A Fire Upon the Deep

by Vernor Vinge

  * QU ID Hmm, this may actually be setting the stage for some retrowriting about Straumli background, that might work well — or might be a monkey wrench?

  * NÆH : QU PRB what about the fønvind fire thing?

  * ID SEQ IMP ! QU (conceived as I passed the latest Pern book at BDalton) Don’t overlook the possibility of purely Tinish sister books

  * [jrf] Absolutely! For instance, there could be a period of as long as a hundred years where there is little contact with the outside, and even when there is such contact, it could be with the remnants of Sjandra Kei. Furthermore, with a good number of humans already present, you have opening for a joint culture QU Is it too ugly that we won’t see the High stuff for a real long time? Note that this makes it more likely that I’ll want to zap the OOB

  * ID Could also have stories going on throughout the galaxy, though they would be essentially uncoupled from the near sequels of this novel:

  * [vsv] Eg, Aniara Port where the memory of Kjet is reviled

  * [vsv] chapter TITLE “No more net news!”

  chapter TITLE “McGuffins galore”

  <- back to text

  Note 955

  * [vsv] June 15, 1991 BKG SEQ so apparently Long Lakes don’t have conscription

  <- back to text

  Note 956

  * QU Is the following assertion a little in contradiction of a few paragraphs further on? — I don’t think so.

  <- back to text

  Note 957

  * ID Aha! a scene at the end (probably in heavy action) where Johanna is glad to see the scarbutt member

  * ? IMP Somewhere want to make it clear how Woodcarver could breed herself in certain directions without outbreeding. Moral question: What to do with defectives?

  * [vsv] I think most of the following is done in various places (much in the epilogs):

  * QU You may have missed prior opportunity to have Johanna think of the theory that Tines have developed more slowly than humans. Weren’t you intending to do that somewhere (and then somewhere else talk about their advantages now that they had radio)?

  <- back to text

  Note 958

  * IMP Somewhere you also want to make it clear that in some ways Tines can be closer than humans (as in merged packs, and memories)

  * TITLE (for heaven knows what) “The Mayor of Moscow” (if Yeltsin turns out to be important)

  <- back to text

  Note 959

  * [vsv] PRB hld raises should be thought about. Seems like the antenna cloud could be driven off the ship’s computers. I assume the swarm can be used while they are under way (makes it easier to talk to Jefri and still run; if necessary could write it the other way probably). Killer swarms are said to be more independent, and this may be a problem

  * [hld] Is the antenna swarm still with OOB? Does it fly ultradrive? Could use large aperture to tighten beam

  * [vsv] CHK all your coinages (eg, skrode ) in OED

  * [vsv] 10000km sounds small compared to what an antenna swarm could provide. You may want much larger swarms? INCON PRB FIXED

  <- back to text

  Note 960

  * [vsv] [ur] PRB Do you use this “all unnoticed” line before, like when they decide to stop at RIP? yes! you did (but with key “all unobserved” c25). It would probably be good to standardize and have someone use it before the fall of Relay

  <- back to text

  Note 961

  * [vsv] June 9, 1991 How does she know they agree on this?

  <- back to text

  Note 962

  * [vsv] March 26, 1991 You may want to inject some doubt into MSG about exactly which ships are which

  * [vsv] March 26, 1991 in MSG (or somewhere) mention the ad hoc nature of the fleets, even the blighter fleet

  * [vsv] Get rid of [ ->English ] references

  <- back to text

  Note 963

  * [ur] [Light gloss]

  <- back to text

  Note 964

  * [ur] (full-gloss channel)

  <- back to text

  Note 965

  * [ur] CHRON ” Date: 0.501 Msec since Fall of Sjandra Kei 2.220 Msec since Fall of Sjandra Kei (Clock Slop < 2500 seconds)

  <- back to text

  Note 966

  * Now there’s a grotesqe chapter TITLE : Unnecessary genocide

  * PRB wartrackers, wart rackers, war trackers

  * QU does it really make sense to show repeated speakers on the net

  Probably in the final version, there should only be a few repeaters though somewhere you might make the point that after a while one concentrates on certain names. This is part of the general PRB of how to deal with so many sources for the discussions that are going on.

  * ID Vrinimi might be made to be one of the references consistent with “The Blabber”

  * [vsv] CHK traffic estimate here

  * [vsv] Should I omit this first paragraph?

  <- back to text

  Note 967

  * [vsv] CHK INCON half

  * [vsv] June 9, 1991 CHK sp (capitalization) Homo Sapiens Sapiens

  <- back to text

  Note 968

  * [vsv] CHK CHRON 1000y

  * [ur] INCON using y and Msec in same posting. Definitely want somewhere that fragment about date translations.

  * [ur] April 27, 1991 make it clear that it is only a part of the Alliance fleet at RIP (probably they’re just showing the flag in part). That way the coincidence of their presence isn’t strained —oops, but weren’t they already chasing SjK? (See discussion in that chapter.)

  <- back to text

  Note 969

  * [ur] [Light gloss]

  <- back to text

  Note 970

  * [ur] (full-gloss channel)

  * [vsv] INCON with fluency seen at RIP? April 27, 1991 I don’t see why an inconsistency, given that the translation to Trisk may have occurred at an intermediate node June 8, 1991 Also, Ravna might note the fluency as possible evidence that the poster is not related ot Saint Rihndell

  * ID The source should be the organization that gave them Big Trouble on RIP June 15, 1991 NO

  * [vsv] note from January 9, 1991 : You attempt to handle some of these concerns in Ravna’s thoughts after reading this item. What is the real motive of this message. I assume it is from the perverted Riders (because of inside knowledge they might have gotten from Greenstalk). Do you have to say somewhere how they got the info?

  This looks like Blight smiles upon Aprahanti fleet and hopes they will have temporary success. This might be consistent with interpretation that Blight now knows the location of Tines world. Might just have Ravna comment on some of this to herself at the beginning of this news item. I think it’s quite plausible by now that the Blight either knows where Tines world is or can easily find it. It may also suspect that OOB contains something that can trigger Countermeasure. Actually, the Ravna commentary after this message looks quite sufficient to ensure plausibility/clarity of this message.

  * [vsv] What about the Communications Synod? INCON

  <- back to text

  Note 971

  * [ur] CHRON ” Date: 0.550 Msec since Fall of Sjandra Kei 3.299 Msec since Fall of Sjandra Kei (Clock Slop < 25 seconds)

  <- back to text

  Note 972

  * [vsv] April 27, 1991 AWK proper number to use with “Alliance” (singular or plural)

  * [vsv] April 27, 1991 Consider making this poster (or some poster) always writing in first person singular

  <- back to text

  Note 973

  * [vsv] “The name of the ship should have tipped us off” NÆH

  <- back to text

  Note 974

  * [vsv] CHKd other “Down” is Debley. Sneerot is mentioned in c27.

  <- back to text

  Note 975

  * [vsv] [ur] April 27, 1991 Unfortunately, if you do that “musicians” thing, you should do it consistently elsewhere. (But this case may also be because the source language is not
well-known)

  <- back to text

  Note 976

  * [vsv] April 27, 1991 Should I delete this following paragraph?

  <- back to text

  Note 977

  * ID Way back at the beginning (fall of Straumli Realm) there would have been a different set of speculations, including the theory that the helper was just an empire — that was one of many theories that bit the dust when Relay fell.

  * ID It would be nice if somewhere you could indicate that news has been through multiple hops (might research this a little in reference to to USENET) June 15, 1991 I think Sandor does this

  * ID IDEA 28Mar89 Enshrine the term jabberwocky (as you have tried to do with “evocation”) — mentioned in c16;

  * [vsv] IMP enshrinement could begin back with the first Net News you show — hard to do

  Jabberwocky: The semisense in poorly translated text (sometimes the translation may be about the best that can be performed by/for human caliber minds)

  * ID Should have more discussion of illicit news item modification and spoofers. It ought to be fairly common that different posters are claiming to be the same entity. On the other hand, a lot of this can be routinely filtered out (for instance if you have newsfeeds that have no common intermediate nodes).

  * [vsv] [ur] Finally decided just to have one style, the New News messages:

  * PRB Unfortunately, there appear to be two styles of sidebar, those that are integrated with the narrative (and acknowledged by the PoV) and those that are not. How can I get along with having both types? (One example of the second are random stuff from Johanna’s Dataset.) ID Might consider having a sidebar PoV!

  <- back to text

  Note 978

  * [vsv] CHK INCON 5000 msgs/hr June 15, 1991 Okay, in fact this is the cornerstone for a fair amount of stuff. If 10KB/msg (av), then this implies that OOB can receive at least c15KB/s on a main trunk

  <- back to text

  Note 979

  * [vsv] [ur] April 27, 1991 Above may be repetitive from earlier thoughts she has about reading the Net News. Furthermore, you should work on making weirdness in postings consistent (at least in its evolution)

  * [vsv] IMP this paragraph is a pretty clear statement of your rationale for Zone degradation (though it is still subject to the Austin paradox) Other places for additional commentary: Talking to Old OneNet News

  * [vsv] However you resolve the Austin paradox, remember the ansible in “The Blabber”

  * [vsv] [ur] March 26, 1991 more of this needs to be RETRO written, seems to be happening awfully abruptly, since they are only a few days out from RIP

  <- back to text

  Note 980

  * PRB You’ve already accused Hanse of being a Helper front before TUF

  * [vsv] how about Hexapodia as a keyword?

  * SEQ IMP consider having Twirlip fit with your N-novel L.Margulis scheme. In particular, then end of this message (or perhaps the “all one harmony” thing you took out) should be carefully considered)

  <- back to text

  Note 981

  * [vsv] [ur] Consider using “engineer” grouping on data representation: 392Ksec instead of 0.392Msec. NO use what the receiving automation is set for (like UNIX(tm) locales :-)

  <- back to text

  Note 982

  * [ur] CHRON ” Date: 0.392 Msec since Fall of Sjandra Kei 3.411 Msec since Fall of Sjandra Kei (Clock Slop < 3000 seconds)

  <- back to text

  Note 983

  * [vsv] change “Dates:” to “Date:” “his creation site”? could also use this posting to talk of protecting the “stupid part of the universe” June 15, 1991 NÆH

  * INCON “Information Service”? SOLN : lower case

  <- back to text

  Note 984

  * [vsv] May want to delete the preceding sentence

  <- back to text

  Note 985

  * QU are these long interpolations acceptably placed?

  * [vsv] CHK capitalize various forms of “Transcend*”?

  * CHKd is “jape” std English?

  <- back to text

  Note 986

  * [vsv] April 27, 1991 CHKd

  <- back to text

  Note 987

  * [ur] CHRON ” Date: 0.442 Msec since Fall of Sjandra Kei 3.411 Msec since Fall of Sjandra Kei (Clock Slop > 133000 seconds)

  <- back to text

  Note 988

  * [vsv] Consider trying to make this fit more with the story?

  * IMP Both this and the next posting must be redone with an eye to your Prolog and Countermeasure stuff

  * [jrf2] Critique of following phrase from next paragraph: Take longer than what ? How do you mean this about “taking much longer”? (though any information from the Depths would likely take much longer than the average Power’s attention span).

  * [vsv] I think I’ve clarified the paragraph now:

  <- back to text

  Note 989

  * [vsv] CHK capitalize “Applied Theology”? YES This might be a place to bring up the deceptiveness of translations (and/or jabberwocky) NO . Actually, the preceding posting doesn’t seem to add that much. Might consider making it a vehicle for something else — virtual partition discussion. In fact, you might remark that Twirlip is getting in because of “open-mindedness” options in the newsreader automation (a weak attempt to avoid virtual partitioning).

  * IMP Come up with a better term than “virtual partition” since this is a notion that will become important on our Earthly nets in the near future. IMP ID could even use the notion to explicitly explain some plot PRB (not just implicit excuse for an idiot plot)

  <- back to text

  Note 990

  * [ur] [Light gloss]

  <- back to text

  Note 991

  * [ur] (full-gloss channel)

  <- back to text

  Note 992

  * [ur] CHRON ” Date: 0.704 Msec since Fall of Sjandra Kei 3.468 Msec since Fall of Sjandra Kei (Clock Slop < 500 seconds)

  <- back to text

  Note 993

  * [vsv] April 28, 1991 “instantiation” if used, should be elsewhere

  <- back to text

  Note 994

  * [vsv] PRB This complaint about Sandor’s coolness is necessary to the segue, but I don’t think it really follows from what Sandor says. In view of Sandor’s final posting, you might say here that they were almost a Power

  <- back to text

  Note 995

  * [vsv] solicit suggestions about tightening up net news

  * [vsv] somewhere in here more reference to her SjK background

  * QU Do you want to use the term “flaming”? NO

  * [vsv] CHK INCON 1000 ships

  <- back to text

  Note 996

  * [vsv] June 7, 1991 “could possibly be wrong” instead?

  <- back to text

  Note 997

  * [vsv] [ur] June 9, 1991 “scale” ambiguous word in your first usage in this paragraph

  <- back to text

  Note 998

  * FRAG : see D:N7/MS/FRAGIMP.32 for what this was before

  <- back to text

  Note 999

  * [vsv] IMP INCON How did Ravna insert deadly fixes after Pham got console privileges?

  * SOLN she got privileges after he gave up the console. Actually though, this is a solution that sounds weak to anyone who has managed even a small system in a social environment PRB . One thing that helps a little is that the humans could plausibly have been given some privileges for the stop at RIP — and I do assert this in c29

  <- back to text

  Note 1000

  * [vsv] INCON after the way you ballyhooed the skrodes of the Greater Riders this seems just a little implausible

  possible SOLN In Pham’s statement earlier about the skrodes, he could make the point that in fact the skrode functionality would not be that hard to make using known techniques < INCON : still collides a little with yo
ur notions of functionality in Zones, or maybe you

  IMP could have Greenstalk be driftier at the end in the Slow Zone IMP >

  TUF , though you could degrade Greenstalk’s skrode-related performance wherever possible and mention this in the epilog

  <- back to text

  Note 1001

  * [vsv] [ur] June 7, 1991 “friendly” is not quite the right word

  <- back to text

  Note 1002

  * [vsv] ? Now sometime later, you can have Greenstalk comment to Ravna about recognizing in her face that she is truthful

  <- back to text

  Note 1003

  * [vsv] March 26, 1991 Place to mention calibration problems and the missing final tests of the OOB.

  <- back to text

  Note 1004

  * [vsv] INCON QU the actual attempt on Blueshell would have been in the memory

  * [vsv] blackout period — FIXed by some awkward phrasing.

  * [vsv] Still doesn’t quite fit with Sandor’s analysis (though he does talk about “bulky comm equipment” )