrasting with the sweetness, a delicious combination of hard and soft that made biscotti her go-to snack to offset her coffee addiction.

  "What happens if they don't like me?" Jane asked.

  "Then you're not right for each other," Kennedy answered. "Remember what we spoke about? Just because a man isn't attracted to you doesn't mean you're unworthy of him. It's a give-and-take--the same elements work in a woman's favor. We do our best to pick the best suited and wait to see if anything takes root."

  Kate nodded. "This isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. Too many women get so stuck on one rejection that it ruins their confidence and blurs the vision of a man who may be right beside you."

  Jane sighed. "You're right. I suck at this."

  Kate snapped a biscotti in half and slid it over. "You're new at this, Jane. We all have issues and hang-ups. We created Kinnections because we realized women should be having a lot more fun finding Mr. Right. Why be miserable during the journey?"

  Jane pondered the thought, studying her fingers as her brain clicked away. Kate enjoyed Jane's company. Once she let go of her expectations of what society wanted her to act like, her natural intelligence and charm shone through. Kate wondered why Slade was so overprotective. Curiosity simmered within, and she fought the temptation to casually ask questions about her brother. She ached to know more about his childhood. Other than his ex-wife, had there been others who ruined his ability to trust? Arilyn counseled Jane on her past, but Kate never liked to probe just for curiosity's sake. They each had a role in Kinnections and tried not to overstep boundaries just because of their friendship. What Jane confessed to Arilyn was deeply personal and private.

  Kate glanced at her watch again. Yes, they'd be at an early dinner now. Probably sipping cocktails while they waited for their table. Would he obey and wear a more casual outfit like they counseled? Would he rush the date to get more intimate, or enjoy her at leisure, unveiling each of Hannah's layers like removing tissue paper from an expensive gift? Would he even think about the kiss they shared or had he easily gotten over it?

  "Earth to Kate? What's up? You look weird."

  She shook her head and refocused. "Sorry, just tired."

  "More like distracted." Her friend studied her face. "I have a great idea. Why don't we all go out tonight? A girls' thing. We'll talk about men, drink cocktails, and wear ridiculous high heels. And dancing. Definitely dancing."

  Usually Kate craved her remote, Robert, and her pjs on a Friday night. But the thought of Slade with Hannah could torture her this evening. Getting out of the house and being distracted would be the best thing. Jane looked surprised at the invitation.

  "Uh, you guys don't have to include me to be polite. I have to work on my research."

  "No work tonight, for any of us. You're coming with us, right, Kate?"

  Kate gave Jane a smile. "Absolutely. We'll have fun, I need a night out. I'll text Genevieve, and you text Arilyn. We'll meet at The Grille for dinner and then go dancing at Mugs. Deal?"

  Jane lit up. Odd, it was almost as if she didn't have the opportunity to socialize too much. Probably like her, Jane had become used to being alone, and it was hard to break the habit. "Okay, thanks for inviting me."

  Tim walked through the door and glanced around. "Here's bachelor number two. Are you ready?"

  Jane took a deep breath, adjusted her sweater, and nodded. "Yes. I can do this."

  "Remember: be yourself. Relax. He's not scary, just an alien of the opposite sex that we'll never understand but must learn how to accept and mate with."

  Jane laughed at Kennedy's remark and strode over to Tim. Kate watched as they introduced themselves, then sat at the same table to share conversation. She was tempted to walk close enough to see if she got a tingle of awareness but besides cheating, Kate was afraid there wouldn't even be a crackle. And that would only depress her.

  "If we're going out tonight, I need to head back to Kinnections, then get home to Robert. Can you handle this by yourself?" she asked.

  Kennedy waved her purple-tinted nails in the air. "Of course. Wear something slutty tonight. If you keep insisting you don't want to hook up with Mr. Electricity, then you need to find someone else. I swear if you hit thirty without losing it, Kate, I'll hire a gigolo for you."

  Kate sputtered a laugh. "Stop threatening me. I promise to dress like a tramp if you'll get off my case."

  "Done. I want to see lots of skin."

  Kate stuck out her tongue, grabbed her purse, and headed out.

  SLADE SMILED AT THE exquisite woman across the table from him. He had to admit, Kate had hit all the facets he always desired in a woman. Besides her physical attractiveness, Hannah Easton was an accomplished businesswoman. Intelligent, successful, with a kind of humor he enjoyed and admired. If he drafted up all the qualities of his perfect mate, Hannah's photo would be right beside it.

  Except . . .

  He didn't want her. Didn't crave to back her up against the wall, lift her skirt, and bury his fingers between her thighs. He didn't want to devour her mouth, suck on that lower lip, and bask in the husky moans he ripped from her throat. She didn't piss him off, turn him inside out, and make his soul shake with need.

  Ah, crap.

  Hannah offered to pay part of the bill, which he quickly squashed. As they walked out of the restaurant, he took her elbow to guide her over the slick sidewalks. Not even a slight tingle of awareness between them. He distantly appreciated every quality she could bring into a relationship, but knew he wasn't the man for her. Should he tell her now? Wait to break the news to Kate? He hated this part. No wonder he despised dating.

  He stopped at her car. She tilted her head, staring up at him with an eager anticipation in her pretty brown eyes. For a kiss? He avoided the whole trap by moving fast. Slade swooped down, kissed her on the cheek, and took a step back. "It was lovely meeting you, Hannah. I had a wonderful time with you tonight, thank you."

  She blinked. "Oh. Yes, I did too, Slade. Hopefully, we'll see each other again."

  He nodded like a dimwit, desperate for escape. The big bad millionaire lawyer scared of hurting a woman. He was such a dweeb. "Yeah, I'm sure we will. Drive safe. And thanks again."

  He stumbled away and headed toward the parking garage, cursing Kate and Kinnections and his damn hormones the whole way. He hated disappointing a sweet woman, but better now than leading her on later. He wondered if he would've been attracted to her if he'd never met Kate. Not that it mattered. He was a goner.

  The idea of one night in her bed seared his brain and his dick. If he could j
ust spend hours with her naked, he may be able to exhaust his hormones enough. Maybe even get rid of that intense connection they seemed to share. Of course, he hadn't called her all week, giving her time to stew and think it over. He hoped knowing he was on a date with Hannah had driven the point home.

  Slade got in the car. The idea of heading toward his empty home was suddenly depressing. He could call a few friends and go for a drink. But even that didn't hold his interest. Maybe he'd check in on his sister. He'd been trying to give her the space she wanted, but he always worried. He punched in the number on his Bluetooth and eased the Jag into traffic.

  "Hello?"

  "Jane! It's your long-lost brother. Have you forgotten me? Or replaced me with some hot stud?"

  Her laughter made him smile. "Funny. Actually, I'm on my way out tonight."

  "Date?"

  "Girls' night out. Kate and Kennedy invited me to hang with them. We're on our way to Mugs. I forgot how much fun being with other women is. I think I avoided it too long."

  The memory of her shattered and lying lifeless on the floor flashed in his mind. Slade shifted in his seat. Was it a good thing they invited her into their group? Or bad? No, Kate would never hurt Jane, but did anyone ever realize their actions until it was too late? He kept his tone light and easy. "Dancing, huh? Sounds like fun. How's the matchmaking going?"

  A pause. "Are you fishing?"

  "Yes. Look, throw me a bone. You're my baby sister and I'm going through withdrawal. I have nobody else's business to nose around in."

  She blew out a breath, but he knew she was laughing. "Okay. I met two nice guys today, and I'm going on a one-on-one date with Brian. He teaches poetry."

  "Good. I want you to be happy."

  "I am. What about you? Dating?"

  "Yeah, just got done with one tonight. She was nice but not for me."

  "Poor thing. She's probably half in love with you already," Jane teased.

  "I'm sure Kate will find me another match. Is she going with you tonight?"

  "Yep, she's dressed to kill, and Kennedy wants to hook her up with a man tonight. Says she hides in her house with her dog too much. Sounds like you, huh?"

  He grunted. "I don't have a dog. Listen, do you mind if I swing by for a drink? I'm not ready to go home and I'd like to hang out."