Shine

by Jessica Jung

  While Leah jabbers on about Kim Chanwoo’s recent bout of amnesia on Oh My Dreams, my mind wanders to a couple days ago, when Jason and I snuck away to a movie theater he’d rented out for us for a few hours after practice. (One great thing about Korean culture is that it makes secret relationships pretty easy to maintain—there are private movie rooms, private karaoke rooms, and private dining rooms at most restaurants). We could select whatever we wanted to watch. Jason suggested Train to Busan, but I’ve never been a huge fan of the zombie apocalypse and convinced him to watch Say Anything instead. It came out before I was even born, but it was Umma’s favorite movie and we used to watch it together in New York. I’ve seen it thirty times, at least. Thirty-one now, with Jason—and I’m still a sucker for John Cusack holding a boom box outside Ione Skye’s window.

  “Do you want me to serenade you like that?” Jason asked, his arms wrapped around me on the couch as he bent down to kiss the tip of my nose.

  “Of course,” I said, deadpan, giving him my most serious look. “But do you think you’d be able to pull it off? I mean, holding a boom box and standing still. That’s not easy. It’s a whole league above K-pop dancing.”

  He deadpanned back at me. “You doubt my serenading abilities? You sure know how to cut a guy to the core, Rachel Kim. Come on, let’s go right now—I’ll serenade you in the street.”

  I burst out laughing, sure he was joking, but he was already up and dragging me toward the door. “Jason, stop!” I almost shouted. “We can’t go outside together! Why do you think I insisted on meeting here in private? You know how strict DB is about the no-dating rule!”

  Jason laughed, brushing it off. “Those rules aren’t really enforced. They just say that to scare us and keep us on track. Trust me.” He squeezed my shoulders. “We’ll be fine.”

  I raised an eyebrow skeptically. Part of me wanted to believe him and cast aside Kang Jina’s warning, but I have six years of DB media training and dance practice and the endless hours of wall sits we’ve all endured on my side. Just being there with Jason was risky enough. I couldn’t afford to take any more.

  “Jason,” I said, “I’m not sure what world you’re living in, but I really don’t think DB would—”

  “Rachel,” Jason cut in, giving me a smile that made my stomach feel like it was floating away. “I don’t want to go anywhere else. Why would I? When I could be here. Alone. With you.” He took a step toward me, and we tumbled back onto the leather couch, Jason’s hands tangled in my hair as he leaned in to kiss me.…

  “Unni, hello? Did you hear me?”

  “Huh?” I snap back to the naengmyeon restaurant, where Leah is looking at me with wide eyes. Her face has gone completely pale, like she’s just seen a ghost.

  “I said, did you know about this?” She holds up her phone. “Kang Jina is leaving Electric Flower!”

  The goofy smile drops off my face. “What?”

  I grab the phone from Leah’s hands and scroll through the articles she has open on her screen. Every headline is the same: KANG JINA SAYS GOODBYE FOREVER TO ELECTRIC FLOWER. KANG JINA LEAVES DB ENTERTAINMENT. WHAT’S NEXT FOR DIVA QUEEN KANG JINA?

  Leah grabs her phone back from me and clears her throat. “Listen to this, Rachel.” She starts quoting one of the articles. “Kang Jina has made the difficult, but necessary, decision to not re-sign with legendary K-pop girl group Electric Flower at the end of her seven-year contract, which is the legal maximum term for entertainment contracts in Korea. While the rest of her Electric Flower bandmates have signed new three-year contracts, Jina is reported to be leaving K-pop behind for good. ‘The luxury, the clothes, the wealth,’ says an anonymous source and close friend of Jina’s. ‘It was all going to her head, and she realized she had to step down now before she got too out of control. She said she couldn’t even recognize herself anymore. She was becoming a K-pop monster.’ ”

  “Can you believe this?” Leah says, lowering her phone. “What’s Electric Flower going to be like without Kang Jina?”

  I shake my head. I’m speechless. My brain rushes back to Jeju and the first time I met her. She didn’t seem like she was an out-of-control diva. If anything, she seemed pretty low-key, just a girl trying to enjoy a glass of wine on vacation. But what do I know? Maybe after that one bottle of wine, she went out and bought fifty more.

  Still, I feel a sour taste in my mouth as Leah continues reading about Kang Jina and Electric Flower, and it’s not from the naengmyeon.

  * * *

  Hey, Werewolf Girl. If I remember correctly, you should be starting free period right about now. True or false?

  I lean against my locker and grin, typing back quickly. Jason’s pretty much memorized my school schedule so we can talk on the phone during my breaks. It’s even better than that time last year when the school brought in puppies during finals week to help us relax between exams.

  True. Want to FaceTime?

  I actually had a different kind of “FaceTime” in mind.

  My phone pings again, and I look, expecting another text from Jason, but it’s a message from Hyeri. Could you come out to the rose garden?

  The rose garden? Sure, I type back, worried that I’ll find her there crying over Daeho.

  I run through the school’s outdoor lounge and across the soccer field, searching for Hyeri as I approach the empty gardens that border the school’s property lines. My phone pings again. It’s Jason.

  Turn around.

  I whirl around and see him standing underneath the rose archway. As soon as he sees me, he lifts his phone into the air, holding it horizontally with both hands like a boom box.

  A huge smile spreads across my face. “Jason,” I say, walking toward him. “What are you doing?”

  “Serenading you,” he says, and hits play on his phone. “In Your Eyes” starts playing, and then he’s John Cusack and I’m Ione Skye and this is officially the best moment of my life.

  He grins. “Am I dreamy or what?”

  I laugh, my heart skipping several beats in my chest. Suddenly, though, I hear the bell ring for next period, and I realize that Jason and I are completely out in the open. Where anyone could see us. A nervous sweat begins to build on the back of my neck, and I grab Jason’s hand, forcing him to duck behind the rosebushes.

  “Jason! This was a very bad idea. What if someone sees us?” I whisper-shriek, the sweat now spreading down my back.

  “Don’t worry about it! Hyeri is standing guard at the door, telling everyone the rose garden is closed for a private assembly,” he says as he wiggles his eyebrows at me.

  I resist the urge to giggle and instead roll my eyes. “Okay, but that doesn’t mean that people aren’t still out here. Or that they can’t see us from the second- and third-floor windows. Come on,” I say as I pull him up. “Follow me.”

  I lead him into the school, glancing around the corners of the hallways. The coast is clear, and I hurry him to the music room. It’s always empty this time of day.

  Only when the door is safely closed behind us and I’ve drawn the curtains that look outside do I let myself step into his outstretched arms, pressing my face against his chest, nearly melting into him. This is so much better than FaceTime.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” I say.

  “Well, I never did get to go to high school.” He smiles and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear before spying a guitar in the corner of the room.

  “Perfect. Now I can serenade you for real,” he says as he grabs it, looping the strap over his shoulder. “Taking song requests on Jason Jukebox. What would you like to hear?”

  I shake my head and giggle. “Ooh, how about that great song ‘Love Letters Start With U,’ ” I tease, naming NEXT BOYZ’s classic debut song. I take a seat on the piano bench and cross my legs, waiting expectantly as he finishes tuning the guitar.

  He strums the chords and starts to sing. “Let me write a letter, baby, and seal it with a kiss. It starts with U and ends with U ’cause you’re t
he one I miss oooooh.”

  He’s hamming it up, making goofy, exaggerated facial expressions as he sings, but he still sounds amazing, especially with the guitar. I almost forgot that he played. He used to sing with it all the time when he did his YouTube covers, but now he mostly just sings and dances with NEXT BOYZ, sans guitar. It’s wild how effortlessly good he is, strumming like he doesn’t have to think twice about it.

  “Next song on Jason Jukebox!” I say. “Something sweet and classic.”

  He seamlessly transitions into the next tune. “I’ll be your dream, I’ll be your wish, I’ll be your fantasy, I’ll be your hope, I’ll be your love, be everything that you need.”

  I crack up. Of course, what’s more classic than Savage Garden?

  “I don’t know if you can top that one,” I say between my laughter.

  A gleam lights up in his eyes. “Okay. How about this one?”

  He slows down, strumming a melody that I’ve never heard before, but it hooks me instantly.

  “I’m back and forth, the push and pull, I’m falling fast and floating free. I’m a glass half-empty or half-full, caught in between two galaxies.”

  The music is soothing and grounded, and the lyrics more indie than anything he’s played so far.

  “Am I a sandcastle king or a lost boy from the sea? I’m none and everything, a me that’s only me. I am the shore.”

  He strums the final chord, and I let out a deep breath. I feel like I’m coming out of some sort of trance. “That was really beautiful. Who’s it by?” I ask.

  He smiles shyly, placing the guitar back on the stand. “Actually, I wrote it. Ta-da. It’s a Jason Lee original.”

  My mouth drops open. “I didn’t know you wrote songs.” Even as I say it, I remember how Jason reacted when I teased him at Kwangtaek about K-pop stars never being allowed to write their own lyrics. “How did I never know this?”

  “Songs like this aren’t really DB’s style.” He shrugs like it’s meaningless, but the tightness in his smile gives his true feelings away. “To be honest, though, it’s the kind of music I really want to sing. Something that has meaning to me, that reflects my real-life struggles. Like this song and how I always feel torn between these two identities.” He pauses, glancing at me. “Not that I don’t appreciate NEXT BOYZ or DB or everything they’ve done for me. It’s just not the same, you know?”

  “Jason, you don’t have to explain—”

  But before I can finish responding, the door flies open. Jason and I jump as the Cho twins burst into the room, both of them gasping hard and holding their phones.

  “See, I told you she’d be in here,” Hyeri says triumphantly, wheezing as she tries to catch her breath.

  “How did you two find me?” I say, shocked.

  “Well, you weren’t in the rose garden, so we thought maybe you guys had snuck in here, K-pop stars that you are.” Hyeri grins. “You’re both welcome, by the way.” She gives a small bow. “Jason, my skills at subterfuge texting are always at your disposal.”

  Jason grins back.

  “Okay, okay, okay, that’s not what’s important right now,” Juhyun says, pushing past Hyeri. She passes her phone to me, her face lit up with excitement. “DB dropped the ‘Summer Heat’ music video an hour ago, and it already has over twenty million hits. Everybody loves your song.”

  Holy shit.

  I had no idea this was coming out today, and judging by the expression on Jason’s face, he didn’t either. We crowd around Juhyun’s phone to watch. There’s Jason in his sweatshirt. And Mina in her pink dress. And me.

  Me! In HD video! (“That scrunchie looks so damn good on you,” Hyeri says. “You’re welcome again!”)

  Even as we’re watching, the views are ticking up. I can’t believe this. Is this real life?

  “It’s already soaring through the Top 100 list,” Juhyun says.

  “No,” I say quietly, stunned into disbelief.

  “Yes!” she says back.

  I’m frozen. Around me, the twins start dancing to the music, singing along and cheering. Jason hugs me, lifting me right off my feet and swinging me around.

  People love the music video. They love us. Me. I’ve worked so hard for six years and finally, finally, it’s paying off. As Jason lowers me back down, an unstoppable smile spreads across my face.

  “We need to celebrate!” Jason says, putting his hands on my shoulders and looking me right in the eye. “You and me. A real date.”

  The twins stop jumping and stare at us like they’re watching a K-drama.

  I hesitate, the happiness I was feeling popping like a soap bubble. Of course I want to celebrate with Jason, but… how? It’s just not possible. I shake my head slowly. “Jason, we’ve talked about this. We can’t. If we go out in public together, people will definitely recognize us. Especially now.” I nod toward Juhyun’s phone.

  “Okay,” Jason says, giving in to the skeptical look on my face. “So what you’re saying is, we can go on a date as long as people don’t recognize us?”

  “Jason,” I say with an exasperated sigh, “you’re, like, the most famous person in Korea. How do you imagine no one will recognize us?”

  He grins at Juhyun, whose face lights up with understanding. She grabs my shoulders and plops me down in a chair, already rooting through her purse. “Just leave it to me,” she says with a wicked smile. “You two won’t even recognize yourselves when I’m done with you.”

  Sixteen

  Our first stop at Lotte World is the toy stall where they sell balloons, bubble wands, and inflatable hammers that squeak as you bounce them off other people’s heads. Not that I would even recognize which head belonged to Jason, as Juhyun was absolutely true to her word, and I do another double take at Jason’s heavily made-up face (all pure white foundation covered in large black and red polka dots) as he buys two hammers from the unsuspecting young woman working the stall.

  “Bam,” he says. “Disguised and souvenired. Ready to have fun now?”

  I grin through my own makeup—streaks of rainbow-colored lightning stretching from the corner of my chin to the top of my forehead, bursting with metallic stars covered in shimmery glitter. “Ready.”

  I take in the smell of spun sugar, the lights glittering at us from the Camelot Carousel, the music blasting out over the speaker, and smile to myself. I haven’t been to Lotte World since I was a kid and we would visit Korea during the summers. Leah and I both thought it was the best place in the world. We would ride roller coasters all day, bouncing back and forth between the indoor theme park and the outdoor Magic Island area.

  I grab Jason’s hand, marveling at how amazing it is to be out in public with him like a regular couple. I feel myself start to relax, leaning my body into his as we walk along the stone pathways toward my favorite roller coaster, the Atlantis.

  “Hey,” Jason says as we stand in line. “Do you hear that?”

  I listen and hear “Summer Heat” playing over the amusement park speakers. My face breaks into a smile, and I turn to Jason, speechless.

  “Rachel?”

  I laugh, realizing I’m staring at him with my mouth wide open. “Yeah. I’m good—I’m great! This is just so surreal.”

  Jason laughs, quietly singing along with the song. Suddenly, he grabs my shoulders. “You know what would be fun?”

  “No, what.”

  “You’ll see.”

  He turns to a group of girls standing behind us in line. “Hey, what do you think of this song? Total hit, right?”

  I giggle, swatting him on the arm.

  The girls look around our age. Each of them is sporting a cute Lotte World headband with giant, brightly colored polka-dotted bows, Minnie Mouse style.

  “It totally is. I’m obsessed,” Purple Bow says. “I already know all the lyrics.”

  “You saw the music video, right?” Red Bow pretends to swoon, draping her hand against her forehead. “Jason is looking seriously fine.”

  Pink Bow pops up the mus
ic video on her phone, zooming in on Jason’s face. “Seriously, can I just have his babies already? How can someone be so cute and talented at the same time?”

  “Imagine hearing that sweet voice say good night to you every day,” Purple Bow says. All three girls giggle. They seem to have totally forgotten that Jason and I are still here, chattering among themselves with the music video playing between them.

  “He’s single, right?”

  “What kind of girl do you think he would like?”

  “Someone beautiful, obviously, and probably ridiculously talented and mature.”

  Jason laughs, taking it all in stride. I force out a laugh too, but my skin is starting to itch. This conversation has taken an uncomfortable turn.

  “Nothing like those two girls he’s singing with. Can you believe them?” Pink Bow says with a sneer.

  “Right? Totally slutty.” Red Bow rolls her eyes. “Look at their outfits. You can see everything. It’s gross. Don’t they know little kids are watching this?”

  What? My cheeks flame underneath my makeup. The outfits were hardly revealing at all! And it’s not like we get to choose our own clothes. And even if we did, who are they to judge me?

  “This one doesn’t even have the body to pull off a dress like that,” Purple Bow says, pointing to Mina. “Hello, put those daikon legs away. No one wants to see that.”

  “And this girl singing the harmony with Jason,” Pink Bow says as my face pops up on the screen. She snickers. “She totally looks like the desperate type. She’s probably trying to seduce Jason behind the scenes. Just look at the way she’s staring at him. Obvious much?”

  “They’re lucky to be so close to Jason,” Red Bow says, shaking her head. “But honestly, DB should have picked someone else. These girls aren’t even pretty enough to make up for their lack of talent.”

  I’ve had enough. “I don’t think I want to go on this ride anymore,” I say, tears threatening to leak out and ruin my makeup. The girls are so absorbed in their conversation that they don’t even notice as I duck out of line, Jason chasing after me.

  “Hey, hey, hey,” he says. I’m walking so fast he has to jog to keep up with me. He catches hold of my elbow. “Is everything okay?”