Searching for Someday

by Jennifer Probst

  Arilyn shifted her strawberry hair to the other shoulder. "Nope. He didn't even know what a clit was, let alone how to find it."

  Kate smothered a laugh at her friend's crass statement. "Wow, I had no idea it was that hard. Actually, he gave me three."

  They stared at her as if she'd sprouted two heads. "Three?" Ken choked out. "He's a master."

  Heat bloomed on her cheeks, but she felt a weird type of pride in her lover's expertise. "Yeah, too bad my being a virgin totally freaked him out. I mean, really, what's the big deal?"

  Arilyn shook her head. "He was probably feeling too close to you. When men bond, the first thing they do is try to cut the ties. Sort of like a wolf caught in a trap. They'll chew their own paw off just to get free."

  Ken laughed. "Nice visual. Hell, it's not like you told him you loved him and wanted to get married. You were super cool about it. Okay, so let's go over the summary one more time. You had amazing sex, he acted like a dick, you kind of broke up, and now you want me to keep him in Kinnections and find him other dates?"

  "Correct."

  Arilyn leaned forward and rested her thumbs on her knees. "Sweetie, do you think that's healthy? Maybe we should just cut him loose."

  "No. We need a crop of new women. I made a tactical error thinking I could force Slade to believe in love, but we'll never win that battle. We need to match him with a woman with the same philosophies. He'll feel safe with her, and perhaps be able to open up to a long-term relationship."

  Arilyn nodded in agreement, but Kate knew she was already reaching for her counseling tools. "Okay, if that's what you truly want. You're ready to release him to another?"

  "Yes."

  "Bullshit." Kennedy glared and stabbed a finger through the air. "You're into him. We tried this before, and he ended up at your front door and took you to bed. What makes you think it won't happen again?"

  Kate crossed her arms in front of her chest. "We understand each other now. Realized we want different things. Besides, we needed to get the sex out of our system."

  "Did it bring back the touch?"

  Kate snagged her wineglass and drained it dry. "No," she muttered.

  Her friends let out deep sighs. "Aww, shit," Ken said. "I really thought the sex would do it. What did your mother say?"

  "One visit was enough, thank you. She almost got me arrested by sneaking a joint into my purse. I refuse to bother her with this. We'll just move forward and see if it comes back. Besides, we're set up for success with or without my extra benefit. Let's not lose sight of the goal."

  Arilyn nodded with enthusiasm. "Kate's right. This is happening for a reason to lead her in the next step of a journey. We'll be patient and open. Let the universe guide us."

  "Me and the universe do not have the same understanding. I find success happens when you kick the universe's ass and do what you want," Ken said.

  Arilyn gave her a pointed look. "Maybe you need a session of hot yoga."

  "Maybe I need a session of something else hot but much more pleasant."

  Kate fought a grin. "Are we in agreement? Ken will take over Slade's matchmaking and we'll move on."

  Ken blew out a disgusted breath. "Fine. I think this plan sucks, but I'll do it for you. At least he was nice enough to watch Robert so you could go to the expo."

  The image of waking up in Slade's house flashed before her. Tucked in the blanket with Robert at her feet, she felt safe. Taken care of. He hadn't tried to drag her into bed or leverage their sexual attraction.

  She pictured them having a cozy breakfast together and completely lost it. There was no way she could continue fighting her instinct to surrender to him. So, in the middle of the night, she'd packed Robert up and sneaked out like a bad one-night stand.

  She wondered if he missed her when he woke up. She wondered if he even cared or thought twice, or was just relieved he wouldn't have to deal with her company.

  Yeah, she was officially nuts and nuts about him. She had to set him up with another woman before it was too late.

  "Oh, look, 9 to 5 is on!" Ken shrieked.

  Kate swiveled her head. The classic female buddy movie always made her laugh. Arilyn jumped up and down with excitement. "I love this movie! We need more wine."

  "I'll get it." Kate trudged to the kitchen to snag another bottle. "My favorite is when they all get high and imagine creative ways to kill their boss."

  "I love when they wheel the dead body out of the hospital and get caught with it in the trunk!"

  "Wait!" Kennedy called out. "I have an idea."

  Kate and Arilyn looked at each other. "That's never a good thing, Ken. Your ideas usually involve breaking the law or cute boys."

  Her friend practically preened. "It's girls' night. We need to let loose. And I bet Kate still has that joint Madeline gave her. Don't you, chickie?"

  "You want to get high?" Kate shrilled.

  "Hell, yeah. Go get it."

  Kate paused only a moment. Arilyn looked intrigued by the idea. And for a little while, she didn't want to worry about Slade or rules or anything. She wanted to hang with her best friends and let loose. "Okay, I'll get it."

  She scooped it out of the zippered pocket of her purse, searched her junk drawer for matches, and brought it into the living room. They all sat close together around the battered coffee table as Dolly Parton strutted her stuff in the boss's office.

  "I can't believe we're doing this," Arilyn muttered. But she took the joint, sucked in a deep breath, and held it. Kate and Kennedy giggled like teenagers and passed it around.

  "You should've seen Slade's face when it rolled out of my purse!" Kate said, inhaling hard.

  "What did you say?" Arilyn asked.

  Kate snorted. "I denied the whole thing! Said it wasn't mine!"

  That collapsed them into more laughter. "Why do men have to make life so complicated?" Kennedy grumbled, expertly plucking the joint between her fingers and placing it against her lips.

  Arilyn let out a dreamy sigh. "Because they're the other half of us. It's supposed to be complicated."

  "Is your new yoga teacher complicating things for you, Arilyn?" Ken asked slyly.

  Kate studied her friend's blooming cheeks. "Are you having an affair with your instructor?" she asked in surprise. Arilyn was hard-core when it came to not dating her instructors or students. She held herself to a higher standard than others.

  Arilyn frowned and gracefully stole back the joint. "I had a relapse. Once. Twice. Okay, maybe a few times."

  Ken leaned in. "How fun. Are you hiding it from everyone? Do you do it in his office or after hours?"

  "Maybe." Kate laughed. Arilyn was always able to surprise her by challenging Ken's gutsy questions. "Let's just say Downward Facing Dog will never be the same for me."

  Ken sucked in a breath. "You go, girl."

  "It's nothing long-term. He doesn't believe in monogamy, so I won't be staying with him for long."

  Kate let out a long breath. "Slade doesn't either. He believes in oxytocin. A hormone that's emitted after sex and disguised as love."

  Arilyn pushed the joint into her hands. "Here, sweetie. Have another hit."

  "Thanks."

  "I say we don't need any men. I say screw them."

  Kate nodded at Kennedy's booming statement. Funny, her head was floating a bit off the top of her shoulders, but she looked good that way. Almost like a fairy. "Yeah, you're right. We don't need men at all. All we need is each other."

  "And good movies," Arilyn chimed in.

  "And wine," Ken declared. "Forever and ever!"

  "Girl power!" they all shouted.

  She didn't remember what happened afterward. The room drifted, warm and cozy, and her friends voices were like music in her ears. She floated to a happy place, where she didn't care about Slade Montgomery or his next date or his stupid oxytocin. From now on, she'd concentrate on her own journey and have fun and maybe eventually find someone who loved her back.

  Someday.

  "
YOUR PLACE LOOKS GREAT, Jane. So do you."

  Slade took in his little sister with a bit of a pang. She was different. Yes, still sweet underneath, a bit shy, but she walked with a feminine confidence he'd never seen before. He was definitely screwed up. All he'd wanted was for her to stand strong on her own, but now he felt as if she didn't need him anymore.

  Jane smiled and pushed over the chips and dip, his weakness. The place was small but happily cluttered, with various books, papers, and magazines scattered among antique tables, a deep sectional, and a tiny breakfast nook that held French doors opening onto a patio. Spring tinged the air with a teasing freshness, and he pictured her outside planting a garden. She always had a green thumb but couldn't really experiment with their place in the city. From the eclectic pottery and watercolors, he finally caught a sense of Jane's true taste.

  "Thanks, big brother. I told you I would be okay. Verily is the perfect fit for me. I'm even taking a pottery class on the weekend, and Brian is teaching a creative poetry workshop I plan on attending."

  Her work always drowned out most of her social activities, and she'd been afraid to push outside her social barriers. Now, she seemed relaxed in her well-fit jeans, Coach sneakers, and sequined black T-shirt. Her hair had been tamed and pulled back to accentuate the strong lines of her face, and her trendy new glasses brought out a confident edge she'd never exhibited before.

  Slade grabbed a handful of chips. "So, tell me about this Brian."

  Her gaze narrowed, probably from past experience. "Don't start."

  He laughed and threw his hands up. "I'm not, I promise. I really just want to know about him. I have no intentions of sticking my nose in your personal life anymore."

  Jane wrinkled her nose. "Why?"

  "Because you seem happy and healthy." His voice caught with emotion. "That's all I ever wanted."

  Her face softened, and she snagged his hand to give it a quick squeeze. "Thank you for that. Brian is great. Kate said we were moving a bit fast, but she seemed to trust my judgment. We get along well, have similar interests, and decided to be monogamous."

  "Hmm, it's only been two weeks, though, right?"

  "Slade."

  "I know, sorry. Hard habit to break. Just listen to your gut. If you feel like he's going too fast, slow it down. You're in control."

  "Got it. Right now I'm going with the flow and enjoying every moment."

  Worry nagged at him. Kate was definitely keeping an eye on his sister, especially if she made that comment. Maybe he should talk to her briefly about Brian. Not to cause any trouble, but to make sure Kate realized the implications if this guy wasn't being careful. How many times did men throw themselves into a relationship only to get spooked when they realized it was the real stuff? It was a weakness in his gender he knew quite well. Slade glanced at his watch. Maybe he'd drop by her house, check on Robert, and ask some innocent questions.

  He spent the next hour catching up and snacking before he made his way out. Should he call first? What if she told him not to come by? Ever since that morning, it seemed they had an agreement to stay away from each other. Kennedy already had a date lined up for him this Friday night, and there was no real reason to contact Kate.

  Still, he was in the area and he really was a bit concerned about Jane.

  Slade maneuvered his way through the town. Crowds spilled over the sidewalks, walking dogs, lingering with coffee at outside cafes. The river flowed, the frost and ice finally broken up, and the bridge gleamed in the partially cloudy sky. Funny, he was actually growing to enjoy the little town. A bit eclectic, with artists sporting purple hair, piercings, and tattoos galore, but at the same time there was a level of acceptance and positive energy flowing through the crooked streets. He passed a sign advertising hot yoga and winced.

  Her Fusion was parked in the driveway when he pulled up. He fought the urge to swipe his palms down his pants and wondered what the hell was wrong with him. Nothing to be nervous about, just a quick stopover to chat about his sister.

  He rang the bell and waited.

  When she opened the door, he knew why he'd been wary.

  She took his breath away.

  Hair caught up in a ponytail, face bare of makeup, she wore black yoga pants, Reebok sneakers, and a baggy yellow T-shirt. Her blue eyes widened when she caught sight of him. Her presence jacked his body to life, and he tamped down the urge to step through the door, haul her into his arms, and kiss her senseless. She was so frickin' beautiful and real.

  "What are you doing here?"

  "Came from visiting Jane. Wanted to check on Robert."

  Of course, it was almost two weeks that had passed, and he knew the infection was completely cleared up. Her brow hiked as if she suspected his lame excuse, but she opened the door anyway. "Come on in. Robert, Slade's here!"

  The scurry of paws echoed through the air. The dog raced over to him and crashed into his open arms. Slade laughed, petting him, then leaned over to press his forehead to his. "Hey, buddy. I missed you. Feeling good?"

  He barked once.

  "I'll take that as a yes. Do you still have Bunny?"

  Robert turned, vanished into the living room, and charged back with the tattered, sopping-wet bunny in his mouth. A fierce pleasure pounded through Slade, knowing the dog still loved the gift.

  Kate shook her head and grinned. "It's his favorite thing in the world. I insisted on washing it the other day, and he waited in front of the dryer for half an hour."

  His throat tightened. "I'm glad." He straightened up and hungrily took her in. Her cheeks were flushed, but he figured she'd been exercising. Thinking it was over him would hurt too much. "Am I interrupting?"

  She shifted her feet. "I was going to take Robert to the dog park. Let him run a bit."

  "Oh." He stared at her like a teenage chump. "Maybe I can come with you? I want to talk to you about something."

  Kate hesitated and pulled her lower lip between her teeth. His gaze focused on those lush, pale pink lips and he wished to hell she was sucking on something else. "I guess so."

  Her reluctance made him grin. Always trying to get rid of him, even from the first. "Great. Let's go."

  He reached for the cart, called for Robert, and deftly hooked up the straps. She grabbed two water bottles, a NY Mets ball cap, and headed out the door. Their long strides ate up the pavement as they walked into town, and the wheels of Robert's cart steadily whirled. "Baseball fan?" He pointed to the cap perched on her head. Damn, she looked adorable with her ponytail bouncing.

  Kate laughed. "Nah, Gen's sister Alexa is a huge Mets fan. She gives out gear for birthdays and Christmas."

  "Hope her husband isn't a Yankees fan."

  "Uh, yeah, better not go there. How about you? Sports guy?"

  "No time. But I watch the Olympics."

  "Hard-core."

  The dog park was half filled with a variety of breeds. Kate opened the gate, which housed a large lawn, various toys, and huge water bowls. Exchanging greetings with the other owners, they leaned against the gate and watched Robert take off in his cart, whizzing round and round with his ears pinned back and his tongue lolling in ecstasy. Slade relaxed, chuckling at the simple pleasures of taking a walk on a beautiful early spring afternoon. Usually he was at the office catching up on work, at the gym, or trying to do something halfway productive.

  "What did you want to talk to me about?"

  Oh. Right. Back to the real goal of his visit. "Jane. I just came from her house."

  Kate let out a sigh. "You know I can't discuss her situation, right?"

  "No, this is different. She told me she's dating this guy Brian, a poetry teacher, and things are getting a bit intense. Said you advised she was going too fast. What did you mean by that comment?"

  She watched Robert run and seemed to mull over her answer. "I can't give you much without breaking confidentiality. I always counsel my clients on diving in too fast, just in case. I always advocate slow and steady because it seems to work better fo
r the percentages of successful relationships."

  He strummed the gate with his fingers. "Do you think she's in any trouble?"

  Kate shook her head. "Jane seems fully capable of handling the situation. That's all I can say for now, which was probably too much."

  He nodded. "Good enough."

  "That's it?" she teased. "You trust me now? Don't think I'll raise my prices and make Jane mortgage her apartment?"

  He studied her face, her soft smile, and shining eyes and wondered if he'd ever get over her. "I trust you, Kate."

  The words drifted softly in the breeze. She stiffened, recognizing the hidden meaning in his statement, and she stepped closer. Time stopped. Sexual energy swarmed and pulled them together. Helpless to resist the spell as luring and sweet as spring, he bent over and touched his lips to hers.

  The kiss was gentle. Undemanding. A slight brush of the lightest touch, whisper soft and as heady as a shot of adrenaline on a bungee jump. Her eyes darkened to a stormy navy blue. He scented her arousal from here, and his nostrils flared with the need to take, claim, possess.

  Instead, he swallowed a curse and drew back. He didn't apologize, and she didn't demand one. They stared at each other for a while, until Robert's barking broke through their bubble and dragged them back to reality.

  "Want to visit the doggie bakery?" Kate asked.

  Robert barked twice.

  "Somehow, I don't think that was a no," Slade said. "Let's go, buddy."

  They strolled into town. Stopped in the bakery for Robert and got him a frosted, organic peanut butter donut and a pepperoni twist for later. The Swan Pastry shop was next door, and Slade dragged her inside and bought a bag of biscotti, honey almond, double chocolate, and lemon divine. They munched and weaved their way through the crowds, admiring art in the windows, and spent almost an hour in the secondhand bookshop. The smell of leather and paper hung heavily in the air, and he breathed it in like a drug. He purchased a biography of FDR and got her The History of the Pit Bull, which featured a glossy photo that looked exactly like Robert.

  After a satisfying lunch at the hot dog truck, they sipped chocolate mochas and then headed back. The wind grew crisp and the sun disappeared, signaling an end to the idyllic day. When he stopped in front of her house, regret pierced him. He wanted to come inside, cuddle up on her worn-out recliner, and watch the sunset. He wanted . . .