A Fire Upon the Deep

by Vernor Vinge

  * BKG (as discovered): Apparently the SjKs use monotheistic divinity cursing. Except that Ravna often says “by the Powers”

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  Note 1048

  * ID Some time it would be good to do a compare and contrast of the Blight with Saberhagen’s Berserkers

  * [vsv] TITLE Blight and Countermeasure

  * TITLE Godshatter Down

  * TITLE something about “betrayers” or “betrayals”. It does appear that betrayal in some form is the essence of most of what is going on in this novel (as is trust and naïveté).

  * [vsv] RETRO write his semi-fluency in Samnorsk; again this is something for the Lost Times

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  Note 1049

  * [vsv] CHK CHRON June 16, 1991 0.25Msec usage: Blighter fleet

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  Note 1050

  * QU Is it clear why the two channels are different?

  * NOTE “longfingers” is a single word

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  Note 1051

  * [vsv] “starboard ultratrace displays” is new terminology

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  Note 1052

  * QU Is this credible? Consider speeding up Kjet’s catching on, by removing a sentence. DONE (so now the question is, is it still clear?)

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  Note 1053

  * [vsv] FRAG : there was something here that bothered Kjet, something more important than idle debate about comm protocols.

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  Note 1054

  * [vsv] IMP ID I really do think more bugs would show up; you have one reference to this, earlier. (10Jan91 ) I’d like to do more with this somewhere in the story, perhaps to to kill some outstanding INCON

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  Note 1055

  * [vsv] PRB This clue may need some fiddling so as not to be too idiot plotlich.

  * [vsv] SOLN maybe not. If Riders are in control at Fleet Central, they may have the same “unfamiliarity” problems I show for Pham aboard the OOB. They can make mistakes. They had to go with low-rate transmissions to cover themselves, but they may not have understood exactly how the software would accomodate their subterfuge (or how dated the stuff on Ølvira was). <— that may be the important point

  * [vsv] PRB even so, there’s the question of why Ølvira’s automation had not been automatically updated earlier. SOLN ? Maybe it had, and the non usage of it was an unforeseen bug brought on by the Lowness

  * [vsv] IDEA 10Jan91 Ways to break one-time pads: Art’s small alphabet pathology <?> If you knew the algorithm used for randomness (even if you didn’t know the seed).

  * [vsv] ID Consider changing “one-time pad” to “one-time scheme” or or “one-time cipher” “one-time cipher” would work, but I favor leaving pad. (The first time I use the term, I say “one-time cryptographic pad” c08). Also I have used “one-time cipher” in several places, close to use of “pad”

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  Note 1056

  * [vsv] Seems like Pham might shout a warning about Riders … actually he has short term goals here that are paramount, but you might still want to say something about Riders being rare in the fleet.

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  Note 1057

  * TUF small INCON . Audio should just be cut

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  Note 1058

  * [vsv] I think this is clear:

  * PRB Somewhere want to make it clear that humans are not all a dominant race in the Beyond; we are just seeing special cases at Sjk and Straum

  * QU Do you really want to say “ahoy” (equivalently, do you want to revise and make consistent spaceship terminology, at least within cultures?) — deleted ahoy

  * ID You might want to have a message font in this book. If you do, then this printed fragment from Ravna could use it

  * QU Might try to distinguish personality between Tirolle and Glimfrelle more

  * [jrf] You’d better distinguish them if they’re important, and they are important.

  * QU I like the tone of this discovery of the minisurge, but is it too unrealistic (eg, cuz it takes so long to detect)

  * PRB QU Paradox in claim that ‘Frelle and ‘Rolle are members of a moribund race

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  Note 1059

  * [vsv] Direct timing I count this as 6min (360s) from the time that contact was lost with Limmende, and 10 to 20s more till surge hits Ølvira

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  Note 1060

  * NOTE to copyeditor. The following fragment should be in the same special font that is generally being used for messages in this book:

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  Note 1061

  * [jrf] All this business about the bandwidth, etc…. what’s really happening

  * [vsv] Is this clearer now?

  * [jrf2] Yes!

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  Note 1062

  * [vsv] INCON CHK 1 ly/hr?

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  Note 1063

  * [vsv] March 29, 1991 FRAG obsolete since you decided to move ship fire back into the Lost Time 2:

  * #Red alarm lights glowed all across the windows. System failure, system non-response. Interlocking system failure. Environment failure. And where the red appeared, nothing more changed. Most displays were frozen or dark. The survivors showed low- resolution or alpha displays, as rarely-used automation booted off emergency processors.

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  Note 1064

  * ID Idea of “floor” being a generic (or walls). Have to think on this and try to make it consistent for all users of Samnorsk

  * BKG RETRO features of skrodes and the Standard Skrode Hitachi wheelsCosmetics? scarfs, paint strips?

  * [vsv] PRB Ravna’s quick reorientation to the new reason for panic.

  * QU is variation in Pham’s attitude okay here?

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  Note 1065

  * [vsv] QU INCON March 29, 1991 Is it really supposed to be bottom lugger anymore? I think so.

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  Note 1066

  * [vsv] June 12, 1991 CHK 60 ly June 16, 1991 by my current CHRON , they come out of the surge at about 00:05 21Jul15989 and arrive in the Tines system 09:00 25Jul15989 or 81h of flight. If they average about 1 ly/h, that’s say 81 ly. This trajectory is not normal to the Zone boundary,

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  Note 1067

  * [vsv] March 29, 1991 RETRO write his reference here?

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  Note 1068

  * [vsv] March 29, 1991 ID Pham’s calmness also explained by the fact that godshatter may have an inkling of what’s going on. You may want to reference this much later on. <— NÆH

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  Note 1069

  * [vsv] INCON if it can end at any second…

  I think I’ve fixed this by moving the earliest horizon to “hours”

  * mARK 23Feb91 04:02:03pm

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  Note 1070

  * [vsv] Even though remarked, there seems to be inconsistency in Blueshell’s quote here

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  Note 1071

  * [vsv] re CHK the timing

  * CHK emergence timing

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  Note 1072

  * PRB Get you terminology consistent: command deck? bridge? control deck?

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  Note 1073

  * [vsv] May 4, 1991 First sentence in this paragraph seems in slight collision with the work they do later

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  Note 1074

  * PRB INCON Probably should do something to retrowrite the claim that the Slow Zone version of the ship is not optimally designed. It seems to me that it could have been easily optimum (Relayers meshing of separate optima from each zone regime)

  * [vsv] INCON QU too much trust here of Riders?

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  Note 1075

  * CHK aeon v eon.
Is one the standard term for 1e9 year?

  * [vsv] I’m using aeon

  * INCON when talking about on-ship library work, you should be careful about the use of the word “archive”, since I’m using “archive” to mean major sites across the galaxy which are normally reached via the Net or direct visits.

  * [vsv] QU do I need to talk about such storms earlier on (so the reader doesn’t get the feeling I’m just ( :-) making this up as I go along)?

  * [vsv] I think you do speak of such (eg, Gods’ Doom)

  * [vsv] May 4, 1991 “smallest stars” may be the wrong term

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  Note 1076

  * [vsv] I don’t want to imply that the archive is aboard the ship or that the ship is consulting archives on the net.

  * NÆH : ID BKG I think you can still have sidebars on the following ideas

  * [vsv] CHK CHRON 5 aeon

  * [vsv] Following is a little too apt:

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  Note 1077

  * [vsv] June 10, 1991 Has the following been presaged (I hope not)

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  Note 1078

  * [vsv] CHK CHRON 70h 3 comm sessions

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  Note 1079

  * [vsv] sp CHKd

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  Note 1080

  * Stuff you might put in the preceding scene: Try to have something about setting an alarm for the return—Not really necessary. On a bottom lugger, you’d think this would be built in. (In fact, it may have happened in the other direction when the minisurge happened, but that was off-stage (though we did get a hint when Ravna reported so quickly to Svensndot that something unusual had happened).) Some of the discussion of Limmende could be in the stuff on how bad the strategy programs were DONE

  * RETRO write the various items of Beyond technology into earlier parts of the story

  * [vsv] should mention more clearly that they realize the SjK fleet is partly perverted

  * TITLE The Revenge of the Net Potatoes

  * [vsv] IMP BKG :

  * QU ID What should the limbs of the Riders be called: fronds — usualstalks? No, each has only one, like a human’s trunktendrils? — occasional terminology for frond (but especially used by Kjet?)tentacles?

  * ID SEQ Name of bar: “The sign of the stalk and tendril”

  * Then use ultradrive “spine” instead of “frond” DONE February 23, 1991.

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  Note 1081

  * [vsv] March 29, 1991 You might make more of this chill day, so that the readers are likely to tie it up, now, with the surge and the fungus. Could say something like it’s like having high clouds across the sun. You might also want to ask whether to do this. Also there’s the question of tying this up with the sense of imminence that jrf has recommended for the climax

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  Note 1082

  * [vsv] Actually, she may have been this late early in the flight June 16, 1991 TUF

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  Note 1083

  * [vsv] PRB I still think that someplace you should have a little more comment about why this ship can not be helpful to them (although you have previously mentioned that no data sets are available here) but see c16 <24, 1991>

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  Note 1084

  * [vsv] June 15, 1991 small incon with not mentioning such stuff when they were coming in on the refugee ship TUF

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  Note 1085

  * QU PRB What about the notion that adapting to changed schedules being the greatest skill?

  * [vsv] May 31, 1991 slightly INCON of Shreck that he should be managing disinformation

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  Note 1086

  * [hld] again problem with recharging cloaks if worn continuously. Silver/gold on the outside surface is not good color for solar cells.

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  Note 1087

  * QU How should I spell fjord? fiord? [suggest using dictionary]

  * [vsv] dictionary prefers fjord

  * [vsv] June 4, 1991 “quarter day’s march” sounds too short CHK (there are some notes about this in CHRON view) especially incongruous since apparently they have not yet come up Margrum Climb and incongruous with the fact that just knowing location of Vendacious’s lookouts is enough to make Flenser feel safe in moving about in the open FIXED

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  Note 1088

  * ID It would nice to somewhere talk about the disadvantage of using the cloaks at a distance, just because it so much harder to do simple things: get dressed, …

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  Note 1089

  * [vsv] PRB there is some repetition in the paragraph of points about Steel’s understanding of humans v tines, that you have made before. Is the analysis in preceding paragraph too repetitious of earlier in the story? Should I cut it down here? (cf c15:481, c24:488)

  * [jrf2] It is too repetitious. You should cut it down here (but not out).

  * [vsv] June 16, 1991 spent about 60min on it; may be even weaker now, but at least the paragraph is shorter

  * INCON 2 days? Amdi says 4 days later. Decide

  * [vsv] CHRON suggest 3 days (and may want the mini surge to last longer than 100 h okay and 4 missed sessions now

  * CHK INCON minimum turnaround to Ravna, and how that squares with the idea of “chatting”. Communications have been getting better.

  * CHK that there is not stuff just said that should be out of earshot of the troopers FIXED

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  Note 1090

  * [vsv] INCON go through and make consistent the way Steel refers to Tyrathect

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  Note 1091

  * NÆH : INCON Amdijefri’s distrust for Tyrathect, even though the the cloaks make thoughtful physical contact possible (and so make Tyrathect a unique pack for Amdi).

  * [vsv] ??????? : MAKE SURE VENDACIOUS DOESN’T HAVE WALKIE-TALKIE

  * ID If you decide not to use walkie-talkie in the climax, then an easy out would be to RETRO write Vendacious having it (openly) all along, and have it destroyed before the climax.

  * PRB Here is probably the place to put some intelligent guessing that Ravna Pham are being pursued

  * [vsv] February 24, 1991 that would be good, but I don’t see how to shoe-horn it in here

  * [vsv] Ravna and Pham not Ravnapham 21Jan91

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  Note 1092

  * CHK “defile” — narrow passage or gorge

  * NÆH : NOTE RETRO Should make it clear that Steel had an OOB e.t.a. that he believed.

  * RETRO “in our jaws” is an idiom you should use elsewhere

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  Note 1093

  * ID for cover: “The View from Starship Hill” (one of my photos) TITLE

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  Note 1094

  * [vsv] INCON note the point made in this paragraph for future reference

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  Note 1095

  * QU Samnorsk for “static” “(atmosfærisk) støy[noise]”

  * NÆH have Ravna beg them not to try again after the fatal experiment referred to in the next paragraph. Also, I’d like to use the phrase “disintegrate the soul” in reference to that experiment; and also explain the multiplexing problem in having more than one set of cloaks.

  * [vsv] Hmm, but this could be connected with the Lost Time (and in fact, there probably should be more such connections) IMP

  * [vsv] No need to reveal Steel’s bloody snout behind the failed experiment — till the ultimate battle between Flenser and Steel.

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  Note 1096

  * QU INCON with previous use of the word soul?

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  Note 1097

  * [vsv] June 4, 1991 Seems to me he would have realized it by now:

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  Note 1098

  * FRAG ?”Maybe we
haven’t tested it right;”

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  Note 1099

  * NÆH : QU Is this bit about Hidden Island too much out of place?

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  Note 1100

  * NÆH : ID could have Flenser trying to imply to Rangolith that Flenser is running things QU Is that too naive and obvious? This is a general PRB

  * Possible RETRO write that Vendacious has been practicing with poisons on Johanna before now. In a way, that is risky, but in another way it might help Steel in planning for dealing with Ravnapham. It might be plausible after she had given her initial round of help. QU If so, how have the poisons, etc, been introduced. By now Vendacious has surely come up with something that is sure. How can she be saved?

  * Possible RETRO write that as security chief, Vendacious has been having regular tête à tête s with Johanna

  * Chapter TITLE “At the Sign of the Mantis” somebody’s icon for humans. Might be more appropriate in the SEQ

  * ID OOB would be able to detect and jam radio cloaks