Where I Belong

by Stella Andrew

  “Alright, alright worry-wart. I’ll head to bed. Stop chasing me so much.” Ninnon sits up straight, stretching her arms. We say our goodbyes and switch the laptop shut. I slide back on my bed and stare at the ceiling. The tiny stars on the ceiling of my room, blinking and twinkling a silvery glow.

  Once again, no news on Adrien huh.

  Not once, had he come by the second year’s floor to ask Ninnon, Ethan, or Pierre about me. Ever since the three graduated to the second year of high school, in French Terms, La Premiere, Adrien never engaged in any conversation with them what-so-ever. Evan and Esmee had occasionally inquired about me, but never the jerk.

  I grab my pillow and hug it tight, trying desperately to make the pain in my chest go away. Why am I feeling so awful?

  I raise both my hands and slap either side of my face. Hard.

  “Pull yourself together Amelia. You have enough shit to worry about.”

  A-Hole Noah kept getting in my way. Bumping into me in the hallway and then apologizing flirtatiously, inviting me for lunch, trying to run his stinky-venom fingers all over my arms. I’m pleased with myself for twisting his fingers the other way when he tried to touch my face.

  Ryan and Heath have been controlling themselves from beating the crap out of the guy. It’ll just lead to Noah being the victim, with Ryan and Heath being the assaulters, who might end up suspended.

  I’m at my limit though, bearing whatever pranks he keeps pulling. One of these days, I might end up beating the shit out of the guy myself. Who gives a fuck on suspension?

  Leaving the jerk aside, the rumors hadn’t stopped. The girl who abandoned her friend or Best friend of a loser slut kept circling around the school.

  The girls snicker when I walk by, the guys try to console me with winks and air kisses. If it weren’t for my friends and a couple of other kids who were true supporters, and of course the teachers who somehow were on my side, I would have completely lost it.

  It’s not easy coming back to a life I threw away.

  Turning to the side, I stare at the photo frame Ninnon had gifted me as a parting present. A photo of the four of us, standing by the Parc de la Tete d’Or, the largest urban park in the country, with its own zoo and botanical garden.

  Ninnon and I were standing close, holding a box of popcorn each, with Pierre and Ethan at the back. Pierre was trying to steal a few popcorns from Ninnon, and she was pushing his face away, when the friendly tourist guy we asked to take a picture of us, clicked the camera.

  I smile back at the memory. It had been a fun day filled with jokes, and laughter.

  A tear drops on my bedspread as I continue staring at the Picture frame.

  What do I do Ninnon? I feel lost and empty.

  And just like that, I cry myself to sleep, bottling up my pain and worries inside of me.

  The blaring noise of the alarm clock deepens a headache I’ve already got. I push my hand from beneath the sheets. Grabbing the enemy of all humans, I throw it to the other side of the room, but the darn thing doesn’t break as it does in the movies.

  It keeps ringing and ringing. Begrudgingly I throw the sheets aside and get to my feet, padding over to where the nuisance is, I grab hold of the clock, the coldness of the metal making my fingers flinch.

  “Shut up already!” I scream at the alarm clock and switch it off. I retrace my steps back and climb into the bed once again.

  It’s a school day, but I’ve no intention of getting dressed and going back to that hell-hole, just to fill my head with trash talks about my beloved deceased best friend.

  There’s a knock on my door before it creaks open. A dark-haired head pops in a smile on her gentle face.

  Aunt Fel?

  “Amelia. Amelia!”

  What?

  The dark hair is replaced with short-cropped auburn locks. The gentle, smiling face is overrun by a familiar face.

  Mom.

  A look of worry on her face as she walks inside and kneels down beside my bed, taking my hands in hers grasping them tightly.

  “What’s wrong Amelia?” Mom’s voice is laced with worry and anguish, staring down at my face.

  Honey-Pie.

  There it is again. Mom’s face morphs into Aunt Felicity’s. Deep green eyes staring into my grey orbs.

  What’s wrong with me?

  I sniffle, tearing my gaze from Mom’s and hid under the sheets. I thought I’d finished up all the blocked up tears, but a new set of them broke out, dripping non-stop down my face. I’m sure Mom can hear me whimpering, but she keeps quiet, patting my head gently.

  “Take the day off today. I’ll give a call to the school Amelia.” With one final pat, she gets to her feet and walks out of my room, shutting the door after her.

  What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I doing this? Why am I putting Mom through shit again?

  Damnit, Amelia. You suck!

  No matter how hard I’m trying, the old memories keep resurfacing. I thought I’ve gotten used to them? So why am I still crying?

  I’m not sure what time, since I’m still under the sheets, but I guess its 7:45 a.m., Ryan comes to pick me up. I remain where I am. The last thing I want is hurting Ryan, who seems to believe I’m starting to get used to life back in Miami.

  I climb out of bed and slowly open my door, slightly ajar, just enough to eavesdrop. Mom and Ryan are talking. She somehow convinces him I’m down with a cold and asks him to go on without me.

  He tries to somehow climb upstairs to check up on me, but Mom shoos him off saying he’ll be late.

  Thank you, Mom. Thank you for saving your sorry-ass daughter.

  I lock myself up in my room, pondering over what I must do. I walk back and forth, unable to calm myself down.

  I managed to survive all this time, so why am I breaking apart right now?

  Without a second thought, I grab my phone from the charger and dial Ninnon’s number. It’s only 8:15 a.m. over here, which means it’s around2:15 p.m over there. I’m not really sure what class she’s in right now, or if it’s a free period. Nevertheless, maybe if I hear her voice, I could calm down.

  “Hello? Amelia?” Ninnon’s voice comes from the other side. Somewhere inside of me, it felt like a boulder was being lifted. I sigh.

  “Amelia?” She calls out once again cause I’m still silent. Speak up already woman!

  “Ninnon. Sorry, are you in class?” I ask

  “Would I be answering my phone if I’m in class?” she retaliates. I could almost see the smirk in Ninnon’s face as she replies to my stupid question.

  “Oh.” Seriously Amelia? Just an ‘oh’?

  “We’re having P.E right now, and I’m skipping to help Ms. Valerie.”

  Oh, Ms. Valerie. How I miss her, and her ways of making me do all the things she finds boring to do.

  “What’s wrong Amelia?”

  “What do you mean what’s wrong? I just called?” I say. The line grows silent for a couple of seconds.

  “Did something happen?” Ninnon ignores my earlier reply. I bet she’s narrowing her eyes now.

  I let out a light laugh. Wow. Just how much can this girl figure me out?

  “I just felt like talking to you. That’s all.”

  “And? What’s it you want to talk about?” she inquires. I remain silent. “Oh for the love of... Amelia, Ms. Valerie is going to kill me, and secretly curse you if, she knew it’s you who kept me from working, so woman up and spit it out already.” She says hurriedly.

  I break into a fit of giggles and soon Ninnon follows.

  “Alright, enough jokes. What’s up really?” Ninnon asks once we manage to stop giggling.

  “I miss you,” I say with a sigh. “I miss everyone back in Lyon.”

  “Did something happen? Wait, how are you even talking to me? Aren’t you supposed to be in your first class?” Ninnon finally realizes I’m talking during class hours.

  Not wanting to hide anything from her, I begin from this morning with the alarm clock.

&nb
sp; What? I told you I don’t wanna hide anything from her right? She should know, I detest alarm clocks.

  “So... you’re feeling homesick? Only, this is slightly weird. Cause you’re already home, and it’s the temporary home that you’re missing.”

  I give a nod, and then realize she’s not able to see my reactions and reply her with a ‘yeah’.

  I hear Ninnon sighing. A bad feeling in my gut.

  What’s this I’m feeling? Is it a bad omen? Has Ninnon gotten used to not having me around, that she finds it irritable me being homesick?

  “I lied.”

  Wait what? Lied? About what?

  “Nothing has gone back to normal.”

  I don’t get what she means. What is she trying to say?

  “Nothing is as it was before you came to our school, Amelia. No one moved on from you.” Ninnon says and I frown. What? Didn’t she tell me everyone has gotten used to not having me in class? Ninnon, didn’t you tell me some of the kids in class, has completely forgotten Amelia Brooke? So what the actual fuck?

  “Pierre is attentive in class saying he’s definitely going to surprise you with his grades when you come back. Florence is doing her best to become tough, because you always used to scold her to woman up. Vivienne and crew don’t even bully the class weak girls anymore. Theodore tries to do his duties by himself, because you kept yelling at him. Benjamin’s stopped teasing girls mercilessly. Ethan is doing his best in having conversations with girls because you kept nagging and I... I’m not unsociable anymore. And Adrien...”

  My heart stops thumping. Adrien?

  “He continues eating at that staircase you two shared as a hideout. Sometimes I see him with a disgusted look, almost choking as he tries to eat rolled omelets.”

  Oh my god. Don’t tell me...

  Tears brim in my eyes, and slowly fall out.

  Great! I’m still the cry-baby I was back then.

  “Amelia, We, who formed cliques since the first day and ignored people who didn’t deem fit in our eyes, have all become one class. It’s all because of you Amelia. Everyone in class misses you, Amelia. There’s not a day, we don’t talk about Miss. America who blew into our class like a hurricane.” Ninnon finishes with a light chuckle.

  I laugh along with her, while still crying. What the hell?

  “I’m a mess Ninnon!” I say between fits of laughter.

  “Who’s there?”

  Woah. That voice.

  “Um... Ms. Valerie?” I say confused.

  “Who...” she pauses and then talks once again. ”Oh, Amelia. Why are you talking to Ninnon all the way from America, during school hours?”

  “I... uh... well, I was just feeling, uh homesick of Lyon? I was just asking Ninnon what to do.” I say and hope with all my might, she doesn’t say something stupid.

  “What do you mean what to do?” I hear Ms. Valerie’s voice shouting from the other side. Uh oh. Here it comes. “All you got to do is come back. Problem solved. Woman up, look at your Dad in the eye and order him to send you back at once! I really do need you back. No one is willing to help me as you did. Goodness, these lazy brats.” Ms. Valerie huffs in annoyance, as she throws the phone back to Ninnon.

  “Give this girl a good scolding and do whatever it takes to bring her back!” with that she walks away.

  What in the world is this woman?

  “You heard her.” Ninnon was on-line again. “I’ve stayed long enough. It’s time we get down to business.” Ninnon says with an authoritative tone.

  Uh? Business?

  “Well, then Amelia, au revoir.” And the line gets disconnected.

  What the hell is happening!

  Oh no. Ninnon just spoke in French! This is bad. Real bad. She’s up to something.

  I head down to breakfast in a daze, taking in all that Ninnon had said.

  Is what she said true? Does everyone really miss me? Do they really want me back?

  I grab myself a bowl of cereal flakes and a carton of milk and make way to the living room. Dad was seated on the couch, reading today’s paper. He glanced over his shoulder when I clumsily banged my leg on the cabinet.

  Dad’s the CEO of his own company, therein he need not go to work every day. He goes for checkups on weekends and would give orders as to what the employees got to do the following week.

  “Ah, Mia. Good that you’ve come down. I was about to fetch you myself. Goodness, you do look awful with those eye bags.” Dad gets to his feet and takes my bowl of cereal from my hand, and places it on the coffee table.

  “What’s wrong Amelia? Did something happen in school?” I’m about to pour milk into the bowl but then stop. “I sure hope, there’s no bullying?”

  I sigh

  “No Dad. No bullying.”

  What? It’s not a lie. Right?

  Dad gives a vague nod and grabs the newspaper once again, flipping to the sports page.

  My conversation with Ninnon rings in my head as I gulp down my breakfast.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I glance at Dad. Should I try pleading once more?

  “What is it, Mia? Something on your mind?” Dad asks as he folds the newspaper and leaves it aside. He turns and looks at me, a gentleness spread over his face.

  “Dad... um..” I drop the spoon into the bowl and push it aside. “I had a talk with Ninnon,”

  Dad’s eye narrows as he gives me full attention. “And?”

  I gulp.

  “Well... the thing is, it seems everyone back in Lyon hasn’t forgotten me yet.”

  Dad doesn’t say anything.

  “They seem to want me to come back,” I say sighing sadly.

  “Amelia!” I flinch as his voice rose. “We’ve had this conversation and we came to the conclusion that you are to remain here! In Florida. With us.” He finishes.

  “But Dad,” I raise my voice unintentionally. “I’m not a child. I can make my own choices. Why am I not allowed to go back?”

  “Why are you so hell-bent on going back? Have you a boyfriend to return to?”

  “Why are you so hell-bent on keeping me here!” I ignore his question about a so-called boyfriend. “I know I’ve family here. Friends. But I just can’t seem to forget Lyon. My memories from when I lived there.”

  It aches. My chest.

  “You’re putting your memories of Lyon over the ones you shared with us your whole life? Amelia, consider Lyon as a passing cloud. Your life is here, in Florida. And that’s final!”

  “You don’t know how hard this so-called life in Florida is Dad.”

  With that I get to my feet and run upstairs, banging my door shut behind me.

  Staring at my room ceiling has become a habit now. How the dull, cream-colored ceiling could be so fascinating is beyond me.

  I twist and turn fighting back the tears. I’m not going to cry again. I’m so fed up with the constant teardrops.

  I grab my phone and find 26 unread messages from Ryan and threesome and a couple of missed calls. I stare at the screen with guilt.

  They’re all so worried about me, yet here I am; crying over people I’d met only recently.

  People who made you feel whole Amelia my consciousness whispered within me.

  A soft knock on the door brings me back to my senses. I quickly turn around and hide my face under the sheets.

  The door creaks open. I wait for Mom or Dad to say a word but there’s nothing. Not even the sound of breathing. Silence.

  I remove the cover off my face and turn around, only to find my friends standing there blue in the face.

  The fuck?

  Heath lets out his breath aloud and takes in gulps of air. The rest follows him.

  “Umm, guys?” I ask confused. What the hell just happened? And why in blazes are they here!? What about school?

  “Seriously man. Did we have to fucking hold our breath? What is she a supergirl with superhuman senses? Geezus.” Heath grumbles as he leans on the door of my 3-door closet.

  Ryan just shrugs and take
s a seat on my chair while the girls get comfortable on the beanie bag.

  I raise a brow waiting for some kind of explanation.

  I clear my throat to earn their attention. Four pairs of eyes are locked on me.

  “Holy crap! Shit girl. What in blazes happened to your face? You look like a freaking Zombie.” Heath remarks as he finally takes a god damn good look at my face.

  “Shut up ass.” I throw Mr. Bunny, my plush toy at him. Ryan throws him an annoyed look, but Heath just shrugs like its no big deal.

  “Seriously though. What in the world happened to make you look like a rollercoaster ride, Mia?” Lara asks worry lines on her perfect face.

  Sighing I push myself up and lean back on the headboard of my bed, hugging the pillow close to my chest.

  “Mia? What’s wrong babe?” Ryan sat beside me, taking my hand in his and squeezing it gently. I cover his with my other hand, taking in the warmth.

  Why is my life so messed up?

  “Thoughts about Lyon?”

  I perk up and stare at his face. He gives me a soft, gentle smile.

  “You’re too obvious babe. How long do you think I’ve known you?” he says ruffling my hair.

  I move back, away from his touch. It was like his touch was scorching me, with the guilt I felt. Taking turns I look at Heath, Lara, and Amethyst. They share equal worried and sad expressions.

  “I don’t know why. I really don’t know what’s gotten into me. I just... can’t seem to forget Lyon. It feels like somethings been snatched away from me.”

  Don’t break down Amelia. These guys don’t deserve your bitchy tears.

  “You haven’t gotten used to life back here?” Heath asks, standing up straight and coming over to where I am.

  It’s suffocating.” I’m not going to lie anymore. “Every single day, I force myself to smile. I assure myself, everything is going to be alright. Every time I step foot on school grounds, it’s like something is shoved down my throat. So suffocating.”

  The four of them remain silent, giving ear to what I’m saying.

  “It wasn’t any better in Lyon. But somehow, I don’t know, I felt a push from the back to move forward. I felt like I could live my life once more. Maybe it’s not just Sarah’s death. Maybe I’d been feeling trapped my whole life, and finally felt free. For some reason, it felt like Lyon was where I was meant to be.” I emphasize the latter strongly. It tore my heart to see the grim looks on Heath’s, Lara’s and Amethyst’s faces. And the final blow which shattered my heart was the understanding smile which Ryan gave me.