A Fire Upon the Deep

by Vernor Vinge

  * QU what human intelligible language should I have him speaking?

  <- back to text

  Note 525

  * [vsv] CHK for INCON these figures (and note the speed implied) June 13, 1991 Elsewhere you estimated 15d Straum to Relay c08, So let’s also take that as roughly what previous time to disk was (moving along an equizonal surface). Later I think you say it now takes OOB 21d to reach disk. So that would be 1Kly/d (degrading conditions) or 42 ly/hr. (15d would be 56 ly/h). Thus, I conclude they should be about 150 ly out after 3h here:

  June 13, 1991. Note 10000 vehicles This small number is to be consistent with the fleet size that Blueshell mentions in for a Power in c16 (see also c21)

  <- back to text

  Note 526

  * [vsv] NÆH : Small INCON here, since if they had a good branch office at SjK that would have been the place to have trial employment of humans.

  <- back to text

  Note 527

  * [vsv] CHK INCON with previous thoughts she’s had about future employment; probably okay, though

  <- back to text

  Note 528

  * [ur] Penultimate sentence of preceding paragraph not quite right.

  * [vsv] NÆH :

  * QU PRB How to defuse reader speculation that the “Old One” at the end was really the Perversion spoofing. (I want it to really be Old One)

  <- back to text

  Note 529

  * [vsv] CHKd (this chapter)

  <- back to text

  Note 530

  * [vsv] NÆH :

  * QU In this scene, I assume they are in zero gee. Does it come across or is the reader going to get some notion that Greenstalk is using agrav here?

  * [vsv] June 6, 1991 He should also complain about the incomplete consistency checks. June 13, 1991 Doesn’t quite fit so NÆH

  <- back to text

  Note 531

  * QU PRB Ways of strengthening the end of this chapter welcome.

  <- back to text

  Note 532

  * mARK 31Aug89

  <- back to text

  Note 533

  * [ur] Using w.bat and wc.com to do 1500words/day

  <- back to text

  Note 534

  * PRB QU how to have more talk/explanation of how Johanna sees her mission and the starship’s mission June 13, 1991 NO TIME

  * IMP definitely recommend removing all gratuitous false conclusions

  * [vsv] I think Jefri’s false conclusion should stand

  * [vsv] NÆH : BKG Flenserists usage: star ship, star people, mantis

  Woodcarvers usage: flying house, Two-Legs

  But I think either can use mantis and Two-Legs and star people

  * QU PRB probably need to retrowrite more about Jaqueramphan’s personality?

  * IMP QU Move some of the Jaqueramaphan personal stuff to Part I?

  [vsv] Yes! This may be all that jrf was asking for IMPER

  June 2, 1991 Unfortunately, there’s no PoV Scriber scene earlier, so I contented myself with just making him seem more competent

  * PRB QU REN In addition to your other naming problems of Tines, there is the question of how to represent them in Samnorsk

  * ? PRB repetition of Pham’s sow bug image

  * PRB Check on sunniness in Northwest (S&&T; Tromsø docs)

  * QU Do Tines artists have the notion of perspective?

  * [vsv] Certainly, Woodcarver’s “mosaics” must be accurate; as for the the rest, I’m not sure they come up. And how do humans think of their pictures

  * INCON Why wouldn’t Johanna blow Jefri’s story with Ravna when/if they meet?

  * small PRB Jaqueramaphan is really like a lot of my previous characters Norman Simmons, Svir Hedrigssvir

  * QU Do you really want Tines to use the term “human”? —YES

  * REN Name for Woodcarvers town — Woodcarvers Chapter TITLE “King of the Half-Baked Idea” (in reference to Scriber)

  * INCON Wax tables v parchment/paper (Vendacious taking notes)

  * NÆH : ID More sentient property at Relay. Chapter TITLE : “Property Rights”

  * QU Who has previously used the term “twoleg” (I bet lots of people)

  * NÆH : ID Use Vendacious to illustrate the possibility of personality drift

  * ID IMP Romance scene between Woodcarver and Peregrine

  Lots of things going on here (actually a problem): Woodcarver’s problemsRomance

  * MAP Doodle of Vendacious standing on the tower just before the murder appears on Log21

  BKG ID Should have some fat packs. QU Are packs thoroughly fat?

  * [vsv] This is somewhat true of Vendacious

  * ID Boiling oil down the tunnels. Chapter TITLE : “Screams Muffled in Stone”

  ID for Relay plot: Disguised encounters with transhumans

  * ID IMP Make the dataset “huggable” RETRO A set she’s almost grown out of; pink.

  * NÆH : Feeling of security because Dataset is safe

  * small iNCON how come the automation left at the ship is so crummy

  * REN prB Amdi/Wicky/Jaque collides with our technical usage

  * IMP RETRO stuff you had in scene at Johanna’s after murder about postures and standing on one another, and straps on jackets

  * IMP ID It could be Peregrine who tips Scriber off about the nature of Vendacious (counterintel). This would strengthen the Townie scene before Jaqueramaphan’s murder

  * PRB Too bad you have to bump off Jaqueramaphan’s surviving fragment

  * pRB Johanna should not know the term “batterment”

  <- back to text

  Note 535

  * For initial version, I’m not saying: PART II

  <- back to text

  Note 536

  * CHK the timing of the seasons at this latitude

  * CHKd sp overcast CHKd sp midday

  <- back to text

  Note 537

  * CHKd sp hillside BKG PRB ? Note reference to harbor being frozen in the winter

  * [ur] QU Should Johanna be more concerned about the Testament?

  * QU INCON does all this rain conflict with the Santa Ana fires later on?

  * [vsv] I do need a summer with little rain, and heavy fønwinds. Which means there is more fuel!

  <- back to text

  Note 538

  * [vsv] SEQ BKG note in previous paragraph about Nyjora

  * PRB small. “bungalow” isn’t quite the right word

  * INCON SOLN or place to put solution: about different architectures, Woodcarvers people could be getting ideas for improvements from dataset

  * [vsv] Another SOLN , almost implicit: Woodcarver is into wood! point about architecture INCON . Maybe Woodcarver likes to live in wood!

  * INCON I thought Nyjoran medievalism was in a warm, humid climate?

  [vsv] I don’t see how this is a problem.

  * mARK 19Jun89

  <- back to text

  Note 539

  * [vsv] another possible place to explicitly bring up everything being too large or too small

  <- back to text

  Note 540

  * CHK back in first scene with Woodcarver, that she said to move Johanna to the “lodge by mine” Also, she implies that she wants to personally nurse Johanna

  * CHKd sp oilskin

  <- back to text

  Note 541

  * ? BKG I have to remove from here a lot of my observations of rural houses at the Bygdøy museum. For instance, some of the observations about farmer art. See the 0’th draft

  * CHKd sp pillar

  * NÆH : INCON QU Is there a collision here with my Tinish use of the word “legend”?

  * CHKd sp fire*pit not in webster

  <- back to text

  Note 542

  * QU PRB How come people don’t get rickets in winter? (on medieval Earth)

  * [jrf] Do you know they don’t?

  * QU INCON with her “finickiness” on the boat and with Jefri’s finickiness?

  * [vsv]
However, I think this paragraph does fix up the ambiguity in Steel’s claim about the kid being finicky

  * [vsv] June 10, 1991 Johanna’s use of “months” part of your general spacer time translation problem hr sec

  <- back to text

  Note 543

  * June 13, 1991 FRAG : Jefri, I’d give anything to see you again, screaming tantrums and all.

  * [vsv] June 3, 1991 Note that the italicized call to Jefri could be deleted

  * [vsv] June 3, 1991 Is this death okay to assert here?

  * [vsv] June 3, 1991 “months”?

  * NÆH : QU Is Johanna too whiney?

  * PRB This knife is probably not Tinish table cutlery

  <- back to text

  Note 544

  * ? QU Is this arrival too INCON after saying about her rejections?

  <- back to text

  Note 545

  * BKG PRB ? QU Note the ellipsis of “member” in this sentence

  <- back to text

  Note 546

  * INCON ? QU ? Will the reader think this is foolish incaution on the part of her guard (but there could be an arrow loop upstairs)

  <- back to text

  Note 547

  * QU Is it out of character for him to sniff at her plate. It’s almost like it makes him too much like a real (nonintelligent) dog

  <- back to text

  Note 548

  * [vsv] [ur] Tinish architecture always too large or too small for humans MODE s (see c12 notes).

  <- back to text

  Note 549

  * PRB all these later characterizations of the dataset may have to be modified (pruned) if you enlarge on the earlier discussions of it

  * IMP CHK gunpowder constituents and how to make the end of this paragraph make sense

  * [vsv] Henley’s Formulas says Potassium nitrate 75%, Charcoal 15%, Sulfur 10% John Dalmas, In The Lantern of God has a long discussion: circa Chapter 41: He apparently gets the KNO from guano. I don’t see him having any problem getting sulfur

  * CHKd sp outgrow CHKd sp half*hidden not in webster

  * mARK 19Jun89

  * QU Is it reasonable that they wouldn’t have sulfur in town in quantity.

  * [vsv] March 23, 1991 You may want to strengthen this “heirloom” point so that it’s more plausible that this might work in sequels SEQ

  <- back to text

  Note 550

  * CHKd sp dilettante

  * PRB since he has money and is at least articulate, you’d think he would have published something before now (see also later when he’s thinking about his life)

  <- back to text

  Note 551

  * [jrf2] “like coming home” doesn’t quite scan

  <- back to text

  Note 552

  * INCON PRB This speaking of “sigh” was also used by Blueshell

  <- back to text

  Note 553

  * QU PRB It would be nice for him to have some neater ideas

  <- back to text

  Note 554

  * [vsv] [ur] June 10, 1991 Again months problem

  <- back to text

  Note 555

  * QU Is this sudden use of plural okay (maybe the pages had come apart)

  <- back to text

  Note 556

  * PRB QU I don’t really mean to imply the the average pack is not a match of a human in a fight. The ones that Johanna harrasses (Scarbutt and Scriber) are just pulling their punches

  * [vsv] June 3, 1991 cf jrf2’s comment about “plenty of noise” in c04

  <- back to text

  Note 557

  * QU Does it make sense that this was a situation where it would be harder to sense the tears?

  <- back to text

  Note 558

  * CHK that you haven’t overused this turnaround

  * QU INCON terror?

  <- back to text

  Note 559

  * CHK possessive of Vendacious, Tines

  <- back to text

  Note 560

  * BKG ID At least for sake of sequels, it should be “The Republic”

  * [vsv] Gonna try for Long Lakes Republic (also “Republic of the Long Lakes” or “the Long Lakes”) DONE

  * ID BKG Probably what happens is that a pack as three or four puppies (raising the count up to 7-10), at which point fission is unavoidable unless some of the pups are given away

  * [vsv] NÆH : CHK “Rangathir” v “Rangolith<?>” Jim, you suggested that there be earlier (and more?) background about Scriber. I haven’t yet gotten around to doing that. One possibility is is just to move some of the stuff in the following to earlier in the story.

  * [jrf] suggests “see Scriber do more before you kill him” … “Perhaps in in the boat”

  * [vsv] Tuchman p238 says the king of France in 1373 had a library of 1000 volumes — and was admired for it. Somewhere I read that the Caliph of Alexandria had a library of 250,000 volumes

  <- back to text

  Note 561

  * PRB try to avoid using “human” here

  <- back to text

  Note 562

  * PRB small: I’d like a place to say “sharp-cobbled”

  <- back to text

  Note 563

  * IMP PRB ID Somewhere you should say (and make consistent) that proximity can also be a source of ideas (as in human dreaming)

  * [vsv] DONE later in this chapter

  * ? PRB I’m not sure you’ve made the Tinish awkwardness clear enough

  * [vsv] June 2, 1991 The Woodcarver theory late in the paragraph may be in conflict with her thoughts about human inferiority late in the story.

  <- back to text

  Note 564

  * INCON QU I don’t want to have “gunpowder” and “cannon” in italics later

  <- back to text

  Note 565

  * IMP avoid Norskisms in Tinish

  * CHKd these smells are consistent with t2, I think

  * PRB small stationer’s v Woodcarvers

  * [vsv] CHK BKG INCON 20000 population (actually, 10000 is consistent with medieval Oslo, but low for other medieval cities — could CHK Tuchman)

  <- back to text

  Note 566

  * [hld] Streets might avoid straightness, but zig-zag with sound baffles to limit “line of sight” sound propagation. Building walls definitely want to be off parallel to reduce standing waves IMP (vsv)

  * [vsv] I have now mentioned this (without explaining it) in c12. It is a good point for SEQ BKG

  <- back to text

  Note 567

  * mARK 21Jun89

  <- back to text

  Note 568

  * CHKd sp nonstop

  * [vsv] IMP I think this paragraph legitimizes my use of “choir” (though a little late) — but also discussed in c04

  * [vsv] For SEQ must re-research humidity and temperature affects on ultrasound

  <- back to text

  Note 569

  * IDEA writing without hypertext may become like black&&white films or silents — a continuing art form even though (or because) it has limitations

  <- back to text

  Note 570

  * CHK is there such a word as rosmaling?

  * [jrf] ??

  * [jrf2] [ur] ?? rosmaling

  <- back to text

  Note 571

  * RETRO PRO or delete: “bitter sound”. Do a general compilation of Tinish expressions. IMP ID

  * [vsv] Make more use of synesthesia in connection with sounds and sounds with emotion (actually, this may be partly present now but phrased in terms of thought).

  * IMP Note the implication here that they don’t know that Jefri is alive

  <- back to text

  Note 572

  * [vsv] “waffle” not in my dictionary; I am taking liberty wtih the slang version

  <- back to text

  Note 573

  * [vsv] The following expletive is anachronistic compared to the “hell with it” that jr
f complained about in c02. May want to go back and change the earlier NÆH : that’s Pilgrim that is being slanging, so I say it’s okay

  <- back to text

  Note 574

  * mARK 22Jun89

  <- back to text

  Note 575

  * [vsv] AAAA/BBBB taken from c21, in hopes of breaking up a block of news messages. I don’t know if it works or not.

  * IMP decide and install chapter breaks AAAA I had an Eye in the U reference in this paragraph

  <- back to text

  Note 576

  * [vsv] CHK INCON 50 ly/hr

  <- back to text

  Note 577

  * [vsv] CHRON CHK 3d; note that this timing is an attempt to squish everything up to close to their departure from Relay. This should also affect the dating on the messages at the end of this chapter

  <- back to text

  Note 578

  * [vsv] small INCON implication that deploying the swarm is rarely done and perhaps can’t be done when the ship is under way

  I don’t see such an implication here

  * [vsv] IMP BKG note though: the antenna swarm is mainly so they can listen to Jefri. It’s not really needed (or not always needed in full glory) to do what is described in the next paragraph