Where I Belong

by Stella Andrew

  Adrien walked inside shutting the door behind him and leaned on it. I sat on top of my study table once I stack my open books aside. The room grew silent. Neither spoke a word.

  “So.” I start.

  Adrien scratches the back of his head still not looking at me.

  “C’mon. You said you had something to tell?” I press on. A ghost of his usual smirk which I never realized I had missed a teeny tiny bit appeared on his face.

  “Technically, I said I’ll come back later. I never said I wanted to tell you something.” Cocky bastard. I’m chasing him out right now!

  Before I could say anything, Adrien speaks up.

  “I’m sorry.” He apologizes so very quietly. I stare at him dumbfounded. Don’t blame me, I’ve always thought he didn’t have the word ‘sorry’ in his jerktionary.

  “For being a jerk these couple of days.” He continues. These couple of days? Wasn’t he a jerk ever since I moved? I don’t say it out though. Adrien clasped and unclasped his hands staring at the floor.

  “And about the other day when I yelled at you.”

  The other day?

  “I just got mad that you were spouting nonsense in Esmee’s presence. She’s the type to overthink and worry.”

  Oh my god! Now I get the damn thing.

  “You’re in love with the Student body Secretary!” I exclaim. Shit, how could I have not possibly thought of this? Adrien lets out a humorless laugh.

  What’s so funny?

  “Love, huh.” He leans back staring at the ceiling now. He looked so lost and broken.

  “Adrien?”

  “I did.” His voice was barely audible.

  “What? I couldn’t hear you.”

  “I did.” He said much louder now.

  “So uh... confess? Problem solved?” I say and he stares at me now like I’d grown a second head.

  “So you’re saying, I should steal my best friend’s girlfriend?” He asks in a mocking tone.

  What? Wait what? Who?

  Then it hit my stupid brain.

  “Evan and Esmee are dating!?” I practically scream. He gives me a glare at my outburst but then sighs rubbing his temple. Wow. What kind of a combo is that! I mean a super-hot guy and super cute girl dating. They’re like the school’s hottest, not to mention the perfect couple!

  “Back when we were in junior high.” Adrien began. I never took him for someone who’d be willing to share secrets. Let alone well-hidden ones.

  “Evan, Esmee and I became a team. I fell in love with Esmee during our second year.” He stops and takes a deep breath.

  “And?” I press on.

  “When our final year started, Evan and Esmee had started dating.” He finished clenching his fists, his knuckles turning white. That happened like two years ago. He’s still in love with her?

  Wait so why are we talking about the President and his girlfriend now?

  “I don’t really care who’s dating who or who’s heartbroken. What I really wanna know is what’s gotten you in such a pathetic mess.” I say.

  “Since when have you been worried about me?” He asks raising a brow looking at me skeptically.

  “Uh since you’ve been looking dead? Since you’ve been getting into a lot of crappy situations both in school and at home? I mean c’mon. You might be delinquent material, but you’ve never done anything out of order in my opinion. So, of course, anyone would wonder what the hell is going on.” I say walking back and forth like some lecturer lecturing her stubborn student.

  He doesn’t say anything. Just remains silent.

  Oh for crying out loud!

  I crouch in front of Adrien and look at him directly, now that we’re eye-to-eye. He looks straight at me yet he seems so distant. His alluring deep green eyes which were one of the things I found mesmerizing had lost its glow.

  “Look. You need not tell me anything. In fact, you can keep every single thing you do a secret from the world. But...” sighing I place my hands on top of his clenched fists.

  “Remember you’re hurting those around you by being so secluded.” I finish remembering the devastated faces of his Mom and Dad and Uncle Cam these past days, due to Adrien’s actions. I know so well since I had been in the same position secluding myself and hurting friends and family.

  Adrien unclasps his fists and holds mine. His touch so gentle, I’m left in shock. And then the most bizarre and unthinkable happens. Tears run down Adrien’s beautiful face.

  “A-Adrien?” I didn’t know what to do. Fuck!

  Tissue? Pat him? Tell him don’t cry? Wait, why the hell is he crying in the first place!?

  “I can’t take this anymore.” He weeps shattering my soul in the process. Adrien never cries.

  “What am I even doing? Damn it. Damn it all!” He continues mumbling, his gentle touch now firm and rough.

  “Adrien, what’s wrong?” He doesn’t say anything but continues weeping in silence.

  I take my hands off of his grasp and get to my feet. A month ago, no, a week ago tell me I’d do this and I would have clearly laughed in your face. But now, my actions took over my mind.

  I embrace Adrien’s slouching self. His shoulders rising and falling. I rub his back trying to comfort him. Adrien’s arms go around my lower body and hold me tight. I’m pretty sure he has no idea what he’s doing. I mean why’d he even want to hug me back?

  And then, he spills everything out in a single breath.

  Seems like Esmee’s beauty aroused even local thugs. They had kidnapped her when she was on her way home from school. It happened to be a day when the President had to go straight home and couldn’t accompany her. Those asses hadn’t done anything apart from taking lewd pictures of her. They had wanted to blackmail her but she changed her usual route and they never saw her again, until a few weeks back when one of them had spotted her. They’ve been in waiting when Adrien had seen them before Esmee and picked a fight.

  “Since those bastards had the upper hand what with them possessing Esmee’s pictures, I was forced to make a deal.” Adrien stops talking for a minute.

  “What... what was it? The deal I mean?” I ask wanting to know what it is he’d been doing making him look like trash.

  “Accompany...”

  “Accompany?” Why do I feel dreadful even before he finishes?

  “Girls.”

  “WHAT!?’ It’s natural for me to scream right?

  Adrien doesn’t seem to mind me screaming in his face. More like he’s not in this world but in a world of regret and disgust. That’s what’s shown in his face.

  “That’s what I had to agree for. No matter the time. No matter the person. No matter the situation, when I’m called I have to go. They would choose the hotels.”

  “Y-Y-You... You... You were accompanying girls to love hotels!?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Adrien hung his head in shame.

  “Nothing happened to be honest. I always made sure I got the girls drunk and when they had gone unconscious I would leave quickly. But it was disgusting and horrible. Those filthy women and their approaches. I get sick thinking back. It felt like I was dying every time I got a call from those people.” His voice broke and it hurt me every second.

  Oh my God.

  Before I could think of what the hell I’m doing, I hugged him. Tight.

  “Why are you hugging me?” His voice was mumbled, with me crushing his face on my chest. His tone was more of a doubt than an annoyance.

  “I don’t know. I just felt like doing so.” I reply.

  Why do I feel like crying? Shit! Damnit!

  “You’re... not disgusted?” His voice was unstable. Like he’d start sobbing again.

  The oh-so-great Adrien Valentin in tears and unstable. I’m gonna freaking bomb those shitheads hideout!

  “I would never be.” I murmur softly.

  Adrien had been tainted. He’s had to pleasure shitty women. All because he’s blinded by the love for Esmee. Yet I couldn’t be mad at her. It’s not her
fault. No one’s but those bastards.

  “Don’t go anymore,” I say pulling back and looking at his face more clearly now. He doesn’t respond.

  “I’m begging you. Don’t go back to those people.” I stop myself from shaking the life out of him.

  “Just a little longer.” He replies taking my hands in his.

  “Why? Why do you still want to continue!?” I yell at him. I don’t understand.

  “Until I get them arrested.” Adrien looks at me straight in the eye, a determined look overtaking his regrettable expression.

  “How?” I inquire.

  “I’m going to get Camille’s help.”

  “Woah... what!?” He’s going to tell Uncle Cam about all this? I mean I bet Uncle Cam has connections and would most definitely be able to help this guy out. But getting to know his precious nephew had been asked to sleep around with women isn’t a pleasant thought.

  “I know what you’re thinking. But this is the only solution I’ve got.” Adrien says ruffling my hair. I give him a solemn nod and a tight smile. Anything to get this idiot out of the mess he’s in.

  “As long as you have the determination to put an end to all this,” I say.

  “I didn’t before. Heck, I just went with whatever was thrown at me. But something someone said hit me straight on the face. And so, I’m going to make a difference what so ever.” Adrien says, looking straight into my unblinking, unflinching eyes.

  A ghost of a smile appeared on his face and he looked at me from sideways.

  “Since when did we start being all chummy with each other?” He jokes. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

  Wow, look at us. Acting like childhood friends or something.

  “Ever since you became a mopey baby.” I tease him earning a scowl.

  Before he could counter, he’s interrupted with Uncle Cam’s loud and extravagant entrance into the house. He always has to do things with a flare. That man!

  “Perfect timing. While I’m feeling all pumped and bold, I’d better have a talk with him before I chicken out.” Saying so Adrien gets to his feet and begins walking towards the door.

  “You know,” I begin. He stops and turns slightly, watching me. “After all this shit is over and done with, you should man up and go confess to Esmee.”

  “What?” He asks his eyes going wide.

  “Only then will you be able to move on Adrien. Or you’ll forever live with the regret that you never confessed and things would have been different.” He doesn’t say anything. “Maybe there wouldn’t be a change, but still you can breathe easier with the satisfaction that you’ve done what needs to be done.” I pause. “After all isn’t there a French phrase that goes ‘Qui n’avance pas, recule’?”

  ‘Who does not move forward, recedes’

  Thank heavens I remembered the correct phrase.

  “Well aren’t you a cheeky little French genius now.” Adrien’s smirk is back.

  Is that a compliment or an insult?

  He turns back facing the door. He ponders a while and then says. “I’ll think about it, Mia.”

  Wow, how long has it been since he called me Mia? Wait am I actually enjoying him calling me that!?

  “One more thing.” He says as he turns the doorknob and opens the door. I wait for him to go on. He looks back over his shoulder, a gentle smile overtaking.

  “I never thought I’d be saying this but, I’ve missed your ridiculous sugary omelets.” And he closed the door behind him.

  Why oh why does he play with my poor heart.

  Wait.

  My heart? Pssh... I’m imagining things.

  I contemplate everything he had said to me. One thing was certain.

  Adrien was willing to go to such lengths for Esmee. It’s understandable with her being the girl he loves.

  So why, do I feel like I’ve been betrayed?

  What’s this pain I’m feeling?

  CHAPTER NINE

  A week passed with a breeze, ever since Adrien and I had a heart to heart talk. Well more precisely him coughing out all his regrets, and secrets, but still, it’s a heart to heart right? Adrien was starting to get back to his usual cocky self.

  But there were moments when he’d show another side to me. A sweeter side, other than his arrogance. Like in the school hallway, or by the stairs leading to the second and first years, he’d throw a light smile my way or a breezy wave. Which goddamn annoyingly stirred my heart. Those tiny movements made me soar high.

  Like what the hell?

  Adrien had a heated conversation with Uncle Cam, which wasn’t anything pleasant. Uncle Cam had been beyond furious. More at himself for being so ignorant to his nephew’s problems than at Adrien. Everything was kept a secret from Adrien’s parents of course.

  God knows what would happen if they were aware of the shitty situation.

  With some calls here and there, those bastards who had tried hurting Esmee, and had made Adrien do the unthinkable, were caught and it looks like Esmee wasn’t the only victim. So were plenty of other innocent girls. All proof was destroyed, freeing these girls and so Adrien was set free in the process as well, and thus him going back to his usual life being the delinquent yet good kid.

  What bothers me now is the way I’m acting. I find myself always searching for Adrien.

  Am I still concerned for him? Maybe I’m being a little paranoid?

  “Earth to Amelia. Yoo-hoo. Anyone in there?” A voice disrupts my thoughts. Who else would it be beside the lovely Pierre?

  “Would you stop screaming in my ear?” I snap at the boy bouncing in front of me, on our way to the cafeteria.

  And stop bouncing while you’re at it dufess!

  “It’s a million years too early for him to stop acting like a child.” Ninnon sighs from beside me, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose with the index finger. Pierre, having heard her, turns back and ladies and gentlemen the Ninnon-Pierre argument session begins!

  Ethan chuckles from beside me at the two of their antics. Surprisingly, or not the four of us clicked really well and always found ourselves with each other. I, of course, welcomed them with open arms, especially during lunch breaks since...

  “Where are you going looking so happy?”

  Why do people always have to ruin my thoughts!

  Standing right in front of me was none other than our school’s very own prince jerk-ass.

  I step closer to him and at once felt the dark aura around me.

  “Next time you wanna talk to me, make sure you come in disguise. Your fan club would kill with the glares alone.” I say dryly. He responds with a smirk. See why I call him jerk-ass?

  “Who gave you permission to go eat somewhere other than with me?” He asks arrogantly. Excuse me?

  “Uh since, oh you ignored me all those weeks back?” I reply with a glare.

  “But didn’t we make up with hugs and cuddles?” He asks mocking a faint pain in his face. This ass!

  “What!?” urgh anyone but her. “How dare you not tell me?” Ninnon steps in front, hands-on-hips like an angry Mom.

  “Uh... well, you see, Ninnon...” I hear a faint chuckle and glare at the moron. “You did that on purpose!” I yell at him.

  Not only Ninnon and crew, but even the kids mostly consisting of girls, oh jolly! Heard what he spouted and was staring, glaring and anything menacing at me.

  Adrien grabs me by my wrist and yanks me after him. Does my heartbeat for this jerk? Yeah right! I knew I was being paranoid.

  “You better explain yourself on the way home, Missy,” Ninnon calls after. Wow, she’d make a perfect Mom.

  Pierre waves. What am I, going overseas? Ethan’s hands in the pocket give me a smile, which happened to be teasing. Wha!?

  I walk along (dragged actually) behind Adrien. He didn’t mind the stares we were getting. I’m the victim but most surely the rumors would go in HIS favor as me treating him like crap.

  I notice Evan and Esmee all cozy and warm, talking to each other. We c
atch Evan’s eye and he looks over Esmee’s shoulder waving at us. Adrien lifts his left hand in which he was holding his lunchbox. The other was firmly holding my left hand. Evan looks at me then, and he actually winks. Winks! Not the flirty type but playful. I really ought to hold a confession session with Ethan and Evan on what’s with those absurd reactions.

  Almost reaching our hideout, Adrien lets go of my hand and walks ahead slowly. I match his pace and walk beside him. He sits on the stairs and I just stare.

  Wow, it’s been like forever since I’ve been here. We’ve been here.

  “Feeling nostalgic Mia?” Adrien teases. I hmph at him and sit a stair below him and start gobbling my chicken salad hamburger as quick as possible so I could get away from this guy.

  I choke and he soon pats my back lightly.

  “There are other ways to die you know,” he says raising a brow. A look of amusement in his eyes.

  I glare at him and take a huge gulp of water.

  “What are you so mad at?”

  Really? Does he have no idea what’s gotten my panties in a twist?

  “Oh, I don’t know. How about we start with the fact that I’ll be killed by your so-called fan club?” I say controlling myself from snapping at him.

  I swear if he asks me why, I’ll dump my food on his head and walk away in style. Which is, of course, running away at full speed.

  “Let’s see them try. You really think I’d let them?” he says so nonchalantly and continues munching on his hamburger.

  I stare at him unable to swallow his words. Did he just say something nice to me?

  And there it is. The fast thump-thump of my heart. Shit.

  I turn my face away still staring at mid-air in shock. I close the lid of my lunchbox with shaky hands. Why am I feeling nervous all of a sudden?

  “I-I’m done. I’m heading back.” I say all the while not facing him. I hurriedly get to my feet and right when I’m about to dash off he stops me by holding my hand. I turn and look back. Adrien isn’t looking at me but at his feet. His lunchbox kept aside.

  “I’m going to do it.” Was all he said.

  Do it? Do what? You don’t mean...

  “You’re going to confess?” I ask.

  “Yeah. Confess and tell the two of them of everything that had happened.” Adrien says finally looking at me. His expression that of relief. “Only then would I truly gain freedom”