Searching for Someday

by Jennifer Probst

  She pushed away the remnants of her homemade hot fudge sundae and patted her overfull stomach. If only she could relax and go to sleep. Did she still have that joint from her mother? Did she dare light up and sink into criminal activity?

  Or . . . she could take out the neon pink vibrator. Of course, the thing looked like it could choke a horse. What was her mother thinking? The image hurt her brain, so she refocused on the movie and tried not to think of drugs and sex.

  Her phone vibrated.

  Heart pounding, she studied the number. Her finger paused on the Answer button for a moment. Then she hit it.

  "Why are you calling me?"

  His husky laugh curled her toes and stroked between her legs. Damn, the man was dangerous even over the phone. "Thought you'd want me to check in. See how my date went."

  She swallowed and wondered why he had so much fun torturing her. Kate kept her voice cool and clipped. "Of course. I always encourage my clients to call and give us full feedback. Did you enjoy yourself?"

  "I did. Wait till I tell you about this."

  "You didn't sleep with her, did you? I gave you specific rules to follow, Slade, and I mean it."

  "No sex, I promise. But it was pretty damn close."

  She tried not to sway in the chair. "Oh. Well, I g-g-g-guess that's a good sign."

  "Imagine this. Tender, fresh meat that melted in my mouth. Cooked medium rare, with just a slight seasoning of peppercorn for a bit of heat. The potatoes came with some crazy type of Gorgonzola cheese, which complemented the rib eye, and crisp asparagus in a lemon butter sauce. Do you believe it?"

  Relief cut through her first, then pure aggravation. "Are you kidding me right now?"

  "No, I swear. You have to check this place out, it's close to Tribeca, but I never had the opportunity to eat there. It's called Mums and they have the best steaks I've ever seen. It's making a big name for itself."

  Her voice rose. "I don't care about the food! How was Emma? Did you like her? Did you get along? Did she have a good time? Do you even know what she had for dinner?"

  Silence fell over the line. "Of course I know what she had for dinner. Pity she didn't try the meat, she's sort of a vegetarian so they made her a platter of fresh vegetables. But even those were grilled and seasoned nicely. And she did share the wine. I went with a peppery, spicy Pinot Noir."

  Kate squeezed her eyes shut. "What is wrong with you? I'm working very hard to match you correctly, and I think you're sabotaging the whole thing! How was the date without the food?"

  "Geez, we went to dinner, I figured you'd want to know the details of the meal. Emma was great. Pretty, funny, we had a good conversation."

  "Finally. That's a relief. When do you want to go out again?"

  "Oh, I don't want to see her again."

  She clenched the phone and dropped her voice to a whisper. "What?"

  "You did a brilliant job, Kate. You're definitely very good at matching people. I'm starting to realize you're not as much of a con artist as you are misguided. Still, my sister can end up a casualty with all your good intentions, so I need to keep an eye on this whole process."

  "I'm honored I've been promoted to crazy rather than a criminal. Why don't you want to see Emma again? Are you really closed off to finding your mate? I told you this process can't work if you don't--"

  "I know, I know, I'm open. I tried, and I pictured us together, and on paper it was perfect. But she's missing an unknown spark, something I can't put my finger on."

  "Sexually?"

  "Maybe. It's an unknown quality a woman has. I either feel it or I don't."

  The realization slammed through her. All of the perfect characteristics Slade had recited were for paper purposes. To find his correct match, she needed to look deeper. Maybe a woman with more of an edge, a bit more assertive, more of a challenge. Yes, as a lawyer, he craved a bit of mental banter, physical sensuality, and kick.

  Elena.

  She was a bit of a wild card, but definitely worth a shot. Elena would surprise him on all levels. The only danger was Elena didn't like to play by the rules, and if she wanted him physically, she'd go after him. Kate teetered on her decision to send him to the arms of a woman who could claim him.

  But that was her job.

  "I know who I want you to date next."

  "You?"

  She flinched at the silky, caramel tone that wrapped her in goo. "No, we're not good for each other. Her name is Elena and I think you'll be perfect. She's different from the others. Are you willing to go out this week again? I can set it up quickly."

  "You still want to play this game?"

  His meaning throbbed in her veins and mocked her as a big fat liar. No, she wanted to rip off his clothes, climb on top of him, and ride him to oblivion. She wanted to claim him for her own. Kate imagined him home, sprawled on his couch, shirtless, all that rough toasty skin bare to her view. Imagined him hard and throbbing beneath her stroking hands. Imagined his head buried between her thighs and bringing her to pleasure over and over again. She had to fight the attraction and find his match. It was the only true way to free them both and prove her business a success.

  "Yes. It's not a game to me, Slade."

  His voice hardened. "Got it. I'm free tomorrow night. Set it up."

  She opened her mouth to say something, but he clicked off the line.

  Kate stared at her phone for a long while, wondering if this time she had finally pushed hard enough for him to go away. Robert whined, as if sensing her distress, and pushed his nose into her palm. She sank into the crocheted blanket, petting her dog and watching her movie and telling herself she was happy with her life.

  KENNEDY POKED HER HEAD into the office. A huge grin flashed her gorgeous white teeth. "Guess what?"

  Kate pushed the mounds of paperwork away from her, swiveled her chair around, and stretched her legs. "What?"

  "Edward and Justine are getting married!"

  Kate broke into delighted laughter. "I can't believe it. Yes, I do, I knew they were the perfect match from date one. How did you find out?"

  "They're here in my office right now. Come and see them."

  Kate got to her feet and followed Kennedy into the office. The couple sat on the white couch together, holding hands. Kate remembered the first time Justine had come in, unsure, shy, and inexperienced with dating. She'd held a small mixer to get an idea of her type and immediately sensed a connection with Edward. All it took was a simple nudge in his direction, and after the first date they'd become inseparable.

  Justine caught sight of her and squealed, jumping from the couch to give her a big hug. "I'm engaged!" Laughing, she shoved the pristine round diamond out in the universal gesture of a new fiancee. Edward grinned and stood. He towered over six feet, and Justine barely topped five two, but together they fit perfectly, her reddish curly hair tucked neatly into the crook of his shoulder, his arm naturally resting at the small of her back.

  "I'm so happy for you guys. The ring is gorgeous! When's the wedding?"

  "Next May. And of course, the whole staff of Kinnections is invited. It wouldn't have happened without you."

  Edward beamed. Kate's heart clutched with emotion, and once again she realized this was the reason it was all worth it. Bringing people together to start their lives was a heady power. Satisfaction rushed in a powerful flood. She prepared herself for the sting but moved forward to hug them both together, waiting for the release of energy to escape that always proved she'd made the perfect match.

  But she felt nothing.

  Kate held on a bit longer, desperate to experience the heady rush, but there wasn't even a rustle of recognition. Were they correctly matched? She stepped back, keeping her smile in place while her heart galloped like a mad pack of Thoroughbreds. Oh, God, what if she matched them wrong? She always confirmed the connection when her clients got engaged or married. Panic nipped at her nerves, but she kept calm and engaged in light chatter about the wedding and their future plans.

&n
bsp; By the time they left, Kate was on the verge of a full panic attack. She dropped into the matching blindingly white chair by Kennedy's desk, mashing her knuckle against her mouth. Ken came back and dropped into the leather chair beside her. A frown marred her brow. "Are you okay? Did you get too much of a shock this time? I told you not to touch the newly engaged couples, Kate. What if you get some crazy electrocution thing that fries your brain?"

  Kate lifted her gaze. "I didn't feel anything, Ken."

  Her friend stared at her, dumbfounded. "What do you mean? Oh, my God, are you telling me they're not a match?"

  Kate dropped her face into her hands and groaned. "I d-d-d-don't know! I don't know what's going on. I lost the t-t-touch. Completely. I'm working blind, but I haven't told anyone because I keep thinking it'll come back. Now I'm terrified it's gone forever."

  Her body shook. Funny, how many years had she prayed for the gift to go away? She craved normalcy and hated consistently knowing if two people were meant to be committed or not. It was too much pressure, so she decided to use her talent for good, to help bring people together rather than sit helplessly by and watch them either miss each other or marry the wrong partner.

  Now, she got her wish. Emptiness pulsed in her gut, a lack of something inherent within her. What was she going to do?

  "Don't panic, sweetie. We'll figure it out." Kate lifted her head and watched Ken turn to the cabinet behind her, take out a shot glass, and a tiny bottle of amber liquid. "Here, drink this." She pushed the shot across the desk.

  Kate sputtered. "Are these the liquor bottles from hotel minibars?"

  "Yeah, I have a collection. When I get bad news, sometimes I drink one to settle my nerves. It's good for you."

  "God, first pot with my mother and now hard liquor with you on the job. My morals are slipping faster and faster."

  "Shut up and drink." Kate obeyed. The sting of whiskey slid down her throat and she choked back a cough. Her eyes watered. Ken nodded with approval. "Better. Liquor is truth serum, kind of like PMS. It helps you not to lie to yourself anymore. Now, I want you to tell me everything. When did you lose it?"

  "I can't remember exactly. I kept noticing I wasn't getting any reactions from being around couples. At first, I thought it was a temporary glitch, but I got nothing from Edward and Justine. I haven't experienced even a tingle, no matter who I come in contact with. It's gone."

  "Probably temporarily in hiding. Have you done anything different lately? Involved with someone I don't know about?"

  "No."

  Kennedy pursed her lips in thought. "What about Slade? He came into Mugs the other night for a few. Hung out with Jane, but then he disappeared. Funny, I didn't see you after either. Unless . . ." Her eyes widened. "Holy shit, you're screwing around with him, aren't you?"

  Kate wrapped her arms around her chest. "No. Not really. Oh, God, I don't want to! I mean, I want to, but he's completely wrong for me, and he's a client. I just want him to go away, get out of my life. The only way I can accomplish it is if I set him up with the right woman."

  Ken narrowed her gaze. "What if you're the right woman?"

  "I'm not, I swear. He only wants to sleep together and wring it out of our systems so I can then match him properly. I'd never do a one-night stand."

  She ducked her head to avoid Ken's knowing look. "Okay, I have a few things to say to you but I need Arilyn in here. Time for an intervention." Ken pressed the intercom button on the phone. "Hey, can you come into my office for a sec? I'm with Kate."

  "You won't get Arilyn to bully me," Kate said. "She's on my side."

  "Not this time, babe."

  Arilyn floated into the room, clad in a long silvery skirt, white T-shirt, and sandals. Her hip-length hair shimmered in red gold, and she took the third seat with her usual feminine grace. "What's the problem?"

  Kennedy slid over a shot glass to Arilyn filled to the top. "Kate lost the touch. She wants to have sex with Slade, but she's too afraid. He wants her for one night in a thwarted attempt to get over their chemistry, and she just wants to match him with another woman, thinking the whole thing will go away."

  Arilyn processed the information. Reached out and tipped the glass back, swallowing the slide of whiskey in one perfect gulp. Set the glass back down without a hitch and faced her. "You have to sleep with him, Kate."

  Kate gasped. Her calm serenity billowed around the shocking words. "What? N-n-n-no! Sleeping with him will be disastrous. If I match him, I'll get the touch back, I know it."

  Arilyn clucked with sympathy. "Darling, I think we misinterpreted your connection with Slade. At first, I thought you were meant to find his match. But if you lost your abilities and still feel a connection to Slade, the only way to get the touch back is to sleep with Slade. Giving your body over and taking a chance. You're fighting your natural attraction, and that's not a good thing. Especially if it's only about fear."

  Her mouth opened and closed. She never imagined Arilyn would agree to help her lose her virginity, but her words brought a strange sense of clarity. Could that be the solution? Her body quaked with terror and something else. Something she hated to define, but it was more like . . . excitement.

  Kennedy jumped in. "You're blocked. Open yourself up to a sexual experience with Slade, and I bet your abilities will come rushing back."

  "What are you so afraid of?" Arilyn asked gently. "Slade? Losing your virginity? Or losing your control?"

  Kate shuddered. "All of it."

  "Then it's time to find out what will happen if you give up that control. Remember the yoga classes we take? Control is only an illusion to calm yourself into believing things will go a certain way. Give up the control, let life lead, and you will find a rich discovery."

  "And endless orgasms," Kennedy piped up.

  Kate smothered a laugh. "God, I can't believe I'm seriously considering this. I set him up with another date tonight. Things with Hannah didn't go well. He said she's too perfect. Then he went out with Emma and said he was missing some spark he couldn't name."

  "Hmm, interesting. Who's the new date with?" Ken asked.

  Kate winced. "Elena."

  Arilyn shook her head. "Oh, this is bad. She's pretty assertive with men she finds a connection with. The complete opposite of Hannah and Emma. If you were looking to push him into bed with someone else, you found your girl."

  She swallowed past the lump in her throat. Elena was known to make men crazy with lust and lead them on a chase. In a way, she was perfect for igniting Slade's love of the hunt. The idea of Elena touching him with her hungry gaze made her nauseous. But in a way, wasn't she throwing him a test? If he buckled to Elena's sexuality, he'd prove two things. Breaking the rule of sex before monogamous dating. And confirming he only sought the challenge of a chase.

  If he failed, she'd prove he wasn't the one.

  If he passed, she may not have any other barriers to hide.

  "You can still call him, you know," Kennedy offered. "Tell him you want him. Bet he'd cancel the date with Elena."

  Kate dragged in a deep breath. "No, this needs to be played out. Maybe Elena and he will be better suited for each other. She calls to his primitive side, but she's super smart. She's also a career woman, and Slade enjoys battling wit to wit. Maybe I'll have my answer tonight."

  Arilyn and Kennedy shared a look. "Or maybe you won't have anywhere else to run."

  The statement echoed her own thoughts.

  As she thanked her friends and walked out of the room, Kate wondered if it was already too late.

  SLADE CLOSED THE DOOR behind him. The silence of his home descended in a deafening air that mocked his decision to send Elena away. He turned and studied the empty rooms.

  When he left his marriage behind him, he longed for peace. Stability. His failure in the institution mocked him, so he focused his energies on helping others who were betrayed and had no advocates. When he lost his parents, Jane became his sole responsibility. He tried to care for her but also failed to protec
t her from the heartbreak the world cruelly threw out.

  The lesson was clear. Nothing lasted, and one needed to prepare for the eventual pain of a broken relationship. He figured letting Kinnections try to set him up with a companion who could fit seamlessly into his life and share his company took most of the messiness away. He didn't believe it would actually work, but at least the goal was clear. Until one woman wrecked all of his expectations.

  Kate.

  She ignited all the hidden instincts long buried. When was the last time he dragged a woman into a corner with the purpose of kissing her senseless? Her constant insistence he belonged with another pissed him off and caused a hurt he didn't want to examine. As soon as Elena climbed off her Harley, shook out her hair, and gave him a knowing grin, he'd known where the night headed. Sure, Kate warned him he needed to actually enjoy a woman's company on a few dates before jumping into bed. But Elena was different. She exuded a sensual vibe that said they were two grown adults and could do what they wanted. On their terms.

  She was also interested.

  His body mildly reacted, but within a few minutes he'd remained cold. He was terrified no one would ever be able to match the electric chemistry he shared with the woman who didn't want him. Slade wined and dined her, surprised at her engaging conversation and wicked sense of humor. Once again, he admitted that Kate got him right. He did need someone less than perfect, and the layers Elena offered intrigued him even more than Hannah. More than Emma.

  But she wasn't Kate.

  When Elena refused to wait and kissed him, he'd kissed her back. Tried desperately to work up enough interest to take her to bed. It would be good for both of them and finally show Kate that he was done playing games.

  Until he realized Elena was just a poor imitation of the only woman he wanted.

  He pushed her away with regret. She studied his face, understood, and left in a roar on her badass Harley bike. Like a chump, he watched her leave and now stood alone in his magnificent home, with no wife, no dog, no lover, and an endless mocking silence.

  No more.

  The rage and frustration took root and flowered. He was done sitting around and waiting for something that wasn't coming. He'd told her she needed to come to him, on her terms, but if he didn't take what he wanted--what they both wanted--he'd continue on an endless path of dates that had no meaning and implode from frustration.